I posted this on the breakup reddit, and don't feel like editing it heavily, so it may seem rather rough or dramatic But for anyone interested, I could really just use a listening ear, ask questions if you want.

I was with my ex fiancee for four years, now let me come out and say I'm almost 20, we started dating and she moved in with me when I was 15 and she was 16. That's weird I know, but we loved each other and spent every waking moment with each other. In fact, I barely see a moment in our lives where we were ever seperate. At some point I acquired germaphobia, this threw a wrench in the gears, it distanced me from my entire family, but she was still there, willing to help and understand. We have always had an issue finding employment, not many businesses were hiring in our town, I'd say one of us got employment around the time we were 18, it was here, and it was a part time job. She didn't want me to seek employment because of my germaphobia. Awhile later when we struck out on our own, I entertained the thought of attempting to get employment again, but some facets of my health were failing and I wasn't (and still am not) in a good condition to work. I would have gotten it all taken care of, but I keep losing my health insurance as quick as I can get it. So, we eventually had to move from the apartment we were living in alone, we moved to her mother's house. (As opposed to my parents for the first 3 years) Somewhere along the line she was reminded when we moved here how easy her life was before she met me, and realized she didn't feel for me anymore. Then it all came out, and it hit me like a truck. She's never been good at expressing her emotions, so hearing her talk about how stressful and terrible it was for her to deal with my germaphobia broke my heart. Before now she had made herself out to be the only person in the world who didn't mind it, and I believed her, but it turned out she did mind, a lot. By the time I found out, it was apparently all over, there was no chance to rectify anything anymore because she'd hid the issue for so long, and it was time to go.
Now it gets worse, and I'll explain. I've always had issues with women, I would fall out of love and go to a new one, or have one set up for if my girlfriend left me. But with her, I threw that all out the door, in fact I threw any semblence of friends I had out the door to maximize time with her, I really thought she was the one. In order to solidify my feelings for her, I did the dumbest thing imaginable, it worked for me, but not for her. I implanted her in every good memory I had, so that I couldn't simply give her up like people in the past. I did this by experience everything I liked in the past over with her. I finally finished this process sometime in late 2016. Now everything that I liked has the memory of her in it, and she's assured me, she doesn' love me anymore, so I have to deal with that now. As for right now though, I'm living with her in this small room until Thursday when I'm moving in with my best friend (Who's the only friend I kept around), he lives with his aunt, and she hates basically everyone, so unless I get a job at rapid speeds I'll be kicked out of there, of course I'm sick and heartbroken, but that doesn't matter sadly, I'll just have to mask it.
And after all this she's still the world to me, I can't even be mad at her. She just really wants to be happy, and I can't stand in the way of that. I never thought it would happen, I thought we could get married and endure life together, but I guess I was living in la la land, I would do anything to keep her around, because to me she is the sun shining brightly, in the vast cold of space that is the world. But all I can do is watch her go.
Thank you to anyone who is reading this, I probably sound pathetic, but I haven't always made the best decisions. I stew it over with my head, but still always choose with my heart.

Your post layout is horrible, especially for a post this big. You should have chosen something where people can read more than 3 lines at a time.

while Baritron is technically correct and that was effort to read, he wasn't answering in the spirit of the thread. Yet he illustrates my major problem with Vizzed.

Anyway, I have several questions. There are so many moving parts with this story, can I have a response for the following?

1. How can you fall out of love and go to a new woman when you've been madly in love with your ex-fiancée the past four years? You were 12, 13, or 14 and bouncing around with women? I don't think it works that way exactly when you're in middle school.

That's the major question.

So, do you sound pathetic? Yes because you put all your happiness into another person. It's too bad you two broke up but I would rather have it end now than look across a dinner table ten years from now and recognize my wife hated me and had a slow build-up of anger and dislike for everything.

So I will say, "Too bad, man. It's too bad when love doesn't work out the way it should."

At the same time, I'm going to say, "Pathetic isn't what you're talking about. I don't think you're pathetic. I think someone who does everything to keep a person around, especially when that person doesn't want to be around, is pathetic. You're embracing her walking away. Bold move."

Lastly, I would say, "She made a move. You can't hold it against her. Unlucky. Go figure out your own life and quit with this germaphobia nonsense. Let's go.

I'm rooting for you.