Overall 5 Graphics 3 Sound 2 Addictive 1 Story 2 Depth 2 Difficulty 9.5
0.4
The claw-less Wolverine... totaldramaman2
Oh, crud, THIS game. This is X-Men on NES. This game isn't the worst ever, but still, it's note worthy of being bad. It's as bad as Farfetch'd from Pokemon. Seriously. About Batman Returns... that's a long story... I can't promise I'll ever be able to do it, sorry for the lie in the Shaq Fu review. Whether it's the emulators not working, going full screen, or getting cheated out of getting an ACTUAL COPY, it might take a LONG time.
--- LJN... you have hurt me. ---
So, this is X-Men. Let's start the game. ...Okay, these sprites look decent! But, like in E.T., title screens are DECIVING. Now, we press Start and LOOK AT THAT. Yes, this is the works of LJN, a subdivision of Universal Studios made to make the crappiest games of the late 80s and early 90s. Unfortanetly, this is some of thier best works, but in my opinion, thier best game was Beetlejuice. Back to X-Men, you get all these weird options. I'll be using Practice first. Two of the X-Men (Iceman and Cyclops) have a shooting weapond. Those two are my favorites, so I usally pick them. But don't ever let the CPU use the shooting item. He'll just shoot anything in his sights to oblivian
.
--- Wait... that's a second life? ---
So, there's all this crap flying across the screen, and eventually, it kills my Iceman. Crap. I didn't even kill the Cyclops. ...Well, isn't the level going to start over? And why isn't Cyclops doing anything? *Raphidly preeses A and B* Well, Cyclops is still shooting. *Presses D-pad* Wait... I'M IN CONTROL OF CYCLOPS?!?! Why didn't they tell me? I keep running into invisible walls. I don't know if it's just me, or are the obstacles to hard to tell the diffrence from the ground? I think it's true with that ..weird ... garbage disoposal stage. Well, that's what it looks like to me! It's so hared to distungish this, one of the many possiblites of horridness with this "game". And why do I put 'game' between two double apostrophes? Because it's not a game. It's "Garbage Anger-making Mad Evilness". A.k.a. "G.A.M.E." But it's not a G.A.M.E. either. It's a piece of crap. They didnt even try with anything. Including music. I just muted it to play something better. Maybe like Frank Sinatra or Nyan Cat Smooth Jazz edition or something. Anything but these horrid sound effects and "music. Well, not anything. Definitly not Beaver... Ugh.
--- Wolverine... WHERE'S YOUR CLAWS?!?! ---
So, I haven't explained what the other 4 X-Men have as weaponds... they all have thier fists. Even Wolverine. YEAH. Wolverine can't even use his trademark claws. Gosh, even in the next LJN X-Men game, you actually have to take out his claws. LJN... you should of thought before making this crap. This is supposed to be a GAME, you know. I can't beleive that some HUMAN could of made this. The horrible graphics, unbearable music, and crappy controls all make this horrible piece of... feces nowhere NEAR worth you time. You know, I've had it with this game. See you next week in my next review!
Graphics 3 Sound 1 Addictive 1 Depth 2 Difficulty 10
Review Rating: 3.5/5
Submitted: 09-02-11
Updated: 09-02-11
Review Replies: 4
1.8
X-men in a Z-grade disaster of a game endings
Of all the infamous NES games, this is easily in the top 5. Its almost unplayable. Its certainly not enjoyable. Its a slog, with bad design decisions abroad.
You play as the X-men (Cyclops; Storm, Iceman, Wolverine, Colossus, Nightcrawler), the first three shoot projectiiles, the last three punch at close range, which is terrible. Most of the mutants powers don't really seem represented well in game. Nightcrawler's is, and its pretty awesome, he phases through solid stuff (not enemies tho). Storm and Iceman can fly, but honestly its just a hovering jump and doesn't seem to do anything I could find. This game is 1 or 2 players, but if you do 1 player, the CPU will unhelpfully be an AI companion for as long as they live, which is likely 20 seconds. You are supposed to walk through a long mess of similar weird colored backgrounds until you run into stairs/teleporters and have to navigate a small maze of screens, which is made harder because everything really looks the same. Once you find some 'keys' you can travel to where the boss is, good luck finding them or even making it that far.
There are powerups, but their shapes are confusing as to what they do. The only distinguishable one, a magnet, is the only negative powerup. The stack of gold coins heals you, the gold coins with a red one makes you invincible, and the lightning kills all enemies on screen.
Graphics: 3
The main character selection looks good. The small art for each stage is bad, with a 'sewer' of bright green and pink, bronze and blue, its very bright, if any of it made sense. The powerups that drop, good luck figuring out what they mean.
Sound: 3
The music is OK, if unmemorable. The sound effects are classic arcade bloops and pings, and kind of annoying.
Addictive: 1
This game is very unfun. Even with a game genie invincibility code, its just a boring slog of similar backdrops until you can find a boss.
Story: 2
The setup seems OK, as you go on vague missions of 'destroy robot factory', when really all you do in this game is wander around and collect keys, then fight a boss at the end. You get a timer to escape, and get odd text that your mission was a success, without making it clear why. At least the bosses are Xmen villains, though like your heroes all they do is walk around randomly and shoot haphazardly.
Depth: 2
Character selection is dumb, there are a lot of stats when really the only ones that matter is punch/missle attack, and Nightcrawler. Nightcrawler is a fantastic char bc he can go through walls. On infinitte life, he makes the only CPU ally choice, as the AI is so bad . The mazes are confusing as they all seem to loop to the same locations, the cpu ally is infuriating,
Difficulty: 9
The char die quickly, forcing you to scavange the life powerups constantly. Your Ally AI in 1 oneplayer is so bad, they will get stuck on walls and impede your progress until you go to them, wait for them to realize its a wall, and move on. The enemies are unending, and important more for their drops than for any real strategy, most drop after 1 hit. There is just too many things firing at you, the coding has invisible walls you can't see, making pathing bizarre, and your char has the toughness of wet paper.
Uncanny X-men is a nightmare product. No one should play this, its so unfun and boring you will question your life choices. Be warned.
Graphics 3 Sound 3 Addictive 1 Story 2 Depth 2 Difficulty 9
Review Rating: 3/5
Submitted: 07-09-23
Review Replies: 3
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