On Wednesday around 3:00 am, my great aunt has passed away from complications of congestive heart failure and a recent diagnosis of dementia. I got the news around 9:15 in the morning when my mother told me she was gone. I am completely saddened by this and took the day off from work. 2019 has become the most depressing year for me. I have been lonely for sometime. I never was able to make any friends, and quite frankly never had one in my life. I have been suicidal a few times and thought about killing myself, and honestly i think i might just go ahead and do it. Hearing the passing of my great aunt has affected me more than ever, and I honestly don't think I can live without her. She was basically like a second mother and we were so close. This will most likely be my final post on Vizzed. It's got to the point where i am purposely bruising myself, mostly my legs. I've also have experience nonstop panic attacks almost every day. I'm sorry to the staff of Vizzed if a thread like this doesn't belong here. and you can delete it if you want to. I just want to say goodbye to everyone. I am very sorry for making a post like this.

I hope this reply doesn't come too late and you're able to see it, because you should NOT give in to your suicidal impulses.

I've been suicidal in the past, I've been alone in the past (and still am, relatively) and I've been very f***ed up in the past. Yet I'm here, many years after I last thought of killing myself, because even though those thoughts never go away they sink deep within your consciousness and you can place many positive thoughts over them so they don't resurface again.

I've been battling for a decade now against a chronic disease which the world still doesn't know how or why does it appear, nor does it have a cure. There are psychologists specializing in people with my disease because it's so hard to keep your self-esteem up and deal with everything, but luckily I haven't needed them so far. I am and will forever be f***ed up, but I keep on fighting and I keep finding reasons to go on, even if they can be at times seen as egotistical by outsiders who know nothing about what I'm going through.

You will not be forever alone, trust me, people can enter your life the least you expect it. I made my first female friend one year ago, and I inevitably fell in love with her which was also a first-time-ever. Earlier this month I made another friend who knows a lot about my disease, and she will be coming home to spend the weekend next Friday, and she even suggested sharing a bed. In the span of a year I made more social progress than in my previous 25 years of life.

Even if you feel like nothing else has a meaning anymore, you can't really tell what the future holds. Had I given in to my suicidal impulses, I'd have deprived myself of very good experiences and the social life I never thought I could have. I'm still fearful of a few things I've managed to leave behind when I look back to the past, but I've learned some hard lessons along the way and so I won't be fooled again and make the same mistakes.

Find the strength within yourself and build a new world around you. It's not easy, and sometimes we don't even want to, but we must do it. Whatever you do, try to keep yourself happy and care nothing for what people say, because most don't even want to see beyond our flesh and into our soul.

I sincerely hope you can see this. I don't have many chances of helping people out, but in matters like this I can talk from my own bad experiences and I feel like I can be of help. I truly wish I managed to reach you, and if I was at least able to make you feel better then I guess I did everything I could. But I'll be really saddened if I came too late and you were already gone by the time I posted this.

Hello. I just wanted to let you know that you're important and that you matter. I'm sorry that you're struggling but things will get better. I also wanted to let you know that I'm here if you ever need a friend.