"I wonder what's for dinner...."


In 1991, Philip's released a game system called the Philip's CD-I, a multi-purpose CD player that played both CD's and specially made interactive disks (CD-i)

As part of a deal to develop a CD player for the SNES, Philip's was allowed to use some of Nintendo's I.P.'s in games of there own.
The CD player for the Snes never saw the light of day. However, the deal was still valid, and Philip's created a monster....

In 1993, The infamous Wand of Gamelon and Faces of Evil where released into the world. Featuring Animated cutscenes and an odd hybrid of Zelda's 1-2, the games were intriguing, but ultimately forgotten.

So. Are these REALLY as bad as everyone claims?
Avalable for Beta Testing, I'm about to find out.
(Spoiler alert: Yes, but with exceptions)

Graphics: 8

Yes, the cutscenes never stop moving, most the characters are really weird, and the king's mustache looks like nosehair at certain angles, but remember: This is 1993.
These are fully voiced, animated cutscenes in a ZELDA game. This was revolutionary! (at the time, anyway)
The outerworld sprites arn't bad. They show some details to the characters that where nothing but bits and pixels for most players, and the human characters show a lot of detail.

Sounds:
Music: 10
The soundtrack is of surprising quality. It's upbeat, catchy, and usually fits the area very well.

Sound effects: 7
The sounds MOSTLY match the item. The main issues are the cutscenes, where "boings" and "brrwwww"s are somewhat common. Still, not bad overall

Voice Acting:
.....Ummm.....Weeeelllll....
Good for the time, I suppose....Maybe?
....okay, 2.

overall, Sounds: 8 .


Gameplay: 0.01
And, hheeeerrrreeeeesss the breaker.
Bad controls, horrible platform placement,?continuously and rapidly spawning enemies, a LABYRINTH of unexplained paths...
....Oiiiii.....

Controls:
You have the choice of controling with a mouse or a controller.
The game is borderline unplayable with a mouse.
Up is jump. Okay in theory, HORRIBLY impractical in practice. It's basically impossible to keep the mouse COMPLETELY steady to move to the left or right, and jumping at the wrong time can cause you to go to where you started the path.
What I've read from other sources, the controller wasn't much better, consistently sticking to the top, forcing the player to hop around like a rabbit until it's unstuck.

To open a door, you push the "use item" button.
You're not RIGHT in front of the door? Congratulations, You just wasted a bomb! (That's 6-7 rupees you'll never get back, AND another trip to Sakato if it's your last one. Hope you didn't need it.)
To switch between items, you push Down and Use Item. Again, messing this up means you USE the item, which will probably set you back another bomb.

Platforms: 0.01
While very pretty, you will NEVER be able to tell if the thing in the background is a path you can walk on, or just something that's hanging over a pit. Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't, and the game makes it really hard to tell the difference.

You have 3 lives, where if you die, you go back to the last door/window you entered. Lose all 3, and your thrown back to the map screen.
Since you cannot proceed until you defeat an area boss, you'll probably be running through the same area o ver and over and over and over.....

Enemies:
While they utter ruined Dodongos and Wizrobe, overall the enemies are somewhat interesting. The main problem is they never, ever,EVER stop coming.

The bosses, usually defeated in a use-this-item-you-hopefully-found-earlier manner, are absolutely nothing compared to the never ending stream of Arpagos that follow you EVERYWHERE. This is mainly because you have to jump and slash to hit them, which, IF, you hit them, will leave you wide open for several attacks from other sources.

Groyund troops arn't much better. Moblin's spears do 1 full heart of damage, and you are required to fight a group of them for the lantern when you have 3 hearts.
They throw 3 spears at a time. Have fun.

By far, the single most useful item is the Whistle, which, for 5 rupees a use, will stop flying enemies mid-air for 5-7 secounds. It's pretty much the only way to survive after you get it.
Combine these enemies with a haphazardly jumping hero, and it quickly becomes clear why people hate this game.

path : 1.1

It is INCREDIBLY easy to get completly and totally lost on what to do next here.
Other zelda? games, you can walk around, talk to people, find out what the main problem is...
Not here. No one will tell you the lantern is hidden in . They won't tell you it requires oil, that you can only buy in the store. No one will tell you that it WILL run out of oil quickly, and you should buy a TON of it.....

To be fair, They WILL tell you they'll give you something if you bring them a certain item, and will, occasionally, tell you how to find a key (Strike the head of the portriat to enter the chamber!)
You'll be looking up a guide to figure out where you're supposed to be going though. A lot.


Story: 7

The King's relative, Duke Onklik, is under attack by Ganon.
The King makes a brilliant plan to go to Gamelon with the triforce of Courage to protect him, and defeat Ganon.
For reasons I cannot comprehend, he decides to NOT take link, and instead have him come if 1 month passes without any word from the king.
Zelda shows concern, but Impa, zelda's caretaker, says the Triorce of wisdom promise a safe return. The king says his ship sails tomorow morning, and then proceeds to wonder what dinner will be.
As predectied, A month goes by without word. To save his land,the Duke of Gamelon traps and delivers The King to Ganon, who... locks him up... I guess...
Soooo link goes to save the king. He disappears as well, so Zelda gets her very, very old caretaker and they go off to Gamelon with the triforce of wisdom to save the day.
........That's.... that's about it.
A decent setup, actually, but they never explain WHY link disappeared. He kinda just pops in at the end of the game, going "What happened?"
I'm kinda wondering what happened to....
Eh, Oh well.

Depth: 4

The game's decently long, actually. You'll be spending most of it's length trying to make a jump while dodging SPEARS, but still, it takes a bit of time to finish the game.


Difficulty: 9

See: Gameplay.
Quick Summary: Lots and Lots of enemies swarming a uncontrollably jumping hero who keeps missing impossible but necessary jumps.



Overall: 0.6

Is the game as bad as people make it out to be?
Yes.

Is there good in this game?
Yes.

Do I recommend playing it?
No.
But, if you have a beta ticket, I'm not going to stop you. You might enjoy it for a little bit, actually.

Just read a guide before dive into the grandpappy of Youtube Poops, and make sure you have enough Patience.
"OAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....."~

This sounds like an interesting game. I've heard many tales that the CD-i was an awful game system but the way you told about this game it looks like there were definitely some good parts about both the console and the game. That music you put in there sounded pretty good. And the voice acting sounded... okay for its time. What has made you to play this game and review it?

This is a REALLY great review. I'm shocked it hasn't gotten more feedback! At first, I wasn't all that keen on the history behind the system, but you did a fabulous job of using it to reel the reader in and give your review a sense of purpose.  You also successfully included humor... something I can never seem to do myself.  I was giggling at several parts while reading through your work.  I love the way you directed your thoughts and commentary and I can't say I've read  a review like that. It's probably one of the better reviews I've read through today.