I'm not here to discuss my religion but rather what led me to my lack thereof.
I was raised in a very devout Southern Baptist family, yet somehow two of us three children ended up breaking away from the religion of our parents. I ended up as an atheist (or more specifically, a Secularist), my sister is a pantheist, and my brother is agnostic. I don't know when or how exactly my siblings chose their paths, but as for me, I was raised Christian and was very proud of it at the time. I was baptized at the age of 12. Even though I believed strongly in God, and prayed most nights, I had a lot of questions, but there was one thing I didn't own: a Bible. My mom wouldn't let me read hers, and I only got to read bits and pieces of it in church.
That changed on my 13th birthday when I got one as a present from my Sunday school teacher. I was so happy, and began reading it every night. It took more than a year, but I read the entire thing cover to cover. In the 8th grade, when other kids were reading Harry Potter during free time, I would pull out my Bible and read. I wanted to know every single sentence in the word of God. It earned me the nickname "Bible Boy" for a little while!
The troubling part was that my attempt to get closer to God only left me with more and more questions. There were so very many things that didn't make an ounce of sense. The Bible would tell me these amazing, incredible things, but would not tell me why or how they happened. My faith was strong enough at the time to hold on despite my questions. I remember my pastor telling me once that "God knows all the answers, he just leaves us with a few clues".
I didn't know much at all about other religions at the time though. That changed in my freshman year of high school, when, as part of a history class, I did a report on religions of India and Southeast Asia. The bulk of this report required me to research mainly Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. While I was doing the research, I became absolutely fascinated with those religions. There was one time I remember asking my mother if I could attend one service at a mosque, "just to try it out" and she got absolutely furious. She called up my teacher and had a huge, loud argument over the phone, I don't remember much of it or what the end result was. But, of those religions I studied, Buddhism fascinated me the most. I was completely unfamiliar with the concept of living in complete peace and harmony without the presence of a God. Before I did that research, I thought such a thing was impossible.
I got a perfect score on that report and the presentation that went along with it, but I still wanted to know more. I began spending many hours each night on my computer learning about religions across the world and across time and comparing them to my own beliefs. It was around this time, at the age of 14 or 15 that I stopped going to church. It created a great rift between me and my parents and my siblings (since both of my siblings still went to church at the time). For a short while I considered myself a Buddhist (and for an even shorter while, a LaVeyan Satanist... I still own a Satanic Bible, it's sitting on the bookshelf right next to the Holy Bible I got for my 13th birthday, lol), but then I began to learn more about modern atheism, and found things within it that I could accept more so than in Buddhism. I began referring to myself as an atheist in the summer of 2008, at the age of 16, and I've been that way ever since.
Of course, Atheism is simply the disbelief of God, but it too has branches and organizations within itself (such as "Atheism Plus"). I tend not to subscribe to any of these, because I find that organized thoughts tend to lack individualism. I subscribe only to my own methods, though in going about my life, I do borrow pages from the methods of others I meet, some religious, others not. I'm not here to discuss my religion but rather what led me to my lack thereof.
I was raised in a very devout Southern Baptist family, yet somehow two of us three children ended up breaking away from the religion of our parents. I ended up as an atheist (or more specifically, a Secularist), my sister is a pantheist, and my brother is agnostic. I don't know when or how exactly my siblings chose their paths, but as for me, I was raised Christian and was very proud of it at the time. I was baptized at the age of 12. Even though I believed strongly in God, and prayed most nights, I had a lot of questions, but there was one thing I didn't own: a Bible. My mom wouldn't let me read hers, and I only got to read bits and pieces of it in church.
That changed on my 13th birthday when I got one as a present from my Sunday school teacher. I was so happy, and began reading it every night. It took more than a year, but I read the entire thing cover to cover. In the 8th grade, when other kids were reading Harry Potter during free time, I would pull out my Bible and read. I wanted to know every single sentence in the word of God. It earned me the nickname "Bible Boy" for a little while!
The troubling part was that my attempt to get closer to God only left me with more and more questions. There were so very many things that didn't make an ounce of sense. The Bible would tell me these amazing, incredible things, but would not tell me why or how they happened. My faith was strong enough at the time to hold on despite my questions. I remember my pastor telling me once that "God knows all the answers, he just leaves us with a few clues".
I didn't know much at all about other religions at the time though. That changed in my freshman year of high school, when, as part of a history class, I did a report on religions of India and Southeast Asia. The bulk of this report required me to research mainly Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. While I was doing the research, I became absolutely fascinated with those religions. There was one time I remember asking my mother if I could attend one service at a mosque, "just to try it out" and she got absolutely furious. She called up my teacher and had a huge, loud argument over the phone, I don't remember much of it or what the end result was. But, of those religions I studied, Buddhism fascinated me the most. I was completely unfamiliar with the concept of living in complete peace and harmony without the presence of a God. Before I did that research, I thought such a thing was impossible.
I got a perfect score on that report and the presentation that went along with it, but I still wanted to know more. I began spending many hours each night on my computer learning about religions across the world and across time and comparing them to my own beliefs. It was around this time, at the age of 14 or 15 that I stopped going to church. It created a great rift between me and my parents and my siblings (since both of my siblings still went to church at the time). For a short while I considered myself a Buddhist (and for an even shorter while, a LaVeyan Satanist... I still own a Satanic Bible, it's sitting on the bookshelf right next to the Holy Bible I got for my 13th birthday, lol), but then I began to learn more about modern atheism, and found things within it that I could accept more so than in Buddhism. I began referring to myself as an atheist in the summer of 2008, at the age of 16, and I've been that way ever since.
Of course, Atheism is simply the disbelief of God, but it too has branches and organizations within itself (such as "Atheism Plus"). I tend not to subscribe to any of these, because I find that organized thoughts tend to lack individualism. I subscribe only to my own methods, though in going about my life, I do borrow pages from the methods of others I meet, some religious, others not. |