Hi all ! Snodeca here. Who's Snodeca? I don't know. You might know me better as "TheJmsGamer". That is an oldy. I suppose I'll give you a little bit of a history lesson.

A good 5 years ago I registered on this site wanting to play retro games and I quickly moved to the forums. Ended up staying for the forums. One year later I found out I'm transgender thanks to Drew thanks to one of her random threads back in the day. Over half a year later I joined www.twitch.tv, with the username CatlyNat. Back when I liked to use the name Natalie.

I met a lot of people there, started speedrunning games. Super Mario World, Astro Boy: Omega Factor. Donkey Kong Country 2 for the GBA... And a lot of Donkey Kong Country 3 until I eventually focused on Sonic Adventure 2: Battle back in 2018. Going forward too fast though, rewind please.

So when I first joined Vizzed I was being homeschooled. 2014. Started September 2013, finally stopped June 2016 before going back to school. What did I learn during that time? Nothing. Ooooh wooowwww I can count below 0 and multiply with negative numbers !!!!! :o That was basically it lol.

So they put me in 2B (won't explain the school system, if you really want me to explain it in detail I can make a thread about it in the School forum), therefore skipping the first year of middle school in its entirety. 2EH (Electricity / Woodworks idk), 3 weeks later changed to 2M-VV (fashion - cooks / nutrition), stupid class with mean girls yaaay.


Oooooo. 2017. January. February. Oo, I get to follow mathemathics from the first year while staying in 2M-VV. March.

April. Haha. A time where I wanted to kill myself. At this point I was already mostly inactive and would continue being so for the next two years. Why would I want to kill myself? Well, ironically a week after breaking up with Callie AKA Xenthou, I found out something HUGE about myself. A "dark" secret. I can't say what it is due to how personal it is, some of you might know what it is. It's something I'd rather not talk about too much. But since April 2017 I've been learning to cope with said secret. Learning to cope correctly with it, whatever that means. It's been a battle for me to cope with it but I manage. That's the most important part of it.

So what did the "secret" lead to? Well, I became Angela. I had previously accidentally changed my name from Natalie to Amy, but because I was dumb, I became Angela. But I kept being dumb. Didn't trust myself, felt extremely unsafe with the name Angela and now I'm Olivia. I have no plans whatsoever to change that because I've been much more careful now with myself, I guess. So.


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My name is Olivia. I'm an 18-year-old transgender girl, and my username is Snodeca. Today... Well, is today ! A crap ton of stuff has happened in my life since I last started becoming inactive. Funny how on my posts list as of today, pages 23 to 5 is all from 2014, 5 to 2 is 2015 and the other 2 pages is all from 2016-2019.333(...). Meow.
Oh, also, I'm a kitten. Thanks.

You know, I want to thank some people. I've never spent my time to actually thank people.
Xenthou :
Specifically this girl. Or woman. I guess she's 19. But she's helped me a lot in the past. Sure we haven't talked in a long time, no I don't love you anymore, but goodness f*** she helped me to basically not kill myself. She helped me understand quite a couple things and I'm thankful that she was in my life whenever she was. So yeah.

yoshirulez! :
GameBoy1023 :
juuldude :
greenluigi :
Momo Aria :
Bintsy :
-Drew- :
(these mentions better work)

I probably missed someone that I think is important but I want to thank all of you, too. You've all been great friends IMO back when I used to actually be on the site and thus was friends with y'all. I know some of you have been going through hard times, now you all know that I have been going through some absolutely crappy times myself, I guess. Hope you guys have been doing good though.

No promises on actually being active and don't be surprised if I'm inactive again in a few weeks, lol. I do have school, after all, so. And I speedrun (: So yeah.

Byeeeeeeee ! <3


Edit:
For the record, I'm kind of okay now. I had a really hard time yesterday/this morning and the suicidal feelings were starting to come back, but in general over the past few months I've been okay. I can promise that I won't kill myself, so that's a relieve at least, I hope.

I remember seeing your old name around. Glad to see you passing by again, even if it's just temporarily.

Life can be very hard at times, but we must endure it. You've now gone through the most dangerous of ages (I feel so old when saying this lol) and things will surely pick up from now on, even if it's just bit by bit.

I know what it is to come home from school and just think of throwing yourself out of the window. Nearly a decade later I'm almost fearful of reminiscing those times, opting to live in the present where things have picked up to a level I considered unreachable back then. I'd have saved myself pain, yes, but I'd also have deprived myself of probably the happiest years of my life and the time where I've felt more alive than ever.

It's been a long while since I had any suicidal feelings coming to mind. However, I still think they're hidden somewhere deep in my mind. What keeps them at bay? The things I've found, the goals I've set, the people I've met. I learned to live my way, be happy my way and f*** what others say because they're not me.

It's a progress and also a relieve that you've managed to somehow set aside those feelings. I sincerely hope you can keep going strong, because I'm sure life has a few nice things in store for you when the time is right.

Hi, I'm penny. I'm actually a member from 2010. I originally departed from this site in early 2013, so it's unlikely that we've said a word to eachother. But thank you for taking the time to type another post.

At the moment, activity is pretty low, so try not to be super disappointed if not a lot of people reply to this. The low activity is actually why I've come back, and why I post 20 times a day. I don't think we're going to get the activity here back, without trying, and being active ourselves. I've been imploring those who I speak with, to join my cause, but it hasn't ran well for the most part.

I'm glad that life has gotten on a somewhat better track for you, and hope it only keeps on improving. Those who have had to struggle with the hardest things, should be granted good karma for a lifetime.

Anyway, welcome back to Vizzed, the land of David really needs money. (I know that joke's on poor taste.)

I swear I recognize Snodeca as a name too, guess it depends on if I'm thinking of a different user or when you changed to this name, but I also remember you as JMS. Anyways, as always, the more people who enter Vizzed right about now, the better. I look forward to learning the principles of your true essence.

Or something.

EX Palen :
My window is super strong and if I threw myself out of a window at home I'd have minor bruises lol. So no worries with that here but I know what you mean xd
But yeah, I guess it's the same here; when I'm not suicidal at all they are probably "hidden somewhere deep in my mind", though I can unlock it at any time if I want to, soooo yeah. I'm fine now though ~


pennylessz :
I doubt we've talked but I have seen your name quite a bit lately before writing this thread lol. And yeah, I noticed the activity is low. One of the reasons I wasn't able to manage to stay here actually. Plus loss of self-esteem doesn't help either lol.

And yeah... Not sure how much I agree with "Those who have had to struggle with the hardest things, should be granted good karma for a lifetime", but I guess the future can hold many things. All I can do is see what happens, and just do what I've been doing up until now: being careful. Trust me, I'm clumsy.


Mecha Leo :
Maybe you've noticed the username Snodeca before on let's say Twitch or on the site ? I had the username changed a couple months ago (definitely before November 2018 if anything) so you probably have seen the username. And you probably won't learn the principles of my "true essence" (I don't think I like that saying lol. I mean, I am who I am, and I have secrets just like anyone else. But who I am is some random 18-year-old transgender girl who's addicted to Dragon Ball and speedrunning)




Thanks for the welcome backs by the way ! ^u^

Hey welcome back to Vizzed! I recently came back as well and I really hope you stay. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to shoot me a PM.

dkmec20 :
Hey thanks for the welcome back. Might stay, who knows ? Only time will tell, I guess. And thanks the offer but I probably won't be taking it, still thanks !

glad to hear an update from you, olivia. i'm sorry to hear you've been going through some tough times, but i'm glad you shared that with us, and i'm glad the people you met on here could help you back then. i'm sure plenty of people on the site today would still be open to talking with and helping you. that said, feel free to message me whenever you'd like. i'm open to chat about whatever, or listen if you need to vent about anything. whatever it is, just hit me up! lots of love < 3

trannies have no place in this world

Snodeca : Unsure of if we've exactly met, if so I'm sure 18mlivingston rings a bell, as that is what I called myself before. Glad to see you're back, hopefully you're able to stay. If we have met, nice to see you again!