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11-20-10 02:47 PM
Flibbith is Offline
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There is this girl at college who i really want to befriend, but some people i know told me to stay away from her because of her sexual orientation.
Should I ignore them?
There is this girl at college who i really want to befriend, but some people i know told me to stay away from her because of her sexual orientation.
Should I ignore them?
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11-21-10 11:13 AM
legacyme3 is Offline
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Noelia said almost a month ago the following-

"We(globals) have discussed about it(after Tottis PM), and since she has followed our instructions, we've decided to re-open it and stick it for a few weeks.

So, this thread is now re-opened by DH's and mine permission.

[opens it] & [sticks it for a few weeks]"

As the few weeks have expired, I have conversed with geeogree (global mod), and I have unstickied this thread. He has approved this unsticky.
Noelia said almost a month ago the following-

"We(globals) have discussed about it(after Tottis PM), and since she has followed our instructions, we've decided to re-open it and stick it for a few weeks.

So, this thread is now re-opened by DH's and mine permission.

[opens it] & [sticks it for a few weeks]"

As the few weeks have expired, I have conversed with geeogree (global mod), and I have unstickied this thread. He has approved this unsticky.
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11-21-10 11:29 AM
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legacyme3 : Is that because nobody has really been posting in this forum/Totts isn't very active anymore?
legacyme3 : Is that because nobody has really been posting in this forum/Totts isn't very active anymore?
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11-21-10 11:34 AM
legacyme3 is Offline
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the_casualty : It's because of all the reasons I mentioned, as well as the fact I haven't seen Totts around for a while. Most users with an ask anything thread are active, Totts is not so much. This thread can stay open, but sticky threads should really be for hot threads imo. And this is far from a hot thread
the_casualty : It's because of all the reasons I mentioned, as well as the fact I haven't seen Totts around for a while. Most users with an ask anything thread are active, Totts is not so much. This thread can stay open, but sticky threads should really be for hot threads imo. And this is far from a hot thread
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11-21-10 06:33 PM
Totts is Offline
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Flibbith : ultimately you will have to decide who your true friends are and who are not. I am not sure what oyu mean by 'sexual orientation' as there are many, but a personss 'so' is no reason that they cannot become a close friend. I would ask oyu though by 'befriend' do you mean be friends or is it that you fancy this person? I would ask not what others think of your friendshop but what you want from it and your reasons for friendship, if you really like this person it needs to be for who they are reather than what oyu would like them to become.

brandonrock : I am sorry to hear you sad news, losing a person close to you is one of the most painful things we as humans experience and my heart goes out to you as I know personally how painful this can be. You are not alone and it is good that you are able to talk openly about it. There will be good days and bad when you feel more depressed, I believe time is a healer, but it does take time and you must allow yourself to grieve and let your emotions find their way out.

legacyme3 : Totts not about? I would have loved to have replied to more messages here,but for two reasons... one people were unclear 'we' were open and two I did not want to sandwhich post.

geeogree : thanks for the support, I'msorry that you never conversed with me too, as it appears according to legacyme3 that you were in private discussion, are you the only one allowed such privaledge. I would have LOVED this to be a succesful Agony Aunt page! but feel I was sabotaged, despite the sticky.

the_casualty : I thought people were not posting here because of the confusing opening statements from noelia that I asked her kindly to delete and she later kindly 'blanked' out.

Flibbith : ultimately you will have to decide who your true friends are and who are not. I am not sure what oyu mean by 'sexual orientation' as there are many, but a personss 'so' is no reason that they cannot become a close friend. I would ask oyu though by 'befriend' do you mean be friends or is it that you fancy this person? I would ask not what others think of your friendshop but what you want from it and your reasons for friendship, if you really like this person it needs to be for who they are reather than what oyu would like them to become.

brandonrock : I am sorry to hear you sad news, losing a person close to you is one of the most painful things we as humans experience and my heart goes out to you as I know personally how painful this can be. You are not alone and it is good that you are able to talk openly about it. There will be good days and bad when you feel more depressed, I believe time is a healer, but it does take time and you must allow yourself to grieve and let your emotions find their way out.

legacyme3 : Totts not about? I would have loved to have replied to more messages here,but for two reasons... one people were unclear 'we' were open and two I did not want to sandwhich post.

geeogree : thanks for the support, I'msorry that you never conversed with me too, as it appears according to legacyme3 that you were in private discussion, are you the only one allowed such privaledge. I would have LOVED this to be a succesful Agony Aunt page! but feel I was sabotaged, despite the sticky.

the_casualty : I thought people were not posting here because of the confusing opening statements from noelia that I asked her kindly to delete and she later kindly 'blanked' out.

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11-21-10 06:40 PM
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Totts :

It's not like this can never be stickied again. It's just that noelia only said we would sticky it for a couple of weeks, and since activity wasn't terribly high, I decided to unsticky it. If this topic gets hot or something, then we could sticky it again no problem. But first there needs to be interest.

" one people were unclear 'we' were open and two I did not want to sandwhich post."

Anybody who visited this forum knew "you" were open. Don't worry as much about sandwich posting. This is regarded as an ask anything thread as far as I was told, and as such you ARE allowed to sandwich post to my knowledge as long as it isn't in Crazy House.

Anyways, good luck with your thread Totts, maybe we can see about resticking it after some activity picks up here.
Totts :

It's not like this can never be stickied again. It's just that noelia only said we would sticky it for a couple of weeks, and since activity wasn't terribly high, I decided to unsticky it. If this topic gets hot or something, then we could sticky it again no problem. But first there needs to be interest.

" one people were unclear 'we' were open and two I did not want to sandwhich post."

Anybody who visited this forum knew "you" were open. Don't worry as much about sandwich posting. This is regarded as an ask anything thread as far as I was told, and as such you ARE allowed to sandwich post to my knowledge as long as it isn't in Crazy House.

Anyways, good luck with your thread Totts, maybe we can see about resticking it after some activity picks up here.
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11-21-10 06:46 PM
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I've been wondering. Could you perhaps, maybe, ask yourself a question on here about something's that's been troubling you and perhaps maybe I could try and give you a solution? I only ask because I know how it feels to give someone good advice and yet have difficulty in believing one's own words. It doesn't have to be on here, you could PM or put it on my profile, etc.

But, to keep with the topic, I'll ask something myself. There's this lady that I see waiting for the same bus as me everyday. I have heard her speak and I was not very sure of what language she was speaking. She looks like she may be Indian or something like that. I think she may have seen me look at her and may very well think that I am creepy. So I was wondering, should I try and talk to her even if I have never heard her speak English (outside of maybe an "okay" once)? Also, I can't tell how old she is. She could be anywhere from my age to maybe 22. The curiosity and fear of saying the wrong thing to strangers scares me.
I've been wondering. Could you perhaps, maybe, ask yourself a question on here about something's that's been troubling you and perhaps maybe I could try and give you a solution? I only ask because I know how it feels to give someone good advice and yet have difficulty in believing one's own words. It doesn't have to be on here, you could PM or put it on my profile, etc.

But, to keep with the topic, I'll ask something myself. There's this lady that I see waiting for the same bus as me everyday. I have heard her speak and I was not very sure of what language she was speaking. She looks like she may be Indian or something like that. I think she may have seen me look at her and may very well think that I am creepy. So I was wondering, should I try and talk to her even if I have never heard her speak English (outside of maybe an "okay" once)? Also, I can't tell how old she is. She could be anywhere from my age to maybe 22. The curiosity and fear of saying the wrong thing to strangers scares me.
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11-21-10 06:49 PM
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Totts : What was running through my mind was that you were inactive and I aught to not post. I'm sure that's why many others didn't post also. Anyways, as soon as I come up with another question, I'll ask.
Totts : What was running through my mind was that you were inactive and I aught to not post. I'm sure that's why many others didn't post also. Anyways, as soon as I come up with another question, I'll ask.
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11-21-10 08:31 PM
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"thanks for the support, I'msorry that you never conversed with me too, as it appears according to legacyme3 that you were in private discussion, are you the only one allowed such privaledge. I would have LOVED this to be a succesful Agony Aunt page! but feel I was sabotaged, despite the sticky."

just because this thread isn't stickied doesn't mean it can't be a success.... but you have been fairly inactive recently from what I can see.... plus the thread was stickied for a couple of week just like Noelia said... I'm not sure where the issue is here.
"thanks for the support, I'msorry that you never conversed with me too, as it appears according to legacyme3 that you were in private discussion, are you the only one allowed such privaledge. I would have LOVED this to be a succesful Agony Aunt page! but feel I was sabotaged, despite the sticky."

just because this thread isn't stickied doesn't mean it can't be a success.... but you have been fairly inactive recently from what I can see.... plus the thread was stickied for a couple of week just like Noelia said... I'm not sure where the issue is here.
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11-22-10 05:51 PM
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totts thank you for your support i needed that thank you
totts thank you for your support i needed that thank you
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12-12-10 07:20 AM
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Sometimes I feel it should be me in the chair, oh well such is life, who can I turn to but the wonderful members of Vizzed, so If you have any thing on your mind, please post and remember to Trust Totts.
Sometimes I feel it should be me in the chair, oh well such is life, who can I turn to but the wonderful members of Vizzed, so If you have any thing on your mind, please post and remember to Trust Totts.
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(edited by Totts on 12-12-10 07:21 AM)    

12-14-10 02:24 AM
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Help me out here, Totts. You seems to have a good head on your shoulders, and I need to vent this to someone who can not possible be directly involved.

A few months ago, I moved away from home to university. I live in a frat house now, and as you could imagine, it's a huge lifestyle change. I didn't mind leaving my parents. Not at all. Okay, I miss not having to cook. That's it. I was so ready to get out of there. Tat's not the problem, it's the friends I've left behind. The guys I'm not so worried about. The ones of them that didn't go to university I've always know were never university material. They'll get on with their lives, and be successful. They'll meet women, get married, have kids, 9-5 jobs, or better, perhaps... They're no longer in high-school mode.

The two I am worried about are C & M, who will remain unnamed. the three of us have been friends for around 3 years now, after I started dating the third member of their group, S. As we all saw how crazy S was, we broke up, and I suppose I stole her friends. Good for me; she sucked, her friends were great. C, M and I have been through a lot. We spent all of our senior years in high school together, we traveled Europe together for a few weeks, and played hundreds of hours of World of Warcraft together. Hundreds. That was really how we planned to keep in touch after I moved away, but I stopped playing. I keep in touch through Skype, but mostly only talk to C. M is always too busy playing World of Warcraft to talk. It's always been that way...

We all graduated last spring, and I already said what happened to me... M went to college, but is only taking courses at night because she doesn't want to have to change her sleep schedule. From the sounds of things her grades are fine, but she still spends ALL of her free time playing World of Warcraft. She's EXTREMELY antisocial. I've kicked the addiction, and only in hindsight I know what it is. To feed this addiction, she's missing the college experience.

C is a completely different. Pretty, outgoing, personable, mature, a trustworthy, accepting, good listener, a real thinker, and giver. She still plays World of Warcraft, but she's seemed to have found moderation. Good for her. However, to be able to go to school with M, she's taking all of the same courses at night, to accommodate M's sleeping schedule. I feel that she's losing out on the college experience. On top of that she's doing something I see as completely insane. She went back to high school. She graduated with top marks in a silly amount of classes, but just felt like going back to highschool. She should be in a top university with me! She has a boyfriend who is still in highschool, which I think isn't really the greatest, and just seems to be unable to move past highschool.

Neither have been drunk, to a real party, experimented with drugs (We live on the west coast and are 18. We have different morals towards weed.) I'm worried about them. I feel that their youth might COMPLETELY pass them by. I mean, they both live at home (I don't know if M will ever move out, C might move out if her mom can manage to support herself without C's help... doubtful, anytime soon.) Honestly, they're still acting like children. They're reacting badly, especially M, towards the new me that goes out and has a good time. I acquaint myself with people, they acquaint themselves with their basements... I am REALLY worried about them, and I don't know what to do. They're my best friends.

They won't move forward, and won't try new things.
Help me out here, Totts. You seems to have a good head on your shoulders, and I need to vent this to someone who can not possible be directly involved.

A few months ago, I moved away from home to university. I live in a frat house now, and as you could imagine, it's a huge lifestyle change. I didn't mind leaving my parents. Not at all. Okay, I miss not having to cook. That's it. I was so ready to get out of there. Tat's not the problem, it's the friends I've left behind. The guys I'm not so worried about. The ones of them that didn't go to university I've always know were never university material. They'll get on with their lives, and be successful. They'll meet women, get married, have kids, 9-5 jobs, or better, perhaps... They're no longer in high-school mode.

The two I am worried about are C & M, who will remain unnamed. the three of us have been friends for around 3 years now, after I started dating the third member of their group, S. As we all saw how crazy S was, we broke up, and I suppose I stole her friends. Good for me; she sucked, her friends were great. C, M and I have been through a lot. We spent all of our senior years in high school together, we traveled Europe together for a few weeks, and played hundreds of hours of World of Warcraft together. Hundreds. That was really how we planned to keep in touch after I moved away, but I stopped playing. I keep in touch through Skype, but mostly only talk to C. M is always too busy playing World of Warcraft to talk. It's always been that way...

We all graduated last spring, and I already said what happened to me... M went to college, but is only taking courses at night because she doesn't want to have to change her sleep schedule. From the sounds of things her grades are fine, but she still spends ALL of her free time playing World of Warcraft. She's EXTREMELY antisocial. I've kicked the addiction, and only in hindsight I know what it is. To feed this addiction, she's missing the college experience.

C is a completely different. Pretty, outgoing, personable, mature, a trustworthy, accepting, good listener, a real thinker, and giver. She still plays World of Warcraft, but she's seemed to have found moderation. Good for her. However, to be able to go to school with M, she's taking all of the same courses at night, to accommodate M's sleeping schedule. I feel that she's losing out on the college experience. On top of that she's doing something I see as completely insane. She went back to high school. She graduated with top marks in a silly amount of classes, but just felt like going back to highschool. She should be in a top university with me! She has a boyfriend who is still in highschool, which I think isn't really the greatest, and just seems to be unable to move past highschool.

Neither have been drunk, to a real party, experimented with drugs (We live on the west coast and are 18. We have different morals towards weed.) I'm worried about them. I feel that their youth might COMPLETELY pass them by. I mean, they both live at home (I don't know if M will ever move out, C might move out if her mom can manage to support herself without C's help... doubtful, anytime soon.) Honestly, they're still acting like children. They're reacting badly, especially M, towards the new me that goes out and has a good time. I acquaint myself with people, they acquaint themselves with their basements... I am REALLY worried about them, and I don't know what to do. They're my best friends.

They won't move forward, and won't try new things.
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12-14-10 04:56 AM
Totts is Offline
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Stikk : you poor thing, I understand completely what you are going through, I too went through a very similar process when with my friends from when I started to move forward with my life after college and onto university.

It is not easy to leave people behind, I would have loved to have seen my old friends leaving the house to come out partying, some of them had never dated, drank either and did many of the things you talk about, they seemed to prefer to stay at home too playing their computer, but I wanted more than that I wanted to enjoy more from life and after therapy I was able to do so. My friends never wanted to go to therapy, I can't think what they were scared of more than I, but despite my pleas for them to do stuff, they stayed at home while I went out and dated guys and got an education.

There is a old Coolio song I used to sing to take comfort in, I don't know why I am not really into all that, but in this resepect he got it right, "I will see you whn you get there, if you ever get there." my family had a similar expression " you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink".

It is extremely difficult to 'leave people behind' as I say, I found it intensely painful, it seems as if C will move on with her life one day and M might but in her own time but not yet.

What helped me was that I felt I did do all I could to help them and hey made a conscious choice to refuse my help. Being responsible I stayed in touch, but then through perhaps envy and jealously I think they started to be rude to me and say I never had time for them and that I thought I was better than them, all of which was untrue. When I did spend time with them, however, they had not moved on at all and sitting indoors playing games while others were out there having fun and leading full lives really depressed me.

I know that, like you perhaps, C and M are part of me, I can sympathise with them too as much as you, I can see you genuinely care aobut them and wish them the same happiness and 'world' that you have discovered, you have found something wonderful and wish to share it and they seem to refuse to.

But it is down to choice, you have been doing really well and made lots of new friends and are moving on with your life, in this life you will make hearts (lovers and friends) and break hearts, this happens no matter what your intentions as a natural part of things.

Sure keep in touch with your old friends, but don't let them hold you back, it was a beautiful 3 years and you shared so much you became close friends, mine I had know for over 12 years and so was heartbreaking when they refused to 'live' as I was.

Everyone is different, if they are happy (and I suspect they are not and that is what is so frustrating) doing what they are then you have to let them learn and make their own mistakes, you can only lead your life, not your friends or your parents who you have left behind.

I am proud of you, your letter (post) to me was eloquent and well written and you demonstate a maturity far in advance of your 18 years, I think one day you would make a good therapist too, I don't think you had an easy time growing up, and I can see that you might have shared this with C and M so the fact that you have found a way to live and they have not frustrates you, I can see you care and love them both dearly.

sometimes we all have to move on when we make new beginnings, it also perversly marks and ending of something, rather like when your realationship with your girlfriend S had to end so you could make friends with C am M, so as letting go of C and M will allow X,Y and into your life who will reflect your life as it is now and be part of you as you wish to go onto the next stage of your life and meet f, g and K some of these friends will stay with you for a long time and some for short, but noone is forever, but ultimately it is your own independence and the decisions you make that will guide you.

It would be a big step back for you to return to World of Warcraft, even you had to move on from that, so it is with people, it is sad, I agree, I feel your pain, but in it I also share your hopes, dreams and desires. You are a young man full of potential and just beginning to release, harness and explore this, it is a scary time, but one I am confident from what you have written here are more than capable of exploring.
Stikk : you poor thing, I understand completely what you are going through, I too went through a very similar process when with my friends from when I started to move forward with my life after college and onto university.

It is not easy to leave people behind, I would have loved to have seen my old friends leaving the house to come out partying, some of them had never dated, drank either and did many of the things you talk about, they seemed to prefer to stay at home too playing their computer, but I wanted more than that I wanted to enjoy more from life and after therapy I was able to do so. My friends never wanted to go to therapy, I can't think what they were scared of more than I, but despite my pleas for them to do stuff, they stayed at home while I went out and dated guys and got an education.

There is a old Coolio song I used to sing to take comfort in, I don't know why I am not really into all that, but in this resepect he got it right, "I will see you whn you get there, if you ever get there." my family had a similar expression " you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink".

It is extremely difficult to 'leave people behind' as I say, I found it intensely painful, it seems as if C will move on with her life one day and M might but in her own time but not yet.

What helped me was that I felt I did do all I could to help them and hey made a conscious choice to refuse my help. Being responsible I stayed in touch, but then through perhaps envy and jealously I think they started to be rude to me and say I never had time for them and that I thought I was better than them, all of which was untrue. When I did spend time with them, however, they had not moved on at all and sitting indoors playing games while others were out there having fun and leading full lives really depressed me.

I know that, like you perhaps, C and M are part of me, I can sympathise with them too as much as you, I can see you genuinely care aobut them and wish them the same happiness and 'world' that you have discovered, you have found something wonderful and wish to share it and they seem to refuse to.

But it is down to choice, you have been doing really well and made lots of new friends and are moving on with your life, in this life you will make hearts (lovers and friends) and break hearts, this happens no matter what your intentions as a natural part of things.

Sure keep in touch with your old friends, but don't let them hold you back, it was a beautiful 3 years and you shared so much you became close friends, mine I had know for over 12 years and so was heartbreaking when they refused to 'live' as I was.

Everyone is different, if they are happy (and I suspect they are not and that is what is so frustrating) doing what they are then you have to let them learn and make their own mistakes, you can only lead your life, not your friends or your parents who you have left behind.

I am proud of you, your letter (post) to me was eloquent and well written and you demonstate a maturity far in advance of your 18 years, I think one day you would make a good therapist too, I don't think you had an easy time growing up, and I can see that you might have shared this with C and M so the fact that you have found a way to live and they have not frustrates you, I can see you care and love them both dearly.

sometimes we all have to move on when we make new beginnings, it also perversly marks and ending of something, rather like when your realationship with your girlfriend S had to end so you could make friends with C am M, so as letting go of C and M will allow X,Y and into your life who will reflect your life as it is now and be part of you as you wish to go onto the next stage of your life and meet f, g and K some of these friends will stay with you for a long time and some for short, but noone is forever, but ultimately it is your own independence and the decisions you make that will guide you.

It would be a big step back for you to return to World of Warcraft, even you had to move on from that, so it is with people, it is sad, I agree, I feel your pain, but in it I also share your hopes, dreams and desires. You are a young man full of potential and just beginning to release, harness and explore this, it is a scary time, but one I am confident from what you have written here are more than capable of exploring.
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 08-23-10
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Last Post: 2599 days
Last Active: 2033 days

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