I wanted to know how you guys deal with being bumped or rejected? How do you get through it? I don't deal with it very well. I can't stand any kind of rejection. I am sure a lot of people feel that way. But I wanted to know how I can get over the fact that I was not only dumped by this person, but they have rejected me again after trying to mend things and start over. It hurts knowing this person just up and moved on without me.

I've been through that scenario so many times over the years its not even funny.   You think everything is going perfect, you think its a lock and then suddenly everything is different and turning out to be you getting rejected or turned down.   It takes me a while to get over it but depending on the situation the way to get over it changes.  Venting to close friends is a helpful way for me, as long as they don't do the cookie cutter there are other fish in the sea type reply's.   I have a situation in which a girl I liked just tore me a new opening over trying to be sweet, caring and sincere.  She read my email like I was trying to attack her and I only had the best intentions in mind, hoping she was having a good day, hoping to see her soon, the works that I actually cared about.   I had no intent on being rude but that's how she ended up taking it and after being excited to see her name pop up on the phone since I hadn't seen it in so long just to read her angered reply I just felt depressed.  After a day I realized that I was just done talking to her until she wanted to talk to me because she made me out to be a cancer to her life, so if she actually cared and realized how she reacted and how I meant to say it then she'd talk to me.  She hasn't its been two weeks so I'm done waiting, I realize that she isn't as mature as she decided to be so I'm not wasting my time upset about what I spent on her.  Think of it this way there is a good reason we all get rejected, it might not seem like it at first but if someone is willing to go out of their way to hurt you for no reason then it is better off you lose them.   If however it is unexpected and they are also hurt well maybe its better that you stay friends or let this pass on.  Just think on the terms of if it was meant to happen they will be back.   I know it is a hard concept when you are freshly coming out of the trash bin but, after all of the dumpster diving I've gone through it has finally started to sink in.   I hope this helps and isn't just a ramble of words.

Deadman9001 : Exactly! It's like you're in my head, how dare you hear my thoughts! LOL just kidding. Sorry to hear about your situation with your ex. That's got to be rough. That is one thing that really annoys me is when I message someone and they don't reply. Then why even bother reading the message I sent to you. Haha.

warmaker : That's really good advice. I'll have to try to remember that whenever I start to think about him or if I get sad about it. That's a really good outlook on this kind of situation. Thanks for the great advice.

I honestly can't give much to offer in the terms of romance when it comes to this subject.  However, since you didn't specify....

I've had this problem with my twin sister. For years, I let it eat me up to the point that I was in deep depression over it.  I was the type to always forgive her and then let her run all over me just to try and gain her friendship. However, things got bad between us, and there was quite some time where she refused to talk to me and blocked me from all aspects of her life.  It pained me...BADLY. There's so much to this story..., but not much I'm going to bore you with.

Needless to say, I dealt with it badly until last year.  We accidentally ran into each other and I finally made a stand for myself.  I told her how she made me feel, how I felt about her, and for the first time in my life, I ad my say.  I cried, I screamed, and in the end I calmly talked for about half an hour.  She then told me that she couldn't believe I would insult her, and that she wanted nothing to do with me for the rest of her life.  She slammed a door in my face, and that was that.

The strange thing?  Well me opening up to her was the best thing I could have done.  I felt immediate peace despite her affirmation, and since then I haven't been depressed because I know I said my piece and did what I could.  There is nothing I can do now but pray.  There's no sense in my making myself miserable when I've done all I can.

Perhaps you just need to somehow tell these people that reject you -exactly- how you feel without sugar-coating it.  If they don't allow you to talk with them, maybe write a letter to them.  Even if you can't deliver it, writing has been proved to be great therapy.

SunflowerGaming : Well it certainly isn’t fun to be rejected and or dumped. I’ve been through it and it definitely wasn’t fun. I’ve been dumped before by someone who I legitimately loved. What made it worse for me was I just didn’t want to throw in the towel and refused to give up on the relationship despite every sign and everyone who was telling me run. Looking back I think I would have saved myself so much grief had I just taken a step back and analyzed the situation for what it was. Perhaps I would have been able to find someone else who actually would appreciate me and not squander the relationship.

Because of what I went through back then it has made it hard to find a solid relationship since. I’ve been through the online thing and even tried a relationship with a close friend of mine who would insist that we were together but she didn’t want to tell anyone and would only see me sporadically. She just didn’t really give it a chance. It’s not fun when someone just doesn’t want to meet you halfway and in my case it ruined our friendship. It did hurt for a time until I came to a realization that hey if someone isn’t going to meet me halfway and just doesn’t want to be honest about things then it isn’t worth me beating myself up over. Far as her, I don’t have any resentment toward her but I do wish she would have been honest with me instead of more or less shutting me out.

It’s been a few years since I tried contacting her and there have been times where I’ve thought of trying to contact her but I always say to myself I’m not going to go where I’m not wanted and that’s the end of it.

To answer your question as to how I deal with rejection and being dumped. I throw myself into my writing. It can actually be quite therapeutic to just sit down and start writing regardless of the subject matter.

As far as relationships, well despite my bad luck in that area I haven’t given up on the idea of one day finding someone who will actually want to be with me and actually being able to settle down at some point and the whole nine yards. I just hope that if and when that person comes along that there won’t be too many ups and downs attached to the relationship and things can start on an up and stay there.

In regard to the people who rejected and dumped well, as I said I don’t have any resentment toward my friend even though she pretty much played me like a violin. The fact is I could have lived with the relationship not working out on a romantic level; all she had to do was be honest about it. The real shame is because she just shut me out it ruined a friendship that went back to when we were kids, that’s the real shame. The way I look at things like that and people who aren’t on the up and up in regard to relationships and or choose to cheat and such, it’s simply their loss.

The way I see it for every one person who chooses to not be on the up and up with someone and takes that person for grated there’s probably ten or twenty people who would appreciate a relationship and would be fully dedicated to it.

Keep your head up and stay strong.

I personally have never had this problem, so I can't give much advice, but because I am a man of great integrity,  I can tell you.

Women.  Hold up your selves.  Do not allow a man to pressure you or to call you out of your name.  Do not allow yourselves to be treated any kind of way.  If you go it for money and looks and popularity you need to stop.  The guys will lock in on this and will just abuse your rights.  Don't be a fool for love when you are actually lusting for things that this man is doing for you.  If it's not in love and in trust, move on.

Men.  Do not take advantages of these women.  Do not be a "player".  You bring you name to shame when you mistreat a women.  I women is a gift from God to a man.  Treat her as such.  Also do not let a women rule you.  Do not let a women do unto you what I said that men do unto them.

Breaking up is hard,  but when it happens ask yourselves.  Was it really worth all that trouble to be with someone where there was no mutual love?  That's all I can say.  God Bless.

Wow, everyone you are giving me some really good and positive advice. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to reply in this thread. You all should become advise columnists. Haha. Okay and now on to the individual replies....

Singelli : That must have been so hard to go through that. And especially with it being a family member. I hope she eventually realizes that you should be in your life and that she got upset over something that wasn't really something she should have let come in between your relationship. Hang in there and know you have friends that care about you and are always there for you.

bvd1022 : I have got to say, your advice really helps me out. It really feels like you understand exactly what I am feeling. As for what happened with your ex, the one who used to be good friends with you, I'm really sorry that happened. It does hurt when you are that close to someone and then they aren't upfront with you and then ruin the friendship when they could have avoided doing that all together. I'm sure I'll end up reading your post quite a few times in order to remind myself of what you said. It really did make me look on the brighter side. I agree with you completely about, if the other person doesn't want to be fully dedicated to the relationship like you are they they weren't worth the time to begin with. Thank you. You really did help me on a very personal level.

mr.pace : Wow, for someone who has never had this problem, you gave some really great advice. I also liked how you gave advice for both men and women. It was completely unbiased. It helps both sides, as in both genders. Thanks for the help. I really appreciate it.

SunflowerGaming : Well in regard to my friend I don’t really consider her an ex because frankly we didn’t spend enough time together for it to be a romantic relationship. The first one that I talked about was a legitimate ex and was actually the last real relationship I had. In regard to that one although I didn’t walk away, even when I knew it was in my best interest I kind of blame myself for even all these years later. She cheated on me constantly and spread a lot of things around about me. She also lied to me about things that no one should be lied to about. This has made it difficult to find a new relationship even all these years later.

The reason I blame myself for that is the simple reason that I allowed it instead of doing what I should have done, especially after the relationship ended which would be telling her to stop saying what she was or I’d pursue legal action and such. I’m a lot more stern and hard nosed now as compared to back then and frankly there is a big part of me that wishes I was like this back then because like I said before I would have saved myself grief and more headaches then I can count.

She did come to me 12 yrs later and apologized. I appreciated it but I didn’t accept the apology. I was civil with her but I told her the damage was done and you can’t really do much about it years later. It may have sound cold but that’s how I feel about it.

As far as my friend, it’s been about four years since I had any contact with her at all. I wrote her an e-mail when I found out one of my sisters was diagnosed with cancer. So I wrote her and got a bunch of stuff out of my system (Told you writing can be therapeutic.) anyway I sent the e-mail off and found out a few days later that she deleted the e-mail. She normally always wrote me back so when I saw that I said to myself, I’m not going where I’m not wanted and that was the end of it.

My friend was someone I actually grew up with but after I left school we only saw each other sporadically even though we talked all the time. Once I thought things were going romantic, I obviously thought we’d be spending more time together but I only saw her a handful of times over the course of a couple of years. Despite how busy I got (and still do) with my writing I tried to adjust things so I could go out with her or just spend time etc. She just wouldn’t meet me halfway. We didn’t live too far from each other but I look at it as a long distance thing without it being long distance simply because we never saw each other and when we did it was rare.

I don’t have any resentment toward her at all but like I said all she needed to do was be honest with me and I would have understood. I don’t know if she chose the way she did things to spare my feelings seeing as we did grow up together and were close before things almost went romantic or, if she just didn’t want to have the conversation. Either way I’m not going to worry about it. It’s not worth stressing over. Like I said before if people don’t want to be on the up and up with you it’s their loss and there is probably someone out there who will appreciate a relationship and be fully dedicated to it.

As for my sister, she’s survived four years and there isn’t a day that I don’t thank god for that. At the time I wrote the e-mail to my friend, my sister and I weren’t really talking and things were strained between us at the time. I was mixed with anger, worry, and outright fear much like I’m sure anyone would be. Thankfully we’ve resolved everything and as I said there isn’t a day that I don’t thank god for A keeping my sister with us and B allowing us to resolve everything.

You’re welcome… I hope I helped. Keep your head up and stay strong.