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LaceMagician
06-10-11 04:49 AM
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LaceMagician
07-19-11 09:42 AM
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A little poem I wrote

 

06-10-11 04:49 AM
LaceMagician is Offline
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| ID: 398277 | 239 Words

LaceMagician
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Well, I thought that since I haven't posted a thread on this site yet, I could start from here. I wrote a little poem yesterday, and I'm quite sure that people can post them on this section, so I decided to send it here. I apologize for any weird grammar mistakes, I'm still not that much experienced at writing poems/stories in English, plus this is my very first poem in this language. Um, here it is...:

I still remember the day
when we would go to the sandbox and play
you'd laugh at the antics I made
as our years together would quickly fade away

you claimed you'd stay forever
be by my side, and whenever
I would wallow in sadness
you'd be the one to save me from madness

but then it was you who fell into the dark hole
and my time to let go

I saw your mind being plagued by sorrow
your merry thoughts becoming more and more hollow
it saddened me so very much
to see you in such state and away from touch

after an eternity you found happiness again
obtaining the strength to break those chains
getting a firmer grip on your sanity
quickly regaining your hold on humanity

but in between all of this rush
I'm left to ponder, what happened to us?

as I lay on my bed, reminiscing our memory
I ask myself: have you completely forgotten about me?
Well, I thought that since I haven't posted a thread on this site yet, I could start from here. I wrote a little poem yesterday, and I'm quite sure that people can post them on this section, so I decided to send it here. I apologize for any weird grammar mistakes, I'm still not that much experienced at writing poems/stories in English, plus this is my very first poem in this language. Um, here it is...:

I still remember the day
when we would go to the sandbox and play
you'd laugh at the antics I made
as our years together would quickly fade away

you claimed you'd stay forever
be by my side, and whenever
I would wallow in sadness
you'd be the one to save me from madness

but then it was you who fell into the dark hole
and my time to let go

I saw your mind being plagued by sorrow
your merry thoughts becoming more and more hollow
it saddened me so very much
to see you in such state and away from touch

after an eternity you found happiness again
obtaining the strength to break those chains
getting a firmer grip on your sanity
quickly regaining your hold on humanity

but in between all of this rush
I'm left to ponder, what happened to us?

as I lay on my bed, reminiscing our memory
I ask myself: have you completely forgotten about me?
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06-10-11 05:04 AM
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| ID: 398289 | 47 Words

UserMike
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Wow! Just wow, is all I have to say, great word choice, great structure ( I like how it really works in the way u have all the paragraphs like that), and love the use of rhyming. So you are bilingual? What other language do you know?
Wow! Just wow, is all I have to say, great word choice, great structure ( I like how it really works in the way u have all the paragraphs like that), and love the use of rhyming. So you are bilingual? What other language do you know?
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06-10-11 05:13 AM
LaceMagician is Offline
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| ID: 398297 | 53 Words

LaceMagician
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UserMike : Thank you very much, I'm glad it turned out good, someway. And actually, I'm not bilingual, but my mother tongue is Finnish. I'm learning English in quite a rapid pace now, I've studied it for the longest time. I know the basics of German, and a little of Swedish and Japanese.
UserMike : Thank you very much, I'm glad it turned out good, someway. And actually, I'm not bilingual, but my mother tongue is Finnish. I'm learning English in quite a rapid pace now, I've studied it for the longest time. I know the basics of German, and a little of Swedish and Japanese.
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07-07-11 11:44 PM
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This is a very good poem, Maybe you could teach me how to make mine better???

Wow you must love to learn languages, its a very good trait to have as you can experience a larger quantity of people in the world and actually have conversations about life etc
This is a very good poem, Maybe you could teach me how to make mine better???

Wow you must love to learn languages, its a very good trait to have as you can experience a larger quantity of people in the world and actually have conversations about life etc
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07-07-11 11:57 PM
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Love the poem. It gives me a tingling feeling inside, and it's much better than my poems.
PErhaps I can take some lessons from you?
Love the poem. It gives me a tingling feeling inside, and it's much better than my poems.
PErhaps I can take some lessons from you?
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07-09-11 05:17 PM
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Wow, that's deep. It tells a great story in just a few words. It actually reminds me of an anime I just watched because the story line is nearly like your poem.
Wow, that's deep. It tells a great story in just a few words. It actually reminds me of an anime I just watched because the story line is nearly like your poem.
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07-10-11 11:02 PM
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I'm very glad I clicked on this thread now. It's late and I'm tired, I figured I'd go to bed and I may have never looked at this.
It was very interesting, two people dragged apart by ..well.. what some may consider life itself. I suppose it was enjoyable... I hesitate to use that word, as it's not exactly a cheerful subject you're talking about. Still, I enjoyed reading it...

Sometimes, it's much nicer when a person is not using their mother tongue. They say things that are not usually said by, in this case, English speakers. Yet of course, the meaning is obvious. Things can take on a newer and more expressive light. Poetry in particular, I find, benefits from this.
I'm very glad I clicked on this thread now. It's late and I'm tired, I figured I'd go to bed and I may have never looked at this.
It was very interesting, two people dragged apart by ..well.. what some may consider life itself. I suppose it was enjoyable... I hesitate to use that word, as it's not exactly a cheerful subject you're talking about. Still, I enjoyed reading it...

Sometimes, it's much nicer when a person is not using their mother tongue. They say things that are not usually said by, in this case, English speakers. Yet of course, the meaning is obvious. Things can take on a newer and more expressive light. Poetry in particular, I find, benefits from this.
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07-19-11 09:42 AM
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Wow, I didn't expect anyone to reply to my thread anymore, so I very much appreciate it. And I apologise for noticing that so late... I'm not quite sure how the links work in the posts, so I hope they will work this way, too.

sonicmcmuffin : Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Though, I don't think I'm the best person to advise in this matter, but if I can be any help, I would be glad to. And yes, I'm always very eager to learn new languages.

vizwiz123 : I'm happy to hear you like it as well, but I'm truly sure yours are just as good, and a lot more clear than mine. Lessons? Again, I don't think I'm the right person, but I would be happy to help if I'm able to.

Someone70 : Yes, I tried to write it with emotion, though I suppose it became a little obscure at the middle.

SLouC : I'm glad that... you're glad? Anyhow, I do tend to write more non-cheerful things, but it's good to hear you liked it still. And, uh, it's good to see the obscurity didn't bother you, I also tend to try to use very vague forms in writing.
Wow, I didn't expect anyone to reply to my thread anymore, so I very much appreciate it. And I apologise for noticing that so late... I'm not quite sure how the links work in the posts, so I hope they will work this way, too.

sonicmcmuffin : Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Though, I don't think I'm the best person to advise in this matter, but if I can be any help, I would be glad to. And yes, I'm always very eager to learn new languages.

vizwiz123 : I'm happy to hear you like it as well, but I'm truly sure yours are just as good, and a lot more clear than mine. Lessons? Again, I don't think I'm the right person, but I would be happy to help if I'm able to.

Someone70 : Yes, I tried to write it with emotion, though I suppose it became a little obscure at the middle.

SLouC : I'm glad that... you're glad? Anyhow, I do tend to write more non-cheerful things, but it's good to hear you liked it still. And, uh, it's good to see the obscurity didn't bother you, I also tend to try to use very vague forms in writing.
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