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thudricdholee
01-20-13 04:46 PM
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Run, little naked boy, run!
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01-20-13 04:46 PM
thudricdholee is Offline
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I'm going to give you the naked truth in this review. Bare with me, though. I bet you've never heard of this game. I bet you don't know it was based on a cartoon? That's ok, I didn't either. After a bit of "research" (thank you wikipedia!) I found out a bit about it. This game, which came out in 2001, was a In the movie, Kirkikou is a newborn baby who isn't like anyone else-he can walk and talk immediately on being born. His mother tells him that an evil sorceress has eaten all the other warriors in the village except his uncle. So he goes off with his uncle and does a bunch of stuff to trick the sorceress, save a bunch of kids from his village, and eventually cure the sorceress of her evil...and she kisses him and he becomes an adult and then the review has the rather ominous statement "And love reigns". I'm not sure I want to see that. So, this game. You play the newborn baby Kirikou....who runs around as totally naked a a jaybird the entire time. I'm not kidding. There's a lot of gratuitous baby bottom. Now, I'm not really complaining-it's a baby's rear, after all, not some sleazy hooker, but...after a while, you kind of feel a bit like some kind of weirdo pervert. The novelty of the nakedness (if you can call it that) wears off very quickly. You use a...white stick? Knife? to kill...uh, blue robots? and collect...gold...things that are probably supposed to be necklaces but looks suspiciously like giant golden croissants and other things that are supposed to be...gold...lumps? And look like gold lumps. And except for a boss battle every now and then...that's it. Running and jumping and smacking things with your white rod/knife/stick thingie. Oh, I almost forgot the other weapon. A...uh, bolo-like thing. Sling maybe? That shoots blue pebbles. There are two distrubing things in this game that I feel I must mention: 1- Sometimes, when you're walking along, a gold nugget will suddenly pop up...behind you. Sure, it's suddenly appearing from thin air, but it looks for all the world like it might be popping out of you bum. Why they chose this particular form and placement I will hopefully never know. 2-When you finish a level, if you didn't get all the robot-things, the graphic is of the baby, bum side facing the camera, with his hands tied behind his back, while a little blue robot-guy stares into the camera and announces you didn't get all the fetishes. Which, I'm assuming, are the robot guys (since you have a counter in the game that goes down whenever you kill one.) I know about African Tribal Fetishes and stuff like that. Still. It's just...not right, in a disturbing way, but if you don't understand what I mean, I'm not going to explain it. Now for the naked numbers: Graphics: 2 If you couldn't tell from my earlier comments, the graphics on this game are inexcusably bad. The opening cut scene is fairly well done-the kid is adorable, and the mother's face is pretty well done, but everything after that is just terrible. Blobby blobs, boring repeating backgrounds, and no shading-everything is flat and ugly. It looks like they drew it in black and white and used Microsoft paint and the paint bucket tool to fill in the color. I've seen better graphics on the Game Boy. One thing that's fairly odd. While the general graphics are terrible, horrible, disgusting...the baby's body is strangely, lovingly detailed, right down to the shading on his little bum. You can clearly tell he's a baby, as opposed to a very small oddly shaped little man. He's got that baby sway-back and the baby belly thing, and a cute little Mohawk. It's rather disturbing as he climbs ladders to see his little dimple twinkling at you. Sound: 2 Yes, I hate the music. Big surprise. But not only do I hate it because of what it is-computerized, hectic, jarring electronic noise that burns into your brain and haunts your sleep...I also hate it for what it is not. And what it is not, in any way shape or form, is African. I mean...c'mon. You have this game about an African baby running around the various locations of Africa (kind of), and you neglect to put in any African music at all? Not even going to try? They have some very great rhythmic music that would have translated...kind of well...to the Game Boy. Not one funky beat, not a single "Huh". If you didn't realize already how exploitative and terrible this game is, that would tell you everything you needed to know right there. Addictiveness: 1 This is not the most terrible game I have ever played. But it just might be the most boring. You do the same thing over...and over...and over again, and that one thing isn't that great to begin with. The charm pretty much wears off this game before you can even finish the first level. Story: 4 I'm going to assume the people who made the movie didn't have anything to do with this game (If they did, they should be shot.) So you can't really give any credit to the game writers for the story. Then again, you can't give much credit to the movie writers, either, since they basically just ripped off some West African fables. At least the story is vaugely interesting, although to be honest they really don't go very deeply into it in the game. There's no mention of his uncle at all, for example, and you defeat the water eating monster as the first boss. The fable is pretty weird, to me, but I didn't grow up with it-stop and think really hard about Little Red Riding Hood and you'll see what I mean. Depth: 3 I'm giving it this rating not because it's very deep, or there's a lot to do. I'm only giving it this rating because it's fairly large. To find all the monsters in each level, you really have to do some poking around. And to collect all the treasure, you really, really gotta do a bit of exploring. How such a badly rendered flat landscape can be so wide open is hard for me to fathom, but there you go. Difficulty: 1 There is no difficulty. You swing, they die. Occasionally you have to tug out your slingshot (I want to know where he's storing it because he's naked...or, no, upon further review, I suddenly realize I do NOT want to know. Thank you.). They give blue health chunks like they're candy. I died exactly once, before I got the buttons fixed so they made more sense. Other than that, it was just so easy it wasn't even amusing. Overall: 3 And I believe I might be being a bit kind here. The game is boring, the graphics are bad, the music is terrible, the baby is naked...I really don't recommend this to anyone. It might be a good way to ferret out pedophiles though; give the game to one and wait for him to start exclaiming over how this is the best game of all time, then call the cops. That seems like the only real use for this to me. I bet you've never heard of this game. I bet you don't know it was based on a cartoon? That's ok, I didn't either. After a bit of "research" (thank you wikipedia!) I found out a bit about it. This game, which came out in 2001, was a In the movie, Kirkikou is a newborn baby who isn't like anyone else-he can walk and talk immediately on being born. His mother tells him that an evil sorceress has eaten all the other warriors in the village except his uncle. So he goes off with his uncle and does a bunch of stuff to trick the sorceress, save a bunch of kids from his village, and eventually cure the sorceress of her evil...and she kisses him and he becomes an adult and then the review has the rather ominous statement "And love reigns". I'm not sure I want to see that. So, this game. You play the newborn baby Kirikou....who runs around as totally naked a a jaybird the entire time. I'm not kidding. There's a lot of gratuitous baby bottom. Now, I'm not really complaining-it's a baby's rear, after all, not some sleazy hooker, but...after a while, you kind of feel a bit like some kind of weirdo pervert. The novelty of the nakedness (if you can call it that) wears off very quickly. You use a...white stick? Knife? to kill...uh, blue robots? and collect...gold...things that are probably supposed to be necklaces but looks suspiciously like giant golden croissants and other things that are supposed to be...gold...lumps? And look like gold lumps. And except for a boss battle every now and then...that's it. Running and jumping and smacking things with your white rod/knife/stick thingie. Oh, I almost forgot the other weapon. A...uh, bolo-like thing. Sling maybe? That shoots blue pebbles. There are two distrubing things in this game that I feel I must mention: 1- Sometimes, when you're walking along, a gold nugget will suddenly pop up...behind you. Sure, it's suddenly appearing from thin air, but it looks for all the world like it might be popping out of you bum. Why they chose this particular form and placement I will hopefully never know. 2-When you finish a level, if you didn't get all the robot-things, the graphic is of the baby, bum side facing the camera, with his hands tied behind his back, while a little blue robot-guy stares into the camera and announces you didn't get all the fetishes. Which, I'm assuming, are the robot guys (since you have a counter in the game that goes down whenever you kill one.) I know about African Tribal Fetishes and stuff like that. Still. It's just...not right, in a disturbing way, but if you don't understand what I mean, I'm not going to explain it. Now for the naked numbers: Graphics: 2 If you couldn't tell from my earlier comments, the graphics on this game are inexcusably bad. The opening cut scene is fairly well done-the kid is adorable, and the mother's face is pretty well done, but everything after that is just terrible. Blobby blobs, boring repeating backgrounds, and no shading-everything is flat and ugly. It looks like they drew it in black and white and used Microsoft paint and the paint bucket tool to fill in the color. I've seen better graphics on the Game Boy. One thing that's fairly odd. While the general graphics are terrible, horrible, disgusting...the baby's body is strangely, lovingly detailed, right down to the shading on his little bum. You can clearly tell he's a baby, as opposed to a very small oddly shaped little man. He's got that baby sway-back and the baby belly thing, and a cute little Mohawk. It's rather disturbing as he climbs ladders to see his little dimple twinkling at you. Sound: 2 Yes, I hate the music. Big surprise. But not only do I hate it because of what it is-computerized, hectic, jarring electronic noise that burns into your brain and haunts your sleep...I also hate it for what it is not. And what it is not, in any way shape or form, is African. I mean...c'mon. You have this game about an African baby running around the various locations of Africa (kind of), and you neglect to put in any African music at all? Not even going to try? They have some very great rhythmic music that would have translated...kind of well...to the Game Boy. Not one funky beat, not a single "Huh". If you didn't realize already how exploitative and terrible this game is, that would tell you everything you needed to know right there. Addictiveness: 1 This is not the most terrible game I have ever played. But it just might be the most boring. You do the same thing over...and over...and over again, and that one thing isn't that great to begin with. The charm pretty much wears off this game before you can even finish the first level. Story: 4 I'm going to assume the people who made the movie didn't have anything to do with this game (If they did, they should be shot.) So you can't really give any credit to the game writers for the story. Then again, you can't give much credit to the movie writers, either, since they basically just ripped off some West African fables. At least the story is vaugely interesting, although to be honest they really don't go very deeply into it in the game. There's no mention of his uncle at all, for example, and you defeat the water eating monster as the first boss. The fable is pretty weird, to me, but I didn't grow up with it-stop and think really hard about Little Red Riding Hood and you'll see what I mean. Depth: 3 I'm giving it this rating not because it's very deep, or there's a lot to do. I'm only giving it this rating because it's fairly large. To find all the monsters in each level, you really have to do some poking around. And to collect all the treasure, you really, really gotta do a bit of exploring. How such a badly rendered flat landscape can be so wide open is hard for me to fathom, but there you go. Difficulty: 1 There is no difficulty. You swing, they die. Occasionally you have to tug out your slingshot (I want to know where he's storing it because he's naked...or, no, upon further review, I suddenly realize I do NOT want to know. Thank you.). They give blue health chunks like they're candy. I died exactly once, before I got the buttons fixed so they made more sense. Other than that, it was just so easy it wasn't even amusing. Overall: 3 And I believe I might be being a bit kind here. The game is boring, the graphics are bad, the music is terrible, the baby is naked...I really don't recommend this to anyone. It might be a good way to ferret out pedophiles though; give the game to one and wait for him to start exclaiming over how this is the best game of all time, then call the cops. That seems like the only real use for this to me. |
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(edited by thudricdholee on 01-20-13 04:46 PM)
01-20-13 05:03 PM
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...naked baby games. Who would have thought? Actually, I have been desensitized to baby/young kid nudity done in a cartoony way thanks to Shin Chan. (Ass-dance~!) Still, that ending you described rather disturbed me... I like the review; shows some comedy (love the puns, haha), detailed, gives the story and you even did some research on the background of the game! I'm rather puzzled that there are robots in this story as well; I really would have expected some sort of desert, Savannah, jungle or similar sort of scenario where the kid just would need to defeat evil creatures. Robots just seem out of place! Then again, the whole game seems out of place, haha. Though the review certainly helps dissuade me from wanting to play it, I do not think I would have played it anyway. Just by looking at the one screen shot on the game's hub, I could tell I would just not bother. It would need a stellar review with compelling writing for me to try a game that just looks like it does. Actually, I have been desensitized to baby/young kid nudity done in a cartoony way thanks to Shin Chan. (Ass-dance~!) Still, that ending you described rather disturbed me... I like the review; shows some comedy (love the puns, haha), detailed, gives the story and you even did some research on the background of the game! I'm rather puzzled that there are robots in this story as well; I really would have expected some sort of desert, Savannah, jungle or similar sort of scenario where the kid just would need to defeat evil creatures. Robots just seem out of place! Then again, the whole game seems out of place, haha. Though the review certainly helps dissuade me from wanting to play it, I do not think I would have played it anyway. Just by looking at the one screen shot on the game's hub, I could tell I would just not bother. It would need a stellar review with compelling writing for me to try a game that just looks like it does. |
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01-20-13 05:07 PM
thudricdholee is Offline
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ruesen : Thank you for the feedback! Hah, yeah, I tried to avoid the puns, but...I couldn't help it ...in the end. ...*badbadh tish*. Ok, ok. Yeah, it was a terrible game. But I'm one of those curious idiots who'll try anything once if no one's there to say "No, Stop, you don't know what you're doing!" So now I'm the one doing that for other people. Hah, yeah, I tried to avoid the puns, but...I couldn't help it ...in the end. ...*badbadh tish*. Ok, ok. Yeah, it was a terrible game. But I'm one of those curious idiots who'll try anything once if no one's there to say "No, Stop, you don't know what you're doing!" So now I'm the one doing that for other people. |
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01-20-13 05:11 PM
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Great review as per usual. I enjoyed reading. You really are pumping these out in pretty quick fashion. Keep up the great work.
This game I played for like 2 mins tops...and it sucks. What made you play this/review it? This game I played for like 2 mins tops...and it sucks. What made you play this/review it? |
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01-20-13 05:16 PM
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*Sees title*  , *Realize what it is*  Its a good review and intresting title, keep up the good work. , *Realize what it is* Its a good review and intresting title, keep up the good work. |
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01-20-13 05:28 PM
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Jordanv78 : Thank you, as always, for your feedback and rating! I don't know. I just was flipping through the pages and saw it and thought, why not? It's pretty horrible, really. But they can't all be great. I don't know. I just was flipping through the pages and saw it and thought, why not? It's pretty horrible, really. But they can't all be great. |
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01-20-13 05:30 PM
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Wow... this has to be the strangest game I've ever seen reviewed. It also sounds like they didn't put enough thought into some things (at least I HOPE that stuff that's just wrong wasn't done on purpose o.O ) |
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01-20-13 05:36 PM
thudricdholee is Offline
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servbot128 : Thank you for your feedback! I try to make interesting titles, but some are more...memorable...than others. Crazy Li : It is a strange game. I hope that the wrong stuff wasn't on purpose as well, but I don't know. I know the game was clearly only made to try to suck money from people who liked the cartoon. I try to make interesting titles, but some are more...memorable...than others. Crazy Li : It is a strange game. I hope that the wrong stuff wasn't on purpose as well, but I don't know. I know the game was clearly only made to try to suck money from people who liked the cartoon. |
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01-20-13 06:38 PM
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wow that was a very akward review for a game i never even heard of until i clicked on the link dang thanks for letting me know about this weird game thank god i didnt play it well as usual keep up the good work |
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01-20-13 06:42 PM
thudricdholee is Offline
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SuperCrash64 : LOL. Thank you for your feedback! It was an awkward little game. Probably the most awkward I've ever played, to be honest. As I said earlier, I'm happy to be a warning for others. I can't help being curious, and it's my goal to mostly review things with no reviews, so I'm sure I'll run into more lovely ones like this. It was an awkward little game. Probably the most awkward I've ever played, to be honest. As I said earlier, I'm happy to be a warning for others. I can't help being curious, and it's my goal to mostly review things with no reviews, so I'm sure I'll run into more lovely ones like this. |
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01-20-13 06:50 PM
SuperCrash64 is Offline
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SuperCrash64 is Offline
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well i hope to see more reviews in the future . this game must be freaking terrible though |
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(edited by SuperCrash64 on 01-20-13 07:35 PM)
