I tried to play this. I really tried to play this. BUT I CAN'T. It's so bad! It was so bad I had to quit playing and watch a video about it from PBG
(PeanutButterGamer) to learn enough about the game to write a review about it.If you want to watch yourself, then click the link I'm about to give you. Warning, there's a beeped out swear at the end along with a couple of small drug jokes in the middle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKOzqw83RVo
Now that I have that out, let's continue the review, shall we?
Graphics – 8
While nearly everything else about this game is bad, but not as bad as some games I know (Looking at you, E.T. for the Atari 2600) the graphics are actually pretty alright. The quality of the cutscenes for the CDI games are about the same for every game. I did a quick comparison of LTFOE with games like Hotel Mario and the sequel of this CDI game, and I can safely say that they all look the same. However, the cutscenes are horribly animated for the three titles for this series (Yes, there are actually three games for the LoZ CDI), like, Oh My Artamiel’s Sword did they even try to animate this well horrible.
If you’ve even been on YouTube for a little bit you should have heard of a thing called YouTube Poops, which was when people took bits from different memes and edited it together for laughs. The cutscenes from the CDI LoZ series were often used for these YouTube Poops because the cutscenes and the voice acting was animated so badly that you could easily use it for YouTube Poops and it would be twice as funny as it would without them. Which brings us to the next thing in this review…the sound.
Sound – 3.5
This was actually a balance between the voice acting and the music. The music is pretty good, especially Toyku Lighthouse, which you can see on the PBG video, and from his words, “It sounds like I’m getting ready to run a marathon or something.” I’ll admit it, I took inspiration from PBG and actually managed to download that song onto my tablet, don’t ask where I got it, and blasted it at full volume on my headphones as I ran around the block in our neighborhood. It was fun. I give the music a 6.
However, while there’s pretty good music, there is horrible voice acting. PBG and I have the same opinion about it: It’s so bad that we have to usually watch the cutscenes twice just to try and understand what they’re saying. The animation is bad enough, but combined with the bad voice acting it’s enough to torture prisoners to get information from them. I gave the sound a one, added up the music and the sound and divided it by two to get this rating for the sound.
I wasn’t joking when I said that it could be used to torture prisoners. I could re-enact all the voice acting in my loudest, off-key, most screechy tone and it could sort of be better than the original acting. In fact, just to prove it, I even did a little snippet of such thing. It’s very loud, so please turn your volume down if you’re wearing headphones, else it’ll sound like a cat is dying and you’ll end up with a permanent hearing loss. I am not responsible for injury, dismemberment, deafness or death https://youtu.be/qabBO1qwzno
Story – 4
Bo-ring. Conquer the Faces of Evil, defeat Ganon, save Zelda, yadda yadda yadda. The only thing that's mildly interesting is the fact that you have to conquer the feces - sorry, meant faces - of evil. Moving on!
Addictiveness - 2
I hate this game, no offense if you're OK with it. I got so fed up with it that I just watched videos about it so I didn't have to go through the torture of playing this game. Not much to say about it.
Depth – 10
This game is very long, there are a bunch of miniquests that you have to finish. Depth doesn't make a good game. It certainly doesn't make this game good. Nothing much to say here. Moving on again!
Difficulty -10
Oh, Mana Bubble…This is honestly worse than the time I tried to play E.T. for the Atari 2600. The second button is used for EVERYTHING. Throwing bombs, opening doors, pausing (Which can only work if you’re crouching down and then you press the second button) you name it, it probably does it. Because the controller for the CDI was redesigned a lot, half the time throwing in a couple of extra buttons, you would think that the game developers would either:
A. Make a simpler game or
B. Expand the things you need to do in this game to at least three buttons and throw in a controller specifically designed to play this game in the box it probably came with or something like that. But nope! Instead, they make the second button do nearly everything that’s important for this game!
Because the platform part of the game is 2D you have the up button as the jump button. This is actually a bad idea. It sounds OK in theory but it’s bad in practice. If you have to go forward and jump to get to a platform above you, you have to press the forward button and then the up at the same time. If you’re like me and can’t do that, which I think applies to about 90% of everyone in this world, it would be near impossible to get to that platform.
You’d have to time it perfectly right to be able to get to that platform. A problem with that is that in this game, if your ability to get to platforms is what I call a Narrow Jump, which is when you manage to get and just about land on the edge of the platform, you can’t do that! You have to manage to get at least an inch on the platform and not dangle on the edge to be able to get on that platform or else you’ll fall and probably end up dying.
I could ramble on for hours about the difficulty but I’d rather not for the sake of your eyes.
And a little extra that I threw in just for this game alone…
Sense - 0.1
This literally makes almost 0 sense. Sometimes the bosses are incredibly easy (That Cyclops guy. All you gotta do is just throw one bomb at him and he dies.) and some of them are incredibly hard (Can’t think of any hard bosses right now, sorry.) but there’s one thing that neither me nor PBG can forgive: When you get that crystal thing, the wizard guy says “Now you have the ability to find my house! (Yadda yadda yadda) Go, with many blessings!”
I mean, WHAT THE BEAST HUNTER?! Sure, you gotta save Zelda and whatnot, but seriously, this FIND HIS HOUSE stuff, what does it even mean?! We can still see it from the map, like what PBG said! I know it's hard to make a good game, I mean, I have trouble making good games myself, but, like what PBG said, it's seriously easy to make a game make sense!
Overall – 5.3
Overall without the Difficulty – 4.4
What’s my recommendation? Play it if you want to pass some time or if you just want to get cutscenes to terribly reenact the voices, like what I did in this review. I hope you enjoyed my third review, peace out! |
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