I'm really not the kind of guy to post much about my personal life. I've always made it a point to keep my personal life to myself. This is mainly due to the fact that our society expects men to be rather cold when it comes to emotions, it's really unusual to see a guy emotional. Yet, for whatever reason, I'm finally having trouble staying focused.

About a week and a half ago or so, my dad got an email from his older sister. Before I get too far into this, though, I should give a little background. That way, this will all make sense.

My dad spent the first couple years of his life living on a farm in Ontario. Born and raised in Orangeville (near Toronto), my dad lived with his parents and three older siblings - two guys and one sister. I'm not sure as to the exact timeline, but within a year or two of my dad's birth, my grandpa was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. When my dad was about 5, his family moved to Chilliwack (near Vancouver, in British Columbia - yes, still in Canada). My grandma was a full-time ER nurse, and Chilliwack had a hospital that she could work in full time that was also able to help take care of my grandpa. Due to how much she worked, though, my dad spent much of his childhood taking care of my grandpa. Through the years, my grandpa eventually was moved into the hospital full-time.

Fast forward through college, marrying my mom, etc., and we get to me. Born in Chilliwack, the same hospital my grandpa was being cared for in, I entered the scene in 1997. We lived in Chilliwack for about a year before my grandpa passed away. I was the only grandchild he got to hold - he would have 10 by now.

My parents moved shortly afterwards to Colorado for about 6 months, before moving back to Chilliwack. I grew up in Chilliwack until I was 10 from there on, spending as much of my time as I could with my now-widowed grandma. Moving to Florida was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, as it meant leaving my grandma behind (as well as the two good friends I had). We moved here when I was 10, and we've lived here ever since. Despite the distance, though, my grandma and I have always been especially close.

That brings me back to the email my dad got a week and a half ago. For a while now, my grandma has been struggling with memory issues, and we feared an underlying cause greater than age. She'll be turning 84 years old later this year, so there was no guarantee that it was anything other than age, but her short-term memory began suffering more and more at an alarming rate. In just a few months, she's gone from forgetting what she ate for lunch yesterday, to forgetting what she did 10 minutes ago.

Because of this, my Aunt took my grandma in for a few tests. We got the results back via email about a week and a half ago. My grandma has dementia.

It isn't really a surprise, we kinda expected that it might be dementia, so it didn't hit me at first. As I've been sitting here after work tonight, though, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the pain of realizing what's coming. Slowly, but surely, my grandma will continue to forget. She lost her drivers license before her dementia test, but didn't even remember the drivers test by the time they got to the doctors office. My Aunt has hired a home care nurse to come in once per week to make sure my grandma is keeping up with basic things like personal hygiene that she'll begin to forget more and more, and she's also started spending a lot of time at a nearby day-home for people with similar issues.

That's not even what gets me, though. Knowing that my grandma will soon begin to forget the years she and I spent together, bonding and loving each other, is tearing me up. I haven't felt this deeply about anything, really, in a long time. It's overwhelming, it's awful, and frankly it scares me. I'm hoping to visit her in August for a couple weeks, but the worst part is knowing that the visit will be more for me and my aunt than it will be for her. She won't remember it the next day.

Oh, just to ice the cake, I can't imagine how my dad is coping with all this. He literally helped his dad through MS, watched his dad's body slowly shut down, and is now having to watch his mom go through dementia. He's stronger than me, for sure, and a man I'll always respect.

I don't know why I'm posting this. Perhaps I'm trying to help myself process this, or perhaps I'm just really worn out and need some support. I'm not sure. Either way, thanks for reading. Now you've seen a new side of me.

Man, I'm so sorry to hear that. I know from experience how hard it can be when a loved one forgets the past with you. It's not easy to deal with, and I couldn't blame you for not feeling up to it. Just remember that she loved you and cherished those memories as much as you did as long as she was able, should she forget them entirely. Little comfort, I know. But you still have them, and you still know. This illness can never change the fact that you two had those moments together.

I'll be praying for you that God will help you and your family through this ordeal. If there's anything more I can do, please just let me know.

I know what you're going through, man. My grandma also has dementia, but for what I know and I've read here, she's not in such an advanced stage (even though it's likely she will end up reaching it).

It really is painful to see they don't remember you. I'm not as close to my grandmother as you, since I basically just interacted with her whenever we had a family reunion, probably once a month on average at most, but it's still painful to see her memory fading away. She still remembers us, but isn't able to remember anything you told her a minute ago. She also forgets she's hungry or thirsty, and if it wasn't because we insist on giving her food and drinks, she would spend the family reunions without eating anything.

I hope I could say anything to cheer you up. At least I hope you feel a bit better knowing that someone else in here is going through a similar situation.

My aunt has dementia. She doesn't even know who anyone is anymore, and that's probably why I've never seen her.

Take all the time you need off of vizzed to see your grandma. Even though she might forget her memories of good times with you, don't ever forget your memories with her. You still have those memories, even if she eventually won't. I'm praying that you can be as strong as your dad has been, and that you can look to the Lord for strength and guidance.

Sometimes writing/talking about something does nothing else but allow you to release the pain and grief that you are holding on to and makes it easier to cope with going forward. It doesn't end up "fixing" anything but it releases the tension and stress of the situation for a while. It's actually a very healthy thing to do.

It's not like you expected by telling all of us that we could do anything to fix the situation. You're just finding a way to cope with things which is smart. Don't give up. This is part of life. My grandparents have all died (in very different ways) so I understand what it is like to watch someone die/disappear. It's not easy but it is also a natural part of this life that everyone eventually goes through. Stay strong!

This is...awful. I am really sorry you and your family is going through this. Especially your poor dad.

Try to remember the times when she could remember that she knew all of you guys, and the love she showed you all then. That...might not be too helpful though. I really hope there was more that could be done.

Don't worry about writing when things go this badly. Writing is a great way to at least throw your grief elsewhere, and can lessen the burden it has on you. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

First, let me just say. There's nothing wrong with showing your emotions. Male or female. I think ultimately we are more guarded at times on the internet because we want an escape away from our "real" lives.

Sometimes it really helps to share your emotions, especially with people that aren't in the middle of the situation that might be able to offer a different perspective.

I'm REALLY sorry to hear about your grandmother. Those types of situations are never rough. I can relate to you as my parents had moved me 2200 miles away from most of my family and I had a lot of family members that passed away when I was a child growing up and wasn't able to spend much time with them before they passed.

I know that things are rough now, but try to focus more on the GOOD things that you and your grandma have done together and the great memories that you have shared.

Please know that we are here for you if you need to get anything else off your chest and I hope that things get better for you.

Sorry to hear this man, I thought you said things were looking up?

I can't even fathom how awful it must be for someone so close to you to have such an awful disease. My prayers are with you and your family.

Eirinn : You've already helped more than you know, our conversations have helped keep me from dwelling in dark places (and I've never even told you). I've always known I can trust you, that's something very rare for me these days, and that makes conversations with you very freeing and comforting. Thank you.

EX Palen : I'm really sorry to hear that you're in a similar spot as me, I absolutely hate diseases like this (ones that almost seem to enjoy tormenting their victims, such as dementia or MS). It's comforting to know that you can relate to me, even though I hate that you have to.

PacmanandMariofan : I don't mean to sound insensitive, but that's the stage that I'll hate the most. I literally spent my childhood almost idolizing her, she was always such a selfless and loving woman, I could never spend too little time around her. Seeing her slowly forget who I am... That's what's tearing me up. :/

I plan to take two weeks in August to fly to Canada to visit her. I'm not sure exactly when yet, but probably for my birthday (August 18th).

geeogree : Posting this thread did exactly that. It makes me even more appreciative of this community, I haven't told more than three or four people outside Vizzed, and I feel like that goes to show how highly I think of this community and how much I trust many of the members here.

Thanks for your words of encouragement!

A user of this : I feel worst for my dad, he's been pretty much just devoting himself to work more and more since the news. It's obviously emotionally taxing on him, and I don't really know how to be there for him. He's a strong guy, so I know he'll eventually be able to confront his feelings, but I still feel really bad for him

The good times I've had with her are pretty much the only memories I have left of her, as it's been so long since I lived up there. Of course, that just makes missing her feel so much more potent. Still, I know she's been an integral part of my life for a reason, and I'm thankful for all she's done for me.

Jordanv78 : I'm learning that, lol. I've spent much of my life attempting to be an emotional stone wall, and have learned the hard way that it ends up being worse to do so. I'm in that weird in-between stage where I want to confront my feelings, but I'm honestly somewhat scared of them and am not sure how to confront my feelings. Writing in this thread has helped a lot already, so I might try to continue writing my feelings out to help myself confront how I feel.

I'm really grateful for the support I've received from everyone, you included, it really means a lot to me. Thanks!

tgags123 : I say a lot, lol. In terms of my life excluding any sort of relationships, I'm doing great. I have an awesome new job that pays more than I currently need, my parents and I get along well, and I'm even starting to get along well with my sisters (after like 6 years of being at odds). Still, despite all that, learning about my grandma kinda tore me down. I'm trying to rebuild myself, but I don't want to do so in a way that hardens myself towards my grandma or tries to forget her, so it's a slow and painful process.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that, mrfe ):
My grandma has Dementia and Alzheimer's and can barely remember who me and my mother are so I get what you're going through, friend.
Venting to other people can help and it's perfectly natural to seek confinement in friends. Nothing wrong with it. So don't be afraid to talk to someone when you feel bad, because you are going through a lot. Talking helps a surprising amount. I dunno if you've ever considered therapy, but it's actually a really helpful thing and has helped me a lot in the past just knowing that I've got someone who will listen to my problems. In any case, life will get better. It always has a way of falling into place. Just hang in there.

Oh my, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. 

Sometimes life throws challenges at you that you never even thought could happen. 
Personally I'm not that close with my relatives, or rather, not close at all, so I can't  imagine what you're feeling right now. 
The only thing I can say is that you should always try to stay calm, strong and just keep looking forward. During the toughest periods of my life I've always tried to think things like "one day I'll look back at this and remember how I didn't give in" or "when I remember this day 20 years from now I'll be proud of how I helped someone/handled the situation/stayed strong".

I hope things will improve in you're life, and remember that your family is the most important people in your life.
I'll pray for you and your family