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fallenswordx97
01-13-13 12:53 PM
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I just realized how much my life sucks.

 

01-13-13 12:53 PM
fallenswordx97 is Offline
| ID: 722790 | 632 Words

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For starters, I was evicted 3 (1 was somebody else's house that we were staying in BECAUSE we were evicted)  times, I'm poor, I have to live with my grandma who always complains about things and who gets mad at me when I forget to do something she told me to do (saying that I'm "too young to forget things), my parents argue literally ALL THE TIME (even though my dad live 200+ miles away);they have also physically fought each other (a few times where the police have to been involved,but each was equally bad) I have to stay upstairs in a place that pretty much an attic with 5 other people. My youngest sister acts like a 3-year-old who is oblivious to every thing even though she's turning 10 in 4 months, my sister ( ripefallapples45 here on vizzed) doesn't know the right  time for ANYTHING (like playing slayer around my religious siblings and my very religious mum)  and she complains WAY TO MUCH about everything ever (she also swears like a sailor);but she's the closest family member to me, my oldest sister has anger issues and makes fun of how I act (calling me an Oreo) but I don't really talk to her much. And my mum thinks I need counseling because 'I don't look happy; she also thinks that I don't care about her because I said that I want to move with my dad, eve though the only reason I'm going is because he WILL find a way to get me to move up to Rockford, IL with him. About my dad, he seems to only really care about me (which gets on my nerves because he has 4 other people to care about), he's having an affair with his girlfriend in IL, even though he's still married; but he doesn't want to sign the divorce papers or whatever because of some "Staying together for the kids" bull****, and he's also abuse and angered (he even punched ME at times). I can't go outside, I can't even STEP outside (in the frontyard OR the backyard), my neighborhood is crappy part of St.Louis, MO (I hear shooting every now and then); I only have a crappy, broken broadband stick or a far away open network that goes out for a long time every now and then (the one I'm using now), I have to sleep on a floor, with only a cover, 2 pillows, and a bin that I put the pillows on to support my neck; My room is smaller than an average kitchen and I have to share it with my 11-year-old sister, I can only go downstairs if I want to eat something or if my grandmas want me to do some task for them. All of that was just home and family! My school was on a list of worst schools in MISSOURI, the whole entire STATE, of MO. Most of students there are just ghetto, rude, obnoxious, loud, and greedy people who don't really care about their work. Also, there are people who talk about me behind my back and some guy even physically bullied me because I'm Awkward and because I don't like or care for playing sports. I WANT to care about my work in school, but I can't because the only things that are filled in my head at the time are I'm too stupid or just random thoughts because I most likely have ADD and no one even knows, or thoughts of.... never mind, or just thoughts about hating myself because I don't like being black.

Overall, I just really don't know what the point of making this thread was, because the only thing that it's doing it's doing is bringing my personal problems and complaints out to the public...
For starters, I was evicted 3 (1 was somebody else's house that we were staying in BECAUSE we were evicted)  times, I'm poor, I have to live with my grandma who always complains about things and who gets mad at me when I forget to do something she told me to do (saying that I'm "too young to forget things), my parents argue literally ALL THE TIME (even though my dad live 200+ miles away);they have also physically fought each other (a few times where the police have to been involved,but each was equally bad) I have to stay upstairs in a place that pretty much an attic with 5 other people. My youngest sister acts like a 3-year-old who is oblivious to every thing even though she's turning 10 in 4 months, my sister ( ripefallapples45 here on vizzed) doesn't know the right  time for ANYTHING (like playing slayer around my religious siblings and my very religious mum)  and she complains WAY TO MUCH about everything ever (she also swears like a sailor);but she's the closest family member to me, my oldest sister has anger issues and makes fun of how I act (calling me an Oreo) but I don't really talk to her much. And my mum thinks I need counseling because 'I don't look happy; she also thinks that I don't care about her because I said that I want to move with my dad, eve though the only reason I'm going is because he WILL find a way to get me to move up to Rockford, IL with him. About my dad, he seems to only really care about me (which gets on my nerves because he has 4 other people to care about), he's having an affair with his girlfriend in IL, even though he's still married; but he doesn't want to sign the divorce papers or whatever because of some "Staying together for the kids" bull****, and he's also abuse and angered (he even punched ME at times). I can't go outside, I can't even STEP outside (in the frontyard OR the backyard), my neighborhood is crappy part of St.Louis, MO (I hear shooting every now and then); I only have a crappy, broken broadband stick or a far away open network that goes out for a long time every now and then (the one I'm using now), I have to sleep on a floor, with only a cover, 2 pillows, and a bin that I put the pillows on to support my neck; My room is smaller than an average kitchen and I have to share it with my 11-year-old sister, I can only go downstairs if I want to eat something or if my grandmas want me to do some task for them. All of that was just home and family! My school was on a list of worst schools in MISSOURI, the whole entire STATE, of MO. Most of students there are just ghetto, rude, obnoxious, loud, and greedy people who don't really care about their work. Also, there are people who talk about me behind my back and some guy even physically bullied me because I'm Awkward and because I don't like or care for playing sports. I WANT to care about my work in school, but I can't because the only things that are filled in my head at the time are I'm too stupid or just random thoughts because I most likely have ADD and no one even knows, or thoughts of.... never mind, or just thoughts about hating myself because I don't like being black.

Overall, I just really don't know what the point of making this thread was, because the only thing that it's doing it's doing is bringing my personal problems and complaints out to the public...
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(edited by fallenswordx97 on 01-13-13 12:59 PM)    

01-13-13 01:09 PM
ender44 is Offline
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It is always good to bring your thoughts out to people. Yeah, we don't know you, but it doesn't mean we cant tell you that we hope you come around and manage to repair your life. As a human, I cant really say much more than that, because I don't know what your going through. So I genuinely hope you can manage to repair your family relationships, and if you haven't already, report that bully to the principal. I was bullied as a child because they wanted me to do their homework, because I didn't play sports, or just because I have red hair. Take it to the adults at the school, they know what to do.
It is always good to bring your thoughts out to people. Yeah, we don't know you, but it doesn't mean we cant tell you that we hope you come around and manage to repair your life. As a human, I cant really say much more than that, because I don't know what your going through. So I genuinely hope you can manage to repair your family relationships, and if you haven't already, report that bully to the principal. I was bullied as a child because they wanted me to do their homework, because I didn't play sports, or just because I have red hair. Take it to the adults at the school, they know what to do.
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01-13-13 01:14 PM
fallenswordx97 is Offline
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ender44 : What's funny is that after that day, I never say the guy again. Now he doesn't even go to the school anymore...
ender44 : What's funny is that after that day, I never say the guy again. Now he doesn't even go to the school anymore...
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(edited by fallenswordx97 on 01-13-13 01:14 PM)    

01-15-13 02:13 AM
Eirinn is Offline
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I'm likely to get put on someone's "spammer" list for replying to this so late when it's been inactive a few days and possibly not intended to be a discussion, and I do apologize if this puts me on your spammer list personally. However, since I have a lack of internet access, this is the first chance I've had to even see this thread, let alone reply.

That said, I do want to say even though we don't know you, and I've never even had the priviledge of posting in a thread with you or chatting, we don't mind you sharing like this. Hey, I even made a thread solely for the purpose of encouraging people to post things like this. I think it's good to open up to friends (though you definitely want to pick and choose what to reveal to whom), it encourages and heals. I'm sorry to hear you're in such difficult situations. That is a lot to have to put up with, and I admire your strength, though it is a shame that you have to be so strong. Also, you can (and will, if you try your best) overcome these circumstances and one day better your life. Know that I'm not saying the current situation is your fault (it most certainly is not), or that you can change what is beyond your control, but rather that you will not always have to endure these things. It will get better eventually. And I can't say much, since you didn't specify why, but you have no need to be ashamed of your race or nationality. There's nothing wrong with being black, just like ender and I have nothing to be ashamed of for being reds, despite the mockery we may endure for it. I chose rather (just recently) to take great pride in being a red (and consequently, Irish), though as I said, I've heard a lot of insults hurled. You also (as I) have many reasons to be proud of your heritage.
I don't know if you believe in God or not, and I apologize if I offend you in saying so, but I will be praying for you, and all of your family you've mentioned. I guess the point to my little ramble here was just to let you know that you're not alone, and someone does care.
Best wishes.
I'm likely to get put on someone's "spammer" list for replying to this so late when it's been inactive a few days and possibly not intended to be a discussion, and I do apologize if this puts me on your spammer list personally. However, since I have a lack of internet access, this is the first chance I've had to even see this thread, let alone reply.

That said, I do want to say even though we don't know you, and I've never even had the priviledge of posting in a thread with you or chatting, we don't mind you sharing like this. Hey, I even made a thread solely for the purpose of encouraging people to post things like this. I think it's good to open up to friends (though you definitely want to pick and choose what to reveal to whom), it encourages and heals. I'm sorry to hear you're in such difficult situations. That is a lot to have to put up with, and I admire your strength, though it is a shame that you have to be so strong. Also, you can (and will, if you try your best) overcome these circumstances and one day better your life. Know that I'm not saying the current situation is your fault (it most certainly is not), or that you can change what is beyond your control, but rather that you will not always have to endure these things. It will get better eventually. And I can't say much, since you didn't specify why, but you have no need to be ashamed of your race or nationality. There's nothing wrong with being black, just like ender and I have nothing to be ashamed of for being reds, despite the mockery we may endure for it. I chose rather (just recently) to take great pride in being a red (and consequently, Irish), though as I said, I've heard a lot of insults hurled. You also (as I) have many reasons to be proud of your heritage.
I don't know if you believe in God or not, and I apologize if I offend you in saying so, but I will be praying for you, and all of your family you've mentioned. I guess the point to my little ramble here was just to let you know that you're not alone, and someone does care.
Best wishes.
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01-15-13 09:57 PM
fallenswordx97 is Offline
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Eirinn: I mainly don't like being black because of all the stereotypes associated with being black and the expectations for me to be good at sports (basketball in particular). Also even though I'm atheistic (my family would be really infuriated if they found out), I don't find the fact that you're praying for me and my family offensive.
Eirinn: I mainly don't like being black because of all the stereotypes associated with being black and the expectations for me to be good at sports (basketball in particular). Also even though I'm atheistic (my family would be really infuriated if they found out), I don't find the fact that you're praying for me and my family offensive.
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01-16-13 07:08 AM
Jordanv78 is Offline
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I'm sorry that things are so rough on you right now. Having grown up in a household where my parents were always fighting and there was always some sort of drama let me just say I understand. Just try to keep your head up and keep fighting. It will get better someday if you put the effort in.

The one thing that I will say is just keep studying and trying hard in school. I know it sounds lame but that is the way I was able to get out of the BS in my life and really make something of myself as to not perpetuate the BS cycle. I know it's easier said than done when your home life is filled with Drama, I've been there...but you need to try somehow.

OK I'll get off my soapbox for now ;-)
I'm sorry that things are so rough on you right now. Having grown up in a household where my parents were always fighting and there was always some sort of drama let me just say I understand. Just try to keep your head up and keep fighting. It will get better someday if you put the effort in.

The one thing that I will say is just keep studying and trying hard in school. I know it sounds lame but that is the way I was able to get out of the BS in my life and really make something of myself as to not perpetuate the BS cycle. I know it's easier said than done when your home life is filled with Drama, I've been there...but you need to try somehow.

OK I'll get off my soapbox for now ;-)
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01-16-13 09:33 AM
servbot128 is Offline
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Look I have ADHD and people talk about me as well but remember this " whatever people say about you is none of your business", your not sleeping on the streets starving, your not dying of a un-curable disease, and seeing how your being abused like I was a long time ago the next time it happens tell the police because not one human being can put there hands on you, and be grateful that you have a place to sleep, some people are dying on the streets and your in good health for the most part so it's just a rough patch and there's still the rest of your life to look forward to.
Look I have ADHD and people talk about me as well but remember this " whatever people say about you is none of your business", your not sleeping on the streets starving, your not dying of a un-curable disease, and seeing how your being abused like I was a long time ago the next time it happens tell the police because not one human being can put there hands on you, and be grateful that you have a place to sleep, some people are dying on the streets and your in good health for the most part so it's just a rough patch and there's still the rest of your life to look forward to.
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(edited by servbot128 on 01-16-13 09:36 AM)    

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