so a nun, a rabbi and priest walk into a bar, the bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Learned this in 8th grade and is probably the lamest one I know.

You know how birds fly in a flock v shape. Ever notice how one side is longer then the other? Why is that? Cause one side is longer then the other.

How do you have a party in outer space?
You plan-et.

why did the chicken cross th road?

to get run over by a car

A man telephoned a travel agent and asked
'how long does it take to fly to Spain?'
the travel agent replied 'just a minute....'
'thank you' said the man and hung up

whats red, white, and screams?
a pealed baby covered in salt...

yeah dont hate me i didnt think it up, i just repeat it.
constantly

All men dont h8 me for this one i just like it

Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wonder?
i'ts too small to be let out alone!

This might just be the worst joke ever made, seriously:

what's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? lipstick (sarah palin sucks)

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?
He wanted to take a month off.

Why don't matches play baseball?
One strike, and they're out.

What do giraffes have that no other animal has?
Baby giraffes.

why couldn't the man fix his watch? he didn't have the time

Why did the little girl bury her flashlight?
Her batteries were dead.

1:knock knock
2:who's there
1:interrupting cow
2:interrupting cow w- 1:MOOOOOOOOOOO

A guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam."

I said "Calm down man, you're two tents."

There were 2 elephants sitting in a bathtub. So the first elephant says to the third elephant: "pass the soap.......RADIO"

ziggy, that one was so random i actually lol'd

Why did the baker rob the bank?
He needed the dough.

knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who

knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who

knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who

knock knock
who's there
orange
orange who
orange you glad i didn't say banana? (worst knock knock joke ever)

Ok ok.. this ones a good joke but i cant resist... I mean.. ITS SO LAME!
It also involves religion... get offended easy, skip this post.

So God is in Heaven talking to St. Peters, he tells him that Heaven is getting crowded and that a new test must be place at the Pearly Gates to decide who shall enter and who shall not! This test is to ask each person what happened at the moment of their death, depending what happened depends on if they get in.

So, St. Peters starts his day and this is what happens...

First guy walks up to the gates, St. Peters asks him what happened when he died.
The man replies "I came home early, and found my wife in her dressing gown and i frantically looked for the man i KNOW She is sleeping with, and i run over to the window and see this guy hanging by his fingers and i STOMP on them! and he falls to the ground, but some tree branches broke his fall, so i decided to grab the fridge, i pushed it to the windows and BAM splated the guy dead! but at that moment, i had a hearth attack.. so here i am..."

St. Peters, feeling pitty, decides to let him in.

Second guy approaches and is asked the same question
He replies "Well, i was up in my appartment right, running on my treadmill and i guess i pushed it a bit to hard because next thing i know ive gone over my tread mill and out my window! Now i was lucky, i managed to catch the window of the floor below me, but them some lunatic runs over and STOPMS on my fingers! I fell, lucky again some branches broke my fall and though injured i lived! Then guess what! He pushes a FRIDGE out the windows, got me good... and here i am.."

St Peters chuckles to himself, and also decides to let this guy in.

A third man appears and is asked the same question.
He replies "Well, picutre this... im in this Fridge right..."

Why'd the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back

Why couldn't the woman buy a bakery shop?
She couldn't raise enough dough.

(man im hungry. damn food jokes...)

Michael Jackson, need i say more?