So I wanted to make this thread, because my girlfriend just told me something that hit me.
Have you ever had a partner that has had a friend tell him or her that he loves her?
I don't mean in a friendly way, this is genuine feelings of love.

Because this has just happened to me, my girlfriend told me one of her friends said he loved her today, that the feelings just hit him (his words)
And I'm kind of angry about it, not so much the feeling love for her part, because I know you cant help how you feel.
More so that he knew she was in a relationship, and pulled her aside and said this to her anyway.

What makes this worse is she wont even tell me which friend said this, she thinks I will beat him up or something most likely, and that's why she wont tell me his name. But all I want to do is talk to him and understand his side of this.

She says they talked about it, them as friends her relationship with me, but says I have no input on it?
I thought that a relationship meant sharing that stuff, or am I wrong?
I think its unfair for her to say I don't have a say in any of this, I don't keep anything from her yet she feels its ok to keep something like this from me.

So my question to you all is this...
Has this happened to you before? Maybe you know someone it has happened to? Maybe you haven't, I'm open to any and all thoughts on this. Because from my stand point right now, I don't feel trusted by the person I hold dearest in my life.

I think it is very wrong if she things you should have no input in it. Besides, if it is somebody you know, it is a person who has personally betrayed you.

I had once sort of a similar situation with my former finance. There was this guy who was obviously in love with her and would always try to get under her pants behind my back. The worse thing was that she sort of encouraged him by always meeting him behind my back and talking with him on the phone when she thought I did not realise it. And yes, I beat up the guy maybe three times but maybe not hard enough since he would always come back. To this day she claims she did not cheat on me but I know for sure she did made out with him on the very same day I asked her to marry me. But according to her that was not cheating. I only regret I did not take the guys teeth when I had the chance.

Well, your girl if she really loves you should just spill the beans who the guy is or just stop seeing him. If she loves you, what is her point in having any kind of relationship with this guy? And especially, why she should hold anything from you?

EvilAlu : Alu, that is not a good thing.. if she won't tell you who it is.. its either because shes hiding something.. she may Like and/or love this guy back and doesn't want you to know or she just plainly does not trust you. I have dealt with this kind of thing .. concerning my friends relationships and I am a girl so I pretty much know everything about the "girl code" as if you were speaking in child language. I also had a ex boyfriend do to me what she is doing to you at this moment. Every relationship I have been in has been honest, loving , and faithful.. or at least on my part. So her saying it "doesn't" concern you is "NOT" a good thing. Just be careful I don't want somebody like you or anyone for that matter getting their heart broken just like I did.

Brigand :

Omg really Brigand, she said that making out with somebody else other than you was not cheating?? Well that is a lie! Anything concerning lips hands or body at all is cheating.. unless its a hug to a friend or something. I'm very sorry you had to feel this, its a horrible thing to go through.. I myself went through this in a relationship with a guy I loved.. this other girl did the exact same thing.. when she KNEW that he was "taken" and I was in love with him.. I ended up getting my heart broken over all and haven't spoke to him sense.

Anyways,  both of you Promise me you will keep smiling and smirking in your life!

Bintsy

Brigand : I can feel where you are coming from, I would be telling a lie if I said the thought of crushing this guy didn't cross my mind.
But I'm trying not to let that kind of anger overcome me, but the longer I go without knowing the details the more that feeling takes hold of my rational side, its like fighting an uphill battle.

Bintsy : Thank you for you kind words and advice, for a while now it has felt kind of distant between me and her, everyday seems like she is coming up with more ways to push me away.
Like asking my permission to go on a date -.-...
I just wish she was more upfront with me, she knows telling me something like that will make me angrier by the second if I don't understand all the details and what has been said who it is etc.
I'm just going to feel more aggression towards this guy if I don't speak to him myself.
Its one of those things I need to handle or it will eat away at me you know?

I've had this happen while I was dating someone. The girl I was dating went to a different school and the guy that was trying to get her went to school with her. Apparently he talked crap about me when he was with her. Eventually he told her that he liked her but she didn't feel the same way.


In the end you have to trust her that she cares for you more than him. It sucks if she leaves you for him but I wouldn't want a girl who would leave me just because some guy came along and told her he loved her.

I do understand her wanting to not tell you who it was. Be grateful that she told you that it happened at all. She could have kept that from you too. Don't push the issue though. If you trust that she loves you more than you have to let her deal with this. Tell her that if she wants/need to talk you are there but I wouldn't put too much pressure on her. Getting too jealous/defensive might push her away.

EvilAlu : Well I have kind of been in this situation on both ends actually. Several years ago a close friend of mine that I had grown up with was having problems with her boyfriend. He was the type that treated her badly and was the overly jealous type. He had a problem with me because in many ways my friend and I were able to confide in each other about almost anything and everything and we had leaned on each other during some pretty difficult times.

Every time he would give her a hard time about her relationship with me, she would either call or get a hold of me online and vent her frustration. It pretty much got to the point where this guy tried to provoke me to have a confrontation with him. I refused. For one I am disabled (She was to) and although I got into my share of trouble when I was in school and wasn’t afraid to fight; I decided to be the adult in the room. I wrote the guy an e-mail and tried to more or less to wise him up and say that I wasn’t the problem and that he needed to take a step back and really look at what he was doing. He had stepped out on her a couple of times, denied it and even after admitting it continued to treat her bad. So I was pretty much trying to defend her because at that point she had reached her wits end with him. For someone who was trying to provoke someone, he didn’t reply to the e-mail but in all honestly I wasn’t expecting him to.

I didn’t really get involved in her issue with him beyond telling her that she deserved better and that the guy was insecure etc. The ironic thing is that during all of this nonsense she and I became closer and she eventually left him and we tried having a relationship. I made sure it was over between them before I thought of the idea because she approached me about it, not the other way around.

After we both said okay things were okay for a while but the problem was I never saw her. As a writer I pretty much work a very demanding self-imposed schedule when things are normal but despite my attempts to adjust things so I could spend more time with her, I never really saw her. Despite talking on the phone regularly and online she for one reason or another avoided me. I think in three or four years we may have got together twice in all that time. Eventually she started getting short with me and eventually just cut contact with me all together.

More or less it destroyed our friendship by trying to take it further. I don’t hold any ill will toward her and I hope she’s doing well but there were a few things in reflection that I should have saw as potential red flags.

For one she didn’t want to let anyone know that we were dating if you could call it that. It was one of those things where she’d go I’m with you but I don’t want to tell anyone yet. This included her family who had known me since we were kids. There were times like I said where I would be busy writing (Pretty much covers stuff every week of the year with the exception of the week of Christmas) where I would say to her let’s go do something and I’ll work later, just to get out and do something. More often than not she would say she was busy or was with a friend of her’s. When we’d talk most of the time she would respond to what I was saying, no matter what it was by going ok and then would go well, I got to go bye.

I pretty much know that it was a mistake but I won’t lie when I say it feels like I was BS’d. I don’t hold any resentment toward her at all but I wish she were honest with me. The whole thing I consider to be a near-miss, meaning that it looked like it could have been a real relationship that could have meant something but never really went anywhere. I don’t really consider it to be a relationship because I hardly saw her and there was no real communication beyond phone calls and online. Despite living maybe a half hour from each other that is what I dealt with.

I had been single for years before that and still am. Basically my last real relationship was when I was still in high school. That relationship was something that I consider to be one of the big mistakes I’ve made in life. My ex cheated on me constantly, was in with the wrong people but instead of getting away from it and cutting my losses like someone level-headed would, I did everything I possibly could to try and keep the relationship. Despite being lied to, BS’d, and cheated on I didn’t want to throw in the towel when I should have. The last straw was she lied to me about things that were very serious and life altering. I wish I had listened to those who were telling me get out of it when all this was going on because it would have saved me a lot of headaches and grief.

Basically the lesson I took from both experiences was not to go into something naïve and try to hold yourself and the person your with to a standard of honesty and to avoid nonsense. In retrospect even though it may not be fun to be single sometimes it’s better then being played like a violin or led like a puppet on a string. It also isn’t worth risking friendships even when the other half of that friendship is the one who suggests that the relationship go romantic.

It kind of sounds like your dealing with a bit of a double standard. It is important to not let anger get the better of you though. I would just ask for honesty and see where it goes. If she isn’t being up front with you and it seems like she’s going behind your back then the best thing you can do is make sure that is what is going on and cut your losses.

As far as the other guy I wouldn’t really worry too much about him. If things are as she said then it’s good that he at minimum told her how he felt but it isn’t worth wasting your time and energy trying to figure out who, and why. It can be frustrating because you want to have trust and be trusted in return but at the same time by questioning it, it may open up other things. If I were in your shoes I would just ask that she be honest and see how it goes from there.

Best of luck to you.

well ummm sortof, i was that guy. a girl i sort of liked was hitting on my friend. i told her that i liked her and she kinda flipped at first. my friend didn't care. awhile later she decided to go out with me, which actually made my friend mad. it was kinda confusing at first cuz for one he told me he didn't really like her and two, he kept ignoring her. but yeah, it broke our friendship and later me and the girl broke up. so idk if thats anywhere near the same? but it really sucked and now i just try not to get into relationships. nothing happened like trust stuff, but i think you need to try and ease her out of the dark and slowly get her to tell you. just plain out saying 'tell me' isnt going to work with a girl. but hey, what do i know? im 15

Yes it has happened to me before.., and at first I reacted the way you did...

After all I was pretty angry/annoyed that a person would declare there feelings whilst they are aware that the person they "love" is in a relationship.. I can understand if they didn't know though and I don't hold any negative feelings about that. After all sometimes we just don't realise that we love someone instead of simply liking them.

She told you that someone had approached you.. So she's not denying you input.. If she was to do that she would have never mentioned it to you in the first place.. Maybe she's just concerned that you will start a feud with the "friend".. After all it's not nice to have a boyfriend and a long time friend hate each other.

It seems as the majority of people are saying that you should confront her as she's hiding something.. Perhaps she thinks it's nothing and would rather let that "nothing" escalate for no reason at all. 

Like you said yourself it's all about trust... and as you are the one in this position you should figure out what to do on your own.. You may have described the problem.. But only you have the relationship with your Girlfriend.

sonicmcmuffin : Thanks for your input on this
Me and my girl have had a talk since I posted this, she understands my feelings on the whole situation a little better now.
And I would like to think that the trust we share has grown a bit.
I still have an underline feeling that she keeps a lot of things from me, but hopefully in time we can work past that, and continue a healthy relationship.

That's great to hear. Consider it a small hurdle that you just overcame in your relationship.. It feels weird giving advice on love to someone older than me if I can be honest.. But I read the replies and I didn't agree with them... 

Anyways good luck in the future.. And you never know maybe that trust will grow even more!

I say dump the broad.

I have had women attempt to play me in my teen years.
I stuck to my gut instincts and dumped them.
Later they would hook up to the alluded person and be dumped in a shorter time.

Unless you have been together for at least two years?
Ditch the Dame.

There should be nothing that a couple can not talk about.
Your Lover is your Friend.
If she decided that the friendship has limits then the same will be for the love as well.

Sorry to hear about the trouble.

Good Luck To All.
Peace.