Cid, in the thread on souls, brought up something I found interesting but was unrelated to the thread so here's something to start new with it. I think the title explains it well but I'll include what he said as well. I'd write what I think but I'm tired...just caught my interest and didn't want to forget to do it later or something:

"Some people don't know they are changing it just happens, but once it hits ya, then it hits ya hard, you just look back and say who the hell was I? I still don't get what I am or what I am suppose to do or what I believe about certain things, its easy for some one to just go off of other peoples beliefs. All I can say is I just do what ever the hell I want usually."

So the questions are: Do you know who you are? Do you notice when you change? How do you feel about the way you've changed? and finally...how do you feel about change itself?

Sounds like a nice and deep thread


I honestly dont know what to say, I just deleted 3 different paragraphs that I had because each one of them I some how disagreed with after I typed them


But I can say one thing, I'm more religious than I've ever been and in the past.


Actually just earlier today I was thinkin what it'd be like if I could watch myself when I was younger like 3 or 4 years ago, but in 3rd person.

Just imagine if you could just sit back and watch yourself in 3rd person, like on a tv or somethin, of when you were 2 or 3 years younger. Would you be scared of the change? Would you be proud of the change?

Or if you go back even further, when you were 4 or 5 years old, when you were an innocent child. Haven't committed hardly any sins, or haven't committed any felons.

Just a few things to think about.

I was actually thinking about this the other day when I was visiting a friend of mine at her house to watch a movie. While there I met her little cousins, ages 7 and 10 I believe. It was incredible how much they reminded me of how I was at that age. I got a bit nostalgic after that and when I saw what Cid wrote I had to bring this up. I'm still tired but I finally finished my essay, due in about 4.5 hours, and I'm not yet preoccupied with anything else at the moment.

When I look back on my life I see ALOT of change. Not all of it was directly my fault though change in me is always my fault in some way. Probably the most influential event in my life is moving from where I grew up in a small town to the larger town I live in now. It was then that I lost many of my interests such as reading, anime and even video games. I went deeply into depression and now that I'm finally coming out and returning slightly to the way I used to be I see that I've changed beyond repair. I don't like my change. I don't like seeing the world as clearly as I do, I remember back when I wished nothing more than to go to school to hang out with my friends and look foward to a good future, but now I see everything is more complicated. I personally despise change as a whole. I'm very traditional and this is the cause of many of my beliefs on important matters. But everything I have been through is stretched and bent me to see that not everything can be handled using black and white views such as that. I honestly have no idea who exactly I am yet. And by the what you said David, your not sure either. If you deleted 3 attempts to say who you are then your obviously unsure. I'm so unsure I don't wish to even attempt it. All I know about myself is what I said in this and what my beliefs are on other matters. I know what I want on a day to day basis but I'm unsure of what I ultimately want out of life, mostly because the one thing I am sure of is impossible.

Well I know I changed, I just don't know if it was good or bad, I didn't notice the change until a couple of days ago. It was interesting when I got my mail a couple of days ago I realized my change, I am still what I used to be but now I just do things differently because of the change. As for who I am, I have no idea, I wish I knew what my life was going to become and what I will be doing, I don't know anything about who I really am. I know a few things and I know I am for sure on a few things, but if I lost the few things I know I am, then I would be beyond depression. So I decide to hold on to the few things I know I am, whether its my Job (co-workers), or people that were friends with me when I was young. I got a lot of time to figure myself out, but at the rate I am going I think its hopeless to find the true me, in some way we all need to find out more about ourselves.

Originally posted by Cid

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Well I know I changed, I just don't know if it was good or bad, I didn't notice the change until a couple of days ago. It was interesting when I got my mail a couple of days ago I realized my change, I am still what I used to be but now I just do things differently because of the change. As for who I am, I have no idea, I wish I knew what my life was going to become and what I will be doing, I don't know anything about who I really am. I know a few things and I know I am for sure on a few things, but if I lost the few things I know I am, then I would be beyond depression. So I decide to hold on to the few things I know I am, whether its my Job (co-workers), or people that were friends with me when I was young. I got a lot of time to figure myself out, but at the rate I am going I think its hopeless to find the true me, in some way we all need to find out more about ourselves.

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Honestly Jim (cid), you've changed more than anyone I know. Well actually your brother changed more than anyone I know, but you come in 2nd. I guess it must be a trait in your family.

I havent really seen any change in me. I havent really thought about change and all that stuff...dont really care for it. I think about my future alot, but thats all thats really new for me...

I have changed... SO much within the past 4 years, I couldn't even begin to explain. I'll shorten it up some:

When I was going into the 8th grade, I moved away from my dad and the house I grew up in. That was traumatic for me, because for the first time in 13 years, I wouldn't see my dad every day. You don't know how much you love something until it's gone.. anywho, that year was alright... then, after I finished my freshman year in high school, we couldn't afford rent. And everything went downhill. So, we were loaned some money by my grandma, and we moved to Idaho. Why, I'll never know exactly, other than it was my idea. I was a stupid kid. So we moved 2,000 miles away from everything I knew, my sister, and my dad. Although we were more than poor in Idaho, I built relationships and character. My first few months were dull. I didn't know anyone, and I was scared to act like myself. I didn't know how people acted here, their social hierarchy etc. And then I overheard a girl and this guy talking about anime... and I randomly jumped in the conversation. That year... was the best year of my life in some ways, even though I was suffering. I opened up so much... I was no longer the shy person everyone picked on. I was loud, outgoing, and now 'gothic.' The summer after my sophomore year, my dad got deathly ill, and we all moved back to California to be with him in his last days... Horrible way to greet your loved ones after a year, no? meh. So, after we moved back, I got that nervous, anxious feeling that no one would like me because I acted SO different than everyone else. My friends in Idaho were cool, you could act in ANY way, and they would like you regardless. here... it's like I had to act a certain way to be with people I liked. So when I moved back, some friends I knew didn't even look at me when I said hi... while others were so happy that I had become less shy and more... well.. confident? I guess.

Over time, I've become less dependent on others' thoughts, becoming open minded. Moving to Idaho and back is really culture shock, it opens you up completely. Oh, and sorry for the overly long story.