Crash Bandicoot was a splendid, enticing and very well made platformer for its time. Making three superb main games with a fantastic racing game that rivaled and, dare I say topped Diddy-King Racing and Mario Kart 64 (with a so-so mini-game PSX game that deserves at least some credit....some), it was a wonder what they were going to do when the groundbreaking PS2 came out. The best selling console of all time (even in 2013) had pretty much everything. It handled DVD playing in a simple manner, great controls that were practically untouched from its predecessor, a sleek design and amazing graphics that pushed and went over what everyone was expecting, it was clear that a Crash Bandicoot game on this beast of a console would only do the same to it's elder kin.

What made the hype even more so, was that the publishers were none-other than Konami, video game legends that created Contra, Castlevanis, Life Force, Metal Gear, that....dance move thing where you had to actually dance (dancemania?)....and several others that have made video game history because of this company. Whatever Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex had in store, not only would it be big, but it would be ultimately magnificent to say the least.

So why, why why why why WHY, did this game suck more than a bicycle pump going through a vacuum? It was terrible, worse than Crash Bash in the sense the game was just poorly made. Crash Bash was a jerk by nature, but this thing, it's like it had no understanding of what a platformer was. I'm here to put justice to this disgrace of a game bearing the Bandicoot name. To have the name Konami on the front implied it was created by such, but in actual fact Traveler's Tales are to blame for this monstrosity. It was just distributed by a great company to make it sell better.

It can't be that bad right? No, don't get me started....oh wait, I am writing a review, silly me. Let me start with the opening to the main menu. The first thing you notice is that it's bland, empty and unenthusiastic. It's so boring and cheaply made. You can just see that little no no effort was put into this. The literally zero background music (unless if you count space station beeping as "music"), the unentertaining voice reading out the text and publishers, the animation in general and the low profile of sound effects, which might I just add were in pretty much ALL the Crash Bandicoot games beforehand (save the first one, which was still entertaining than this poor intro), makes the game seem like it's not worth playing. You know, maybe that was the intention. The developers were so horrified with their results they cut out the awesome intro and replaced it with this pile of garbage to give the signal that they should save their souls and get a refund. But does anyone listen? ...Or they just generally sucked at this point, which the latter seems more likely.

Next thing is a real nitpick, but you can only choose 7 characters. You can't put "Bandicoot" as a name because you can only enter in "Bandicoo". I guess you could always put Crash in as a name if you want something easy (aside from "aaaaaaa"), but for those that like to use Bandicoot, when it's in the name of the game, can't. It's a small thing, but it irritates me. You can add 8 characters in Crash Nitro Kart, so I see no excuse.

So once you enter your name, you are greeted with a cut scene dictating the story ahead of you. The absolute first thing that I notice here is that the frame rate is far too smooth. I know it's silly, a smooth frame rate is a good thing, it makes you feel less irritated in a game and it doesn't have jaggy movements that makes you want to rip out your hair. But seriously, this frame rate is far too smooth. It's like they're making special commands do all the work. Look around and tell me, do those sparks coming out of the wire seem natural? Do those waves feel like actual waves? Does that spin attack have any "kick" or feel that makes it seem powerful? Having done some animation myself (I admit poorly, but still), I know about how using one feature, from start to finish can create a magnificently smooth movement, but when you need to add some dynamic 'pow' in there, smooth one-end-to-another isn't going to work, you need to cute some frames out to give the illusion that it's moving faster, so those sparks feel like they jumped out of no-where and could hurt you.

It needs to amaze you and activate you and think it's all real. Here, you can clearly see it's a computer game, with stuff made by a computer. There is not realistic feel to this game graphically. It's surprising, I don't normally say how graphics are important, but here every action and animation reminds you that you are not in this fantasy world, but in your bedroom holding a controller making the orange character move and win. A great video game makes you forget you are using a controller, and that you are actually playing a game, but that you are the game. It's unfortunate that this game spoils it by being lazy with the graphics, and using too much of the "fancy" stuff that the PS2 made possible, putting no professionalism into it whatsoever. This is armature work at best.

Right, the story. Well apparently Cortex and his hencemen are part of some company (that we've never heard of before, nor even a name) where they have to increase evil activity in the universe. It sounds like it was their job all alone, yeah, yet another thing that seems to be the case yet has no evidence it appeared in earlier games, just like Crash Bandicoot 3, Warped, where Uka-Uka was apparently behind all the evil plans in the first and second game (according to the instruction booklet) and Cortex was just another minion, even though Uka-Uka was only freed in the third game and made no appearance in the first two games WHATSOEVER. Hmmmmmmm! Stuff like this makes me so angry!

So apparently Dr. Cortex was working on some sort of super weapon to crush Crash and his comrades, but lacked a power source to finish it off. Uka-Uka then proposes that they use the Elementals as that power source to get this secret weapon up and at them. Then Cortex says something like "prepare to feel my wrath, Bandicoot" Hahahaha, subtle! Real subtle. Maybe you should make that the name of the game. The scene then cuts to Crash and Coco water skiing, where just like that, natural disasters start happening. Apparently it was really easy to wake up the Elementals, it's a shame we didn't see a scene of this to where they slept or anything, that would have been really interesting and expanded the Banicoot world. Aku-Aku goes over to see what his evil twin brother is up to, and well, finds out that the Elementals have awoken. Seems kinda pointless, since with Uka-Uka saying he will get the Elementals and since natural disasters are linked to NATURE AND THE ELEMENTS it seems that the scene with Aku-Aku and Uka-Uka was just a filler, giving almost no character development for the masks. The only thing about this scene is that they appear on that weird ancient floating machine island that seems o be around since Crash Bash. What is it with these things? Also, Aku-Aku and Uka-Ukas voice seemed to have dropped a lot and I could barely hear their conversation during this scene. Smooth. Real good editing skills there.

So the cut scene drags on even more where Aku-Aku goes back and tells them each mask requires 5 crystals to put them back in their hibernation state. Why 5 crystals? Why that number? Why crystals? Why are they the same purple ones? Why can't it be something different to collect this time? Spyro the dragon had three different games where you collected three different things. Dragons, orbs (And talismans technically), and eggs respectfully to the first three games. These guys are just being lazy, not thinking up a good concept to get something else for a change. I guess don't fix what isn't broken. Coco just so happens to have a virtual reality machine that can help them track down the crystals. Wow, how convenient. After that you get some dialogue from Cortex and his newest creation Crunch, who is your stereotypical, hot headed tough-guy that wants to take on the Bandicoot at every interval, but Cotrex keeps telling him he will have his time. Dude, you created Crunch specifically to take down Crash! Why are you holding him back from his purpose? Just let him go ahead do his thing before he collects useful power-ups and Aku-Aku masks.

The formula for this game is simple as the third game from the PSX series. You have a huge hub world connecting to five different smaller worlds which are very easy to transverse between each other. Each world has five levels and a boss level, each boss giving a power-up that should help you on your journey to collect the crystals. You can also break all the creates in the level to get a gem, which will contribute to a secret ending (which is kinda lame, because when you defeat the game, Uka-Uka only goes "But wait, the gem! Victory can still be ours!" meaning that after all that, you still have to complete the game 100% to get the proper ending. This wouldn't be so bad if it was done in a subtle way, which is wasn't.) and relics, which contribute to secret levels which let you get more gems. The hub world for this game is so boring. Again, it's all artificial and constantly reminds you that you are in a video game. No-one wants to feel that, they want to feel the action of being in a fantasy world, or to experience a story as if they are actually a part of it.

As you pick a level, you have to go through this obnoxious loading screen. Remember how Crash is orange with blue shorts? The blue complements the orange, making it pop out, so what did they decide to do? Make the loading screen full of red, orange and blue colours. It's stupid, it's an eyesore to look at, and Crash blends in rather well to the background, which is bad, because the hero is meant to stand out, not be covered by similar colours.

The first level is an ice level, despite the theme being "jungle" or "nature". The ice levels are normally left till later in the game, and there's a reason for it. You have to get used to the controls before you can throw in slippery ice which throws everything out of proportion. There are also poor platforms on this first level as well, meaning you can die quite a lot as well. Not only this, but there is a death platform as well. A death platform is a game mechanism that if you an make it to this point and not die, you can go on it and go to a different section of the level and get a gem, in this game it's always a coloured gem. Quite a lot for the first level, it's quite over-powering. Normally I'll leave it for at least the forth level for any of this, and the second world for the ice levels. I suppose you could just go to a different level, say level 3, as it's non-linear in that sense, but post people like to go from 1-30 in that order so they don't get confused with level hopping and having to explore the hub for levels they haven't completed.

There are quite a few new game types in this game actually, unfortunately they are all rather bad. There's a terrible re-incarnation of the jet-pack levels of Crash Bandicoot 2, boring airplane levels, a car level that has the worst steering and is a pain to get the gem on, tricky and slow paced ball levels where you're inside a ball, and the worst of all, the submarine levels, where you are under water in a submarine, where the slightest touch of anything will cause you to explode and die. Yes this includes fish, even though you are in a metal case with plexiglass which can withstand amazing amounts of pressure from the water above. These levels truly are the devil's work. I have spent several lives on just one of these, which are unforgiving, poor frustrating and they actually make me depressed to play them. I feel trapped, inclosed, lonely and powerless in this metal tank. annoyingly enough, the water effects actually mask the unrealistic graphics of this game, and have actually emerged me more than other levels, and that makes me so terrified. A game should not make you feel like this when it is supposed to be fun and harmless. Getting relics on these levels are not fun at all. They are the opposite of fun. It's like grating you hand through a cheese grater only to find that you have grated it the wrong way, so you get you hand back as if nothing happened to it, and you grate it again, and again and again, until you get it just right, then you get to loose you hand permanently. These are what make a terribly level design.

One thing that is kinda nice is that some levels have a light-grey gem, which are obtainable through different means other than cracking crates open. It's a shame the two ways to get these two gems are a pain, and both in snow levels. There are too many snow levels in this game, too many. Speaking of which, the coloured gem platforms look horrible. They are cheaply made polygon-shaped, with the colours filled with no care for shading, textures or edge enhancement. It looks like a plastic toy. The first one you're likely to run into, the blue coloured gem challenge, is not fun because of the depth perception. If the game was in 3D, then it wouldn't be such a problem, but mos of the jumps you have to make are mainly guesses of distance, and that's not entirely clear because of how the level section is angled. One mistake and you're dead, completely unfair given the situation.

The power-ups are almost useless as well. They are only used for specific parts of the game, after that they can be just forgotten about. In the second and third game they used these power-ups more often, giving them an important role in the game. The power-ups include a tip-toe ability, just hold L2 to tiptoe over nitro boxes. This is a really bad idea for a power-up, because it greatly slows down the pace of the game. This is only used in bonus rounds, and if it was used in normal levels, you would be wide open to enemy attacks, giving you the choice to either take the hit and lose an Aku-Aku mask, jump as a reaction from the attack and explode by hitting the nitro boxes, or jump out of the way and lose an Aku-Aku mask, with the possibility of death. At least they thought about this, but it's very possible to jump the gaps here without using the power-up. The spin attack that makes you hover in the air is only used once (and there were other places where this could have been used well, but couldn't because the monkey bar mechanism got in the way of it) and the bazooka is hardly used until the final boss.

The lack of AI in enemies in this game is really shocking. Most of the enemies use an arch which goes over your character. You can just walk by then and sit there, watching them throw potions and what-not at you till the cows come home, with no sense of aiming for you. This makes the game too easy for when you encounter actual enemies. But, in the ball levels, it's even worse. You know Tiny, Dingodile and N. Tropy? Bosses of the third game that provided a decent challenge and a sense of accomplishment upon defeating? Well they're regular enemies now in these ball levels. Tiny just moves left and right to stop you passing though, with no sense to "CRUSH TINY BANDICOOT" even with him so close, so trapped in a ball. All it would take is to pick him up and throw him away, there job done, but nope, he does nothong about it like a lower level simpleton.

Dingodile fires his flame thrower thingy in the same spot over and over, even though you are in his sight. Just need to aim carefully and he could make the bandicoot run wild, but nah, he just follows the traits of normal enemies. N. Tropy, surely you must provide a decent challenge right? You were awesome to fight in Warped, such an atmosphere, such music, such a scene. But here we see the mighty time twister just fire his magical time dart in the same spot over and over, in which Crash can easily avoid, even though this guy could aim more carefully and take him out. how could you do this to such amazing bosses? These once proud, decently rich characters are now downgraded to the simplest form of enemy AI. This is an insult. These are freaking bosses for Pete sake" And you come here and make them normal enemies?

The music isn't too bad, it had it's charm, but it's just not the same. It's missing something, something important. It's bearable, but it feels like it's connecting its music too much to the level design. I have said before such as in Super Turrican that this really adds to the levels feel and enjoyment, but here it just feels like they used too many sound effects in the music instead of actual instruments. The weird sound effects also don't help compliment the music as well, despite the sound effects being almost identical to the previous games. The re-tune of the classical Crash Bandicoot theme is also pretty nice. It adds a new mix to the beat and it doesn't make my ears bleed. I can offer kudos here.

The bosses are also poorly made. These bosses are not really fun. The first one consists of using the ball thing and hitting rocks before Crunch does to defeat him, while the second one is even more poorly made because it's very repetitive and easy to die in, which is a recipe for wanting to speed things up and get it done as quickly as possible, which results in more mistakes, which results in dying more frequently. It's a boring boss that can leave you at a stalemate for some time.

Overall, I give this a 3.4/10 at best. It's a really disappointing Crash Bandicoot game, where everything just seems wrong. The level designs are wrong, boring and frustrating, the graphics are confusing in some places, cheap, and unrealistic, which is surprising since it's made for the PS2, which makes it an even more poor job, with a terribly conceived story and difficulty curve. if you're a huge Crash Bandicoot fan, then it might be best if you leave this one. If you want to play it, but it really isn't anything like the first three classics from the PSX.

Wow. That was an awesome review. You had a tremendous amount of detail and you went into more then was needed. Awesome job. 

Yeah, I agree with barathemos, you went into an explosion of detail that wasn't really needed, but you did it anyway and I must say you did a great job reviewing this game. You had red in your reach until tgags took it, but nevertheless, this is a fantastic review! This is one of the larger reviews I have seen, but it was kind of a given that you would do an awesome job with this review though. Great work man and I think you truly did an awesome job with this. 

I can recommend any advice because it was already perfect the way it was! Keep up the awesome work as always and keep making more awesome reviews because this was simply fantastic! 

Darkpower508 : Wow Darkpower, awesome job, a bunch of details all in your won words, and with 3,295 words into this review, and all in multiple paragraphs which makes it easier to read and I think that is really nice for the reader instead of one giant paragraph, nicely done.

Razor-987 : Thanks. I'll note it for next time to keep things more relevant for the future. I can respect there is a line between complaining too much and reviewing the actual game.