camkunimura : it's a good thing that you want to talk about it, the last thing you want to do now is shut yourself away from other people.
My grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer earlier this year, after a horrific battle with pancreatic cancer(seriously, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy), she died in August. We were really close and I spent a lot of time with her near the end before they put her under anesthesia at the hospice house where she died. I found out yesterday that a childhood friend of mine was murdered, shot in the head because they wanted his money, I'm absolutely gutted and I've spent my whole day on the internet trying to not focus too much on it. The hardest part of death is the gaping hole that's left where the people you loved more than anything used to fit. Watching the ones we love pass away is the hardest thing we as humans have to do in this life.
The most important thing right now, more than anything, is that you don't let that gaping hole swallow you up. Allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by depression is dangerous. You still have people in your life, there are people who want to see you through this. There's absolutely nothing that I can say that's going to soften the blow, but trust me, I KNOW the feeling of being completely crushed by someone's death, most of us do, we all do sooner or later.
You're going to make it through to the other side, and there are a great many awesome people here on vizzed if you need to talk.