jinkies1 : Thank you for what you say. But please try to keep to the reason this thread is open and that is to ask for advice with your personal life, relationships, work etc.

However, while I can't write your homework for you, I can empathise and sympathise with the amount you may get and how pressured you may feel at times to get it all done by your teachers and family. Often we may just wish there was someone else there to do something for us other than ourselves. But there is no personal reward in the actions of others, for satisfaction you need action and that is exactly what we need you to be effective.

Hopefully this has helped you in analysing your situation, do let me know.

Totts : Thank you Totts, I appreciate what you say.

I don't like homework so want my parents to help me do it or my brother. Either way I try my best to get out of it as much as possible.

Totts : I have something I want your take on..... what if someone you thought of as a pretty close friend, tells you they don't want to talk to you and then when you try to at least be civil, they totally ignore your existence?

SunflowerGaming : I totally get your situation, it has happened to me many times and there are friends I thought of as close now that don't even get back to me. What I do know with my own experience is that in the past I would have been sad about it and got me down. But now I am more wiser to myself and I am still sad but I just go out and do things by myself or meet new people. I have realised that even after 10 years some people can still get back in touch so I never lose hope. Sometimes we move on also and leave them behind too, not the other way round. I would be polite about it, say how you feel, don't blame any sides and then if the person wants to see you it will happen and if not it may be for the best, you can only say how they ignoring you makes you feel. But yes it is a bummer I so get that. But see the opportunity it presents to in your life if you can.

jinkies1 : Good luck with your school work, I am sure you will do well and have made some good posts here

Totts : Is it wrong for me to be too quiet all the time? Its because I like to think. I like to think sometimes but then my past sometimes comes back to haunt me.....and also if there's a secret that you really want to tell your close friends. But not sure how to because of the way they would react what is the best solution to tell them?

Totts : Wow you are really kind and help so many people. I thank you for being here on Vizzed and helping us.

Eniitan : It is fine to be quiet all the time. You could call it mindful if you want to be positive. Sometimes when we are quiet we are most attentive to listen to ourselves and what our hearts are trying to tell us. This is manifest in your mention of the past. Some people stay loud to block out thoughts, I think you instinctively know you have to listen to this inner voice and you are being silent to hear. Well done this is not an easy step and I am proud of you for taking it. I would be careful telling friends close secrets, if you really want to then tell yourself if they were to make it public how would I feel. That way you will go into a situation with eyes open as you cannot control the actions of others as I can well see that you know from what you have said about the way you are thinking of how they may react and what they might I guess say or do. What does your voice say? how does it make you feel? and please let me know how it goes for you I will be thinking of you

jinkies1 : You are welcome!

Totts : Just found out today that funding for my job is in jeopardy.  While it's likely that I'll still get funding in a different way, how should I deal with the "down" feeling I'm feeling right now?

Totts : Thank you for the support. And things went very well. I managed to tell some at least. The others I will tell them later. And I do hope all is well with you. ^-^

Meatsim009 : Meatsim009 : A feeling of insecurity and the resulting 'down' is normal. This has been referred to by psychologists as a 'mid-life' or liminal space that we enter when things are in a state of flux and there is the possibility we may become something new and no longer be what we are not.

To deal with the down, you must think of yourself not at the whim of others but in control. Down comes from feeling a loss of power. This is all illusionary as power is a construct of ego so we are moved by what is imagined. If it is imagined however as manifest in the illusionary then we can use our mind to construct it.

This kind of alchemy as it is often referred by the greatest Psychologists and doctors is possible by regaining the mind and thus control over the situation. You are actually in control. You say your funding may go and you could lose your job I suspect as a result yet you choose to stay in for the moment as you feel you could secure more. This is all your own choice. Thus you have chosen to be in this position. With this new juxtaposition at your command you can create a new Archimedean fulcrum in your life and thus move you own 'planet' or perspective to create a new plane of vision. You could apply for other jobs, you could walk away from this one, you could look for your own funding streams, you could go on welfare, you could move country, all these options and more are at your disposal. It is suspected then that the down does not arise from what may be taken away but a fear of that which we may become. If you were to lose this job what would you really really like to be perusing or doing that this job is not? Then ask yourself what is it that I am feeling how does it connect.

Try this exercise every morning.

Repeat upon wakening:

"Though I have thoughts, I am not my thoughts"

"Though I have emotions I am not my emotions"

"Though I may feel down caused by my job, I am not my job".

"Though I have a body with feelings and sensations, I am not my body".

This cleansing is not part of some weird cult so don't worry yourself there, but what it does is allow you to reenergise and refocus yourself to better deal with the situation through being open minded to all possibilities and feelings and sensations connected with it.

Why would losing funding make you feel down out of all the possible ways of responding to just such a situation? What other behaviors have sprung up as a result of such feelings? are you eating more? Arguing more, buying more consumer products?

Keep a diary for a week and then see that combined with the mediations your 'down' may lesson and your job situation may well sort itself out as you have yourself already said it may.

Go well,

Totts.

Hey Totts, I'm having a dilemma sort of. So I am 16 years old and I have a Summer job. I work at a concessions stand at a baseball field. So this is my second job right now, I also work at another concessions stand (but this one is for my city government). So the non-city job is under the table, very illegal in the way of worker's rights. This job pays me $10 an hour and the days can range from 10 to 16 hours a day for... well today is my first day off in 9 days. On short days with only 1 or 2 games it's a lot less hours, but I have only had 1 of those days. So I'm sure you can imagine that for being a 16 year old I'm making a good amount of money, maintaining 2 jobs.

So this is the problem... This job is VERY VERY physically and mentally stressful and I need to do it for the whole Summer. This job is in the ghetto basically. People get killed there every day at night. So the people that I encounter are either nice people or just the most rude people you could ever imagine... there is no in between, sadly. Also I can go as long as 2 hours without seeing people, just being there by myself. I live in Florida so temps go from 90 to 100 every day and I sweat so much that I'm just miserable being there. Even though all I do all day is sit there mostly doing nothing, you just get very sore from doing nothing and then lifting things sometimes. And then there are the big rushes of people where you don't have enough, let's say hamburgers, and they just wait there while you cook them staring at you intensely. It's like being in a tiger's cage.

Well I guess to keep this post a little bit short, I'll just stop there.

The problem is that, I make a lot of money at this job in a short period of time, but do you think that it is worth it? I love having the money just either for bragging rights and to be able to spend it and know that I'll have another $100 the next day (I don't spend a lot of money really, but you get the point). I could use this money in the future for college or something, or even just for something purely for fun like a motorcycle.

Advice?!?!?!?!

[EDIT] I never really said it but I pretty much hate this job.

jack3604 : Thank yoo for taking the time to post here, I can see from what you say you are not having an easy time right now. A wise friend once said to me. That if work was enjoyable the rich would have a monopoly on it. But for all the money in the world it cannot make a bad job good. Work becomes our life and then what do we do with the money then. Ask yourself would you rather be poor and have no bad job or have a bad job and be rich as you seem to be in that situation.

I am sorry the work is so tough, I can see it can be very demanding mentally and physically on you, but I want to say that I am proud of you for working in such conditions. I too have had my fair share of awful awful jobs and expect nothing less ot happen again..

I suggest you decide if you can see work as a means to an end and then use the money for doing enjoyable things that you could not otherwise do without the money. that way the tough job becomes more tolerable. You could see it as a zen master once said as a opportunity to strengthen your will and resolve. But if that sounds too grandeurs then tell yourself work is meant to be tough and I am tougher for dealing with it.

when the season is over it appears things will be easier for you. So stick to that principal. Have you spoken to friends and family about this, what do they suggest? I would be more interested however in what you think you want to do about the situation. Just by writing to me here you have begun to take the first step in handling this. So we will face the next steps ion this thread.

I wonder if anyone else reading this on vizzed is also in a similar position to you, just knowing that there is at lea one other person in this can help yo see it for what it is and perhaps gain perspective.

Let me know what you have decided.

Totts : Well as far as the would you rather have the job and be rich or not and be poor, I have another job. I could easily live off of that money since I'm only 16 and don't have bills to pay. But it's just that the money from the terrible job is so much better than the money from the other job.

I am saving the money for something that I can have fun with also. I plan on buying (hopefully) a new motorcycle at the end of the summer. I really enjoy rifing and the money that I'm getting is pretty much making that possible whenever I have free time.

Yes when Summer is over I will have a much easier time with work but then I will have school, which isn't as bad but still is time consuming.

Also, recently I haven't been doing a good job cleaning according to my boss, and honestly, I'm not going to try to get fired but if it happens then it happens and I won't complain about it one bit.

jack3604 : You raise many good points and are dealing with this really well and with a level head. Would you like a job here answering posts?

Hello Totts. I would like some advice.
I am going to high school in around a month. In real life, I am a very shy person, with low self-esteem, and introverted. I was wondering if you could maybe give me some advice on how to fit into High School. I know around 2-3 people in the entire place, so I wouldn't have much friends. What should I do?

Secondly, I wonder how people are so positive. I am a very negative person myself, and I am trying to change that. I was wondering how people stay so positive, so I can become a positive person as well.

You are a great person, remember that, don't let anyone take that away from you.

Totts : Oops, sorry was not up to date with Viz for a few days and well honestly I'm not very good at giving advice but I can help people a lot in certain areas so if I see a post that I can offer advice on I will reply to it.

I am a veteran that nobody wants to give a job too. Please help me, Dr. Totts.

thing1 : Okay lets try to help you, you that you have most certainly come to the right place.

I am so sorry you cannot presently find work, how is that making you feel right now?

What is your take on the situation, what reasons do you think 'nobody wants to give you a job'

How are you coping with this transition?

I wonder how many people her eon Vizzed are experiencing the same thing and what advice they can provide.

Totts i just had a huge argument with my friend, she said she wont speak to me again anymore. I am so sad and crying all the time and dont know what to do. I did not mean to hurt her, but I did and am so sorry, i did not mean to tell another friend she was having difficulty with her boyfriend but I wanted some help on it, and then she thought I was speaking behind her back and spreading rumours the next day when she got a text saying she was done with her boyfriend and it was over.

Totts, I am in a sticky situation. My ex girlfriend broke up with me, and her best friend asked me out, and we are dating now, but now my ex girlfriend likes me again. What do I do?