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sonic123amy1
09-05-16 01:29 PM
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Ghostbear1111
09-05-16 05:20 PM
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Acceptance: Through Grief and Pain.

 
Rate this Story While this is an indeed story, its Reader format. Your name in the (Y/N) if you didn't know it.
I like it
 
100.0%, 2 votes
Its ok
 
0.0%, 0 vote
I dont like it
 
0.0%, 0 vote
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09-05-16 01:29 PM
sonic123amy1 is Offline
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| ID: 1299742 | 138 Words

sonic123amy1
Level: 21


POSTS: 48/95
POST EXP: 4770
LVL EXP: 49172
CP: 300.2
VIZ: 12998

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
I lay in bed, its cold and dark... Its been 3 years since they died, I never thought it would come to this...an all time low, a dump if I could call it. I look around the rugged shack, the bed is a mattress and is slowly dying.. like I am. "Ah (Y/N) how could you even come to THIS point? Ahahahaha!" I laugh maniacally. I sigh and get up, there's a closet door, I dare not touch it... usually I would....No-    But then I went in, there's an old TV with some tapes on it. I play the tape labeled NEW HOME, the screen displays the house in the woods. Where I live..my family is there too. I look at them, I cant stand it. I eject the tape quickly, and decide to take a walk outside.
I lay in bed, its cold and dark... Its been 3 years since they died, I never thought it would come to this...an all time low, a dump if I could call it. I look around the rugged shack, the bed is a mattress and is slowly dying.. like I am. "Ah (Y/N) how could you even come to THIS point? Ahahahaha!" I laugh maniacally. I sigh and get up, there's a closet door, I dare not touch it... usually I would....No-    But then I went in, there's an old TV with some tapes on it. I play the tape labeled NEW HOME, the screen displays the house in the woods. Where I live..my family is there too. I look at them, I cant stand it. I eject the tape quickly, and decide to take a walk outside.
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 08-03-16
Location: Somewhere Else
Last Post: 2001 days
Last Active: 866 days

09-05-16 05:20 PM
Ghostbear1111 is Offline
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| ID: 1299787 | 137 Words

Ghostbear1111
Level: 66


POSTS: 642/1219
POST EXP: 190564
LVL EXP: 2376607
CP: 6638.7
VIZ: 557079

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Three years and this guy is holding on to things. My goodnesss. Find a way to get some happiness back in your life, son! Toss everything, trash everything, accept and move on and attack the next chapter of your life.

Saying that, I thought the few sentences you wrote were elegant, to the point, and they caught my attention.

This is good writing in a simple form. The sentences are short, denoting rapid action and thought process. There's good description without adverbs and adjectives (Hint to writers: Avoid adverbs) and I created the place on my own.

You succeeded in writing. As Stephen King would say, you just did some telepathy. You created a scene, I saw the scene, and we both experienced different places but we both saw what was happening.

Well done. Keep it up.
Three years and this guy is holding on to things. My goodnesss. Find a way to get some happiness back in your life, son! Toss everything, trash everything, accept and move on and attack the next chapter of your life.

Saying that, I thought the few sentences you wrote were elegant, to the point, and they caught my attention.

This is good writing in a simple form. The sentences are short, denoting rapid action and thought process. There's good description without adverbs and adjectives (Hint to writers: Avoid adverbs) and I created the place on my own.

You succeeded in writing. As Stephen King would say, you just did some telepathy. You created a scene, I saw the scene, and we both experienced different places but we both saw what was happening.

Well done. Keep it up.
Trusted Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 10-10-15
Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan
Last Post: 2199 days
Last Active: 2056 days

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