Well, I'm not sure if people still remember me, or still care about me, after me simply vanishing from this place and only coming back whenever I feel like, but at least I have to explain how things have been going.

Some people here may remember I made tons of threads which  contained drama and all that s***, telling I felt terrible, lost and feeling suicidal. I have to admit, this drama was actually because I wanted real bad a new, more powerful PC, and thinking about getting it, made my mind split into 2 thoughts: While I really wanted to get the new PC (tired of seeing people having fun while I was left out of the fun), I also knew that getting it would cause me to fall into a deeper pit I was already into.

But here is a good new, at least this time, I finally know the real reason for me to have been like that for so long.

Mental immaturity.

For so long, this have been my curse, curse I will probably be carrying for the rest of my life, I am currently living a situation like: "I want it, but I can't do it", and after reading a page which commented exactly this topic (it's in Portuguese, but if you translate, you can check it out too Here, that is, if you have any interest in doing so), I've figured out that if I don't ever grow up mentally, I'll live up like this forever, and maybe, after my parents die and I have to do things on my own, maybe I will still not be able to do it, and who knows what will happen then.

Maybe some of you will not want to listen to me, after I saying that I would come back and then disappearing again, for me, it gives the feeling that "After I got the new PC, I forgot about the people that supported and was so tolerable to me for so long", and I'm really sorry I did this to all of you, people that were there listening to me, and backing me up.
I don't expect any of you to forgive me, but at least know that I regret doing what I done, and maybe, I will continue being the kind of person I am, since sadly "I want to change, but I can't do it", but I think all this mess, have started long ago, maybe, it have started even before my grandparents were born, since whatever the damn curse passed to my grandparents, it passed to my parents and their brothers/sisters, in which they could never really like each other, and be honest with each other. I have a feeling, all of this that happens to me, was because of lots of lies between those above me in the family tree, which caused my father to act like he acts, let me do anything I want, whenever I want, and maybe, this is was destroyed me until this point.

I do not expect do get fully active again on Vizzed like I did when I was staff, but I will make short visits here and there.

All I can say about what am I doing right now, is that I am living one day after another, days that are the same every f***ing day,  living such a mediocre life, cleaning house, go to school, Internet, eating and going to restroom, only doing different things when it's either my obligation, or I have someone beside me to go with me wherever I should go.

Sorry for the bad spelling, I'm not feeling well.

Seishiro.......long time no see. I'm not that type of person not to hear out a friend in need. I exactly feel the same...maybe we should talk again sometime based on that. We can never know how life can turn out for us. And for the things that we want to happen for us? It will come in but can take a long time too....I still very much care about you. I'm not so upset with my friends anymore and stuff. You asked me questions on my profile about that remember? Not all of us are always active but, we stay active enough to talk to people when we want too. so....welcome back? It might not be fully for you, but as you said. I do hope we can talk again soon..

I am pretty sure I am not the only one who feels this. There are more people who do seishiro, so please always remember that ok?

Eniitan : You telling me this means a huge ton for me, even if you only read it, taht would be enough, but I am really happy to see I still got people by my side to support me, even though I left them alone so suddenly...

Anyway, there is something I haven't noticed until Mr.Zed mentioned on my profile: I have registered this exact day, 3 years ago on Vizzed.

Of course I still remember you Leo. You aren't the only one that left out of the blue. Look at me, I left without saying a word to anyone and
came back.Things were off and weird for me but I got back on my feet.
Sadly I wasn't here when you made all those threads so I pretty much missed everything. I would have tried
to cheer you up like I do for all my friends. It would be nice to see you on vizzed more often but I understand if you wont be able to do so. I hope you can get over your " I want it, but I can't do it " situation. If you ever need to talk
I'll be there to listen and I'm pretty sure a few others would as well

So is this going to be the "Thread for people who abruptly reappear on the forums as quickly as they abruptly disappeared"?

Because I suppose I also have a bit of something related to that there.

Seishiro Leonhart :

It's only over if you give up.

Never give up.


. . . .



You know what you need to do. . . . now do it, and reclaim your life.


God will help you Seishiro. . . think of all that Jesus, went through, you are capable of even the same thing!!!

God, will set you free, if only you do the work, don't stay a slave in Egypt, embrace the freedom of your personal Messiah!!

God loves you so much Seishiro, He really does. He will set you free. No matter how hopeless it seems, you will be free, if only you keep on trying.

God bless you Seishiro, in your effort to be free. I know that you can do it. I know it.

Look man. You don't have to apologize for not being here. Sure, we missed you and all, but real life does take priority, and it's ok to lose interest in Vizzed for a period of time. Lots if members do that. You don't have to blame yourself for not being here. None of us are mad at you before it, and everyone is welcoming you back with open arms. Disappear as many times as you want, but well be here waiting for your return.

Besides, you shouldn't knock the mediocre life. It may seem boring, but I guarantee that living this "mediocre" life will be good for you in the long run, whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

Seishiro Leonhart : That's alright, Seishiro. You're trying to change, or at least coming back to Vizzed every now and then, so that's a start, anyway. I've never been mad at you for leaving for awhile. I've been a little guilty of that myself lately, which I feel bad for. Anyway, congratulations on your 3rd year on Vizzed, it's good to have you back every now and then, and I hope for the best for you, that your situation will get better, and that you feel better soon.

Thanks for letting me know how you are doing. Glad to hear you are ok. I know you have gone through a lot of crazy stuff over the past year. Honestly you just need to try and enjoy life as much as possible man. I know you are still young, but you never know what tomorrow brings. Life is too short, so don't let it pass you by!

I did for way too long in my own life and I regret it.

Things will get better man. Just keep your head up.

Hey there, you! I'm glad to know that you're still safe and doing alright It's no problem that you disappeared so abruptly and I certainly couldn't be upset with you for it. After all, I did too! It's fine to lose interest in something, or for life to get in the way (as in my case). Not everyone can or will always want to be around for their entire life. Just as long as you're doing well, and you're safe, happy, and healthy!

And I, for one, certainly missed seeing your name :p

I think I am seeing the post of someone in the midst of a pretty severe bout of depression.  I would just like to say that I have also gone through quite a bout (over 10 years) of horrible and utterly agonizing depression.  So when I say that no matter how bad things get and seem to be getting if you just hang in there eventually you will get so sick of the suffering that you will start to make yourself a happier person.  So just hang in there with all the strength you have and things WILL get better.  

Well, at least you're honest, and that's often the first step to a better solution. Don't worry about it, I'm rarely active on this site myself ever since I stopped becoming staff, but I still visit every day to see how things are going and to clear my notifications. As for the mental immaturity, that's something I also used to have, although in a more literal term. When I got my new PC, it took me an entire year before I could actually make the videos I wanted to create, and most of the time before hand was just playing around with the PC. It's a hard state to get out of, but once you get out, it'll be hard to fall back in again.

Can I suggest you write drafts or notes on what you want to do? It can make a huge task smaller sometimes :3