We always hear about sexism against women in the workplace, but I've experienced a pretty absurd amount of sexism at work as a man over the past 8+ years. I wrote an article for Binghamton Review (college publication that I used to be in charge of) a few years ago, but plenty of more instances have occurred since then. (I was going to link the article, but it seems like the Binghamton Review website is broken? I messaged the current editor to try to fix it. He said "Russians nuked it on Election Day." Whatever that means. Fortunately, The Wayback Machine saved my article, so you can still read it that way if you'd like.)

Most of the jobs I've worked has been in childcare (or involve working with children in some capacity), and it is in this industry that I believe anti-male sexism to be most prevalent. Here's a rough timeline of the discrimination and prejudice that I've experienced:

2016 (first summer camp job): A parent wanted to talk about her 6-year-old daughter at drop off on her daughter's first day. She said something to my (female) co-counselor, who was in the middle of doing something. I responded, let her know we would take care of whatever it was that she wanted. She never once looked at me, and replied to my statement while still trying to talk to my co-counselor.

2018 (third year at same summer camp as above): I was the counselor for the oldest group of campers, who were between the ages of 11 and 14. This age group also had the option to do travel camp (day trips, not overnights), and many of them alternated between my group and the travel group from week to week. I developed really good relationships with my campers that year. They all loved me, and trusted me to the point that they would talk to me about their "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" (which, of course, is very sensitive information for 12-year-olds). Two of my campers that year started "dating" during the summer. The big trip that summer was to a local water park, and the girl in the aforementioned "couple" really wanted me to go on the trip with them. The way that the trips worked for busy places like water parks is that the group would split in half, with each counselor take half of the group around with them. The reason she wanted me to go on the trip is because she knew I would let her and her "boyfriend" be in the same group, and that I would likely be the counselor for their group. She had a plan to hold hands with him for the first time, but that would only be possible if I was there, as I was the only staff member that knew about their "relationship."

I told her I would ask my boss if I could go on the trip. When I asked him, though, the assistant director happened to be standing next to him. The assistant director was not happy. He said that the reason why this camper wanted me on the trip is so that she could see me in my swimsuit, and basically insinuated that I was a creep for even entertaining the idea. He told me that, for the rest of the summer, I had to stay away from her. I didn't, of course, because everything he said was completely ridiculous, and because I wasn't going to intentionally be worse at my job because me being good at my job made him uncomfortable.

A few weeks later, this same camper was having issues with her best friend, and I was talking with her privately about it. Giving her the ability to express her feelings, advising her about how to make amends, etc. The assistant director saw us having a conversation away from everyone else, and he did not like it. He warned me that he didn't want to see it again.

Later in the summer, we got a new camper. She was a hugger. She hugged both me and my (female) co-counselor on her first day. Thanks to her, it became a trend for campers in our group to run up to me and my co-counselor and hug us while yelling a particular phrase. I never initiated a hug with any of them, of course, but I wasn't going to reprimand them for doing what is generally considered to be a nice thing. Many of the campers, male and female, did this, and they did it to both me and my co-counselor. But somehow, the assistant director missed all of that. He only saw it when the female camper that he was convinced I was creeping on did it to me. He lectured me for 20 to 30 minutes, told me about how he had to fire someone previously for having an "inappropriate relationship" with a camper, and implied that I could meet the same fate.

If I was a woman, of course, none of what I just described would have been considered concerning or inappropriate. It was not uncommon for female counselors to initiate hugs with their campers that summer—something that I never once did. But I got threatened with termination for committing the heinous crime of being too likeable.

2021 (travel counselor position at a different summer camp): This is less about my personal experience, but more about the systematic sexism at this camp. The camper groups from Kindergarten to 6th grade were segregated by gender, but the preschool-age groups and middle-school-age groups were co-ed. Male counselors were not allowed to work with preschool-age groups, despite the groups having both boys and girls in it. They didn't even try to hide it. It was an actual rule. Male counselors cannot work with kids under five.

2023-2024 (assistant teacher at a day care): When I moved back to New York in September 2023, I looked for a day job to supplement my tutoring job, which I did at night and on the weekends. I decided a preschool job would work well, since I would never have a time conflict. The summer camp that I worked at in 2021 and 2022 also had a school, and I saw that they had a job listing for an assistant preschool teacher. I applied, assuming that my previous experience working there would make me an easy hire. Still, in the back of my mind I remembered the rule about men not being allowed to work with younger children during the summer, and I wondered if that would be a factor. It was. I immediately got a rejection letter, stating that the position they had was for their toddler classroom, and it didn't fit with my "skill set." My "skill set" being my gender, of course; they just couldn't say that, because if they did I could sue them.

I managed to find a job at a Preschool / Day Care, and was basically hired on the spot at my interview. Ironically, they put me in the toddler classroom. I guess I did have the requisite skill set after all. Most of my coworkers and most of the parents were very accepting of me, especially when they saw how much the kids liked me, but that didn't apply to everyone. One of the mothers told my boss that she was "fine with me being in the room" (thanks for your permission, I didn't realize I needed it) but she didn't want me changing her daughter's diaper. While talking about this with my coworkers, all of whom were female of course, one of the other assistants in my classroom, who is probably my least favorite person I've ever met, said "I mean I don't blame her. I wouldn't want a man changing my daughter's diaper." I didn't respond, I just gave her a look, as did the other two women I was talking with.

All of the younger women loved me at the day care; it was the older women who had a problem with me being there. The person mentioned in the above paragraph was one of those older women. She also told me once about her custody battle over her daughter, and how she told the judge in court that she wouldn't let "her" daughter spend the night at the daughter's father's house because she didn't trust some "random man" with "her" daughter over night. The "random man" being the girl's father, of course.

She also made frequent sexist comments when fathers would come into the building, or when the male occupational therapist would come in to work with one of the kids. She freaked out the first time he was there—"Who is this man? Why is there a man in the hallway?" She also freaked one time when a father came in to the building to drop something off for his kid. "He forced his way past me," she vented. "He should know that, as a man, he can't be here. There are children here."

She and the other older women would also make some of the most disgusting sexual comments about men that I've ever heard in a work setting. My boss came in once to talk about how she had an interview with another man, and they immediately made comments about how they hope he is hot, how they hope he likes older women, etc.

Literally today (SAT tutor): In addition to my main tutoring job, I also work as a independent contractor for a small company that usually gets me a student or two every few months. The owner of the company e-mailed me yesterday asking if I was available to take on a student. I said yes, but she replied to that the parents of the student "would prefer a female tutor." That's the first time I've gotten that one. This is a 16-year-old student we're talking about, by the way, and we use Zoom.

Anyway, I love pretty much every job I've ever worked, but I hate the way that people assume I have bad intentions simply because I am a man. I think this is something that needs to be talked about more. Anti-male sexism never gets any attention, and I think it's a real problem that unfortunately keeps men out of certain industries.

The problem with male sexism comes from the experience women have suffered for ages. It's a sad truth that a bigger percentage of men are idiots with terrible habits and education and a low level of empathy towards the opposite sex, let alone the ability to feel love for them.

My girlfriend, for example, distrusts men in general because of the very bad experience she had with her previous boyfriend. He's an absolute jerk and a lot of people wants him dead, and because of that she took measures to not let men too close of her because they could be just like him. As you can imagine, she eased this position once we started dating (not met, it's a long story) and gave me and herself the chance to prove that some men do deserve their trust and confidence and are actually worth knowing.

Most people don't ease up no matter what. They won't give anybody a second chance out of spite or whatever else, and even if younger generations are more aware of the inquities society has imposed for way too long, we're not given the chance to show we're real men, and not the narcissistic neanderthals they know.

The thing I hate the most is, like you comment by the end of the post, how those same haters are willing to give a second chance if they get something in return, otherwise they want nothing from them. It's like they have an urge to feel superior because those monkeys made them feel inferior, without caring who are they targeting or if he even deserves such treatment. Just another bit of the immense hypocresy our society shows, and if you allow me, also a bit of how this society is based on radicalism: you're either A (what I like and want) or B (anything I don't want or like).

It's even worse when those haters are men themselves. Like, they aren't like the rest of men everyone despises, but any other single man out there is one of them? Makes well below zero sense. I'm aware that you have responsibilities as a boss and probably the parents would lash out at you rather than the true culprit, but just because of that you have to armor-plate yourself to such an extreme and mistreating your employees? There are lots of better ways to deal with it and be a truly respectable and likable boss.

It would be great if we all could understand that just because women have suffered for ages the solution isn't giving them the power men used to have. We're still in square one: a group is in an unfair advantage and the other one wants to take it for itself. We can perfectly have the same privileges without having anyone be superior to anyone, all we have to do is ease our position and harden the punishments should those second chances be in vain.