Okay guys, I really need some advice. I have a major issue going on in my life and I need some help to get this either resolved or get rid of the problem somehow. So here is the problem...

I have a guy friend. I knew him when I was like 19, and lost contact over the years. About 6-8 months ago I found him on facebook and started to get reacquainted with him. We started talking off and on on facebook and every now and then either texted each other on the phone or would talk on the phone. I was forward and upfront with him from the beginning. I told him I was NOT interested in dating and just wanted to be friends. He said, no problem and said he was only interested in friendship himself. So I thought everything was going fine.

So about a month or two ago, he asked a girl friend of mine to ask me some questions. (I didn't find this out til about a week ago). He wanted to her to ask me if I liked him as more than a friend. So she did that, without telling me he was wondering. I told her no that I wasn't interested. So she relayed the message back to him. He then asked her to ask me if I would consider being just friends and then maybe more in the future. Again I told her no. At the time I didn't know he was asking her to find out for him.

So I just shrugged it off and she never mentioned it again. So about a week ago or so, I was texting him as usual, with the normal kind of conversation we always have; "Hey how are you?", etc. And this is what unfolded;
Me: "Hey, what's up?" Him: "NM, at work, you?" Me: "Not much, just got home." Him: "Good or bad?" Me: "Huh?" Him: "Being home, is it good or bad?" Me: "Depends..." Him: "That's not an answer." Me: "Yes it is." Him: "I'm too tired to play these games!" Me: What games am I playing?" Him: "Word games." Me: "I'm not playing any games." Him: "So it depends on what then?" Me: "On whether I feel like being at home or not at the time."

So that's what started it all, that conversation. Anyway, I found out about a week ago, maybe less than that, from my girl friend that he likes me as more than a friend and is angry I won't change my mind. I've tried to talk it out with him but he flatly refuses. He is finding any reason to snap at me. I've recently just stopped trying to talk to him about it. Am I doing the right thing or should I keep trying? Any suggestions?

I think you made the right call. At the very least give him some space and see if he comes to his senses. If he asks why you are avoiding him, tell him that you are keeping your distance to give him time to think about if he really values your friendship or not... because if he really did care about you at all he would respect your feelings and not try to press the matter or punish you. If he really wants you as a friend and is willing to let his romantic feelings for you go, then good. If not, well, you have already started to distance yourself... because what he is doing now is not friendship, and you should not put up with it.

Thank you Elara. That really helps me out. I do cherish his friendship, but not enough to stress myself anymore than I have. I am so tired of letting people walk all over me. I do care and I am sorry if I hurt his feelings, but I agree, he can't push himself on me. It just doesn't work that way.

I know how you feel. There is just a point where you have to draw the line or risk it getting out of hand. It isn't fun or easy, but it is in your best interest. I hope it all turns out well for you.

Thank you Elara. I definitely do NOT want it to get out of hand. I'd rather just distance myself then have to deal with the stress anymore. I mean, yeah he's a good friend. But it seems he doesn't want to except the fact that I don't want to date. It's not only the fact I only see him as a friend, I don't want to date anyone right now. I told him that, but he just won't listen.

SunflowerGaming : You have made yourself very clear with him and through your friend. I personally think she should have told you he was asking. That may have made things easier to respond to if you knew he didn't like you platonically.

I think you're making the right decision. If you're talking to someone or communicating with them and they start to snap, be rude, or push you to get into a relationship, you should remove yourself from that situation. But not communicating with him you don't have to worry about how he'll react to what you say or if he'll misunderstand or read you 'wrong.'

It's too bad that you had what you thought was a friend and he was working for something more. But if that's the only way he can see the relationship, you need to break it off. Don't give him false hope by being his friend and letting him think there may be more. Even if there isn't and you tell him that, he may not see it that way.

There is no letting down easy when this sort of thing happens. Crush his very soul and end it. That is the nicest thing you can do for him and the best thing you can do for yourself.

Good luck!

warmaker : Thank you for the advice. I feel more confident now that I am taking the right course by just ending all contact with him. I agree with you, it's better for all parties involved. Thanks again for the advice.

SunflowerGaming : It's what I'm here for. I've been in the dating trenches, I can give you the guy's point of view, and you're doing the correct thing.

Good for you.

warmaker : Thank you. I'm glad I can get a guy's opinion on this. Then they can see it from the other prospective. I feel better that my decision has been confirmed and makes me more confident I am doing the right thing.

SunflowerGaming : I know you keep hearing this, but you made the right decision. He shouldn't force you to like him. If he succeeded, then it just makes for a terrible relationship where one or both of you get hurt. He may end up with his feelings hurt, but he shouldn't have tried so hard to begin with when you made it so clear. I really hope that it turns out alright for you, and you guys can at least get back to talking terms.

aeonarial : Well, I don't really have any choice, he refuses to be an adult and talk things out, so the last thing I can do is just move on. If he can't understand and be a true friend, well that's on him, not me.

SunflowerGaming : Very few people actually understand that everything is a choice. Not saying you do, just that it's not always easy to recognize.

Perhaps I can offer some insight into how your guy friend feels. From the sound of it, he seems pretty obsessed. Going out with you must have been on his mind for some time. Even when you weren't talking for all that time, you were always on the back of his mind. He probably got over it, but once you re-entered his life, those feelings did too.

I was the same way with this woman a few years ago. It was horrible. I wasn't acting like myself, I didn't want to listen to her, I said that I cared about friendship but then I angrily rejected the idea of just being friends after I poured my heart out. Being "just friends" would be a constant reminder that I failed. So we stopped talking. For about 4 months after that, we started talking again on and off. After all that, I spoke to her during my Christmas break and I was obsessed again. Luckily, my family really set me straight. That night, I told her off for not handling the situation well herself. Honestly, the argument didn't make much sense but I got her so mad that I finally got her to act and she blocked me from Facebook and stopped talking to me. I was free.

Hopefully it won't escalate to that extreme.

Now over one year later, I find myself in love again (new woman). However, this time, I really do value my friendship with her. She is my best friend. She has her faults, but, all in all she compliments me very well (she wouldn't admit it though). You see, this woman helped me get over the other one that I was obsessed over. She is better than her in just about every way, so it's no wonder that I initially became infatuated with her. However, one day I realized something. All of the men that were her best friends before me, all succumbed to the same thing. They all started out as good friends but over time they threw that aside because they wanted more. They all made her feel horrible to try and coerce her into going out with them. It was at that moment that I realized that I did the same thing with that other woman. I knew that she needed a best friend, not a boyfriend. I put my feelings aside for a very long time.

Over the summer however, we both entered college. We had to go our separate ways. This was not a smooth transition to say the least. She went to an art school (like I wish I did) and I went to a state university. We used to spent practically the whole day together (we had six classed I believe). It was only after the semester had ended that I really fathomed how much she meant to me. I seemed to foolishly believe that best friends are easy to find.

My family always says how her and I would be a great couple and for the longest time I shut those ideas down without a second thought. But one day, I just got tired of hearing that. I snapped a little but then I thought..."we would." And then I found myself in this mess that I'm in now. It would break her heart if I were to fall in love with her. She reminds me from time to time how she would be devastated if things became awkward between the two of us - as would I.

Anyway, judging from what you said, that guy doesn't sound like he's going through anything close to what I'm going through right now so I say just stop talking to him. Let him know how you really feel (please be brutally honest). If that doesn't do it, cut all ties of communication from him. If he really valued you as a friend, he wouldn't try to make you feel guilty.

NotJon : I've done the brutally honest thing, and he still is angry at me for not giving in to him. It's just I don't have the drive for a romantic relationship right now. But he just doesn't seem to get that. The only conclusion that I am coming to is to cut all ties. I hate to do it but it just seems like the best option right now. It may seem harsh in his eyes, but it's better for all parties involved. I'm just tired of him getting mad at me, and he won't tell me himself the reason why. I have to find out from other people. I was willing to talk things out with him but he flatly refuses.

My Mom even thinks he liked me when we were friends before but we were too young to do anything about it. I dunno, could be possible. I always thought it was just friendship, but I can admit that I am blind to flirting or people liking me in that way. I never see it unless someone points it out.

It will hurt at first a lot, but over time, he will probably be glad that you set him straight like that. When they get that obsessed, there's not much else you can do (speaking from experience).

You're right. Timing is everything. My friend is too busy anyway for that stuff so that's even more of a reason not to lay this on her. Besides, I like her single. I WISH EVERYONE WAS SINGLE.

Anyway, good luck with that~

NotJon : I have a quick question for you, what makes you think he is obsessed? I mean, like what are the signs that make you think that?

Like I said, I've been there. He's doing similar stuff that I did. He asks your friends to find out stuff, he sounds angry and unwilling to compromise, he won't take NO for an answer, and being friends isn't enough.

I can be wrong though. It just sounds very similar to my experience. If your Mom is right about him liking you as children, then that only makes it more likely. You'd be surprised how long a man can hold on to those feelings.

NotJon : I see. Well, if that is the case I am definitely cutting all ties. I had a friend of mine who got obsessed with me and started stalking me. I definitely don't want to add anymore fuel to the fire, that's for darn sure!