What a selfish bastard. I mean, honestly, who does that? That's just wrong. What I think is even more wrong is that your boyfriend didn't do anything to defend his mother. And yeah, intending and doing are 2 very different things. I've been intending to clean my room for the past 10 years. Have I? Nope.

Let's just hope that said friend apologizes. That's so messed up.

Update: While there has still been no apology there seems to be a 'put it in the past' type of attitude from everyone involved.

Namrea :

It’s odd that he would just show up and act like nothing had happened yet didn’t stick around long enough for the woman to get home. It seems disrespectful to a degree because the woman doesn’t want him in her home and I can sympathize with that and either he wasn’t told of her wishes or simply doesn’t care.


There may be a “leave it in the past” type of feeling among everyone involved and that might be okay depending on the people involved but if it were me I don’t think I could do that easily. Once you’re disrespected no matter what the circumstances are it isn’t easy to just turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to it because if the issue that resulted in the situation isn’t adequately addressed the likelihood exists that it could happen again.


I guess I would handle it a little differently… Not that I would be strictly hard-nosed about it but I feel that once something like this happens there has to be some sort of dialogue about what went on and how it affected those involved and why Etc before putting the issue to rest. If there is no apology and the guy just simply showed up like nothing happened I guess he just doesn’t care.

I admit to being old school in regard to how I look at things like this and I think that is because how I was raised. It just seems really disrespectful for him to even show up let alone be allowed in the home without his friend’s mother’s blessing.

At the end of the day, it’s her house and she should have the ultimate say on who is welcomed or not. She also doesn’t deserve to be disrespected and I would make a point of that of letting everyone know that it’s her castle for lack of a better term and disrespecting her would not be tolerated.

I know that sounds a bit much but as I said I’m old school and I feel there needs to be rules when you walk into someone’s home regardless of how you’re linked whether it be a friend or family member.

If he had waited until the woman was home and walked up, knocked on the door and asked to have a conversation in private between the two of them and apologized during that conversation; it would be easier from my perspective to put the situation to rest.

It just seems like this guy for what ever the reason isn’t taking her feelings into account and usually when something like that happens it unfortunately leaves the door open for the person that was hurt to have to deal with it again in some form down the line.

Your boyfriend’s mother seems like a genuinely nice person from what you’ve said and she deserves to be treated better because the sad reality is that not everyone in the world is as good natured as she seems and, why would one want to damage that if they really sincerely cared for the person?

bvd1022 : I totally agree with what you saying, but fortunately I'm now just an observer of the whole thing. My comments are being shot down so I'm just going to stay out of it.

However, She did say that when she sees him they are going to have a long chat. Which could be her smacking him around. lol

Namrea : Well it is good that you have washed your hands of trying to be the mediator in this thing. To be honest I would have done that after it happened but that’s me I have a low tolerance for pointless drama and hurting people for no reason other than self gratification. It is good that you are smart enough to stay clear of it.

Often when someone becomes committed to playing peacemaker it can turn and bite them because those involved instead of focusing on what really led to the problem will often look for someone to blame and unfortunately the finger is usually pointed in the direction of the one trying to bridge peace as irrational as it may seem.

The only thing you can hope for is that somehow people will remember that they are adults and if it’s your boyfriend’s friend that comes to that realization he will apologize. If you’re boyfriend’s mother ends up venting anger by smacking him I won’t lie I think he deserves that. I know that when I was younger if I ever showed any kind of disrespect to any of my friends’ parents I would have gotten a talking to from my parents.

Update: Hazzah! Things are clearing up and I am feeling good about today. Things should be settles by the end of the evening.

Well I hope that it finally gets resolved or at the very least put to rest.

UGh this guy, he managed to come up with an excuse to leave before she got home.. so he avoided it once more!

Namrea :

Well this guy seems like a real Emmy Award winner… I would sever ties with him at this point. It’s his choice whether or not he wants to do the right thing and apologize for what he said. I’m sincerely starting to have thoughts of whether or not this guy has any form of integrity, remember how I said before that sometimes you need to test someone’s character? Well, from my perspective this guy is failing the test…

I know it is a downer because friendships are compromised when someone acts like this but eventually there is nothing you can do about it but shrug your shoulders and shake your head. If the person is using excuses to avoid the situation you have to wonder is this person worth forgiving if he won’t even show the least bit of concern.

It isn’t like when you have a relationship between two people and things turn romantic and one or both use excuses or come up with ways to avoid discussing things for fear of what it would do to the relationship if it goes badly. It seems like this guy for what ever reason took his friend’s mother’s good nature and care for granted and that is a real shame because like I said it’s hard to find genuinely good people who will be there for you when you need them for what ever reason.

I’m sure there are plenty of decent people out there that would value you and your boyfriend’s friendship and would definitely show more respect to his mother. It seems as if this guy is expecting all three of your friendships instead of appreciating it and, those aren’t the kind of relationships that are good for people especially if it has a domino effect on other relationships.

If you have a problem with someone and it eventually starts affecting your relationships with other people whether it be romantic, or, family or, friend and, the person that is at the core of the problem has little or no interest in making peace it isn’t worth letting that person drive a wedge between you and people you care for.

It’s unfortunate but sometimes people just don’t get it and it seems like this guy is one of those people.

I feel kinda bad about not wanting this guy around because he and my bf have been friends since they were about 7, they're 22 now.. so its kinda bummer that he grew to be such a jerk!

Namrea :
I can understand how you feel… The relationship with a friend of mine that I brought up was similar to this in that we were in a sense like each other’s shadow from an early age, where there was one, usually was the other. I have ties to two states as I am from New York but have lived in Florida on and off for twenty plus years. He was one of the first people I met when my family moved here and even when I would go back and forth there was always some form of contact between us.

It isn’t easy for me because he was like a brother to me but as I said when he did what he did it was a test of his character that I never had thought of would end up being an issue. Regrettably, it took me almost twenty years to find out what type of person he really was. It bothers me because as I said we were close and to be betrayed by someone close to you is far worse than any grievance that you might have with an acquaintance.

He called me about three years ago after basically disappearing for a couple of years after he did what he did and it was a rather uncomfortable conversation for me. He basically said what he had been doing and such since he took off to avoid facing the music and such and I was fair and let him speak and then I asked him if he had what he had taken from me and let him know that I didn’t forget it and wasn’t going to allow it to slide.

He went on to say that he understood that I was “Pissed off” where as years before, when he did what he did and was caught red handed by the way he outright denied it. When he said that he understood that I was in his words “Pissed off”, (Which is putting it mildly…) I didn’t let him off the hook because although him saying that he understood how “Pissed off” I was, there still wasn’t any accountability much less an apology for his actions.

Despite my anger toward him even to this day, I was classy about it and gave him twenty-five minutes of my time when I probably should have hung the phone up after he said that. This was a person that was basically thought of as family by my family and was around quite a bit, holidays, birthdays Etc. It is a shame that he was willing to put a price so to speak on our relationship not just with me but with my family as well but as I said before if he couldn’t apologize and wouldn’t accept responsibility and accountability for his actions, what could I do?

It hasn’t changed how I am with friends or anything but it has made me a little more aware and wiser. I can sympathize with your boyfriend’s dilemma but I would have gotten in the guy’s face. He disrespected his mother and had it been my mother I would have hit the roof and I wouldn’t have been nice about it.

I just hope for your boyfriend’s sake that he doesn’t have any issues with his mother for not defending her when he should have. The friend is the culprit of the situation that is indisputable but, as a son he is in the wrong as well because he could have stepped in and ended it right then and there. I can understand not wanting to get into an argument with a close friend but at the end of the day what’s easy to do isn’t always right and, what’s right to do isn’t always easy.

bvd1022 : The friend is coming over tomorrow for our weekly show viewing, so they are going to have to talk then. SO things should clear up then.

Heck yeah, be mad at him! College doesn't matter. Neither of my parents went to college, and see how well I turned out? *smiles amorously, knowing people don't believe him.*

what he did was extremely out of line and rude! anything that someone says that can make a girl, no matter what age, start to cry is extremely rude. if the friend were to really do that, then he isn't your/your boyfriends friend. forget about him!there are a lot more people to be friends with, that can actually be called, "a friend".

Namrea : I hope for your boyfriend’s mother’s sake that he will at least apologize… I can’t say that I would be willing to hear him out though after time has past and he has had chances to apologize before this but that’s me. If nothing else comes out of it I hope that at the minimum she will be able to vent her anger because she should be able to let him know exactly how it affected her and such.

I hope it all goes well…

Well the friend is supposed to come over today and he hadn't said other wise, So my bf's mom intends to sit him down and have a long chat with him.

Namrea : Well hopefully this time maturity will win out over unenlightened ignorance and arrogance and, he will show the decency to at least apologize…

OKay so the friend and the mom finally had the talk and though they both seemed pretty annoyed, though I don't think he has any right to be after what he said, this place is finally get a bit more relaxed and it looked like things are going good again. Finally.

Namrea : This guy certainly has a high opinion of himself if he thinks a conversation to discuss the repercussions of remarks that he made that hurt someone is annoying to him. It isn’t that you shouldn’t be happy that at least a conversation took place between the two but it seems like he still may not have a grasp on how what he said hurt someone.

It is a saying that some people dismiss as hogwash but I do believe in it, words are quite powerful and when used in such a direct way they can hurt people… I hope that he will eventually come to realize that his closed-minded view isn’t how the world really works and gains humility from it.

Obviously this woman cares for this guy based on his longtime relationship with her son so he has a better opportunity to make peace than some people would. It speaks strongly of your boyfriend’s mother’s character to be willing to forgive someone after something like that was said. Hopefully not just your boyfriend’s friend but other people can learn a lesson here because this situation could have ended quite differently if it has ended at all.

Its going to take a long time but I think they will be able to fix things now.