Eye Doctors, Dates, and Airplanes

In which Pit and Palutena escape the others for a nice day at the fair only to have their dinner interrupted by a self-proclaimed Hero.
Starring: Palutena; Pit (main); OC’s (Occulo and various others)

Pit: You can’t have OC’s!
Author: Yes, I can. I’m writing this. Besides, it’s fan fiction, not canon. I can bring in whoever I want. I could bring in anybody. Heck, I could bring the Doctor over here, send you on his TARDIS, have you land in your own timestream to meet your younger self, cause a meta-crisis paradox-thing, and then have Edward Elric save the day majestically!
Palutena: … And Viridi calls me the nerd.

                  “Well, Lady Palutena, I don’t know what to tell you,” Occulo sighed heavily.
                  “You can fix my All-Seeing Eye of Palutena and you’ll even give me a coupon for the operation!” the goddess exclaimed. “Joy!”
                  “No!” Occulo snapped. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have sighed heavily! Palutena, your stupid eye is broken.”
                  “We all know that,” Pit complained. “It failed her about Pandora’s labyrinth, and again with the giant spider in the Amazon.”
                  “No, I mean it’s completely busted, decimated, kaput. There’s nothing I can do.”
                  “But you’re the god of sight!” Palutena pleaded. “You’re supposed to fix ANY sight problem, divine or physical!”
                  “Yes, but that’s one botched laser eye surgery you’ve got yourself there,” Occulo replied.
                  “Did she really have that, or are you two trolling with me?” Pit asked.
                  “Maybe,” they replied at the same time.
                  “Are you sure there’s nothing you can do?”
                  “Absolutely certain.”
                  “Crap!” Palutena shouted, forgetting to be cordial. “Now what? Do I rename my All-Seeing Eye of Palutena to my Partially-Seeing Eye of Palutena or Not-Really All-Seeing Eye of Palutena?” And then she collapsed into a chair and broke into sobs.
                  “Now, now, don’t cry, Lady Palutena,” Pit consoled, patting her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting way. “Wow, she’s really taking it hard.”
                  “Throwing a tantrum, more likely,” Occulo sniffed. “It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart. I’m sure your Eye can still see most things.”
                  “I’M USELESS!!!” Palutena cried. “I’M UTTERLY USELESS! A COMPLETE WASTE OF DIVINE SPACE! MY POWERS ARE NEXT TO NOTHING!”
                  “You know that’s not true,” Pit protested. “You have the Power of Random Fireball, and the Power of Wind, and the Power of Ninjary, and the Power of Cooling- which saved my life on the volcano, thanks!- and the Power of Trolling, which I think is one of your best, and the Power of Flight…”
                  “WHICH LASTS A STUPID FIVE MINUTES!” she wailed. “DARN HEWDRAW HAS A BETTER POWER OF FLIGHT! PANDORA, WHO USED TO BE AN EVIL BLOB, HAS A BETTER POWER OF FLIGHT!”
                  “At least Viridi’s ALSO only lasts five minutes,” Pit suggested.
                  This cheered her up immensely, so she stopped yelling and sobbing and just sniffled softly, crying a bit.
                  “You know what you need?” Pit said. “You need a nice, long day out! Just fun, and not worrying about the house, or the bills, or the rest of the pantheon, or how to get back to Sky World… a day of doing absolutely nothing!”
                  “In other words,” she growled, “be just like all the other free-loaders in my mansion?”
                  “Yup!”
                  So, half an hour later, Palutena found herself at the county fair, dragged along by a whistling Pit. “What rides do you wanna try?” he asked.
                  “This is ridiculous,” she complained. “What’s a goddess supposed to do at a fair?”
                  “Play rigged carnival games.” Pit led her to a shooting gallery. “All you have to do is shoot down the prize, and if it falls, you get to keep it! It costs about five bucks, fork it over…” After she paid, Pit put a cork gun into her hand. “Just pull the trigger.”
                  Palutena sighed, concentrated, and hit every single target perfectly. Unfortunately, only two fell over. “What? I hit them all!”
                  “But they didn’t fall down.”
                  “You’re right, this is rigged,” she snorted, and collected her prize. To Pit’s happiness, she was no longer upset about her botched eye and was now engaged in what she called ‘righteous anger’ at the carnival booth. As they tried different games, she seemed to forget about her broken eye altogether, enough to even try a rollercoaster ride.
                  After several hours wasting time and money, they started to head back to the mansion, devouring giant bags of cotton candy. Palutena was obviously enjoying herself, because she didn’t tell Pit not to eat so much sugar so late in the afternoon, for which he was relieved. Sometimes Lady Palutena acted like his mother. Or maybe his mother acted like Lady Palutena. He had no idea.
                  “Look at that,” Pit pointed. “There’re some people hanging out of that airplane.”
                  “Hmm.” She stared up at it. “Maybe they’re some stuntmen?”
                  “Or they’re shooting some sort of movie.”
                  “They have green screens for movies, Pit. They don’t ACTUALLY hang the actors outside of planes.”
                  “Oh.” He jumped at the sound of several cannons. “That was loud.”
                  “Yes, it was. You know what? I really don’t feel like going back just yet. How about we get some dinner, just the two of us?”
                  This was the closest thing to a date that Palutena had ever mentioned in the ten thousand years Pit had worked for her, not counting the previous five thousand as her receptionist. He would have been insane to turn it down. “That sounds amazing, Lady Palutena!” He hoped he wasn’t blushing, or that his voice betrayed his excitement too much.
                  “Great!” She sounded as if she’d just walked through a field of fire and escaped unscathed. “How about we try Divine Doughnuts and Café?”
                  Pit grinned. Ah, this was perfect. Here he was, alone with Lady Palutena, and she was clearly also having a good time. She’d even laughed at some of his jokes, which didn’t happen often. She also made several puns, which was one of her favorite ways of messing with people, and Pit laughed at those too, even though he normally just got very irritated by them.
                  Then the thought hit him that, more than likely, one of the Pantheon was trying to figure out how to ruin the entire thing. Things never really went his way, especially if it involved Lady Palutena. He was sure Viridi had gotten wind that he was taking her to the fair and was probably none too pleased about it.
                  At that moment, a bedraggled girl collapsed in the chair next to him.
                  Palutena stared at her, surprised. “You were the girl who was in the cannon!”
                  Pit didn’t even bother asking how Palutena knew that. It seemed her Not-Really All-Seeing Eye of Palutena still saw some things.
                  “Yep,” the girl replied dismally. “I’m Emma. I’m the Hero. Or I was.”
                  “What happened?” Pit asked.
                  “It’s a really long story.”
                  “We’d love to hear it,” Palutena replied, looking at her watch. Pit figured she was trying to buy more time away from everyone else. He didn’t blame her.
                  “All right. So, like, there’s this airline company- Big Ookii Airlines. And there was this flight attendant, Ayana. She just won the Big Ookii Flight Attendant of the Year Award, and she was very proud of herself, naturally. So one of the passengers called for juice, and she went to deliver it, when one of the flight attendants, Nicky, tried to throw her out of the plane. It seemed that Nicky thought Ayana was getting too big for her britches, and he was a bit angry he didn’t win.
                  “Luckily for Ayana, she was near the emergency ropes, so she grabbed one and was dangling out about a hundred feet below the plane. That’s where I come in. You see, I’m the Hero, so my job is saving people. When I saw Ayana hanging out, I just knew I needed to save her.”
                  “So then what happened?” Pit said.
                  “Well, I asked this guy next to me, Logan, if I could borrow his cannon and if he could shoot me towards them. We did the math and got the angle, but he got distracted at the last minute and shot me about ten feet too low, so I was holding on to the end of the rope like crazy.”
                  “That sounds terrible,” Palutena said, not sounding very sympathetic at all, more like she just wanted Emma to keep talking.
                  “I thought I was done for, when I noticed someone on the ground flashing messages in morse code to the pilot. That person managed to get the pilot low enough for Ayana to hop onto the roof of a building, but I crashed through the window and into a parlor. Needless to say, I can’t ever enter Pansy’s Parlor Potatoes ever again. The mysterious person, who turns out is none other than my sidekick, won all the credit while I made the news as the ‘Idiot Cannon Girl.’”
                  “Oh, it’s all right,” Pit said. “Sometimes the credit goes to the wrong person. But, your sidekick?”
                  “The sidekick is always better than the Hero,” Emma replied sourly. “The credit ISN’T going to the wrong person. That’s the problem. If you’ll excuse me, I must go fire my sidekick (to keep my pride) and then rehire her (because she tends to save my life) for the millionth time.”
                  “But if you crashed through a window hanging out of a plane, shouldn’t you be in a hospital?” Palutena asked, surveying Emma for any hint of damage.
                  “I’m the Hero. I heal fast.”
                  And then she was gone.
                  “That was really weird,” Pit stated.
                  “Uh-huh,” Palutena agreed. “Hey, isn’t it strange that none of the Pantheon is here yet? I thought for sure they’d be along to mess things up.”
                  So Palutena thought about it too!
                  “I wonder what they’re doing,” Pit said. “Viridi especially.”
                  “Moping, no doubt.”

                  “Is it true?” Dark Pit asked.
                  “Is what true?”
                  “That you went on a date with Palutena.”
                  Pit tried to keep his face straight. “It was not a date. I simply took her to the fair, because as her commander, I care for her well-being, and she needed a fun break. After that, we had dinner. That’s it.”
                  “Viridi doesn’t think so. She’s been crying all day. The only way Phosphora could calm her down was say that she was drowning her tulips with all her tears.”
                  “It wasn’t a date.”
                  “Fine. Whatever you say.” Pit sensed, however, that Dark Pit didn’t believe him. Why should Pittoo believe him, after all, when Pit himself was certain it was?

                  “It was not a date!” Palutena protested. “I was depressed and needed to perk up. Jeez!”
                  “I don’t care if it was a date or not,” Gaol defended. “I just asked. Honestly, no need to get so worked up about it.”
                  “Me doth think the puppet protest too much,” Medusa smirked.
                  “You guys are all jerks. No wonder a day without you does wonders for the health.” Palutena sighed. “I’m going to take a bath. Steer clear of the hot springs!”
                  “Wait!” Phosphora cried. “Hades’s in the-“
                  A scream.
                  “Too late,” Viridi laughed, coming down the stairs.
                  “You perked up.”
                  “I know Palutena always visits the hot springs at eleven, and that Hades spends at least an hour in them. So I told Hades no one’s in the hot springs at ten thirty, which is true. I just didn’t tell him how LONG nobody would be there.”
                  “So that’s why you didn’t crash their not-date thing!” Phosphora exclaimed.
                  Viridi smirked evilly.

Palutena: Eew. I wish I had the Power of Forgetting.
Hades: You are very rude, you know that?
Palutena: Says the man who claims souls are like taffy. You know, Viridi, I swear I will kill you for this.
Viridi: Fine by me. Just let Pit escort me to the afterlife.
Palutena: …Argh!

A user of this : Why, thank you! And actually, that's a good idea. I need more topics for this fanfiction, since I have only one more idea left, and that was the ever-cliched "bedtime story" gag- and bringing the Doctor in is genius. I can't believe I didn't think of that- even though I did write that in the beginning.