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Nincompoco
11-09-13 10:05 AM
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Nincompoco
11-09-13 10:05 AM
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So Bad It's Fun

 
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11-09-13 10:05 AM
Nincompoco is Offline
| ID: 925083 | 639 Words

Nincompoco
Mecha Leo
Level: 71


POSTS: 238/1334
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Hercules! The hero of legend! Vanquisher of evil! Now we live the legend! Except the legend sucks. Hercules Legendary Journeys is based off a TV show, which explains why the box art looks nothing like the sprite at all. First off you are greeted by the most EAR WRENCHING DEAFENING MUSIC EVER. I MEAN EVER. So bad I had to put it in underlined bold italic! Apparently when baby Hercules and Ares were in a crib (Ares is supposed to be god of war but not in this case apparently) Zeus put a snake in there as a test (great dad by the way). Ares ran for it (even though HE'S A BABY) and Hercules killed it, earning the favor of Zeus. Now that he's a man Zeus tells him gods exist through the favor of mortals, and he needs to gain their favor (don't worry they make sure you know about not having anyone's favor...) or he will fade away. So you wake up in an inn. Now I never beat the game (because I never wanted too after chronic ear pains and head spasms) but I will share my experience of those horrible 30 minutes... It seems that Hercules worked way too much on weights because his body looks like a lolly pop. First thing I heard in the game...
dun dun dun duuuun... "I only speak to sailors". So he wasn't it... oh and let me copy paste that for later reference. 
dun dun dun duuuun... "we don't serve strangers" ok he wasn't the guy to talk to either... although we WERE sleeping in his room...
dun dun dun duuuun... apparently the STROLLER also only speaks to sailors. btw... what's a stroller? so the passing lady and her daughter 
dun dun dun duuuun... don't talk to strangers. we need a library card to get into the library, which is fine with me because like I said if there's ANYTHING that scares me it's black holes and libraries.
dun dun dun duuuun... the lady cutting her grass says to leave or she will hurt us.
dun dun dun duuuun... the lady sweeping her front lawn for some stupid reason is too busy to talk to us.
dun dun dun duuuun... the cat doesn't say anything and neither does her husband but it still does the noise
the girl passing by is busy, shop owners don't serve us, people want us to get the heck out of their homes or they will hurt us, and we can't even leave because the ONE person who actually cares about our wellbeing is guarding the way out. oh, and this little gem...
dun dun dun duuuun... teacher: don't bother my pupils
dun dun dun duuuun... students: teacher! he's bugging me!
I mean so much suspense you think the dun dun dun duuuun... means something important but then they don't give you anything but wasted time. so there had to be something to do... so I went back to the inn and found an old man who said I could beat up monsters. finally after 20/30 minutes I CAN DO SOMETHING. unfortunately you can't fight so I just grabbed some boots that let us jump and RAN FOR IT. I came across a tribal man who wouldn't let us pass until we beat all the monsters. at least he WOULD but I assigned the jump button as the talk button and found out you could use the jump as a glitch to get through. all the npc's will give you congratulations for your bravery and give you a mask. did I ever find out what it was for? no. did I continue playing? no. do I plan on it?  NEVER AGAIN. So the depth is blank. But it's obvious it's terrible... just play for yourself and see how far YOU get.
Hercules! The hero of legend! Vanquisher of evil! Now we live the legend! Except the legend sucks. Hercules Legendary Journeys is based off a TV show, which explains why the box art looks nothing like the sprite at all. First off you are greeted by the most EAR WRENCHING DEAFENING MUSIC EVER. I MEAN EVER. So bad I had to put it in underlined bold italic! Apparently when baby Hercules and Ares were in a crib (Ares is supposed to be god of war but not in this case apparently) Zeus put a snake in there as a test (great dad by the way). Ares ran for it (even though HE'S A BABY) and Hercules killed it, earning the favor of Zeus. Now that he's a man Zeus tells him gods exist through the favor of mortals, and he needs to gain their favor (don't worry they make sure you know about not having anyone's favor...) or he will fade away. So you wake up in an inn. Now I never beat the game (because I never wanted too after chronic ear pains and head spasms) but I will share my experience of those horrible 30 minutes... It seems that Hercules worked way too much on weights because his body looks like a lolly pop. First thing I heard in the game...
dun dun dun duuuun... "I only speak to sailors". So he wasn't it... oh and let me copy paste that for later reference. 
dun dun dun duuuun... "we don't serve strangers" ok he wasn't the guy to talk to either... although we WERE sleeping in his room...
dun dun dun duuuun... apparently the STROLLER also only speaks to sailors. btw... what's a stroller? so the passing lady and her daughter 
dun dun dun duuuun... don't talk to strangers. we need a library card to get into the library, which is fine with me because like I said if there's ANYTHING that scares me it's black holes and libraries.
dun dun dun duuuun... the lady cutting her grass says to leave or she will hurt us.
dun dun dun duuuun... the lady sweeping her front lawn for some stupid reason is too busy to talk to us.
dun dun dun duuuun... the cat doesn't say anything and neither does her husband but it still does the noise
the girl passing by is busy, shop owners don't serve us, people want us to get the heck out of their homes or they will hurt us, and we can't even leave because the ONE person who actually cares about our wellbeing is guarding the way out. oh, and this little gem...
dun dun dun duuuun... teacher: don't bother my pupils
dun dun dun duuuun... students: teacher! he's bugging me!
I mean so much suspense you think the dun dun dun duuuun... means something important but then they don't give you anything but wasted time. so there had to be something to do... so I went back to the inn and found an old man who said I could beat up monsters. finally after 20/30 minutes I CAN DO SOMETHING. unfortunately you can't fight so I just grabbed some boots that let us jump and RAN FOR IT. I came across a tribal man who wouldn't let us pass until we beat all the monsters. at least he WOULD but I assigned the jump button as the talk button and found out you could use the jump as a glitch to get through. all the npc's will give you congratulations for your bravery and give you a mask. did I ever find out what it was for? no. did I continue playing? no. do I plan on it?  NEVER AGAIN. So the depth is blank. But it's obvious it's terrible... just play for yourself and see how far YOU get.
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