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A writing sample
This took me maybe thirty minutes of writing. So don't judge me if its bad.
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Blitzmus
12-28-13 11:21 AM
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juuldude
12-30-13 10:18 AM

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A writing sample

 

12-28-13 11:21 AM
Blitzmus is Offline
| ID: 947206 | 1079 Words

Blitzmus
Level: 4

POSTS: 3/3
POST EXP: 1118
LVL EXP: 257
CP: 19.2
VIZ: 586

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0

The Sky was painted with a
Bright Blue as the Golden twin suns set behind the mountains capped with

snow. A Large Citadel stood tall in the middle of a Clear Glass dome

built to keep the oxygen inside and the elements native to the

environment out even though the planet was beautiful Awrath atmosphere

was deadly to all race except one the Iuar who have been extinct for

millennium that inhabited this world before mysteriously vanishing

leaving behind no clues to what happened to them. The Citadel was a

blackened metallic structure that belonged to the Federation an alliance

of every race for the betterment of the universe. The citadels main

purpose was to train and house the Callon elite soldiers of the

Federation.

The Callon candidates are chosen at birth and at the

age of ten years they would take an entrance exam to the Callon Academy

located on floors ten through twenty. The Callon accept only the best

into their prestigious ranks So on the day of graduation they take the

twenty best students and make them official Callon the rest are Killed

to ensure that the training methods of the Callon remains a secret.

A
Callon stood on a platform above the simulation room watching a student

run a battle simulation. The Simulation room was on floor twenty where

Students on their sixth year or above may train. Using pods as chambers

connecting to the brain stem making everything in the simulation look

and feel real to the user. Grim a student who has shown a lot of

potential is being trained by Zero, One of the most respected Callons.

“Ten
minutes and thirty-five seconds. Run it again!” A voice barked through

the speakers on the roof. Grim sighed and laid back in the machine again

‘I already ran it thirteen times’ he thought but obeyed the command
“Computer
run it again” Grim said in a exhausted tone. The Virtual reality

simulation pod closed and inserted a small needle into his spine to take

control of his brain making the simulation seem really to Grim. In this

simulation Grim had to make his way through a Falcon class enemy cargo

ship take the cargo and destroy the ship.

Grim started at the
loading dock. He heard footsteps so took cover and hid behind a crate.

‘Sounds like one guard’ Grim thought and quickly once the guard passed

him silently moved out of cover and snuck up on the guard immediately

grabbing him then snapping his neck he hid the body behind the metal

crates that moments before he was behind. Grim took his gun from his

side made sure it was loaded and opened a small compartment on his armor

and began to hack into the electric lock.

As soon as the door
opened he took hold of his laser pistol. Grim quickly check his sides

and gave a quick turnaround to look behind him. It was clear looked at

the doors one lead to the Armory and one lead to the shield generator

which was most likely guarded he went into decided to head for the

armory to properly gear up.

He hacked the door and opened it
there was only one guard armed with a shotgun. Grim dropped his rifle.

Then ran up to the guard and grabbed the end of the shot gun forcing the

trigger to slip from the guards grasp then yanked it forward to disarm

the guard once that was done he slammed the shotgun down onto his skull

rendering unconscious the delivered another one to finish the job. Grim

looked at what was available to him. Concussion grenades, Blast

Grenades, Shotgun and a laser pistol Grim grabbed it all and exited the

room. The shield generator meant he was meant he was about ten rooms

from the Bridge. The two minute bell sounded ‘I am doing much better

than last time’ Grim thought leaving the room.

Grim thought ‘the
security room should be around the shield generator’ He took cover with

the wall next to the door’s control panel. Grim hacked the door and

threw in a concussion grenade to stun the guards inside broke cover and

rushed in promptly shooting a guard in the head as his blood and brains

splattered on the wall. Turned to his left and saw a nearby guard bent

over still stunned. Grim grabbed the guards head and slammed it down on

Grim’s knee cracking in his skull then repeating it again quickly to

finish him off. Grim took a knife from the guards’ chest and flung it

into the neck of a farther away guard. The final guard had snapped out

of the haze and saw his comrades dead before he had time to process what

he saw the barrel of a shotgun was an inch from his face.

The

Guard dropped to his knees quickly dropping his gun lifting his hands in

the air slowly. Grim kicked him to the ground stepping on his chest.

“What is the code for the doors” He barked sharply.

The guard
trembled with fear a shotgun still aimed at his face “4639” He said

shaking terrified of the Callon. Grim raised his foot and the guard

looked relieved, But Grim quickly brought it down again this time onto

the Guards neck crushing the jugular and breaking the neck bone. Grim

ran to the security room quickly opening it with the code he was given.

‘Odd, its nobody is here’ Grim looked around there was exactly what he

was looking for the controls to the security Cams he got to work quickly

hacking the camera system to recognize only him as friendly once he was

finished he heard the sound of gunfire and Calls for reinforcements.

Grim
used this stolen back-up to make his way quickly to the engine room. He

started rigging the blast grenades to the engines once he was finished

he ran out of the room but was met by gunfire. ‘They must have taken the

Cameras out’ he thought immediately slamming his body against the wall

to take cover. He had one. Grim threw his last concussion grenade at

them. Once they were stunned he rushed out and toward the cargo bay.

Once inside the Cargo bay he hit the release on the Cargo door as the

door opened he jumped out falling to the planet below He used his wrist

module to activate the explosives then to deploy his parachute

The Sky was painted with a
Bright Blue as the Golden twin suns set behind the mountains capped with

snow. A Large Citadel stood tall in the middle of a Clear Glass dome

built to keep the oxygen inside and the elements native to the

environment out even though the planet was beautiful Awrath atmosphere

was deadly to all race except one the Iuar who have been extinct for

millennium that inhabited this world before mysteriously vanishing

leaving behind no clues to what happened to them. The Citadel was a

blackened metallic structure that belonged to the Federation an alliance

of every race for the betterment of the universe. The citadels main

purpose was to train and house the Callon elite soldiers of the

Federation.

The Callon candidates are chosen at birth and at the

age of ten years they would take an entrance exam to the Callon Academy

located on floors ten through twenty. The Callon accept only the best

into their prestigious ranks So on the day of graduation they take the

twenty best students and make them official Callon the rest are Killed

to ensure that the training methods of the Callon remains a secret.

A
Callon stood on a platform above the simulation room watching a student

run a battle simulation. The Simulation room was on floor twenty where

Students on their sixth year or above may train. Using pods as chambers

connecting to the brain stem making everything in the simulation look

and feel real to the user. Grim a student who has shown a lot of

potential is being trained by Zero, One of the most respected Callons.

“Ten
minutes and thirty-five seconds. Run it again!” A voice barked through

the speakers on the roof. Grim sighed and laid back in the machine again

‘I already ran it thirteen times’ he thought but obeyed the command
“Computer
run it again” Grim said in a exhausted tone. The Virtual reality

simulation pod closed and inserted a small needle into his spine to take

control of his brain making the simulation seem really to Grim. In this

simulation Grim had to make his way through a Falcon class enemy cargo

ship take the cargo and destroy the ship.

Grim started at the
loading dock. He heard footsteps so took cover and hid behind a crate.

‘Sounds like one guard’ Grim thought and quickly once the guard passed

him silently moved out of cover and snuck up on the guard immediately

grabbing him then snapping his neck he hid the body behind the metal

crates that moments before he was behind. Grim took his gun from his

side made sure it was loaded and opened a small compartment on his armor

and began to hack into the electric lock.

As soon as the door
opened he took hold of his laser pistol. Grim quickly check his sides

and gave a quick turnaround to look behind him. It was clear looked at

the doors one lead to the Armory and one lead to the shield generator

which was most likely guarded he went into decided to head for the

armory to properly gear up.

He hacked the door and opened it
there was only one guard armed with a shotgun. Grim dropped his rifle.

Then ran up to the guard and grabbed the end of the shot gun forcing the

trigger to slip from the guards grasp then yanked it forward to disarm

the guard once that was done he slammed the shotgun down onto his skull

rendering unconscious the delivered another one to finish the job. Grim

looked at what was available to him. Concussion grenades, Blast

Grenades, Shotgun and a laser pistol Grim grabbed it all and exited the

room. The shield generator meant he was meant he was about ten rooms

from the Bridge. The two minute bell sounded ‘I am doing much better

than last time’ Grim thought leaving the room.

Grim thought ‘the
security room should be around the shield generator’ He took cover with

the wall next to the door’s control panel. Grim hacked the door and

threw in a concussion grenade to stun the guards inside broke cover and

rushed in promptly shooting a guard in the head as his blood and brains

splattered on the wall. Turned to his left and saw a nearby guard bent

over still stunned. Grim grabbed the guards head and slammed it down on

Grim’s knee cracking in his skull then repeating it again quickly to

finish him off. Grim took a knife from the guards’ chest and flung it

into the neck of a farther away guard. The final guard had snapped out

of the haze and saw his comrades dead before he had time to process what

he saw the barrel of a shotgun was an inch from his face.

The

Guard dropped to his knees quickly dropping his gun lifting his hands in

the air slowly. Grim kicked him to the ground stepping on his chest.

“What is the code for the doors” He barked sharply.

The guard
trembled with fear a shotgun still aimed at his face “4639” He said

shaking terrified of the Callon. Grim raised his foot and the guard

looked relieved, But Grim quickly brought it down again this time onto

the Guards neck crushing the jugular and breaking the neck bone. Grim

ran to the security room quickly opening it with the code he was given.

‘Odd, its nobody is here’ Grim looked around there was exactly what he

was looking for the controls to the security Cams he got to work quickly

hacking the camera system to recognize only him as friendly once he was

finished he heard the sound of gunfire and Calls for reinforcements.

Grim
used this stolen back-up to make his way quickly to the engine room. He

started rigging the blast grenades to the engines once he was finished

he ran out of the room but was met by gunfire. ‘They must have taken the

Cameras out’ he thought immediately slamming his body against the wall

to take cover. He had one. Grim threw his last concussion grenade at

them. Once they were stunned he rushed out and toward the cargo bay.

Once inside the Cargo bay he hit the release on the Cargo door as the

door opened he jumped out falling to the planet below He used his wrist

module to activate the explosives then to deploy his parachute
Newbie

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-26-13
Last Post: 2456 days
Last Active: 2253 days

(edited by Blitzmus on 12-28-13 11:23 AM)    

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12-30-13 10:18 AM
juuldude is Offline
| ID: 948171 | 55 Words

juuldude
Level: 111


POSTS: 117/3976
POST EXP: 272721
LVL EXP: 14816099
CP: 13250.4
VIZ: 509980

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Wow, this is a lot for a half our work. The story is very interesting, maybe you should make a part two. There are a lot of other story's with this theme (an unknown place, on another planet or in the future with an uprising kid) but it's pretty good. Keep up the good work!
Wow, this is a lot for a half our work. The story is very interesting, maybe you should make a part two. There are a lot of other story's with this theme (an unknown place, on another planet or in the future with an uprising kid) but it's pretty good. Keep up the good work!
Vizzed Elite
Dutch vizzedeer and Professor Layton fan


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 02-26-11
Location: Holland, The Netherlands, which you prefer
Last Post: 756 days
Last Active: 111 days

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