Smash TV was released by midway in 1990 in the arcades and Home consoles. It was a multiplayer shooter with a Dual Stick type for controls.
I played this game during the February 2013 RGR Highscore competition, that's mainly how I found out about this game and the others like Total Carnage.
I previously reviewed the Super Nintendo and the Arcade versions of Smash TV,  so I'd figure I'd look back at the Nes version one last time in this review.

Graphics:5/10
Due to Smash TV being a game with ton of sprites on screen and the NES not having huge color capabilities,  Smash tv suffers from bad looking visuals.
The levels have been significantly reduced in terms of color.   Each of the stages only have a few colors on screen,  mostly consisting of Orange,  Red, Blue and sometimes Green.
The Sprites have also been reduced. They don't look like the contestants you'd normally see, the only way  I'm able to recognize them is thanks to their differentiated colors with 1 player being blue and the enemies being green.

Sound: 5/10
The sound is probably the worst part of the game.  The game loops the same track as level 1 for each of the levels. After spending a few minutes in each of the levels, the music just stops completely. This isn't good at all,  and shows that the Nes wasn't ready for this type of game.  
For the most part you'll be hearing the sound effects,  and some of the arcade speech samples like"Good luck, you'll need it!" it's okay, but it's nothing memoriable.

Addictiveness: 4/10
Unlike the other ports,  I hate the Nes version of Smash TV.  Once you lose all of your lives,  that's it.
Just a few slip ups and everything you worked up to that point is gone.  I just don't like these type of games.

Story: N/A
 this game is meant to collect money, kill bosses,  and survive for your highscore. so there's no plot in this game.
Depth 6/10
This game has the same amount of levels as every other version, and the same chest areas maps, etc. 
But like I mentioned in the addictiveness section, it's gonna be difficult to get to these areas without getting a game over.
This also means that it also takes a while to beat.

Difficulty 10/10
This game was meant to be cheap in the arcades,  and it's no different here. I just wish they had continues like the other ports did, even the Sega Master System version of Smash TV had continues if you lost all of your lives.
The controls are okay.  You use the D-pad to move and then the buttons to fire.     At the time I was playing this, I was unaware of the two player feature which would allow me to use two d-pads, one to fire, one to control.
I died and got a game over on Level 1, so this game has the right amount of difficulty awaiting for anyone who's interested.

Overall: 5.3
 This game is far too restrictive for anyone to just hop on and play, so I can't recommend it unless your a hardcore gamer.

Yeah Smash TV NES is trashy as hell.. I still netplay it with my friend though, just because it's one of the only games I CAN netplay.

It's as bad as you say it is, making it an in-depth and accurate review. Quite helpful too, for people who haven't played it.

Personally, the SNES version is better but I still prefer Total Carnage to any Smash TV game
Anyways nice review for a bleh game

Although I disagree with a lot of what you said, well written.

However, you missed the opportunity to make the subtitle "Big Money! Big Prizes!," "Good luck....you'll need it!" or something similar.