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When should parents have "that" discussion with their kids?

 

11-29-14 05:00 PM
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I have a very young daughter and I'm wondering when I should talk about safe sex and relationships with her, or at least have her mom talk to her.

What's a good age for kids?  I think adults have to address it sooner nowadays with the ease of finding sexuality and all on the internet.

What's appropriate?
I have a very young daughter and I'm wondering when I should talk about safe sex and relationships with her, or at least have her mom talk to her.

What's a good age for kids?  I think adults have to address it sooner nowadays with the ease of finding sexuality and all on the internet.

What's appropriate?
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11-29-14 05:23 PM
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I'd say around 14 and upwards is good. I feel most people are mature enough then to understand what the "talk" is actually about, but it depends on the kid, really.
I'd say around 14 and upwards is good. I feel most people are mature enough then to understand what the "talk" is actually about, but it depends on the kid, really.
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11-29-14 08:17 PM
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I have thought about this from time to time, and it would be nice if some pain could be avoided by the parents "warning" their children of how their body will change ahead of time.

If anything, I think it's more important regarding males as they have a stronger sexual appetite.


I mean, yeah, with stuff out there on the internet that can ruin their lives with addiction, and get into plenty of trouble with real life sex as well.

I wouldn't educate them on "safe sex" though either, cause that can lead to tons of emotional trauma if she has sex with a boy and one is unwilling to let go later, ect, even worse than a normal, non sexual relationship with a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship. Sex is a powerful bond. It's not good to play around with, especially with young teens who can't even handle the emotions that they are going through at times. Not exactly good for your health either. It can ruin people's lives.
I have thought about this from time to time, and it would be nice if some pain could be avoided by the parents "warning" their children of how their body will change ahead of time.

If anything, I think it's more important regarding males as they have a stronger sexual appetite.


I mean, yeah, with stuff out there on the internet that can ruin their lives with addiction, and get into plenty of trouble with real life sex as well.

I wouldn't educate them on "safe sex" though either, cause that can lead to tons of emotional trauma if she has sex with a boy and one is unwilling to let go later, ect, even worse than a normal, non sexual relationship with a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship. Sex is a powerful bond. It's not good to play around with, especially with young teens who can't even handle the emotions that they are going through at times. Not exactly good for your health either. It can ruin people's lives.
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11-29-14 08:32 PM
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I would say maybe when she is in 7th grade perhaps? I am not sure if public schools are still doing this but back when I was in junior high school, my two of my science classes and my one health class had a lesson about sex education. She will learn and know sooner or later so don't try to hold it back despite if you're the protective father type.

My parents never ever gave me the talk and the only way that I learned was through the lessons from school. That was because that they don't trust me on personal topics like this and they still don't right now. Parent and child communication is the way to go instead of hiding things and not helping them be aware of certain situations. As a parent, it is one of your duties to guide your child.

As for puberty, I think you should talk to her at 8-9 years old since females reach puberty at such a very young age. Her mother should talk to her and guide her for this part. 
I would say maybe when she is in 7th grade perhaps? I am not sure if public schools are still doing this but back when I was in junior high school, my two of my science classes and my one health class had a lesson about sex education. She will learn and know sooner or later so don't try to hold it back despite if you're the protective father type.

My parents never ever gave me the talk and the only way that I learned was through the lessons from school. That was because that they don't trust me on personal topics like this and they still don't right now. Parent and child communication is the way to go instead of hiding things and not helping them be aware of certain situations. As a parent, it is one of your duties to guide your child.

As for puberty, I think you should talk to her at 8-9 years old since females reach puberty at such a very young age. Her mother should talk to her and guide her for this part. 
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11-30-14 02:00 PM
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Well personally I knew before my mom ever talked to me about it (no dad to do it). I think it's probably important that she learns it from you though and not in a classroom or classmates (referring to inappropriate jokes in school). In my school for some reason we learned about it in 4th grade so I was probably only 9 years old at the time and to this day I still understand it so I don't think there is too young of an age for them to learn it at.
Well personally I knew before my mom ever talked to me about it (no dad to do it). I think it's probably important that she learns it from you though and not in a classroom or classmates (referring to inappropriate jokes in school). In my school for some reason we learned about it in 4th grade so I was probably only 9 years old at the time and to this day I still understand it so I don't think there is too young of an age for them to learn it at.
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(edited by jack3604 on 11-30-14 02:01 PM)    

11-30-14 04:46 PM
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warmaker : I think it should be when she starts sexual maturing. Because she is devoluping towards that and you or your wife can explain what all this means and how it all works and the birds and the bee's and the other things. (bill cosby voice that last part) Also if you do it when they start maturing it saves you/wife from having to do two talks with her.  I was talked to about it when i started maturing and it helped me understand about stuff. I really have no idea about how you could go about telling her. But i do know that there are a lot of books that talk about those kind of things in a way that is easier for younger audiences to understand.  this is one of those books that could help you/wife explain.
 http://www.hpbmarketplace.com/Facing-the-Facts-The-Truth-about-Sex-and-You-Brenna-Jones/book/9875842?matches=31
 
I would educate them on safe sex. Because i hate to say it but chances are she will encouter many chances to have sex though out middle and high school and many kids do. If she has these chances and takes them i would rather have a healthy non virgin kid then a pregnet girl that might have gotton a std. You also don't want to try to scare her about it because alot of times that can lead to her not wanting to ever have it. But at the same time you can't tell her oh it's bad. because that can lead to her being scarde to tell you that she did and may or may not be pregnet and it can lead to her using it as a way to rebel.
warmaker : I think it should be when she starts sexual maturing. Because she is devoluping towards that and you or your wife can explain what all this means and how it all works and the birds and the bee's and the other things. (bill cosby voice that last part) Also if you do it when they start maturing it saves you/wife from having to do two talks with her.  I was talked to about it when i started maturing and it helped me understand about stuff. I really have no idea about how you could go about telling her. But i do know that there are a lot of books that talk about those kind of things in a way that is easier for younger audiences to understand.  this is one of those books that could help you/wife explain.
 http://www.hpbmarketplace.com/Facing-the-Facts-The-Truth-about-Sex-and-You-Brenna-Jones/book/9875842?matches=31
 
I would educate them on safe sex. Because i hate to say it but chances are she will encouter many chances to have sex though out middle and high school and many kids do. If she has these chances and takes them i would rather have a healthy non virgin kid then a pregnet girl that might have gotton a std. You also don't want to try to scare her about it because alot of times that can lead to her not wanting to ever have it. But at the same time you can't tell her oh it's bad. because that can lead to her being scarde to tell you that she did and may or may not be pregnet and it can lead to her using it as a way to rebel.
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12-01-14 03:12 PM
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I feel parents should have that discussion with their kids when they are around 11-14 years of age, or at soon as the child hits puberty. That way, they can learn and understand what is going on with their bodies. You can talk to them earlier though, so they can be prepared for when it happens. My grandma taught me about puberty when I was 9 years old, so I figured out what was going on the moment I started bleeding. Schools also have the talk about puberty and sex education. My school did puberty talk in grade 5 and sex ed at grade 7. While I never was given the talk about safe sex by my family, I feel parents should teach their kids both things as well, so they can help their children understand what is going on and guide them.
I feel parents should have that discussion with their kids when they are around 11-14 years of age, or at soon as the child hits puberty. That way, they can learn and understand what is going on with their bodies. You can talk to them earlier though, so they can be prepared for when it happens. My grandma taught me about puberty when I was 9 years old, so I figured out what was going on the moment I started bleeding. Schools also have the talk about puberty and sex education. My school did puberty talk in grade 5 and sex ed at grade 7. While I never was given the talk about safe sex by my family, I feel parents should teach their kids both things as well, so they can help their children understand what is going on and guide them.
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12-01-14 03:41 PM
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My parents never had "the talk" with me. There is so much education that goes on in schools now that it really isn't necessary in my opinion. In 5th grade I had to watch a video about the changes in my body. In 6th grade I had a half-year health class about sex. In 8th grade I spent half of the year in Biology talking about sexual reproduction. Then I had another health class in 9th grade about STDs.

I mean it's your call if you want to do it or not, but I don't really think it is as much of a requirement as it used to be.
My parents never had "the talk" with me. There is so much education that goes on in schools now that it really isn't necessary in my opinion. In 5th grade I had to watch a video about the changes in my body. In 6th grade I had a half-year health class about sex. In 8th grade I spent half of the year in Biology talking about sexual reproduction. Then I had another health class in 9th grade about STDs.

I mean it's your call if you want to do it or not, but I don't really think it is as much of a requirement as it used to be.
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12-01-14 05:04 PM
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My parents never had the talk with me as they kinda guessed I already knew about it. Same goes for my brother. I heard about it when I was around 9/10 via school sex education.
My parents never had the talk with me as they kinda guessed I already knew about it. Same goes for my brother. I heard about it when I was around 9/10 via school sex education.
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12-01-14 05:18 PM
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Because kids get a lot of sex ed at school now, I don't see it as important as it used to be.
Still though, many kids feel way more comfortable having been told things by their parents than at school, where they can laugh it off with friends. 

I'd say around the time they hit puberty, so they understand what's going on with their bodies and hormones.
Then again, I never had that discussion with my parents, so I really wouldn't know for sure.
Because kids get a lot of sex ed at school now, I don't see it as important as it used to be.
Still though, many kids feel way more comfortable having been told things by their parents than at school, where they can laugh it off with friends. 

I'd say around the time they hit puberty, so they understand what's going on with their bodies and hormones.
Then again, I never had that discussion with my parents, so I really wouldn't know for sure.
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12-01-14 05:19 PM
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tgags123 : But those are only the anatomical mechanics of it. It is important to know more than just the physical part of it. It is important to know the emotional part of it, why you should not take it lightly. Yes, there are physical dangers such as diseases, but also dangers of boyfriend/girlfriends who will take advantage of your willingness. There are social dangers and emotional dangers. Those are things that aren't generally taught in science class in schools, and for good reason. Many families have different opinions on sex outside the pure physical mechanics. So teaching more than that risks teaching against the beliefs of kid's families. It is not a good thing just to rely on the school to teach the kids because all they can (and should) teach is the physical and health side of it, which is not the only important part.
tgags123 : But those are only the anatomical mechanics of it. It is important to know more than just the physical part of it. It is important to know the emotional part of it, why you should not take it lightly. Yes, there are physical dangers such as diseases, but also dangers of boyfriend/girlfriends who will take advantage of your willingness. There are social dangers and emotional dangers. Those are things that aren't generally taught in science class in schools, and for good reason. Many families have different opinions on sex outside the pure physical mechanics. So teaching more than that risks teaching against the beliefs of kid's families. It is not a good thing just to rely on the school to teach the kids because all they can (and should) teach is the physical and health side of it, which is not the only important part.
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12-02-14 01:02 AM
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Personally I never had this talk with either of my parents. My father was never around and my mom worked two jobs and never had the time. That and since the town we lived in was so small there wasn't a sexual education class and they only went over it briefly in health. I actually had the talk with older female friends around the time I started puberty. My advice is to start talking to her about it either around the time she starts puberty, when she asks about it, or when she starts taking a health/sexual education class at school. As sad as it is people are having sex at earlier and earlier ages. From what I have seen schools usually start the sexual education classes in the early teen years from eleven to fourteen since that's about the age that teens are starting to have sex nowadays. It's important to cover all aspects about it as well from the physical side, the emotional side, the social side, and the health side. Make sure she understands the risks but don't frighten her by being an overprotective father. Not that that's a bad thing but as far as I've seen most girls will rebel when their father is too overprotective. Being an older brother with no father figure around I was too overprotective of my sister. She rebelled by going out with guys that she knew I didn't like even if she didn't like them herself. So being protective isn't a bad thing but being overprotective could wind up getting her hurt when that's what you're trying to prevent. Also, most teens respond better to complete honesty so don't try to hide or lie about anything important during the talk, it could also be detrimental to the seriousness of the conversation.

So my advice is to be honest, don't lie or omit anything, it's ok to be protective but don't be overprotective, cover all aspects, make sure she understands the risks, and give her the talk in her early teen years from around the ages of eleven to fourteen.
Personally I never had this talk with either of my parents. My father was never around and my mom worked two jobs and never had the time. That and since the town we lived in was so small there wasn't a sexual education class and they only went over it briefly in health. I actually had the talk with older female friends around the time I started puberty. My advice is to start talking to her about it either around the time she starts puberty, when she asks about it, or when she starts taking a health/sexual education class at school. As sad as it is people are having sex at earlier and earlier ages. From what I have seen schools usually start the sexual education classes in the early teen years from eleven to fourteen since that's about the age that teens are starting to have sex nowadays. It's important to cover all aspects about it as well from the physical side, the emotional side, the social side, and the health side. Make sure she understands the risks but don't frighten her by being an overprotective father. Not that that's a bad thing but as far as I've seen most girls will rebel when their father is too overprotective. Being an older brother with no father figure around I was too overprotective of my sister. She rebelled by going out with guys that she knew I didn't like even if she didn't like them herself. So being protective isn't a bad thing but being overprotective could wind up getting her hurt when that's what you're trying to prevent. Also, most teens respond better to complete honesty so don't try to hide or lie about anything important during the talk, it could also be detrimental to the seriousness of the conversation.

So my advice is to be honest, don't lie or omit anything, it's ok to be protective but don't be overprotective, cover all aspects, make sure she understands the risks, and give her the talk in her early teen years from around the ages of eleven to fourteen.
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