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03-29-24 10:58 AM

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poetry
a thread to post poems and talk about em
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hopstar
09-17-05 05:48 AM
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poetry

 

09-17-05 05:48 AM
hopstar is Offline
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heres just a few of the poems scribbled in my school planner

number 1

Dirty Pleasure
Guilty concience
lust for it
hate for lust
spinning in circles
i want out
but its fun in
lost in love
found in her


number 2

A struggle with inner demands
to be weak and admit liars and untruths
or be stronge and stay truthfull, losing old friends
hard to decide
the clouds outside
a reminder of this situation
will it ever work out
or be forever painfull

Number 3

The soft rain outside grey sky's, wet grass
the load murmers, from classes around
the drifting thourghts, slipping in and out
the flusted heart, lost in love
the cold truth, that kills all hopes
the empty space, that she should fill
the sorrow of mine, for the complication of the situation
the love i feel, lost in a whispers shadow

thats three of about 30.. i'd love some feedback on em
heres just a few of the poems scribbled in my school planner

number 1

Dirty Pleasure
Guilty concience
lust for it
hate for lust
spinning in circles
i want out
but its fun in
lost in love
found in her


number 2

A struggle with inner demands
to be weak and admit liars and untruths
or be stronge and stay truthfull, losing old friends
hard to decide
the clouds outside
a reminder of this situation
will it ever work out
or be forever painfull

Number 3

The soft rain outside grey sky's, wet grass
the load murmers, from classes around
the drifting thourghts, slipping in and out
the flusted heart, lost in love
the cold truth, that kills all hopes
the empty space, that she should fill
the sorrow of mine, for the complication of the situation
the love i feel, lost in a whispers shadow

thats three of about 30.. i'd love some feedback on em
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(edited by hopstar on 09-27-05 05:03 PM)    

09-17-05 06:10 PM
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well i liked the first one... very... raw...
its got a lot of emotion... i like it cause its like, pure want...
but thats just my opinion of it... knowing me ive probably totally missed the point...
keep up your writing... wouldnt mind reading some more...
well i liked the first one... very... raw...
its got a lot of emotion... i like it cause its like, pure want...
but thats just my opinion of it... knowing me ive probably totally missed the point...
keep up your writing... wouldnt mind reading some more...
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09-17-05 08:09 PM
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actually you where pretty much spot on with the first one, it is pure emotion, pure lust
actually you where pretty much spot on with the first one, it is pure emotion, pure lust
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09-17-05 10:01 PM
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yay! i was rite
i really like it... you express yourself well...
yay! i was rite
i really like it... you express yourself well...
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09-17-05 10:35 PM
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thanx... i should go find my school planner and find soime more of em
thanx... i should go find my school planner and find soime more of em
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09-24-05 05:50 AM
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go on then... i like them...
go on then... i like them...
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09-24-05 06:11 AM
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A blur
is it her or her
i don't know
she came so fast
yet she came so slow
confution i feel
my heart split in 2
hopefully i can work it out
and make it through

that one i wrote a while ago wen i still had feelings for 2 different girls. the feelings have pretty much deid so it does'n't have the same effect anymore


A kiss
A kiss
something that i wish
from you i long
of sweet suckulance
tasting your lips
breathing your breathe
Our 2 bodys as one
a kiss
a kiss
would be such sweet bliss

again a fairly old poem but this one still strums the heart cords for me



Dry you eyes my little princess
i'll stand by you
for all forever
love for one day
love forever
a single kiss
a kiss everlasting

lol im pullin out the oldies today. i aint got much left in here of good stuff so yeah thats just a few more, and thanx crystal_clear for the comploments
A blur
is it her or her
i don't know
she came so fast
yet she came so slow
confution i feel
my heart split in 2
hopefully i can work it out
and make it through

that one i wrote a while ago wen i still had feelings for 2 different girls. the feelings have pretty much deid so it does'n't have the same effect anymore


A kiss
A kiss
something that i wish
from you i long
of sweet suckulance
tasting your lips
breathing your breathe
Our 2 bodys as one
a kiss
a kiss
would be such sweet bliss

again a fairly old poem but this one still strums the heart cords for me



Dry you eyes my little princess
i'll stand by you
for all forever
love for one day
love forever
a single kiss
a kiss everlasting

lol im pullin out the oldies today. i aint got much left in here of good stuff so yeah thats just a few more, and thanx crystal_clear for the comploments
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09-24-05 06:22 AM
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no worries... i give compliments where i feel compliments are due
no worries... i give compliments where i feel compliments are due
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09-24-05 06:45 AM
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got any comments on those last three? the feed bak is wat im most looking for
got any comments on those last three? the feed bak is wat im most looking for
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09-26-05 07:23 PM
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well... they're good, but i personally am not feeling them quite so much as i do your first poem... it sorta hit me with feeling... i dont get that from these ones...
well... they're good, but i personally am not feeling them quite so much as i do your first poem... it sorta hit me with feeling... i dont get that from these ones...
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09-27-05 01:11 AM
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k, thats cool. that first one i actually wrote into lyrics of a sing, its pretty cool i just wish i had more musical telant to create some melody's for it
k, thats cool. that first one i actually wrote into lyrics of a sing, its pretty cool i just wish i had more musical telant to create some melody's for it
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09-27-05 01:15 AM
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sounds mad!! sorry i cant be more constructive with my comments...
sounds mad!! sorry i cant be more constructive with my comments...
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09-27-05 01:26 AM
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don't sweet it, lol your the only other one in this thread anyways
don't sweet it, lol your the only other one in this thread anyways
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09-27-05 01:32 AM
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well... i hope you post some more of your stuff... they are a good read
well... i hope you post some more of your stuff... they are a good read
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09-27-05 07:03 PM
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i just found a few mistakes in the last poem in the first post, its fixed now

and heres another poem writen on the spot

cold shadow lingers heavy
thoughts run deep
heart cold and dark
to care i do not
death eludes me
for i do not seek such uselessness
detached from the world
my happy little place
my head filled with a twist of complocated word
inteligents
a killer of spirit mind and soul
but i crave it more
i just found a few mistakes in the last poem in the first post, its fixed now

and heres another poem writen on the spot

cold shadow lingers heavy
thoughts run deep
heart cold and dark
to care i do not
death eludes me
for i do not seek such uselessness
detached from the world
my happy little place
my head filled with a twist of complocated word
inteligents
a killer of spirit mind and soul
but i crave it more
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(edited by hopstar on 10-02-05 06:28 AM)    

10-19-05 04:26 AM
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Well none of these poems are horrible. I am sorry I neglected seeing them for soo long. But WHO GOES IN THIS FORUM ANYAYS???

I am talking to David about having A poetry contest. Your Poems make me laugh and make me blush. I can just imagine myself reading them to a lady.

I advice is to try to get a longer one. I mean short poems are nice, to the point so they won't bore somone. just one a little longer might be nice. I'll prob right a peom here fairly quickly. And I encourage crystal to do the same.
Well none of these poems are horrible. I am sorry I neglected seeing them for soo long. But WHO GOES IN THIS FORUM ANYAYS???

I am talking to David about having A poetry contest. Your Poems make me laugh and make me blush. I can just imagine myself reading them to a lady.

I advice is to try to get a longer one. I mean short poems are nice, to the point so they won't bore somone. just one a little longer might be nice. I'll prob right a peom here fairly quickly. And I encourage crystal to do the same.
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10-19-05 08:08 AM
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thanx, lol funny stuff about the readin em to a lady, i dont their not really shown much, just jotted down wen im bored angry sad or watever, depends on the moment, i guess you could read one or to of em to a girl, but some are a little dark to try and suduce someone with
thanx, lol funny stuff about the readin em to a lady, i dont their not really shown much, just jotted down wen im bored angry sad or watever, depends on the moment, i guess you could read one or to of em to a girl, but some are a little dark to try and suduce someone with
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10-19-05 02:52 PM
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A kiss
A kiss
something that i wish
from you i long
of sweet suckulance
tasting your lips
breathing your breathe
Our 2 bodys as one
a kiss
a kiss
would be such sweet bliss

That one is pretty funny. I guess thats the point of reading it to a girl. To make them blush or whatnot.
A kiss
A kiss
something that i wish
from you i long
of sweet suckulance
tasting your lips
breathing your breathe
Our 2 bodys as one
a kiss
a kiss
would be such sweet bliss

That one is pretty funny. I guess thats the point of reading it to a girl. To make them blush or whatnot.
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10-19-05 08:45 PM
hopstar is Offline
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hopstar
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Originally posted by hopstar


Dry you eyes my little princess
i'll stand by you
for all forever
love for one day
love forever
a single kiss
a kiss everlasting




that would be the one i would read to a chick to wooh her

and heres another poem a lil longer

A fanacy
dream
lost in the heavens
never to come true
the hate that comes
but still i love you
hidden from the world
I'll keep this secret
of my feelings
dealing with emotions bound
she'll always be in
shooting me down

her smile entoxicating
her hair intangling
almost perfect
although her personality
has a flaw or two
but i would take the good
with that bad
if she'd just give me a shot
but to be hers
i will not
Originally posted by hopstar


Dry you eyes my little princess
i'll stand by you
for all forever
love for one day
love forever
a single kiss
a kiss everlasting




that would be the one i would read to a chick to wooh her

and heres another poem a lil longer

A fanacy
dream
lost in the heavens
never to come true
the hate that comes
but still i love you
hidden from the world
I'll keep this secret
of my feelings
dealing with emotions bound
she'll always be in
shooting me down

her smile entoxicating
her hair intangling
almost perfect
although her personality
has a flaw or two
but i would take the good
with that bad
if she'd just give me a shot
but to be hers
i will not
Member

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Registered: 08-01-05
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(edited by hopstar on 10-19-05 07:16 PM)    

10-30-05 09:33 PM
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As I lay awake at night all I can think of is you,
I try my hardest not to but the harder I try the more it hurts.
It cuts me deep inside to think you don’t feel the same,
You are the one that makes me smile each day.
You are the only one, who can stop the tears rolling down my cheeks,
For each tear I cry is for the heartbreak I suffer each day I see you not with me.
The worst way you can miss is when you are sitting right beside them,
And knowing you can’t have them.
That is how I felt when I sat beside you & though I looked as though I didn’t notice you, I did,
And deep inside I wept for the simple reason of that I feel so deeply about you,
That I wished I could face my fears & talk to you.
I am scared of the pain of rejection that I have felt before,
And I cry at the thought you would look down on me if you knew the truth.
The feelings I have for you are far more then a crush,
I really truly do love you.
And even if my friends say I have said that about everyone else,
But that isn’t true I my have only ever felt true love for two people,
The one who broke my heart and you.
I pray each night that you would love me too and not break my heart,
Can you show me this is possible and not break my heart.
As I lay awake at night all I can think of is you,
I try my hardest not to but the harder I try the more it hurts.
It cuts me deep inside to think you don’t feel the same,
You are the one that makes me smile each day.
You are the only one, who can stop the tears rolling down my cheeks,
For each tear I cry is for the heartbreak I suffer each day I see you not with me.
The worst way you can miss is when you are sitting right beside them,
And knowing you can’t have them.
That is how I felt when I sat beside you & though I looked as though I didn’t notice you, I did,
And deep inside I wept for the simple reason of that I feel so deeply about you,
That I wished I could face my fears & talk to you.
I am scared of the pain of rejection that I have felt before,
And I cry at the thought you would look down on me if you knew the truth.
The feelings I have for you are far more then a crush,
I really truly do love you.
And even if my friends say I have said that about everyone else,
But that isn’t true I my have only ever felt true love for two people,
The one who broke my heart and you.
I pray each night that you would love me too and not break my heart,
Can you show me this is possible and not break my heart.
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