Now that we're more "sophisticated" didn't you ever wish you acted differently in the past? Back then i was a very strange child. Constantly shouting, picking up random fights, being weird infront of others. I understand that we were young back then, but nothing hurts more than having a strong regret that you can't change. You see, i for some reason had many friends and most of them i still talk to. Unfortunately my closest friends aren't my closest anymore. Why? Because i didn't hangout with them enough. My all time regret right there. Simple? Yes! But has "Critical Damage". And the worst thing is, i sometimes see them at school and when we meet it's just awkward to say anything or even be near them. Back then i used to speak a lot, but now i don't talk too much and i'm abit shy in general. Well then... because of my young stupidity i have lost something very precious to me. BUT! Enough of my depressing story! What were you like back then and what would you CHANGE? Like the caps on "change"? Yeah. K Later!

Let's see... I'm not as hyperactive, and I'm a lot more passive than I used to be when it comes to anger. I also am not as likely to let any negative emotion be noticeable, and keep in a lot more than I should, which is actually not that healthy. No wonder I developed depression... I'm also pretty much very much more introverted.

the younger me was braver, more courageous, more yappy, and proud of himself. He would never have worried over anything, and he always had a big old smile on his face. The fact of the matter was, that he had an ideal life at that time.

Th ecurrent me is timid, shy, embarrassed, awkward, and very easily irritated. He is also not at all confident in himself and suffers from anxiety and depression. Basically, he's a mental wreck.

I wish I could be old me again. He at least had fun with himself =P

The good people of the 2009 Vizzed should know, infect, I am going to talk like my newbie self to explain stuff (Don't worry if you can't understand a thing I say, I will make a normal version of the words) :

i wil like to mension about my old slef on vizzed, i use to post like an newbie with losy spelling and bad english stuff and everyone did the oppsiite of like to me and I got banned often one for just mansioning about juliets coping and pasting and another cos I post a lot of posts for vcs.

i has now imrpoved and lean to use spall check and I m now trusted.


I tired my best to make it look like my "newbie handwriting" anyway, here is how I would write that now:


There are a few things on my old Vizzed self I would like to mention.

I used to post like a spammer and people hated me due to my immaturity, once I got banned for talking bad about Juilet, it was going to be permanent but thanks to Juliet, I managed to get unbanned.

I once got banned for the spamming during the VCS and I wanted to post undercover on this account, you will have to look for the account yourself, give you readers something to do, dig around the trash can, and 1st person (Who was NOT around during the drama of 2009) who PMs me about my 2nd account gets 1500 Viz.

There is nothing in real life I want to discuss here, so this is all you get to read.

Labrua :
Well, if memory serves me I did post about this in a similar thread but I will do it again anyway… I guess the biggest difference between me now compared to my past is I am a lot more neurotic and have trouble relaxing because I worry endlessly. It is an advantage when it comes to my work because I demand much of myself and I worry as much about reaction to my work as I do the quality of my work which I try to make as polished as possible.

In my past (What I can remember of it.) I was more easy going and did things on the spur of the moment more with no worry of the potential repercussions of spur of the moment decisions. I attribute much of it to being young and dumb but you live and you learn and for me those were lessons well worth learning after I picked myself back up from being down in life.

Another difference is I don’t socialize much which is probably one reason why I can’t get into the whole social networking craze. I view it as an unnecessary risk that people should think twice about. I like my privacy and although I am very approachable to those who ask for my help and or advice I remain private to a certain degree. I admit that I am probably the definition of a reclusive hermit but then again some of the best writers of all time were reclusive so maybe I’m on the right track in regard to that.

In contrast to before I had many friends who looking back on it many years later were more acquaintances if anything and I found that out after I left school and most of these so called friends told me I wouldn’t amount to anything. As I’ve said before out of respect for Vizzed rules I will not say what was actually said to me but that is the PG gist of it. It is a little bit of a sore issue with me even with many years gone by because although I have made a career for myself as a writer I always feel as if I have to prove more to myself just so I can further prove the point that not only were these “Friends” of mine wrong but to such a level of being wrong.

After I left school I guess is when I really became reclusive in part because I had lost some friendships that dated back many years and even had a few miss-steps in regard to girlfriends and such. Some of these friendships and relationships dissolved because of me and I hold myself accountable for any mistakes I’ve made but more often than not I was not at fault. I do think looking back on things now that if I had a chance to have a “do over” with some of my ex-girlfriends I would definitely approach things differently, being engaged twice before I hit 20 was definitely a mistake that I wish I could go back on.

This has made me quite a bit wiser about who my friends really are and although I don’t hold any resentment toward any of those people who kicked me when I was down years ago, it’s always in the back of my mind. It serves as my motivation to be the best that I can be at what I do. I just hope that eventually even if it’s thirty years from now when I’m in my late 50s that I will be able to say to myself that I’ve done alright for myself and will be comfortable enough to let the soreness of that issue go.

The other big difference between then and now is I have a more professional temperament and I am always professional even if it is with old friends, I never allow myself to refrain from that. I took that temperament after I became a writer fulltime because you never know when you’ll come across someone who works for a website or publication that may offer you a job. It’s always better to carry yourself in a professional manner even if you get annoyed by certain things.

I would have joined vizzed sooner. Just kidding. Well anyway I would go back and tell my self to be more friendly like I am now. Back then I would say that I was that little punk kid. Now I am that punk kid who a lot of people like to be around. I am a way better person now then I was then. I would also tell my self that I should have asked her. *sigh*

billythekidmonster : It sounds like you went through sort of a humbling experience to get to this point… I too went through a period where I was probably considered a “Punk” as you eloquently put it though I was called something a little more explicit which you can draw your own conclusions there. I often say to myself “God, if only I could get a due over of a certain period of my life (preferably my teenage years) and was able to be like I am now it would be different.”

Although I say that to myself occasionally while thinking of my miss-steps from years gone by I realize that more than likely without my miss-steps and experiences that I went through I probably would not be not only the writer that I am today but also the person that I am today…

It's hard to tell. I mean, I know that I'm much more mature, a tad smarter, understanding, open, etc. However, I seem to go from one extreme to another when it comes to emotions.

NotJon : How you deal with emotions I guess always varies person to person… I try to be as compassionate as possible to a point. If someone does something that isn’t smart or something like that I will show compassion and offer a little advice but if that same person continues to make similar choices then I would turn a little more stern in the hope of trying to wise that person up to some of the choices they’ve made and such.

I wish I had a similar temperament when I was younger. It probably would have made life a little easier back then for me and I probably would have more fondness when I think about certain periods of my past. The good thing now is my nieces and nephews are all going through school at various stages and I can offer more guidance and advice to them so they don’t end up going through a similar path as I did.


If nothing else, if these kids finish school with as little issues as possible, it will make me feel like I’ve done right by them as an Uncle.