(Warning Long Thread)

Hi there Vizzed community. I can't believe its been a year since my last post, but I thought I make a thread of what has been going on with my life. If you read the description, that's right! I finally have a job, and this is the best thing to happen to me so far, because I achieved my main goal. While getting a job may not be a big deal for some, for me it is. I have never been this happy in my life since my heart transplant surgery in 2003. That means I can donate to Vizzed. I don't know how to do that yet, but I will learn someday. I also wanted to make this thread to tell you what 2017 has been so far. Before I got my first job, 2017 has become the most depressing year of my life. Why? Well, I've still been questioning why I am disabled. I also started to give up on getting a job, because I just didn't know what I can do. I couldn't sleep almost all March and April. My depression was so bad that I started to have thoughts of giving up, writing a farewell thread to Vizzed and hang myself with the belt I use. My SSI (Supplemental Security Income) discontinued on me because they think I'm not "disabled" enough. I don't get why the hell not. They want me, and so does my mother, to see a psychologist because of my depression and signs of suicide, which the appointment is next week as of this thread. My depression has been going on and off but since I got my first job, it "stopped" for now, thank god it did. I guess a good highlight of 2017 so far is that recently my Aunt and brother have got into contact with my dad, and from what I heard I has been sad for him. It's sort of a long story to begin with but I've heard he's been clean from doing drugs for a while now. He's been wanting to get into contact with me and I am wanting to also. But the problem is I don't know what I should do. It has been years and I don't know what I should say. Today my aunt came over to talk to me about what has been going on with him. It was sort of a long conversation. She told me when my other aunt that passed away, I believe around 2004 or 03, he overdosed on heroin and died "three times". The major surprise for me is she told me when I was sick in the hospital ( this is also a long story), He supposedly "sold his soul to Satan" for me to get better. This was a major shock for me and I just wanted to ask him... Why? But I guess my Aunt, this Christmas is planning to send plane tickets to California, (because he lives in Missouri) for me, my brother, and maybe my sister (if she wants to) come see him. I hope it happens because it has been a long time I've seen my dad. This thread got a bit personal, but I just wanted to write what has been going on with my life. I, myself have been doing just fine. And I guess could say that I'm back at Vizzed!

Congrats on getting a job after a long time, I can't imagine how amazing that feels! I'm sure David would greatly appreciate you donating to vizzed, but only do that when you know it will be OK financially to do so.

I'm sorry to hear about your depression and the other situations you have been enduring the whole year. I highly recommend seeing a psychologist as well since they know more about emotions and how our brain works more than we do. I took a psychology class in school last year and it gave me a great idea of what they study and help people with. I like it so much that I want to become a psychologist after high school and college!

I hope your dad remains away from drugs. There's actually a staff member at my church who used to be on many drugs but ever since he got help for long enough, he has been doing really well. (Edit: I meant he was only on drugs before joining the church) He's one of the most inspiring people I know in person. I get to help him serve so we have grown close!

Contact with your dad should be a great experience, don't worry too much about what to say. He might have trouble knowing what to say too, but sometimes just being in the same room with each other and quiet is powerful when you're reunited with someone. I know it was for me when I saw a close friend again after a long while. Neither of us had much to say so we just kept sitting next to each other until we figured out what to say next.

I'll be praying for you and your dad. Both of you have been through a lot, but no matter how long they last problems are temporary. Have fun seeing him this Christmas season, and welcome back to vizzed!