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11-16-19 06:12 PM

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11-06-16 05:10 AM
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It's hopeless... I need help.


11-06-16 05:10 AM
MarioLucarioFan64 is Offline
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NOTE: If i go off-topic too much, it's probably because i'm desperate and cannot focus on typing this quite well.

Where should i start? A few weeks ago, i started to like a certain Vizzed user (Won't tell who it was due to possible privacy). And i got rejected. But because real life isn't an option, i started to do that.

And why is falling in love in real life no option? (And overall)
- I get rejected because i screw things up a lot.
- I'm thinking too negative because of bad luck.
- I'm a coward.
- I have ADHD.
- I have autism.
- In my mind, i'm 4 years old. But i'm physically 16. Almost 17.
- If i think it's time to confess, i'm too shy.
- I cannot be independent. Never. My parents told me so.
- I have anger problems.

I can make an entire list now, but i have no time for that and i think it's clear anyway. I seriously am too lonely to be normal. Not only because i have no girlfriend. But also almost no friends. I am most of the time all alone. And why? Because others prefer spending time with each other more than spending time with me. And the friends i already have are pestering me a lot.

Now i want to change this, but have no idea how... Help?
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11-06-16 05:46 AM
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You don't need to have friends or a girlfriends to not be lonely, you just have to surround yourself with people who make you feel like you aren't alone. Many people on Vizzed are your friends, and so long as you make emotional connections to them then they'll still be with you, thinking of you even if you're not online.

As for love, love is a passing thing. It revolves around multiple factors, but most importantly it's troublesome. The best thing you can do is to deny your feelings until you deem yourself mature enough to be able to handle rejection, or by some chance, a relationship.

Your parents have a skewed perception of you. For now, yes, you are very dependent on a lot of things as evidence by this thread and your current problems, but that doesn't mean you'll never become independent.

As for anger problems, you need to hold back your emotions and look at things from a logical point of view. Don't view it as yourself, view it as you think someone with no opinion would view it. Be objective. Be accepting and understanding of people, and if you confront them be sure to remain level-headed.

Simply put, the people on Vizzed aren't just your friends online, but they are offline as well. You're never truly alone, even if you feel like it. And as for your feelings, the best thing to do is to accept how things are and then try and get help changing it. Probably from the other people who post here.
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11-06-16 08:36 AM
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In general, falling in love and staying in love is quite difficult, and you're still very young, it's pretty normal to be that way about irl people at that age really so don't let it bother you and focus on the people you already have good relationships with.
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11-07-16 09:12 AM
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MarioLucarioFan64 :   To add support and qualification to what our buddies have just said, here I am on a wing and a prayer.

 Your thoughts are very negative. That is the main issue. I will offer opposing opinions on your negative views which you may choose to accept or to reject. The goal will be to shift your paradigms of yourself in a better direction so you may see light rather than darkness.

 "i'm desperate". Sure. Fine. I went through such a period myself from age thirteen to not too long ago, actually. Long years of making myself suffer unnecessarily. It will pass. Yes it will. It will pass when more important priorities than going for just about any relationship will thrust ahead of that. I've avoided starting anything I could have with women I knew were interested because I had an instinct that I definitely did not want anything long term with that. Not starting what you do not want to stick with is a great strategy.

 Think about it. You really want to marry some person you met in class in high school? ...    What if that person does not become the adult you hoped they would be? A woman's adult face alone takes until age 22 and no earlier to fully develop. You will not know if she will be a pretty woman for the following two decades until age 22. That super-pretty girl who sits next you every morning may just be a butt-ugly troll ten years from now if the signs of it become present when she's lived a few years as a grown up. The early bloomers have the highest propensity to become less attractive when they reach full maturity. Look at the cutest child and teen actors who became stretched, unrecognizable people who took a while to realize they never learned how to act as adults because their early roles did not previously call for it. 

 Do you know if any person you currently interact with at school is going to become someone you want to know in the future?

 "Falling in love" suggests you would have no control over what feelings you develop for people. You will have control. Complete control of your emotional depth. Suggesting you must fall and surrender your control to love someone is a fallacy. Loss of control would simply leave you a powerless individual and kind of pathetic at that. You will not do that. You will instead choose carefully from a selection of appropriate suitors who will be making their interest in you known when the time is right for you to have a loving relationship. Only the right person at the time will be right for you.

 I hate to say it since infinitesimally rare occurrences of teen romance do become mature, committed adult love later in life - Hollywood plays up the commonality of the idea to the cost of the occasional teen pregnancy in select communities of gullible fops who believe every awesome idea they see on the main screens actually works out fine in real life - but high school is hardly the right time to find real love at a stage in your life when you would not be ready for it if you even found such genuine appreciation among the immature, self-absorbed, half-developed masses stumbling through the halls of your hallowed institution.

 So do the smart thing once again and abstain. You may not have done that by choice yet but if you are wise, have the patient attitude and
 above all the courage to wait for the special type that draws directly to you as if by beacon when you really are ready to be in love "by choice" - there will just be no stopping the amazing man you will become when he sets his sights on being with the people who are legitimately important to him.

 Having no patience and being a gutless weakling is a huge roadblock to abstinence, the "right to wear white"[google] and all the good things life brings people if they are true to the better part of themselves. The part that is light, focuses on the light and attracts more light.

"I get rejected because i screw things up a lot."  Do not look at things this way. A person may refuse or simply ignore your friendly advances for many reasons and the vast majority of them are their own personal stuff which has nothing to do with you or how you have behaved. Maybe the timing was just off and someone just needs to look inward to find that patience that has got to be in there. Look towards the next meeting with a [potential] friend or associate - who said "we can't hang" previously - using a happy bounce in your step. You ought to be happy to approach someone and ask them to hang out. Elated just to be around them. You can think of something positive that could occur with them while you are "in their presence" and thinking about them. That will turn your (+) sign thoughts on active mode.

 Stop thinking that something bad you will do has any effect. It probably has little to no effect on other people. The only (-) sign effects happen when those kind of thoughts are allowed to inhabit your brain and cripple you into inaction. Get them out of there. They do not belong. Like that picture game they give to small kids, which item does not belong? You isolate a negative thought and decide it does not belong, then it's history! It does not belong in your rational thought processes so get rid of it. Play that kid game in your head and hunt down those negative thoughts one by one so it is fun and easy, taking a few minutes every day to clean your brain until they are one day completely gone.

 "I'm thinking too negative because of bad luck."    Do not personalize your current fortunes. Luck has very little to do with what we set out to accomplish. In no way does some unfortunate occurrences mean anything about you personally. Look at the tremendously fictional Spider-Man or the unfortunate Baudelaire children. Those characters are always seeming to fall of very tough times now and again. They cope with their mishaps and plan not to avoid them but solve them or do better at the next attempt.  They certainly do not let such harsh conditions change their personality or inhibit them from living their lives in the most cheery way they can. Spidey cracks wise when he's nervous. When that expensive Spider suit Tony Stark gave him sealed too well for him to fart, he had 99 problems and The Lizard wasn't one.

 " I'm a coward. "  Nay!!! You have shown many open, accepting and courageous displays of honesty here. I will never believe that about you. Do not say that because I know it is not true. I am calling you out for lying. To us. To yourself. Liar!! Pants could not be more scorched if they were dried after a wash in the corona of the sun. Liar! You would put Jim Carrey's lawyer impression to shame. Do not say such things that are not true. Be of good humour and never put yourself down. You can try to intimidate yourself with your thoughts and false prophecies of your dystopian fate and possibly make it true to enough to be believable or you may want to invest in another train of thoughts.

" - I have ADHD."
"- I have autism."  In my very personal experience, these are simply labels which tell us nothing about a particular individual's cognitive abilities and social potential. They are coined and proliferated by "The Man" to keep talented people who have more than significant contributions that they could make in society 1/ on public assistance 2/ under-credited for impressive skills, knowledge, expertise [that's amazing... for an autistic.  ME: F U ! ]  3/ trained by their mothers to accept the world's view that something is wrong and they cannot develop skills to function autonomously. You want to prove them wrong? Try out those life / job / social skills and practice them regularly until adept and continue with them even after the disabled designation is dropped when they realize your unprofessional child shrink accepted petty anecdotes from your mom in figuring a diagnosis out and gravitated towards autism and such nonsense because governments toss funding that way for annoying public programs "no person actually needs". It was as if Michael Scott's personal budget plan was injected into my life for that last bit.

 " In my mind, i'm 4 years old. But i'm physically 16. Almost 17."  Relax. This is normal. It's temporary displaced identity. It too will pass. Give it adequate time to drift out of your awareness and not focus on your mother daily [weekly for me now, the insipid troll troglodyte has cut back on her rhetoric] telling you that this describes your nature. It describes the man-child from "The Goods". Is that you? I do not think so.
I will not accept that idea about you or me. I mostly hear that now meaningless, declawed, banal catch-phrase whenever I make too many or too deep a facetious remark  - sometimes my humour hits the mark hard and causes a rewarding uproar and other times I miss and I hear "- you are acting like you are five!"

 "- If i think it's time to confess, i'm too shy." No such thing as too shy. Some people are charmed by shyness, They find it innocent and sweet; doubly so if you are neatly polite and otherwise well-mannered as well. If you can hang on to that piece of your personality that some but not all people eventually lose, you may yet become a "natural" at attracting people you like if you always leave an open opportunity for them to get to know you well indirectly or by their own initiative. Nothing needs to be confessed. Remain mysterious[not in an eerie way] and figure out how to use your "natural" shyness to your benefit. Maybe go out in public daily to do something interesting and subtly intriguing that people must ask about.  Why did you ever even think you needed to confess your feelings to have affection granted to you?  People will like you a lot without knowing very much to begin with. Save the confessions for when you propose and declare your steadfast, undying love[zipping way into the future there].

" I cannot be independent. Never. My parents told me so."   Your parents are wrong. You took an independent initiative to author this thread and many other items in your life, I expect. Independence cannot be an impossible thing. Think of your parents as the dominion of Great Britain and yourself as one of the American colonies. You will one day find it almost too easy to secede from your parents' influence when other influences and ideals are guiding you and lending you strength of will and the courage to go on. You will do this. Believe it. When you have slipped your mind away from their direct influence, the next key step is to slip your body away too. Move out as an adult when you are ready, have planned it and have the practiced life skills to back yourself up. It may not be easy and there may be supports to accept, even from your parents themselves to make it happen but it ought to be more than worth it.
A parent that sees the worst in their own child does not really see their child at all. Just a dim idea based on what little they pay attention to.

 "I have anger problems."    Who exactly gets to decide when the precise moments arrive that your anger becomes a problem? Odysseus taught his furious son that there is a time and place to unleash your fury. The boy learned his anger could be fashioned into a useful tool for his advantage and strength of will.  Unless there was some other person inside your head - making you lash out after deciding when you are to be angry without your consent - then only one person gets to[a great privilege] decide when you are angry and how you use it to express yourself.

 "I seriously am too lonely to be normal."   Loneliness is a pretty normal thing. The people who desire more social interaction get lonely. It is that very feeling that will drive you to be more social.  Even I get lonely a few times a week when I wished I had talked to more people or tried more social events on my calendar. Usually it is late at night when I don't feel like sleeping. Some nights [all the time] like that hit me when I least expect it. I get tired of interacting socially and it does not charge me up in the least. Sometimes I just drive myself by telling myself that I would be missing out [ if I did not stay for one last dance or ask that lady nicely, calmly and eagerly ] .

 "i have no girlfriend"  Let's be clear. A girlfriend is not possession. You never "have" a girlfriend because she is not an object for you to "have". The girl you will eventually fraternize with to the point where things become emotionally serious is a valued person whom you will like to accompany. You "know" a girlfriend when your maturity and respectful attitude has paid a dividend of allowing you an enjoyable social interaction with some person who invokes a certain feeling you may choose to acknowledge or not. Whether this girlfriend makes herself available for your company on a continued basis or not - is entirely "her" choice; not a boyfriend who thinks he owns her - all of her time, love, attention, care, body, effort, soul, emotions and future.

  A woman's emotions alone can have more depth than any other human accomplishment in recorded history. A man sells them short by painting them colourlessly as something to be desired, used, possessed and thrown away. Do not do that. Use terminology that does not support that view.

 So many boys could be popular if they only used respectful words in their heads to describe the people around them. The words you think about are important. They shape the form and point the direction of your belief structure and influence more than you may consider about whether your mood makes a change for the better or for the worse. Ultimately, you choose the structure of your thoughts, the colour of your mood and what your real priorities are. Choose to be happy. Choose to smile more. Choose to encourage others for their fine achievements. Choose not to be alone if that is not what you want. Make the choice. We are who we choose to be.


 . . .

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11-07-16 11:12 AM
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You're just in that age when you make a big fuss about everything.

I'm 24 and I've barely talked to any girl. I think a bit negatively about myself simply because of what I want versus what the world can offer me, I'm totally shy and sometimes a coward as well, and right now I cannot be independent either. As you can see, I'm more or less on your same league.

But guess what? I'm happy. I've set my own goals, which no one in my family or circle of friends would understand. I do things on my own way, despite what everyone thinks or tells me to do. Putting aside all my problems, I've managed to build myself a happy life, and you should do the same.

Don't feel like it's necessary to find a lover. Society may think of you as a loner, but hey, not all relationships end up being good. You must pursue your own happiness, and when you do, you'll gain a lot more confidence.

Everyone finds happiness when they pursue a dream. You just have to set your mind clear into what your dream is, and if you have several of them, focus on the one you can achieve more easily.
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11-08-16 03:58 PM
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I must agree with most on here,you do not NEED to find a lover right freaking now. At 16,just worry about doing well in school and making friends and planning for that next stage of life. Maybe you are a late bloomer,a lot of people were. But you do not absolutely need a lover at 16. It takes courage to admit things and to talk to someone you like. I know,it seems easier to whip the school bully than to talk to a girl. The worst she can say is that she is not interested.

And so what if you wait a few years? Trust me,you will be in a better place,able to do things for yourself and when you have yourself fairly squared away,then you can worry about a girl. We all have anger issues and if you wait a few years,you should be able to rein in your anger. Do not let society tell you when you must date and have a mate. You decide that,not anyone else.
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11-08-16 09:11 PM
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Finding a lover can wait. Focusing on what to do with your life when its time to become independent is important right now and takes priority. Who knows, maybe some of the things you mentioned like anger will go away if you find a lover in the future.
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11-17-16 10:25 AM
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I know someone who prior to meeting his fiancee, I don`t think he really had many relationships if any. They met when he was 19, which now seems like awhile ago lol.

If I could give the 16-year old me advice, it'd be to focus on myself - not only school, but in terms of a boyfriend (or in yours, girlfriend) figuring out what I need from them, and what I have to offer in a relationship. At such a young age I didn't know, and was willing to accept less than I was worth. 
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11-17-16 11:11 PM
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Don't worry about girls. Deal with getting some buddy's first. Try joining some clubs!! That's how I made a lot of my friends. You can do it too!
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11-19-16 02:38 PM
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MarioLucarioFan64 : Another point I failed to mention was that the situation could be distance related meaning she isn't the kind of person who does long distance relationships. Not sure if that's what is going on but something to consider.
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