I got one for you guys.


Two men are standing at the bar in the Seattle space needle restaurant, for those that don't know there really is a restaurant & bar for tourists atop the needle, and they are sharing stories while drinking.

The first man, a tall somewhat slender gentleman with glasses, turns to the second man and says, "Did you know the needle has a special history due to the way in which it was constructed?"

The second man looks at him and replies, "No. I didn't, I'm actually from out of town so I guess I wouldn't really know. What's so special about it?"

The first man says, "Well you see the winds act in a special manner that actually creates an incredible updraft. If you were to throw yourself off the ledge the winds would actually pick you up and carry you and prevent you from hitting the ground."

The second man laughs and says, "Bullcrap. Just cause' I'm from out of town doesn't mean I am a complete idiot."

The first man motions for the second man to follow him to the balcony. He looks over the edge and says, "I'll prove it."

The second man, startled, replies, "You're kidding right?"

With that the first man stands up on the railing, turns to the man and smiles. Then casts himself off.

The second man screams for help as he looks over the edge. To his absolute astonishment the first man is carried back up and lands upon the balcony. He looks at the first man and stutters, "Unbelievable. I've never seen anything like it."

The first man smiling says, "Give it a shot, it's a hell of a lot of fun."

The second man slams back the last of his whiskey and braces himself. He stands upon the edge of the railing tipsy from the drink and than on the count of three jumps.

The first man laughs and walks back into the bar and orders another drink. The bartender with a disgusted look hands him his fifth drink of the night and says, "You know you really are an incredible jerk Superman."

Superman laughs and goes to find another tourist.

A stranger asks a man "How are you?
The man replies "Just great! Brother-in-law just picked me up from the airport." Then, the man switches the tone in his voice to indicate sarcasm "Mighty fine airport. The people are just SO NICE!"

One day at work an employee is told to bring in snacks the next day for festivities. So the man goes to the store and buys a thing of corn, some butter, and a 2 liter of soda. The next day he goes into work and pours pop into a few cups, puts in a slice of butter and tosses in corn for the final touch and his boss says, "What the hell is that?" and the employee replies, "Buttered Pop Corn sir, have some!"

a man start to tell a story to his friend:
-dood! i was swimming yesterweek then something tried to pull my leg! man i started to go down the river! man i think i have seen my whole life in one second!
-and when you saw your whole life, did you see me lending that money you never gave me back?

George comes home from work early gets out of
the car he sees a shadow on the curtins of a man in
his apartment with his wife.
He busts down the door,but finds his wife alone.
So he procedes to tear the house apart looking for the
guy he saw.
After finding no trace of the man he turns to his wife and
says"I'm sorry honey but I thought I saw a"
And at this point he sees someones fingertips clutching
the railing on his balcony.
George gets so enraged he picks up the fridge and hurls it at the railing!
The fridge crashes through the balcony,but in his rage the George didn't notice that the cord had gotten wrapped
around his ankle.
The fridge falls three stories crushing the hanging man
and pulling George to his death as well.
And so the hanging man comes to the Pearly Gates and Peter
says"Better have a good story I'm havin a crappy day."
So the man says"I was standing on my balcony when I
fell off and barely caught myself on the railing
below then out of nowhere FRIDGE and now I'm dead."
And he went on to Heaven.
Then George comes to the Gates and tells a delighted
Peter about how he killed himself with a fridge.
And he went on to Heaven.
Then this third guy walks up and Peter asks him"Howd you get here?"
And the third man replied"So I was hiding in this fridge!"

meh, that last one I hears told better, it started with the guys at the pearly gates and telling st peter the story, was funnier that way.
still, a good joke but

My turn
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Here's a computer joke:
You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....
1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Out of sheer curiosity...how would people feel about a somewhat dirty joke?

My first joke is:

A guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey sour. He notices a piano man playing requests and listens intently. All of a sudden, a hurdy gurdy man walks in with a monkey on his shoulder. The man walks to the bar and orders a gin and tonic. Suddenly the monkey jumps off of the man's shoulder and jumps on top of the piano. The piano man is to engrossed in his music to notice anything, when the monkey defecates into the piano man's drink. The first man, realizing that the song is coming to an end, springs into action and in-between songs says to the piano player:
"Do you know a monkey just crapped into your whiskey?"
The piano man responds:
"I actually don't know that one, but if you hum a few notes I might be able to fake it."