Cokemon (pokemon blue hack) Review by: legacyme3 - 3.6/10
Cokemon - The most insulting hack of Pokemon I have ever played.
Let the above image melt into your head for a while before you proceed. This game isn't POKEMON. Instead it is a rather suggestive name. COKEMON.
I started playing Cokemon sometime after I wrote yesterday's review on Pokemon: Team Rocket Edition. I expected a different hack in one of my favorite series. Instead, I got treated to the most mundane repetitive hack I've ever seen.
Graphics - 6
Let's start with the graphics... the best part of the game.
Yes. That is Clair from Pokemon 2nd gen if I do believe I am correct. You don't get the option to choose if you are a boy or girl of course, but I find it rather stupid they would stick you with a character that is quite obviously a girl. I mean, at least in the original games, you could easily pretend Red was an ambiguous non-genderal character, but with this... we don't get any other choice.
That aside, this is a very very normal hack. There aren't many graphical changes. I'll show the map later, under the story section, but it's generally uninspired as well.
Sound - 6
This was probably the least insulting thing about the game. At least the sound stayed unchanged. However, with a game as throughly lacking in wit, I half expected Yakketty Sax or some other stupid music to play at some point during the game. I was somewhat disappointed in that :P
I don't want to get redundant on sound, as with all pokemon games, the sound is generally the same as that others.
Addictiveness - 1
This is one of those games that are fun for all of 10 minutes before you grow up and decide it's not funny. This game is just insulting to both the player and the player's intelligence, and only those with the shortest attention spans will really enjoy playing this. The main problem is this game doesn't know the difference between on and off.
When you start the game there are a million references to coke and swears, but after you hit Vermillion City (Or as it's known in game, Cape Cod City), almost all of this is done, leading me to wonder if it's simply an unfinished hack. The game has no consistency, and can get increasingly annoying with every reference to Cokemon.
Story I'll get to next to last... but first I want to go to depth.
Depth - 5
The game isn't honestly that large.
The image above showcases pretty much the most learning curve this game has. A lot of the item names are changed, and it's just odd to give your pokemon crack of all things to heal them.
Another issue is the pokemon names.
I didn't give any of my pokemon nicknames. I never do. Those are the names programmed into the game.
Spearox=Spearow. That's REALLY uninspired. Leads me to believe the creator was going to do this with all the pokemon until he got bored.
Cokeran=Nidoran (female). Think of any prefix. Coke is in it's place. I kid you not.
Sparky=Charmander. It's not shown, but when Charmander evolved, it became Sparkair. The names are just so unrealistically uncreative, I'm led to believe a 10 year old made them up.
Difficulty - 1
Pokemon will never be hard. End of story. I don't care what you say.
Story - 3
This is the big one. The one that turned me off this game forever.
This is like the first thing we see in the entire game. The very. First. Thing. And his name isn't professor Oak. His name is Professor Ivy.
For those unfamiliar with the anime...
This is Professor Ivy.
More things like this follow including... and not limited to (there's a lot of bad things I refuse to post.)
And that's only some of the offensive things shown in this game. It's just so juvenile, I refuse to believe anyone but a little kid wrote it, thinking it would be funny.
It's not funny. It just shows how immature and childish the person is.
The entire story isn't improved upon until you reach Vermillion City... and by then the game isn't worth playing since it's basically Pokemon Blue with name changes on rare occasion.
Overall - 3.6
I think this is a generous score. Without the 6 in sound and graphics, this game gets really close to being below 2.
The whole game is just terrible except for the unedited parts... and what's the point of playing a hack if it's basically unedited? You play hacks for what they did to the game, not what they didn't do.
The creator didn't put a lot of care into the product and it shows, rather meekly.
Now to recap. The three best and worst things about this game.
Best
1. It's funny for 10 seconds.
2. The game wasn't completely edited (read- ruined)
3. It gave me a witty thing to snap back with at the very end.
Worst
1. It stops being funny after 10 seconds
2. It's appalling
3. Too mature for 90% of the audience.
Up until this point, I've been really really really generous and I've allowed kids to basically read it. However, on the honor system, I want all the kids reading this article to leave so I can give my final closing remarks.
Are you gone yet?
How about now?
Now?
I think my favorite part of this game is the end of this review. In which I will echo the words of my favorite character in the game, and tell the game, so ironically to...

Graphics
6 Sound
6 Addictive
1 Depth
5 Story
3 Difficulty
1