Hi, 
My name is Alex. I'm kinda new here. The title says what I'm going to be talking about here. First let me tell you about myself first. I'm 14 and I have a Yorkie named cookie. I hate writing. I help a lot of people not want to kill themselves. I have a girlfriend that my parents don't know about. I've tried to kill myself at least 100 times. I never had my first kiss.
   
   Let me tell you how music helped me through the times I tried to kill myself. Lets starts with my most recent one. I'm a really depressed kid but I hid it very well. Here is what happened and why I tried to kill myself. My girlfriend broke up with me and I didn't want to live anymore because I didn't have her. I put a gun to my head and texted her "*puts gun to head* *Pulls trigger  slowly*". I put the gun down and put my headphones on to listen to music. The song I was listening to was " Saviour by Black Veil Brides". BVB (Black Veil Brides) is one of my favorite bands. After I turned my music on I lifted the gun back up to my head. Then my phone went off, it was a text from my gf (girlfriend) saying "Please don't do it. I still love you and can't live without you." I texted back "You can live without me because you broke up with me!!". Then she called me on skype while crying. She said "I love you and I don't want to hurt you when I die." I replied "What do you mean when you die?" She said "I'm tired of boys fighting over me so I'm going to fix that all tonight." I cried and said "If you die I die too." She said "Don't you dare do it." I replied "If you die I have no reason to live anymore." She said "What about all your friends? What about your first kiss?" I said "My friends would understand. My first kiss doesn't matter if I can't give it to the girl I love." She said "I won't do it if you don't." I replied "Good." Then she hung up. I just fell onto my bed and cried for 4 hours without stopping. While I was crying I started my music again. My gf texted me "I love you but I have to go to sleep forever." I just read the text and cried harder. I texted a friend of hers to stop her. Her friend texted me back "She is alright." I texted her "Can I talk to her?" She texted back "NO!" I replied with "Fine! *Dies*" Now I was just laying there crying my eyes out and listening to music. Then I started to think "If I die then I don't have another chance to be with the girl I love more then anything in the world." I sat there crying and thinking for hours. A few hours later I get up from my bed and go downstairs to get a drink of water. After I get water I go back up to my room and lay down just listening to BVB. That's the end of that one.

   If you want to hear more tell me here or on a mail and I will tell you more.

You want to die because your girlfriend broke up with you? Are you serious? You'd think if you've "help[ed] a lot of people not want to kill themselves" than you'd start taking some of your own advice.

The problem with being 14 is that you have absolutely zero perspective. You're in love with any girl who made eye contact and smiled at you in the hallway, and suddenly you've started spinning your own narrative about who that person is and what they mean to you. You wanted to die because you didn't have her? Why? What did that 14 year old do that nobody else could? 40 year olds get remarried after they get divorced or the spouse dies, because it takes decades and decades with another human being to form that kind of bond where you can't even imagine living without them. By the time you've formed that attachment you're too old to find anybody else anyways. Maybe you guys just bonded on common interests, you both seemed to want to kill yourself over the slightest provocation. That sort of common melodrama must have made you guys the perfect couple.

You're friends would understand?

Oh, you cruel, cruel, moron. How do you think that would go down? Their parents sit them down and tell them that their friend just ended his own life, apparently shooting himself with a gun he inexplicably got a hold of, and they just say "Oh, I understand that, what's for dinner?". No! They're going to be catatonic for weeks, and devastated that they've lost their friend for years.They'll understand? Tell that to your friend while they're sitting in a shower crying their eyes out while their parents sit outside the door trying their best to think of something to say that will keep their child from doing the same thing. And what about your parents, you selfish child? What about your dad who can only remember his dream son, made a reality that eventually came crashing down before his very eyes. What about your mom who can only sit curled up in her bed crying her eyes out and remembering the day she first made eye contact with her baby boy in the hospital? What about them, huh? Did you ever think about them? Or were you too focused on your high school drama because the girl you've dated for maybe a few months decided to call it quits? Or maybe would your parents understand too?

I also can't quite seem to figure out how music saved your skin on this one, it seems only someone else trying to take your attention by killing themselves could stop you from pulling that trigger.

Since nobody informed you, probably because they figured you could figure this out on your own, relationships end. They end all the freaking time because nobody you meet will be the right person for you, especially at your age. Your pool of girls at this age is probably about 15 to 20 girls in your classes that might be interested, and yet you seem to think any one of these people could be down for kids and a mortgage before you guys go to college. High school relationships exist for the sheer purpose of getting you ready for the real thing, and about 80% of the morons who decide this person they used to have Chem 1 with is marriage material will get divorced, so keep that in mind before the next one leaves you and you decide to end it.

The next time you decide to end it, instead of some BVB, make an audio recording of yourself saying, "don't be such an idiot and put that gun down before you embarrass yourself". And let's hope some of this I just wrote seeps into your teenage skull.

4444alex : Damnit. You're in 8th grade or a Freshman, and you are saying all you care about in life is some stupid girl that probably will go look for another person before you're 19? Please tell me this is a joke. I have Deceased parents and siblings, not to mention friends that are long gone due to Job Transfers, Comas, and ones who got Amnesia, and you are saying your life sucks because you, living in a Upper-Middle Class Enviorment, broke up with your girlfriend? Grow up. 

4444alex : Wait, what? Are you kidding me? You would end your life only because of a girl? Dude, come on, you can do better than that. Life has more to offer. I think you're a little too young to hang out with a girlfriend, already. I'm 13, but I have zero GF. Never lose hope. Show life that you're strong enough to get back up. To commit suicide is the worst move. That means you lost hope.

I understand all your points I get where you are coming from but I have no friends because they all killed themselves. I know how it feels to lose a friend because they killed them self. I'm always getting bullied for the music and the things I like. You think I haven't tried other ways to deal with it?  I have and they all failed. Everyday in school I'm called "A waste of space and air", "Useless", and etc.

4444alex : (if anyone else reads this and is about to say something about me being too hard, some tough love does a lot of good)

Oh, by no means let us get in the way then, you clearly have this all planned out. When your parents are laying with their sheets thrown all across their bed and their pillows stained with enough tears for them and the child they once had, they'll think "Oh, at least he understands how bad we feel". You know what helped me when I wasn't feeling too hot on the whole "life" thing? Realizing what a freaking baby I sounded like. Like a little 5 year old holding his breath until he passes out because his mom didn't give him a lollipop. Maybe take a second and think about how despite the fact that some snot-nosed fourteen year olds call you a "waste of space and air", there are still a crap-load of people on this Earth who care about you. Perhaps it would be a good way to pay back those people by not fusing your brain with a piece of lead. You're getting bullied for the things you like? How about you just talk about it with your friends and nobody else, or when somebody tries to bully you, give them the middle finger and go on with your day. I will never understand this teenage mentality. Yeah, I get that you want to be liked by at least the majority of people, but I don't understand how the repeated opinions  of two people who don't matter at all in life have any weight in your mind. I can understand if it were your mother, but it seems to me these are just random bullies at school. You get called a waste of space and air everyday? Aren't you kinda used to it by now? And here's an alternative that nobody ever seems to try in this situation, tell a teacher! Walk into the Principal's office, explain the situation, and let them handle it. "Oh, but then it will just get worse, Ender", so do it again! And keep doing it until these idiots are gone! Worried they'll get violent? Call the police! I hear they're very trigger-happy these days, so I'm sure they'll get it sorted out.

All your friends killed themselves? Well geez, you must hang out with a somber bunch. I mean, all of them? I do sincerely hope those weren't the same people who you "talk[ed] out of killing themselves", because that seems it would put you at a zero win record. And here's another point, and this speaks to a teenager's inability to see both sides of an argument. Your friends all killed themselves, and now you want to kill yourself. Hmmmm. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WILL DO TO YOUR OTHER FRIENDS!? Your friends killed themselves, which made you want to kill yourself, and you think it will just stop there?

Do I think you haven't tried other ways to deal with it? YES! In fact, from what I've seen you haven't tried a single way to deal with it. From the situation with your "girlfriend", a phrase I put in quotes because you're 14, you seem to run head first into any situation that will make you want to kill yourself, even going so far as to call her so you can make yourself even more sad. You don't seem to understand the effect a death has on people. I won't link to the news article because I don't want to expose the family like that, but 4 years ago in Florida, a family of 7 crashed their plane and died. I knew them. I didn't know them very well, mind you, I had a few conversations with the dad, that was it, I doubt he knew my last name. But I stood face to face with that news article the day after it happened and I was freaking devastated. This person, this person I shared a part of my life with, who will forever be in my memory, is gone. Gone forever without a goodbye, although if there was a goodbye it was probably drowned out by the explosion.  This goes back to the perspective thing I talked about earlier, you don't know enough, or you're just too stupid to understand what death does to people. If you did this idea would have left your mind a few minutes after the 14 year old beauty-queen left your life.

You want to kill yourself? Fine, that's your choice. But before you do, how about you look every single one of those people who love you in the eye. Not just your mom and dad, your aunt, your uncle, your grandmother, your grandfather, your nieces, your nephews, your teachers, everyone you've ever met that will hear this news. If you're still willing to do that after you've looked in the eyes of all those people, knowing that you are going to break their hearts in a few days, then fine, do whatever the hell you want to. Just don't mention me in the note, because I gave it my best shot. 

I realized I don't have to be like you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfF8RxpxHhc

4444alex : Never give up, never give in.  I have been suicidal at times in my life, but ultimately, it was my love for God and family that pulled me back in.  I am glad I have never killed myself, and have seen the positive consequences my life has brought.  Life is rough.  It was never meant to be easy.  But it is the difficulties that make it worth trying, and it is how we learn many truths.  I can't tell you the whole truth, but I can tell you this: Killing yourself isn't worth it.  You're worth so much more than a bullet.  And it may, and almost definitely will seem that it's not worth it sometimes.  But hold onto the good moments.  That will make you strong.

May the force be with you.

Thank you all!
   ender44 I think you have a great point there and I only have one friend now. No my friends were not the ones I talked out of it.

supernerd117 You have the best point of all I think.

4444alex : Thank you for the compliment!  I'm glad I could help you out.

4444alex : well, it's been more than one month, and I hope you have matured and realized how much of a brat you were. You are on the Internet, and if you don't live under a rock, you know that verbal bullying is found everywhere, and your case of "bullying" is softcore. You didn't Permanently Soil your reputation like Amanda Todd, or be beat the crap out of like Ryan Higa. You still have parents that give you more than enough luxuries such as a IPhone, Computer, and working Internet, things that people in Places such as North Korea would give up their limbs and eyes just so their families could own one semifunctional and outdated machine in that circle, which has less than a 0.8% chance out of happening. People do care about you. Don't reply "thank you" to those people by migrating to the Dead Man's Land.

Listen to Holiday in Cambodia by Dead Kennedys it reminds me of you seriously dude wanting to kill yourself over a girl like woah