Have you ever felt that aching sensation in your chest, that every heartbeat just poisons your blood stream?
Have you ever felt that every breath is hard to take, when you feel that noose of regret in your lungs?
Have you ever wanted to lie down at night, and just wanted to go to sleep, but you couldn't because you're thinking about that one person in your life whom you love so much, with life itself on top of those thoughts?
Have you ever felt the sting of these scars all over my body, words tattooed into my brain and veins, the sting on the collarbone where the initials of your loved one lay?
Have you ever felt the guilt in every step you take just to get away from the past?
Have you ever looked around and received the glance of disappointment of people you know, who once thought you were brought up to be a better person? Have you ever felt the feeling of being alone,
being so useless and hopeless, so vulnerable that you're scared to say anything?
Have you ever felt the feeling of each song reminding you of the person you love? Their favourite bands, singers, lyrics and songs, just little things about them, little things they do, things you remember that you used to laugh and joke about -
Even when you see them and you want them to talk to you, you hope that they're going to tell you that they've changed their mind, that they know what you're going through and they want to try again -
Then you begin to wonder if they ever feel the same at some point, Do they ever think about you like you think about them? Do they cry at the moment they spill their heart out by accident? Do they ever beg a God to go back to how it all used to be?
Do they cry each night like you do? Do they truly feel your pain? What if they're blocking you out? What if they're telling you things you want to hear, but things they don't want to say?
Have you ever looked back at the past memories and smiled to yourself at the better times? Then when you come across the moments of pain and anger, did you cry?
Even that, the pain is just so unexplainable, you just want to give up and die. You want them to feel what you feel, And at least tell you they still love you and that they'd give it one last try to see what you're fighting for is truly worth seeing.
But they don't. They don't tell you anything.
They keep you around like that. They like it when you're around, because then they have someone to deny to,
Something to gossip about, something to block out, Something to just put in that empty corner, Something to warn everyone about, Something to get angry at, Something to hurt, Something to make torment, Something to suffer,
And you used to be everything to them. But they're gone.
And then you go to someone. Someone's who's a complete stranger, Or someone who's always there for you, Someone who knows what you're feeling,
And then you tell them everything that you feel something that no one else can feel. Then everything hurts even more.
Because you're beating yourself up for all the wrongs, All the moments you wish you could stop yourself and make right, The words you should've said, The actions you should've taken.
Then you end up crying because you're hurting inside, and you want to just give up.
Sometimes people understand you. Sometimes they don't.
And every second, minute, hour, day, night, week, month... just hurts even more.
Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever felt that aching sensation in your chest, that every heartbeat just poisons your blood stream?
Have you ever felt that every breath is hard to take, when you feel that noose of regret in your lungs?
Have you ever wanted to lie down at night, and just wanted to go to sleep, but you couldn't because you're thinking about that one person in your life whom you love so much, with life itself on top of those thoughts?
Have you ever felt the sting of these scars all over my body, words tattooed into my brain and veins, the sting on the collarbone where the initials of your loved one lay?
Have you ever felt the guilt in every step you take just to get away from the past?
Have you ever looked around and received the glance of disappointment of people you know, who once thought you were brought up to be a better person? Have you ever felt the feeling of being alone,
being so useless and hopeless, so vulnerable that you're scared to say anything?
Have you ever felt the feeling of each song reminding you of the person you love? Their favourite bands, singers, lyrics and songs, just little things about them, little things they do, things you remember that you used to laugh and joke about -
Even when you see them and you want them to talk to you, you hope that they're going to tell you that they've changed their mind, that they know what you're going through and they want to try again -
Then you begin to wonder if they ever feel the same at some point, Do they ever think about you like you think about them? Do they cry at the moment they spill their heart out by accident? Do they ever beg a God to go back to how it all used to be?
Do they cry each night like you do? Do they truly feel your pain? What if they're blocking you out? What if they're telling you things you want to hear, but things they don't want to say?
Have you ever looked back at the past memories and smiled to yourself at the better times? Then when you come across the moments of pain and anger, did you cry?
Even that, the pain is just so unexplainable, you just want to give up and die. You want them to feel what you feel, And at least tell you they still love you and that they'd give it one last try to see what you're fighting for is truly worth seeing.
But they don't. They don't tell you anything.
They keep you around like that. They like it when you're around, because then they have someone to deny to,
Something to gossip about, something to block out, Something to just put in that empty corner, Something to warn everyone about, Something to get angry at, Something to hurt, Something to make torment, Something to suffer,
And you used to be everything to them. But they're gone.
And then you go to someone. Someone's who's a complete stranger, Or someone who's always there for you, Someone who knows what you're feeling,
And then you tell them everything that you feel something that no one else can feel. Then everything hurts even more.
Because you're beating yourself up for all the wrongs, All the moments you wish you could stop yourself and make right, The words you should've said, The actions you should've taken.
Then you end up crying because you're hurting inside, and you want to just give up.
Sometimes people understand you. Sometimes they don't.
And every second, minute, hour, day, night, week, month... just hurts even more.
Have you ever felt like this? |