Hopefully, this is the right forum.

I am mainly making this thread since it all gets caught up in my head and I can't sleep when I am like this.


Is anyone else having trouble talking to new people in any situation? such as work, stores, someone bringing up a common interest, or even friends of a friend.

Personally, I get an extremely quiet and anxious feeling when talking to anyone I don't know. When this happens, I tend to start overthinking and feel like I might start panicking, so if I am in a situation, I can run off from the area, but I continue to overthink everything, resulting in loss of sleep and a huge depression feeling afterwards. Mainly, I feel like I shouldn't be shutting people out and trying to interact, but I just can't get myself to. Like, my online personality and my in-person personality are kind of the same, but at least I can make myself talk and help new people here on this site, but when it comes to any other site, I am like how I am in real life and just never post on any of their forums. I mostly stick to myself.
I know that for the past couple weeks I have just been constantly thinking about this more and more, and it is just getting stuck in my head, so I keep coming back to it. Like for example, in my new position at work, I am a quality inspector, and like 90% of the people I talk to, I mainly do a thumbs up when I go to walk off to let them know it is good instead of communicating directly that it is good in case they are distracted. Another example today: I was buying a pikachu plush for one of my nieces for Christmas, and a person excitedly mentioned the plush, and I couldn't get myself to talk to the person to even attempt meeting someone new with a common interest.

Do you have ways to help treat this problem if you have it, or are you like me and have no way to deal with it without being around people enough, aka work?




Enjoy reading about my real-life view of how I am way more of a nervous person who doesn't really talk to many people.
I kinda don't want to put this out there, but it helps clear my head enough so I can somewhat sleep, but I am still going to struggle tonight.

For me I have an internal and external personality. Externally I show that I don't care about much and will crack jokes at every opportunity, but on the inside I feel much the same as you do. Often after a conversation I'll replay it over and over in my head and it'll eat away at me for days. However, if I'm working I don't have much of an issue talking to customers. Maybe it helps to be focusing on something else when talking to people?

pokemon x : I've a similar problem as you. One time, I went to a doctor's appointment, I couldn't get myself to even look at him in the eye, and if he asked a question that wasn't yes-or-no, I would mutter to where it was nigh impossible to hear me. That doctor said I had autism. Ever since, I've tried to better myself so that I don't look like some autist to everyone I meet.

The best way to rid this is to get out your comfort zone. When you need to talk to others, force yourself to look people in the eye, force yourself to start talking. It'll be very odd and uneasy at first, but if you do this for long enough, eventually it'll be more normal and comfortable for you to do. I'm not saying doing this'll make the trouble magically vanish, but this'll ease it up so you're not socially crippled.

TL;DR Discipline yourself

Another person here who has the same problem communicating with people and who likes sticking to himself.

Like the poster above said, the only solution is to force yourself to change. If you remain stuck in the automatic procedures you've followed all your life, nothing will truly change. Start doing something different and the changes will come, for the best or for the worst, but you can learn a lot from either of them and keep improving yourself.

Of course, you won't always be in the mood to do it, but it's not like radical changes like these can be done in one day. Start little by little, allowing yourself to open up on certain interests and trying to reach out to people. They may not be receptive, but that's not the point here as you're trying to break down the walls in your mind first and foremost.

I have to agree with MrKokoPudgeFudge and EX Palen.

I have also suffered from the same issues throughout my life. Unfamiliar situations cause me extreme amounts of anxiety. I never know what to say to people that I don't know well. But I've been able to make tremendous progress.

The number one thing you can do to get over this is to force yourself into uncomfortable situations. Actively do the things that make you anxious. When you come out of them unscathed, your brain will start to realize that these situations aren't as scary as it initially perceived them to be, and the next time you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation, your anxiety won't be as high.

I also noticed that I tend to struggle more when I perceive myself to be a "newcomer," or in some way below the people around me. Example: starting a new job, talking to someone older than me, etc. Talking myself out of this mindset also helped me. I went down to Florida in January of this year to work at Disney World as part of their College Program. Normally I would be the type to keep to myself, but I made an active effort to talk to as many people as possible. I convinced myself that everyone was in the same position—we were all in a place that was brand new to us and didn't know anyone—and this made it so much easier for me to start conversations. I told myself that people want me to talk to them, the same way that I want people to talk to me and be my friend. This mindset allowed me to make friends almost immediately, including one girl that I now live with will probably be engaged to within the next 12 months.

You can do it man. It's all in your head, which is good, because you have complete control over your own mind—you just don't realize it yet. Actively work on changing your mindset, and throw yourself into some unfamiliar situations. I promise it helps.

I've had similar experiences. I'd clam up, being too shy to say anything around people then think up long answers to what they said later when it was too late to articulate. Heck, the first few years when I was active on here, I'd be too shy to even go on voice chat, even more so video. I'd agonize over even small interactions, like having to talk to the cashier at the store and going out of my way to avoid it.

I think in my case, it ultimately came out of fear. Fear that I'd say something stupid and people would judge me, or that they would be bored by what i'd have to say. Probably owing to bad experiences I'd had as a kid. I'd replay interactions with people over and over in my head, twisting and turning them and making inferences about the impression it must've given of me.

Eventually I realized that (like other people have alluded to) it was all in my head and that I was actually being kind of self centered. I tried to switch perspectives, being on the other side of the scenarios I would replay, and realized it was very unlikely people were ever thinking much about the way I acted at all. After all, when was the last time I focused on the impression the other person gave me instead of the other way around? Even when I was acting stiff and uresponsive, people are too caught up in other things to dwell on it. Usually focusing on themselves and the impressions they make.

This basic realization, coupled with a lot of exposure therapy (slowly making a few friends, and through that & school being pushed to talk with strangers) helped my fear dissipate. I went through a lot of conversations. Being in public, taking different classes at different uni departments, got a job that forced me to actively talk to people, until eventually my fears disappeared.

It sounds sudden but it was all but. I very gradually worked up my nerve by putting myself in situations that I was somewhat uncomfortable with and then kept pushing the boundraries. It was a lot of trial and error and I didn't always feel like I was accomplishing much, but over time, it yielded big results. Interactions that used to fill me with dread, became exciting and eventually even routine.

I realized most people are quite willing to open up once you do and have the capacity for being understanding. That's part of being human after all, we've all felt anxiety. The best thing is to be open about your own problems and acknowledge it if you're interacting with someone frequently. "I have social anxiety that makes talking to people difficult". You don't have to dwell on it, just leave it there. There's a chance they might've felt or feel the same way and that will get them to open up.

Open up a little bit by letting them in your thoughts. Then try to shift the focus to the other person. Ask questions or make comments based on what they're saying or doing. That is usually a good way to get them engaged.

I sometimes do. I usually do not speak unless I'm spoken too. The main reason is I have high functioning Autism. Therefore, I'm usually shy. I have always had a hard time being the conversation starter. However, once I get going I come alive esp when I get comfortable talking to someone.

Sometimes I try to hurry out of a store especially if there is things that can overload me. I do not like screaming kids I cannot stand the pitch of the sound. Also lights like CFL's that flicker. In that case I try to get what I need and get out of there.

I think it's very tough. I remember back in high school there was only like 4 people I talked to at all because it was a mix of being shy but also not really wanting to talk to anyone else. That changed a lot in college but even up until now I don't go out of my way to talk to new people. If somebody talked to me, then I would have no problem talking to them but I'm not the kind of person that would start a conversation with someone that I didn't know.

It would be cool if I could change that at some point but I honestly don't see that happening and it's also weird considering my careers, which are in customer service and journalism.

I used to feel this way all the time.

What I did was simply put on an arrogant façade of "I am better than you" start competing over everything. If you're in work, get your work done faster or to a better standard than everyone else. If you're out and about, start randomly judging people.

Literally just make yourself be as arrogant as possible and you'll begin to stop caring about other people's opinions, so you'll begin being able to talk to them without worry.

Obviously, you have to be careful to make sure you don't let it go to your head and you actually become arrogant. It is, as said, just a façade. "Fake it 'til you make it" as it were. It works better than you think.

Pretend you are better.
Start believing it.
Do whatever you can to believe it.
But be wary you still treat people as actual people.

I used to have similar problems, but I think I've opened up a lot more recently. I've been in the habit of trying to talk to people more because a "newer" of interest of mine is being fascinated in the life stories and experiences of people who I think come from completely different backgrounds than I do. I tend to describe it as like... an "extroverted introvert" - I primarily spend my time on my own and am relatively quiet, but if I'm out and about, I'll make the most of it and I guess the switch flips.

Although I do mostly agree with the general sentiment of "you have to force it out of yourself", I don't think that entirely necessitates constant exposure therapy. Introspection is equally powerful (but of course you do need practice as well). I actually wanted to point out the pattern that a few people mentioned in their experience - they actually found out what it was that was causing them to clam up, rather than just knowing they get nervous and that's it. I think this is something you should probably think about before throwing yourself into public and announcing your presence to everyone within earshot. Unfortunately I can't provide too much advice or experience on this specific detail as my own problem kinda just went away on it's own lol.

I know I'm a tad late so I hope it's going well for you. Let me know if you ever need someone to look more ridiculous around you so that you look good by comparison. I got your back :salute:

(double post removed)

That sounds like social anxiety, which I suffer from severely. I sometimes get anxiety even with talking to people I know. The anticipation of having to go places and make conversation usually causes me anxiety up until the moment of doing it.

I sometimes avoid situations where I have to talk with people mainly because I sometimes don't know what to say or how to respond to certain things, and I'm terrible at small talk. So I avoid these situations so that I don't make a fool out of myself. When I was a factory operator, my social skills were improving slowly, and that anxiety was slowly decreasing. But now that I'm in IT, I spend almost all of my time on a computer, with very little interactions, and so these issues are starting to get worst for me again.

Even voice chatting with people on Discord get be difficult for me. And when I use to stream, I could only do it when I was co-streaming with someone, because having to talk to myself or having all of that attention 100% on me was unbearable.

I try not to think about my past interactions after they happen. That's never a good thing to do. And I know it's difficult to dismiss those thoughts but occupying your mind with these that are more interesting or more meaningful is what I try to do. Because as soon as I go down that rabbit hole of over analyzing my every mistake, it simply just makes me feel like an absolute freak that shouldn't be in society, lol.

How do you feel about talking with people online? Either with or without a webcam. If you're fine with it, maybe try looking for opportunities to do it more as a way to improve your social skills and decrease your potential anxiety.

Hello all.

Well this is my first post on this forum and iv been signed up since 2012 (come back recently after 3 year break)

I use to be a lot like this as well i still get nevus and things when speaking to people directly, due to me being online a lot though i am alright speaking online on discord etc, though this is likely due to my new job had over the last few years in customer service.

I generally struggle making posts like this as they are public or in chat rooms, as everyone can see them and you never know how people will react to it or take it the wrong way.

when i am chatting online i never use a webcam but that is because I don't have one, I would only do it if I was conferable with them person i am chatting (maybe overly cautious?)

I use to be a lot worse than this, pretty much wouldn't speak to anyone i didn't know, or wasn't a friend of a friend and even then I may as well have been a statue they was dragging along for the ride, and if the group got to big (usually around 4-5 including me) I'd just leave as i get too unconformable, i still do this although iv found ways to make it easier for me in bigger groups like that.


PS : apologies for my crappy writing and punctuation = another reason i don't generally post on such...... actually this may be my first ever post on any forum thinking about it now..... Sigh* well here goes nothing

dmar91 : Your way too hard on yourself, considering you type like any ordinary guy on the net.

MrKokoPudgeFudge : oh....really? well thanks i actually needed this hmm... maybe ill get more involved here like i wanted to years ago.

I did forget to add something in my original post so I'll put it here, another thing that gets me is i hate being the center of attention and this is probably the worst thing for me as i get shaky

Hey pokemon x. Man, I really feel for ya. Reading through your post kinda hit close to home for me. Not cuz I go through it, but my sis does, big time. She's got this mad social anxiety. And she on the autism spectrum, too. Dunno if that's related to what your feeling, but thought I'd put it out there. She's told me how tough social stuff can be for her, and honestly, sounds a lot like what you're dealing with.

I see you pushing yourself, even with small stuff, like giving thumbs up at work. That's huge, man! I mean, it might not seem like it to some people, but when every fiber of you wants to run and hide, even a small thing is big progress.

From what I've seen with my sis, starting small has been key. Like she's joined these group therapy things and some online chats where she can sorta "practice" talking without the whole pressure of in-person stuff. She's still struggling, but it's like baby steps, ya know?

Also, dunno if you've tried this, but maybe seeing someone professional could help? Like, a therapist or someone who knows about this stuff. They might have tips and tricks to make things a bit easier for ya.Anyway, just wanted you to know we got your back here. And thanks for opening up. That in itself is huge.

Stay strong buddy.