So, it's been so long since I ever joined this message board. Watched it grow from around 200 million or something to where it stands near 2 billion to this day. May, 2010, is my registration date. At this point, I'd want to say a few things related to myself that I barely ever shared until now.

- Mental Disability -

I have kind of wanted to point this out as its special how someone like me could have one mental disorder and then have a sideaffect too. What disability do I have? Well, I have Autism. Main thing about this special disorder is that it affects your communication and social skills, and also causes the person to think or talk about things that aren't related to a topic, also having one word answers and being unable to keep a conversation going. There's so many forms of Autism that Aspergers is merged in the spectrum.

Specifically, I have high-functioning Autism which means I would be able to do almost anything a normal person can... right? Well, with high functioning, the behaviors I have are of the following:

- Occasionally picking lips
- Mostly unable to grow out of childhood memories
- Sometimes (more often, for this reason) walking without heels on the floor when not wearing shoes
- Loving or getting attention from anything blue or round
- Getting angry quickly when getting beat in games
- Talking about stuff often that the other person may not understand or know

The common ones are those. Then to top it off, high function Autistic people have a very high risk of developing anxiety which can lead to being afraid of stuff in the future. My first instance of this was when my family went to see a play for my older brother when I was 4. I was crying when I tried to go near a dark area so I couldn't see the play. I would have countless nightmares in the following years about dark areas and being IN the dark.

My longest occurring nightmare is about.. The Legend of Zelda II's Game Over screen. First saw this when I was playing Zelda II when I was about 11 on my NES. The game was fun, but I always had anxiety over this game. Whenever you die, the screen HAS a SEIZURE! Red one frame, green the next, then blue and cycles back to red. For approximately 2.6 seconds. I would be near my reset button in case I was about to die. Had extra lives but I would fear these flashing screens, not that I have seizures anyways, can survive them without issues besides temporary confusion and focus loss.

Anyways, where this really hit me was Ganon himself. The way he stands in the Game Over looks like he is some monolith! Also, his face made the whole thing just get worse. Then the red background, his laughs and NO MUSIC. This gives me nightmares to this day, and even then, I have more fear of this than ever, now at night, can't try to look at something turned off without fearing it will turn on by itself and scaring me. I recreated the screen in Photo Channel on the Wii to make it less scary and rather a joke. This also made me fear most variants of the color red.

Normally, the Game Over would just be an indication of failure, but this just hit my mentality so hard that it leaves a lifetime impact on what stuff I fear. Also fear things staring at me, and kinds of sadness.

So now another thing, in the future, I have a chance of developing Alzheimer's which is one of the worst mental disabilities you can get. Why I ask? My father has the disorder. I occasionally forget a few things like trying to remember something simple, or trailing off a conversation. I have meltdowns when put under so much stress when someone is yelling at another, I will explode having some look at me worried, and then shortly after, I get a panic attack and cry for several minutes. I hate when this stuff has to happen. But I think it's just my Autism causing occasional confusion when already planning some things for a day or for a future date.


- The Future and what lies ahead -

Like I said, I MAY have a possible chance of having Alzheimer's and I assume the forgetting of things is just from my Autism. Now, for my future? It will be hard to manage as I will NEVER be likely to drive my own vehicle as I'd get way too nervous about what can really happen in life. Then, tack on the fact that with my disability, I can't get a decent job. With me having anxiety and all, I'd have to go for a low-pay part time job. I'd rather wait until shortly after I am out of high school. I do not want to ever want to go to college. I will never make enough money in a month if social security isn't counted... but even then, my job will be unlikely to let me even get into college, so I will have to think of how it will work in the future.

So something else not too many of you people, have is social security. It allows someone in a family that has a mental disability to collect a set amount of money per month for life based on how long their parent has worked, but it doesn't have to be a mental disorder to be able to get Social Security. It's guessed I may make around $300 a month which may not be correct.

- End -

This covers up what I have to say. Feel free to question or say about my mental disability. I was researching about Autism for some time now and I love to look about the spectrum and what this does with the brain, I am sure a few of you here might also have Autism. And yeah, I love blue and purple colors, a blue circle is the best it gets for me to notice.

Wow, we share a few things in common that you revealed in this post.

-I also have Autism and it isn't severe, it's mild.
-I often have anxiety problems.
-I easily get frustrated or overwhelmed.
-I love blue XD

In fact I've been having anxiety for most of today since I start school tomorrow. It's freaking me out. I've always found it difficult to keep a conversation going for a long time and I also have trouble starting one. That's why I'm so happy about the Vizzed Board forums, they make me say more and think about more topics to discuss with people in real life.

I don't know if this is another effect of Autism, but I very frequently struggle to word things right when talking about something complicated or unfamiliar, or how I'm feeling. Sometimes I don't even know how to ask about what I'm wondering!

Most people don't believe me when I tell them I have Autism, because they think of the worse-case scenario where Autism makes you unable to speak or other things that bad. More people should know about Autism since it's becoming more common. One of my friends has it and it causes him to be pretty obsessive easily.

Hopefully you can overcome some parts of your Autism. I've been trying hard to do that for the past 2 years and now I'm much more outgoing than before, but it's still very difficult to be that way.

Good luck

My grandmother also has Alzheimer, and both me and my mother show signs of not having a good memory so it's quite probable we both end up having that disorder as well.

I always try to see the positive side of any situation, and that positive side relies on the fact that we are still young, so medicine can develop a ton of new things by the time we reach an old age. My grandma didn't start having Alzheimer until she was nearing her 80s, so that means we have more than half a century to go. I really hope we get new discoveries in this aspect, and a ton of others which are incurable to this day.

I also tend to get overwhelmed very easily, due to my shy nature. I think that a part of me still doesn't want to grow up and stay in kindergarten. But that's a minor issue compared to what you're facing.

I've been dealing with an incurable disease for nearly six years, so you can trust me when I say you should never give up. One way or another, your Autism can be put to sleep, or at least parts of it.

Keep fighting dude, here you have a community willing to send you their energy to overcome any obstacles life threatens you with.

Stevie 764 : Your not alone Stevie. As a matter fact that's why I wanted to get to know you more, as I am one as well. But, my case is different so it will be hard for me to explain. So keep on fighting the fight like me and others do. You do that then you'll become a great person that, people will grow to love for who YOU are. Its not easy but it is better to fight than to give up. You do that then life will come easily. Plus you will get to do many other things that you never though possible to would happen. Also another thing we always help each other.

I know how you feel, I really do.. I may not have been diagnosed with Autism myself. But I've worked with a lot of people that have it and to be honest they're usually nice people as long as you don't actively try to aggravate them.

As for never being able to drive.. Don't worry about it.. I'm epileptic and have grand-Mal seizures 3-4 times a week on average.. I'll probably be never allowed to drive.. And let me tell you something when you can suddenly have a seizure without a warning.. Well it severely limits what you can do.. And it also gives me pretty decent anxiety if I ever have to leave the house..

With medical problems you just have to go with the flow, Don't think about what life could be like in the worst case scenario, you'll only make yourself worse by stressing out all the time. However I understand it's not that simple as someone that was going to be a police officer and basically couldn't due to my epilepsy appearing at the age of 17 it has been very hard to accept.. But y'know sometimes.. You just have to deal with it and smile

You'll always have friends to support you in your time in need and there will always be a friendly community here if you ever need to get something off your chest as well 

Take care!