So, my boyfriend and his best friend, who is a bit..um, for lake of a better world, dim. And they were having a conversation over the phone about the horrible finical situation we are in. We can barely afford to eat, and we only have internet and cable because my bf's mother works for Time Warner so a lot of its for free, but thats besides the point.

While my bf was talking about our troubles his friend gave the whole 'what does'nt kill ya makes ya stronger' business which made my bf's mother reply with 'thats easy for you to say Mr. House full of food.' To which the friend replied with 'Well its not my fault both my parents finished college'.

To which my bf did nothing to defend his mother, because he was afraid of being in a fight with his friend. His mother, burst in to tears and now refuses to have the friend in the house until he apologizes. I am also upset because my bf's mother has done nothing but welcome this friend in to her house for years. And I hate to see such a nice woman cry.

I personally feel what he said was just wrong, saying something like that is hurtful and cruel. I mean we are all putting in our efforts to live as well as we can, its kinda hared.

Is it okay to be mad at the 'friend'? Was he in the wrong to say what he did?

You have every right to be upset with this guy. He was being a jerk. College education does not equal success in life.

It sucked that your bf didn't defend his mother a little bit more. His friend did a pretty classless thing in making a big deal out of the college situation. And yeah, it's easy to think that rough times are going to make you stronger when you're not going through those rough times.

I think that guy owes your bf's mom an apology (and so does your bf ) for what he said. It may be true... but that doesn't mean it was a nice thing to say.

( thanks for moving this )

And good, you agree. At least I don't feel like a jerk or anything for thinking hes a jerk. I mean I went to college, and I did military time, but am I rolling in the dough? No, because sometimes life though a curve ball at you that you can't get up from. But does he understand this? No! Because he was born with a GD silver spoon in his mouth.

Sorry folks had to vent a bit.

Namrea : It can be a complicated thing when you have relationships on both ends of a dispute… I think we have all gone through times in life where we get caught in the middle and although you have an opinion you don’t know how to act or whether it is right or not.

I would say that tempers flared up and things got said that were probably not meant.
I think that what your boyfriend’s friend said was quite harsh and uncalled for but it could merely be a case of a group of people simply having a bad day and saying things without thinking first.

It is also understandable in a sense why your boyfriend didn’t step in but at the same time that is his mother and I know if anyone talked to my mother like that I would be furious and would likely get in the person’s face regardless of whether the person was a friend of mine or not.


This friend of your boyfriend’s should be a man and apologize for what he said. As I said I feel it was harsh and uncalled for. Perhaps he unenlightened to how the world is. If someone finishes college that doesn’t necessarily mean that the person or their family will live comfortably financially, especially in this economy…


From my personal experience I never finished High school and although I am not proud of it and have my share of regrets that come with it; I hold my head up high and know that just because I never finished doesn’t mean that I don’t have a good work ethic nor does it mean that I haven’t achieved anything in life. I have been a published writer for years even before I left school in international magazines and although I’m not making the money that I would like, I am proud of what I’ve accomplished.


A person who takes care of themselves and their family to me is far more valuable than a mere college degree. Some people seem to feel empowered by degrading others and for some no matter how much you point out hypocrisies and holes in what they say; some people just can’t be convinced and that is what is really sad.


It’s just unfair that some people choose to believe the stereotype type that people who don’t finish school don’t amount to anything instead of giving credit to those who succeeded despite their struggles. I don’t mean to ramble on but I felt that a little perspective might help… In any case if this person is a real friend to you and your boyfriend he should be a man and apologize.


I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out and gets resolved.

So today, my boyfriend spoke with his friend about what he had to say to his mother. His friend seems to think he did nothing wrong. My bf is doing his best to avoid an argument but now my bf's mother says that until his friend apologizes to her (and means it) That he wont be welcome back here.

Is that a bit much?

I'm not sure, I mean.. Yeah what he said was horrible and cruel, but is banning him going to make it any better? I personally think its just going to make matters worse.

I think it will only make things worse. You hurt me so I'm going to hurt you back only becomes a who can hurt who the most contest.... it never ends well.

If it were my house and somebody talked about me like that I wouldn't let them in either until I believed they genuinely apologized, even then it would only be because he was my sons friend. If it was my friend it would take some gifts with those apologies.

You both have good points. I know its wrong what they are both doing.. but I don't really want to get on either of they're bad sides. I mean they are both vary close to my bf and it seems sad.

Yea thats straight disrespect on your bf's friends part. You don't say stuff like that about your supposed friends mother even if it might be a little true. Maybe if he was just joking around but it seems like he was talking down to the mom. And it sounds like your bf needs to sort out his priorities, because I'd be damned if I let one of my friends say something like that to my mom and not apologize for it.

Yeah that's the part the affected his mom the most is that her only child did'nt do a thing to defend her when his friend said something. Had he been in the house and not over the phone, I'm pretty sure she would have killed his butt.

She and I are becoming vary close lately, and it just bugs the heck out of me.

Update: Still no apology.

In some cases it might be okay to let this kind of behavior "slide" if this friends attitude is normally and stays a respectful tone. However if his attitude continues in to be in a manner of disrespect, then I would let him chill, and keep him totally out of the home life.

Right now he is on banishment until he apologizes to my bf's mother. And he seems to be okay with taking his sweet time to do so. So I cant help but think that maybe my bf and mine friendship is'nt that important to him. Which is kinda a bummer cause he and my bf have been friends since the second grade!

maybe u need to talk to your b/f about talking to him. Maybe that would work.

Namrea : It’s probably a good idea to remain impartial and not take sides though you do have an opinion on the matter. I don’t think the mother is being harsh by saying until there is an apology this person isn’t welcome in her home. It has been said that every person has a line that they don’t want crossed.

It’s obvious based on what you’ve said that she took his derogatory remarks hard as would I to be honest and it seems that her line was crossed and she has every right to be upset.

It’s fair to say that every person deals with situations differently and I have been in scenarios before where I have cut ties with friends and such due to what was said in situations where I would be the one trying to help and such. Every person has a limit as to how much they will allow themselves to take and I think clearly your boyfriend’s mother reached that limit.


It is quite sad that your boyfriend for what ever the reason can’t stand up and talk to this friend of his about it. If it were me there would be no conflicting hesitation about speaking up. As I said if it were my mother who was insulted I would likely get in the person’s face about it. I was once suspended from school defending my mother so I speak from experience.


At the end of the day your boyfriend will have to make a choice between doing what’s right and defending his mother from something that she clearly did not deserve nor provoked or, simply allowing it to slide. If this friend of his is truly a friend he will realize that what he did was out of line and be the bigger man and apologize for it and hope that your boyfriend’s mother is forgiving.


Unfortunately, it isn’t easy to forgive someone once a line has been crossed regardless of how close the relationship has been over time. It was quite harsh what was said that is indisputable and if you go through struggles in life and suffer some setbacks like not finishing school and such and persevered through those struggles, it can be difficult to forgive someone after being insulted that likely would make one feel like they haven’t accomplished anything.

I have been in those shoes before and I can say from experience that it doesn’t feel good when someone tries to put you down especially when they try to come off like an upper class elitist.


There is nothing more irritating than when you have to deal with people who act like their above everyone else. Sadly, as much as you can poak holes and hypocrisies in what people who act like that say as they attempt to put you down there is often nothing that you can say to convince them that their unenlightened and probably looking at things from a closed-minded perspective.


Hopefully this friend of your boyfriend’s will come around and apologize and seek forgiveness but if not, it is probably best that your boyfriend severe ties with him. It may not seem like a major issue to some but if someone is truly your friend and will be at your side through hell and high water the last thing a real friend would do is insult their friend’s mother and thus disrespect their friend in the process.

My boyfriend says he has been trying to avoid conflict with this friend he has had for years. And thats why he did'nt say anything. His mother seems to be taking it a bit better but the banishment is still on.

I kinda wish his friend would just apologize and get off his high horse. I mean if you say something that hurts someones feelings you should apologize, even if you did'nt mean it to do so in the first place.

Namrea : Some people are stubborn even if their good natured… By the sound of it by what you’ve been saying it doesn’t seem like his friend cares very much that he hurt someone’s feelings… I could be wrong but even the most stubborn person will acknowledge that they realize that they’ve gone over the line if they have a good nature and would eventually apologize.


It seems like this guy just dismissed what he had said and either doesn’t think he went over the line or simply just doesn’t care and thinks he can talk down to people without consequences. If it is the latter I feel sorry for him as it seems ridiculous to put a friendship on the line by being belligerent and disrespecting a friend and a friend’s family.


He should apologize but if it were me in his position I would have apologized immediately even if I were kidding around. The longer it takes him to fess up it should describe his character. No one is perfect but if he can’t be a man about it and apologize maybe your boyfriend’s friendship doesn’t mean much to him which is sad because acquaintances come and go but real friends are hard to come by.


I had a close friend of mine steal from me and this was a friend that was more like a brother to me and I had known him 20 years prior to that. I know it’s not similar to this but sometimes you need a test to know someone’s character. Sadly, this friend of mine blew a twenty year relationship over something as material as stealing.


You would think after knowing someone for twenty years and being so close that you acknowledge the guy not as a friend or even a “Best” friend but as your brother that you could trust the guy but, you live and you learn and for me it was a painful lesson to learn. We haven’t spoken for four years. It hurt me to cut him out of my life but when he didn’t admit what he had done nor apologized for it what could I do? It’s not the same scenario but I can relate to being close to someone and then being put in a tough spot as your boyfriend is.


If my friend had called me or even better shown up at my door and accepted responsibility for his actions and taken accountability for it I probably would have forgiven him over time. I am a firm believer in redemption but I believe that in order for someone to redeem themselves they need to accept their faults/responsibilities, sadly he didn’t do that.


I hope your boyfriend’s situation has a better outcome…

My boyfriend had informed me that his friend intends to apologize, however, intention and actually doing so are two different things!

Namrea : I don’t know whether to laugh or to shake my head at this one… He intends to apologize? It sounds like either he’s a politician in training or worse a lawyer… I probably would have yelled something along the lines of Just man up and apologize don’t make more out of it than what it is and get over yourself with this “Intent” nonsense at him.

I know to some that might seem harsh but it seems to me that he’s dragging this on far more than what it should be if he really cared about his friendship.

Okay well lets put simplify this your boy freinds freind basiclly has mean to your boy freinds mom and she started crying ,I would one make him appoligize to your boy freinds mom then appoligize to the dad your boy freind for being very ugly twards his family.That what I would do.

bvd1022 : Yeah that was pretty much my reaction. IT made me so mad. And to top things off he showed up today and hung out like nothing had happened. But of course he left before she got home!

hnnn : Thats a good idea, except the dad part, My bf's father walked out on them when he was about three..So his mom has been doing it all on her own.