So first person to make me laugh every day earns 100 Viz. This will go on every day and if nobody makes me laugh that day nobody gets it. I must warn you though I am very hard to make laugh.
 
 Also no stealing jokes or reposting the same joke.
 
 Oh and I will always be honest.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
Funniest Bush quote EVER?

Since you didn't say posting videos was against the rules - here's my attempt (There's nothing funnier than a dude in a dress)

awesomeguy279 : ok here's a joke: there was a man and a woman in a house, later a mouse came! the woman got scared so the man phones the police. He dosen't know how to say mouse so he says instead:' Do you know jerry from "Tom and Jerry" the police says: Yeah. then the man says:"Jerry is here!

The greatest video ever made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg0s8Ard2oM

Bonus: Read the captions the second time for added laughs.

supernerd117 : Omg that was hilarious. I also watched more videos on their channel and they are just as funny so just because you made me laugh multiple times im giving you 500 Viz.

I woke up on saturday... and I was going to win the last day of the CP VCS... it was march :'(   STUPID FBUARY ONLY GET DEM 28 DAYS DAWG!!!
:'(

Barathemos : That's not funny... It's depressing D: Sorry to hear about that though, dude...

awesomeguy279 : Okay, so, here's a long one for you...

There's a British camp in the middle of Africa, a scout charges back in, a large dust cloud following behind. The man pounds through the gates screaming "The Zulu's are coming, their right behind me." Hearing him, the captain turns and orders the gates be closed. Once closed, he moves closer to the gates and turns to his 2IC "Get me the Indian trackers!" he commands, and, moments later, the 2IC returns with his trackers. 

Turning to the first, he points to the wall on their East side "Get up there, and find out all you can about our enemies" he said, being replied to with a mere nod before the tracker scales the wall to take a look. Upon reaching the top of the wall, he gets shot in the head with an arrow, falling back and tumbling to the ground below.

Turning to the second tracker, the Captain points to the Western wall, giving the same command again. The tracker obediently scales the Western wall and is subsequently shot in the head with a musket. Falling back and landing in a broken heap on the packed earth below, much to the Captains disappointment.

Finally, the Captain turns to the third scout, deciding to let the man work it as he wishes, he asks "How many of them are there?" The tracker nods, seems to think for a moment, then drops to his knees, placing an ear to the ground, he listens for a moment before straightening up to look at the captain "There are around five hundred of them, sir" he says simply, a frown plastered on his face.

Stunned at the tracker's ability, the Captain seems perplexed for a moment before nodding "How are they coming, are they on foot, or are they on horseback?" Placing his ear to the ground once more, the tracker waits a moment before looking up "There's a group of horsemen to the east, and another to the North, the rest are on foot" he says, much to the Captains confusion, and approval.

"Okay, now, how are they armed, bows, muskets, etcetera?" The Captain asks. Again, the tracker puts his ear to the floor, closing his eyes a moment, giving the impression that he's listening, before opening them and listening a moment longer. Slowly, he stands "They all have their hatchets and tomahawks, the horsemen all have musket,  the rest have bows." He informs the soldiers around him, surprise, fear and confusion all appearing on the British faces around him.

His curiosity getting the better of him, the Captain turns to the tracker once more "How can you tell all that, just by putting your ear to the floor?" he asks him, expecting a long, informative explanation. The tracker grins and folds his hands behind his back "Well, sir, the thing is, when I put my ear to the ground, and I mean, really tight against the floor..." he begins, seeing the soldiers all lean in slightly to hear what he's about to say.

Giving them another few seconds of silence, he chuckles. "I can see under the bleeding gate" he says.

Andae : Lol I can expect that much because the soldier saw the others get shot he most likely did not want to be next. Anyways that made me chuckle a little so I will give you 100 Viz.

Well here's one if you're still doing this offer.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Owls

Owls who?

Yes they do!

Hmm, purely because I succeeded with making you laugh with my first attempt, I think I'll try again.

A blind old man walks into a bar, takes a seat, and turns to the bartender.

"Excuse me, sir, would you like to hear a Blonde joke?" The elderly customer asked, a small smile playing his lips. The bartender's brows rose slowly as a number of people all looked to the blind man before he spoke. "Well, on your right hand side is a seven foot body builder, he's blonde, I'm blonde, the bikini model on your left is also blonde and the gang of bikers by the window are all blonde, are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a moment, frowns and shrugs "Maybe not the best idea, then... It'd take too long to explain it that many times."

I've got one:
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

I area little food coloring yesterday. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I was fine but it feels like I've dyed a little inside.

awesomeguy279 : Okay here is an amazing joke:

Robert and Mick have an oral exam today. Since Mick didn't have time to learn and Robert has the test before Mick has it, Robert decides he will tell the answers to him.

Robert goes to his class. The teacher asks him:
Who was defeated in Waterloo?
Napoleon, says Robert.
In which year was that?
1815, says Robert.
Last question, is there life on Mars?
The scientists are still working on it.

Robert goes out the class and tells Mick the answers: Napoleon, 1815, the scientists are still working on it.

Mick goes to his class. The teacher asks him:
What's your name boy?
Napoleon, says Mick.
In which year were you born?
1815, says Mick.
Are you crazy?!
The scientists are still working on it.

Another Great joke!!

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."

True story: Yesterday I ate about a whole raw clove of garlic. Not only did the first huge bite (I forgot exactly how spicy it is) sting like the dickens, but when I got home, I smelled like garlic and people would smell it within a 10-foot radius. >.<

awesomeguy279 : http://www.buzzfeed.com/kevintang/15-rudest-things-in-animal-crossing just look at this page overal i laughed my a** off i'm not too funny so i take no credit and at the cost i won't take vizz if this goes against the rules