I was laying in bed thinking of making a self improvement related thread but the more I thought about different things I realized I needed to do something I hate doing and take the time to type out a thread of just all my thoughts on a couple different things as both a way to get it off my chest and as a little time capsule of things I was going through if I ever wanna look back. This is probably going to be all over the case but I guess the first thing that I thought of was when I was thinking about all my self improvement stuff and how my current goal everyday is simply be the best version of me and I started thinking like man what other flaws do I have that need worked on and I realized probably what my worst flaw is and I don't really know how to work on it that being I hate confrontation. Without going to far into my past issues here I grew up with a mentally/emotionally abusive step dad who I tbh was scared to death of and that's where the root of my problem is but how do I suddenly not think to myself if I say this will they hate me? It's silly but it's something I really struggle with. (Content hidden from non-moderators!)

I wonder if I still have a bit of an issue of worrying about how people view me I used to be really concerned with trying to be liked by everyone to the point I tried to SonicTheHero to the rescue everyone even if it was bad mentally for me to try and do so.

Something else kind of going on with me right now is Diabetes wise I'm definitely not being the best me and I've been kind of hiding it from everyone to prevent people from worrying another thing I'm kind of bad about now that I think about it. See I ran out of my night insulin that basically gives me needed insulin all throughout the day and even before I ran out I was rationalizing it to make it last longer because I need a new diabetic dr and unfortunately I don't have insurance at the moment so I've just been trying to make it work by giving extra insulin at meals and such and so far it's not been so bad but I've started to feel kind of sick a decent bit and I do find it a bit concerning but I don't wanna say anything to friends cause I know they worry about ketones more than I do after explaining them and I know I've probably had them everyday. Sorry guys if you read this and find out about it this way I'd feel bad to suddenly drop this and even more so I'm completely fine afterwards and honestly I believe through sheer willpower I'll be fine. The other annoying thing about it is because I can't get a dr right now I'm likely to miss my chance to return one last time as a camper at diabetic camp which I wanna go to so badly like when I went in 2019 I thought that was it so I was shocked the other day when I got an email being like yo in oct a week before your birthday people up to 19 can come to camp for a weekend. The idea of returning to camp after 2 years since I was last there means the world to me and I'm likely not going to get to do it I know that's not as important in the grand scheme of I need insulin but it's still important to me.

I could talk about how I now know what I wanna do in college but don't know how to get the process going but this thread is already long enough so I'll say this instead, while I think it's smart for people to rant and vent I hate that I'm letting myself make this thread cause I feel like I'm failing my job to be happy go lucky admin that I set for myself but anywho if actually reads all of this thanks for reading me opening my heart to you all and any feedback is welcome.