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Extraneous Life Changes

 

11-25-14 12:23 AM
Xenthou is Offline
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Hey, so.
It's been a good long while since I stayed on the board, and I aim to change that. First things first, there's some important stuff about me that I ought to announce. For those of you who know me or plan to interact with me on the board in the future, you should probably read this.

*ahem*

First issue:
When I first made my account on the Vizzed Board, I was twelve. I think. At that point in time I was questioning a lot of things about myself, but I hadn't decided on anything because thinking about that stuff is scary and very stressful. One of these things happened to be my gender identity. I am transgender, meaning I identify differently than the gender I was assigned at birth. As of like, last year, I now identify as female. When referring to me I ask that you all use she/her/hers pronouns. I understand that it's a big change and not everyone on the board is going to see this post, but for those of you who do, please keep this in mind.

My profile details haven't changed to reflect this yet, but I am working on it and I hope to get that changed soon. I know it's a big change and a big adaptation for everyone who knows me or will interact with me on the board in the future, and I don't expect this to be recognized immediately. But that's okay. A certain degree of tolerance is required to go through with a transition.

So yeah. Please try to use my preferred pronouns and all that jazz. If anybody is confused and/or has questions about Transgender people, please feel free to ask either in this thread or through a Private Message. If there are a lot of questions though, this might fall under a different thread topic, so I'm going to be making a separate thread where you can discuss the matter as much as you want. You can find that thread here. There's also a link on my profile.

Thanks!
Hey, so.
It's been a good long while since I stayed on the board, and I aim to change that. First things first, there's some important stuff about me that I ought to announce. For those of you who know me or plan to interact with me on the board in the future, you should probably read this.

*ahem*

First issue:
When I first made my account on the Vizzed Board, I was twelve. I think. At that point in time I was questioning a lot of things about myself, but I hadn't decided on anything because thinking about that stuff is scary and very stressful. One of these things happened to be my gender identity. I am transgender, meaning I identify differently than the gender I was assigned at birth. As of like, last year, I now identify as female. When referring to me I ask that you all use she/her/hers pronouns. I understand that it's a big change and not everyone on the board is going to see this post, but for those of you who do, please keep this in mind.

My profile details haven't changed to reflect this yet, but I am working on it and I hope to get that changed soon. I know it's a big change and a big adaptation for everyone who knows me or will interact with me on the board in the future, and I don't expect this to be recognized immediately. But that's okay. A certain degree of tolerance is required to go through with a transition.

So yeah. Please try to use my preferred pronouns and all that jazz. If anybody is confused and/or has questions about Transgender people, please feel free to ask either in this thread or through a Private Message. If there are a lot of questions though, this might fall under a different thread topic, so I'm going to be making a separate thread where you can discuss the matter as much as you want. You can find that thread here. There's also a link on my profile.

Thanks!
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(edited by Xenthou on 11-25-14 01:41 AM)    

11-25-14 12:44 AM
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I hope everything goes well for you in your transition.

Best of luck!
I hope everything goes well for you in your transition.

Best of luck!
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11-26-14 05:11 AM
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I'll just be blunt as I know a lot of transgender people online who I talk to quite often.

I'm pretty much going to treat you exactly the same as before... Gender to me is probably one of the least important things to me... Not to say that I don't care about how you identify yourself.. Just to me gender really doesn't matter that much (if you want more information pm me about it)

Also I will say this now.. I WILL CALL YOU HE OR ANY OTHER MALE PRONOUN, not out of spite but simply because your asking a lot for people to adapt to your new identity.. I call men who identify as females that I've spoke to for years he sometimes, simply because it's a habit, So my advice to you is that whilst it may be offensive to you 9/10 people are doing it by mistake.. So don't get too offended by it. 

I know that I'm pretty much repeating what you said but from another perspective... but trust me, I've seen a few good relationships fall flat on their face because the person who has changed their identity expects people just to erase any memory or bit of data on the person before that identity change... 

Anyways good luck.. Especially if you plan to get the "full works", not sure how it works in America.. But it can take years and years before any sort of operation is considered... 
I'll just be blunt as I know a lot of transgender people online who I talk to quite often.

I'm pretty much going to treat you exactly the same as before... Gender to me is probably one of the least important things to me... Not to say that I don't care about how you identify yourself.. Just to me gender really doesn't matter that much (if you want more information pm me about it)

Also I will say this now.. I WILL CALL YOU HE OR ANY OTHER MALE PRONOUN, not out of spite but simply because your asking a lot for people to adapt to your new identity.. I call men who identify as females that I've spoke to for years he sometimes, simply because it's a habit, So my advice to you is that whilst it may be offensive to you 9/10 people are doing it by mistake.. So don't get too offended by it. 

I know that I'm pretty much repeating what you said but from another perspective... but trust me, I've seen a few good relationships fall flat on their face because the person who has changed their identity expects people just to erase any memory or bit of data on the person before that identity change... 

Anyways good luck.. Especially if you plan to get the "full works", not sure how it works in America.. But it can take years and years before any sort of operation is considered... 
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11-26-14 02:20 PM
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sonicmcmuffin :

I don't want to sound rude, but you really should drop that habit! You may not know many trans people, but pronouns are very important. I understand that many people are going to make mistakes, especially on a website where not everyone has read this thread. But seeing as how you have read this thread, and have announced your doing so by replying to it, you don't really have any excuse... Please respect my preferences!

Also, a very small percentage of transgender people undergo corrective surgery. Those who do are called "transsexual". The two terms have very different meanings. Gender isn't something that should be determined by your genitals.

I understand you may not have much experience with trans people, but either way I suggest you read this thread. It'll explain a lot of things, including why pronouns are so important.

Thanks!
sonicmcmuffin :

I don't want to sound rude, but you really should drop that habit! You may not know many trans people, but pronouns are very important. I understand that many people are going to make mistakes, especially on a website where not everyone has read this thread. But seeing as how you have read this thread, and have announced your doing so by replying to it, you don't really have any excuse... Please respect my preferences!

Also, a very small percentage of transgender people undergo corrective surgery. Those who do are called "transsexual". The two terms have very different meanings. Gender isn't something that should be determined by your genitals.

I understand you may not have much experience with trans people, but either way I suggest you read this thread. It'll explain a lot of things, including why pronouns are so important.

Thanks!
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11-26-14 02:34 PM
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Xenthou : just read my post again... please

Xenthou : just read my post again... please

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11-26-14 05:27 PM
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sonicmcmuffin:

I have thoroughly read your post. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're going to use male pronouns whether I like it or not! Which is personally not okay with me. We can continue this conversation in private messages, because I don't want to clog up this thread.
sonicmcmuffin:

I have thoroughly read your post. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're going to use male pronouns whether I like it or not! Which is personally not okay with me. We can continue this conversation in private messages, because I don't want to clog up this thread.
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(edited by Xenthou on 11-26-14 05:28 PM)    

11-26-14 06:30 PM
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Hello, Ma'am I do not know if we have talked or not in the past. I will try my hardest to honor your request. I wish you the best. You can also Private message me. God Bless and blessings in Christ as you go through this journey. Have a great day
Hello, Ma'am I do not know if we have talked or not in the past. I will try my hardest to honor your request. I wish you the best. You can also Private message me. God Bless and blessings in Christ as you go through this journey. Have a great day
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11-26-14 07:50 PM
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I don't have too much to say.  

1.  Good for you.  You're making a change and you're finding happiness and resolution in your life.  That's what this is all about.  You should be proud and comfortable of who you are and if you identify female, male, whatever, the community should respect that.  You're not asking anything, really.  Just a different word from us.  But it is what defines you.  So we, as a community, should call you whatever you want to be called.  You get to pick your user name and we call you that, what difference does a "he" or a "she" make?

2.  I hope everyone is accepting and you find the transition simple and enjoyable in the real world.  I have two friends in real life who are transgendered and it's a battle for them, whether it's acceptance or how they're treated by the public.  It continues to be something people need to experience to open their minds.  It shouldn't be a big change and society is evolving to accept all sorts of people.  One day we won't care.

Good luck.  You're doing just fine.
I don't have too much to say.  

1.  Good for you.  You're making a change and you're finding happiness and resolution in your life.  That's what this is all about.  You should be proud and comfortable of who you are and if you identify female, male, whatever, the community should respect that.  You're not asking anything, really.  Just a different word from us.  But it is what defines you.  So we, as a community, should call you whatever you want to be called.  You get to pick your user name and we call you that, what difference does a "he" or a "she" make?

2.  I hope everyone is accepting and you find the transition simple and enjoyable in the real world.  I have two friends in real life who are transgendered and it's a battle for them, whether it's acceptance or how they're treated by the public.  It continues to be something people need to experience to open their minds.  It shouldn't be a big change and society is evolving to accept all sorts of people.  One day we won't care.

Good luck.  You're doing just fine.
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11-26-14 11:23 PM
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Xenthou : Firstly I say I know a lot of transgender people... your first sentence says that I don't..... secondly I said don't expect people to be able to change their pronouns instantly... especially for the people that have known you for a long time... people still will respect you but you need to give people that time to transition that's all... gee.
Xenthou : Firstly I say I know a lot of transgender people... your first sentence says that I don't..... secondly I said don't expect people to be able to change their pronouns instantly... especially for the people that have known you for a long time... people still will respect you but you need to give people that time to transition that's all... gee.
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11-26-14 11:47 PM
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sonicmcmuffin :

I understand that it takes people a while to get used to a transition. I understand if people make mistakes. Especially in this kind of situation - we expect cis people to mess it up. Pronouns can be tricky, we get that. If you do use the wrong set from time to time, that's alright. Accidents are okay. But please don't do it on purpose.
sonicmcmuffin :

I understand that it takes people a while to get used to a transition. I understand if people make mistakes. Especially in this kind of situation - we expect cis people to mess it up. Pronouns can be tricky, we get that. If you do use the wrong set from time to time, that's alright. Accidents are okay. But please don't do it on purpose.
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11-26-14 11:55 PM
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Xenthou : Of course.... it's common sense.... Gee.. (I'd refer to how i know a lot of transgender people again and that most people would show the common courtesy anyways... but it's getting redundant)
Xenthou : Of course.... it's common sense.... Gee.. (I'd refer to how i know a lot of transgender people again and that most people would show the common courtesy anyways... but it's getting redundant)
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11-27-14 12:36 AM
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*Bows head* With due respect, I think that anyone should be able to recognize ones wishes. Especially when that wish is to bestow a certain pronoun to them. If said person tried there best, they would find it significantly easy to do so. On a side note, if someone is mistaken towards such, it isn't hard to apologize and switch to the respected pronoun.

Xenthou : I myself do not know of anyone that is transgender, and I'll be sure to remember your threads when I talk to you. I hope you're not being subjected to any stereotypes, and that you have a great day.
*Bows head* With due respect, I think that anyone should be able to recognize ones wishes. Especially when that wish is to bestow a certain pronoun to them. If said person tried there best, they would find it significantly easy to do so. On a side note, if someone is mistaken towards such, it isn't hard to apologize and switch to the respected pronoun.

Xenthou : I myself do not know of anyone that is transgender, and I'll be sure to remember your threads when I talk to you. I hope you're not being subjected to any stereotypes, and that you have a great day.
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11-27-14 01:17 AM
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thecrzyguy : Wait until you've known someone for a decade and see how easy it is... It's not a matter of trying/not trying.. It's a case of humans just being humans... 

I feel like i have to say this as simple as i can now for people who don't seem to understand. 

Most people will put the effort in to call you by the preferred pronoun, But don't get offended when people slip up, Please keep in mind that whilst your adjusting, So is every single person you know. And that takes time. I have seen many friendships end because the expectation of the person who wants to be known by a different pronoun has not been met. That is all. 
thecrzyguy : Wait until you've known someone for a decade and see how easy it is... It's not a matter of trying/not trying.. It's a case of humans just being humans... 

I feel like i have to say this as simple as i can now for people who don't seem to understand. 

Most people will put the effort in to call you by the preferred pronoun, But don't get offended when people slip up, Please keep in mind that whilst your adjusting, So is every single person you know. And that takes time. I have seen many friendships end because the expectation of the person who wants to be known by a different pronoun has not been met. That is all. 
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11-28-14 04:19 AM
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Thank you all for being so supportive! I know that coming out, especially on the internet, is dangerous. It's nice to feel like Vizzed is a safe place for trans people.
Thank you all for being so supportive! I know that coming out, especially on the internet, is dangerous. It's nice to feel like Vizzed is a safe place for trans people.
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12-01-14 04:49 PM
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Hi, I don't think this will be hard for me, seeing as I tend to always say he/she, or him/her always when I don't know a person. I'm still pretty new so maybe I just don't know yet where to see a person's gender here. But I'll definitely try to remember with you, Xenthou ^^ Nice to meet you by the way!

For people in real life, it must be difficult to immediately make that transition, yes, but on a forum like this, I don't think it could be that difficult. People will make mistakes, but when you (or someone else) corrects them, I'm sure they'll never forget : ) On another forum, in the past, I often mistook people's genders, they told me once et voila, never had a problem with it. It's since then that I decided to always use he/she too whenever I wouldn't know someone's gender.

It's brave of you to come out like this, and I do wish you the best in real life as well! I hope your family and the community is supportive of you. I always believe that something like that shouldn't even be an issue at all. But sometimes it is and it makes me really sad. Here in my country though, people are luckily really open minded in general. But it still happens that hate surfaces. I hope one day that will change in the entire world. With transgenders, with different sexualities, with racism, intolerance towards different religions, everything.
Hi, I don't think this will be hard for me, seeing as I tend to always say he/she, or him/her always when I don't know a person. I'm still pretty new so maybe I just don't know yet where to see a person's gender here. But I'll definitely try to remember with you, Xenthou ^^ Nice to meet you by the way!

For people in real life, it must be difficult to immediately make that transition, yes, but on a forum like this, I don't think it could be that difficult. People will make mistakes, but when you (or someone else) corrects them, I'm sure they'll never forget : ) On another forum, in the past, I often mistook people's genders, they told me once et voila, never had a problem with it. It's since then that I decided to always use he/she too whenever I wouldn't know someone's gender.

It's brave of you to come out like this, and I do wish you the best in real life as well! I hope your family and the community is supportive of you. I always believe that something like that shouldn't even be an issue at all. But sometimes it is and it makes me really sad. Here in my country though, people are luckily really open minded in general. But it still happens that hate surfaces. I hope one day that will change in the entire world. With transgenders, with different sexualities, with racism, intolerance towards different religions, everything.
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