kid: mom i'm having a tough time at school and

mom: it can't be that bad

kid: it is though mom i collapse under pressure so like

mom: other kids have it worse

kid: gee you're right mom thanks for talking to me about it

Kid: Dad can I get an Instagram?
Dad: No. Why?
Kid: But all the kids at school have it!
Dad: Well, those aren't my kids are they?

#Doublestandards

RDay13 : You can't really compare the 2, though. The situations are massively different.

imamonster : Why not? They are both situations when parents compare their kids to others for their own advantage. 

I will agree though, that a few kids do it sometimes, as well. They compare themselves to other kids, leading their parents to do it also. 

RDay13 : Not even sure how to explain it.

Getting a social media account is way different than talking about how school is stressing you out, right?

Again not sure how i can word it, especially cause i'm really tired but thats the best way i can put it for now.

I think it's something similar to the first scenario being more about the mental health of a child and the second being about getting what you want. I'm not in school though so I don't know if there is bullying or anything about a classmate not having a social media account.

NintendoFanKimmy : I have two daughters. I'm going to tell you your mother is wrong. I'm sorry that was her response. That's not the way the thing should be done.

If my daughters came to me and said what you said, I'd say:

kid: "Dad, I'm having a tough time at school..."

Dad: "....."

Kid: "It is like I'm going to collapse under the pressure..."

Dad: "....."

I would wait. I'd let my kid talk it out. I'd ask her how she's feeling, what's going on, and what she wants to change. I'd ask how I can help and what I can do. I'd ask what she can do on her own and how she wants to approach it.

Mostly, I'd listen. I'd let her vent her frustrations and the pressure. If she wanted, I'd give her examples of my experience to give her some perspective but I can't tell her what to do. It's her life and her decisions. I'd listen, let her explore her own feelings and her choices, and let her figure out for herself what she needs to do to succeed.

Mostly, I'd listen. I'd never dismiss. That's terrible and parents that do that don't remember what it's like being a kid or never challenged themselves because they never tried. I don't know which is worse.

What can you do, Kimmy, to make things different or better?

RDay13 : Not really a double standard man. Just stating a fact. He can't help what those kids do, but he can help what you do. He never said he approved, just that he had no say in their lives.


NFK - Sorry to hear that (assuming this is you). I agree with ghostbear1111. She should always listen to your problems. That's very important. Still I don't mean to poison you against her. No one is perfect, I suppose. Hopefully she realizes she could be more supportive soon.

Ghostbear1111 : i can talk to my dad about it when he comes over bc he's the complete opposite lmaooo when i don't talk about my day/problems he's like "u're hiding something.................."

Lol uhhhh do we have the same parents? Eh I never ask em for help on anything anymore I just figure it out myself

Eh, that really sucks, Kimmy. Hopefully they at least try to listen to you next time you have an issue. If not, you've always got friends who are willing to help you out.

unless u b hidign soemthin....

A user of this : thanks! "they" is more like "she" tho bc it's only mom who does that. dad usually listens B)

imamonster :  
Cap'n :  
Eirinn :  

First of all, sorry for the late reply, it took me almost 2 days, lol. Anyways, in my head the analogy was alright, but I guess y'all are right. It's not the best comparison, and I probably should have made a better analogy. My apologies. However, I still stand by my point that parents do pull stuff like that. I hope y'all understand my point. If not, PM please, I don't want to keep posting in here to address this lol. 


(By the way, that scenario I made up wasn't me, I have never asked to have Instagram. Just clarifying that I wasn't talking about my own conversation. )

I know I am going to catch hell for this and I probably deserve it. But school is not that bad. Yes,I know school sucks,kids are jerks,and you have learning to do. But your mother could have talked it out a bit with you,but I am going to assume it is usual gripes of I hate school,kids are mean,I have so much homework,etc.

Oldschool777: i don't "hate" school, no one is "mean" to me, and i don't have a single assignment yet. my problem is with the effects (like depression and anxiety) that the general system of school can have in the long run and what an inefficient environment it can be for some people due to issues ranging from peer pressure to interrupted circadian rhythms. i could go on and on, but i won't because i'm not particularly interested in convincing anyone of my opinion on the matter. anyway, i'm curious. firstly, so what if the things you stated actually were the topics i wanted to talk to my mother about? aren't stress and bullying serious problems, especially when school-aged kids are the ones facing them? let's take it a step lower and assume i wasn't even talking about anything serious. parental figures are there to teach and support. they are not there to dismiss. doing so would be irresponsible of them, and they should explain things instead of disregarding them, especially considering it's coming from their own children. "tough love" may work for some, but even in those cases a lesson is learned instead of ignored. negligence is a serious problem. my second question is: what was the significance of assuming what my complaints were about? also, how does that relate to the point i was trying to make at all? does the fact that complaining about stress and bullying falls into the "usual gripes" category render them as any less serious? finally, i'd like to make a request. please don't attribute people my age complaining to the "typical teenage archetype" because it's becoming increasingly repetitive and pointless. it's a tough age, and we think help provided with open arms is really cool :]. everyone has the right to ask for support, and you can't really blame us when you think about the fact that we're just beginning to figure out the way the world works. we can't truly become grownups if the grownups around us whine about our whining instead of telling us how to get stuff done .

Oldschool777 : ''But school is not that bad. Yes,I know school sucks''


bruh

Kimmy,I am sorry if my post came across as jaded and insensitive. It is just that 90% of the time it will be the "typical" issues and I do not think I would be wrong. Second,I am male,we tend to have simpler wiring when it comes to emotions. Third,I have been there. I have been bullied,made fun of,and I hated school at the time. But you know what? It may have made me less emotionally responsive,but it also gave me the ability to brush it off. You are right,parents are supposed to be there for you,but at the same time,they cannot go to the school and demand every kid be nice to you. Sometimes,you have to learn for yourself. Now I am sorry if I am insensitive. But,trust me when I tell you this,when you graduate from school,those problems will seem so petty. You will be okay,I promise.

Imamonster,First,I hate the word "bruh". Second,yes school can suck,but it is nothing when you have to work.

Oldschool777 : I dont find it right to be comparing work and school in some aspects. Yes, once you start working, more than likely you'll be working for the rest of your life. Until you get fired or quit for some reason. The only ones that dont work, dont have homes or they're reliant on someone else whom does work, be it parents or significant other or maybe a sibling.

1 - What would you consider typical? Complaining about doing the dishes or some tried to stab me at school?

2 - You're probably right about that xP

3 - High school has changed in the past 20 years. I've heard a lot of horror stories about bullying that was taken too far. And there's the internet that just helps edge it on. I've been in a room of people that were all treated horribly by classmates and made fun of by groups of people, hurting their integrity and completely manipulating them while ruining whatever future image they have as a person. I get the whole "Parents can't demand every kid to be nice to you" because they can't. But when it is a serious issue that can lead to someone getting physically hurt, not even just mentally, it should be talked about to at least a principal.

Guys, guys, guys.

You're all missing the big picture. It's not school. It's not "Hey, look how terrible school is and my parents aren't helping me." This whole thing has zero to do with school.

It has everything to do with the failed reaction of Kimmy's parents in response to her asking for help.

Kimmy could be talking about anything; it could be school, it could be a friendship, it could be a book she's reading, or an afterschool activity. It's anything. But she asked for help and got brushed off.

That's the problem.

"Mom, Annie and I got into an argument and..."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. You're just kids and it's not that important."

"Yeah, but it's important to me and"

"It'll be fine. I'm sure everyone will get over it tomorrow."

Mom isn't validating Kimmy's feelings and thoughts and emotions. I know OldSchool is trying to be an emotionless robot (and you miss some great life experiences because of that desire) but the rest of us look for validation and acceptance from others.

Our parents are supposed to be here to help us and guide us and give us their time and effort. Kimmy might never want her mom to do things for her. But she might want to bounce an idea or thought off her mom and see what her mom thinks of it. That's how my daughter explores her emotions and decision-making. I never tell her what to do. I offer observation, I talk about my own experiences, but most importantly, I let her talk.

I give her the time. I let her walk herself through the situation. She's young and we haven't had to worry about sex, drugs, alcohol abuse, but there are more and more situations where she's unsure and she knows she can come talk to me because I'm going to give her all my attention and let her talk.

It's developmental for her. It's love and support from arguably one of the most important people in the first 10 years of her life.

It's bigger picture, folks. Kimmy ain't complaining about school.