3.4

In the Sony video game department, an employee decides to make a game based off of the movie, Hook. He knows if he doesn't work quick, LJN will take the rights before they can present it to Nintendo. About 20 years later, the game earned a bad reputation, so bad it may as well be shoved in the corner like the LJN games were. However, we're talking about Sony... so how bad can this game really be?   --- Let me answer my own question. ---

The game starts out the same way as E.T on Atari, it shows some impressive graphics to give you the impression it's going to be a great game, but as I said seven months ago, it's decieving. Now, as soon as you start the game, "Tink" tells me something, but she starts flying in front of the text. Get to the side, already! The trxt is way bigger than it needs to be. Why not just start up at the bginning of the level, and then show the text at the bottom? So, I select the level on the map, and... more text. The game starts you on a level you can't even enter yet, you have to move the compass west to get to the "Pirate Forest". Hopefully this isn't another Yoshi Topsy-Turvy. You get in the level, and everyone asks the same question: How is this Peter Pan? The graphics in thsi game are decent, why couldn't they make him look ANYTHING like Peter Pan? You see a pirate with a gun or a cannon or whatever, and you try attacking. You find out all you have is a short-range sword that can't attack anybody with a projectile effectivley. I come across a fairy and... it does nothing. I jump on it, I stab it, I press Select, nothing happens. I jump as high as I possibly can, hoping the fairy will do SOMETHING, but I end up getting hit by the pirate aboove me. Why would that happen? It's like Hotel Mario, it has the same problem.   --- This has nothing to do with Hook. ---

After defeating the pirate above the usless fairy, you discover how to pick up items. You press down. At this point, you'll realize that you can't attack while jumping or ducking. Yes, we have to deal with that again. So, after collecting a few of these items, whatever they are, you come across a pirate... who actually xlimbs ladders. You can't attack on ladders, and you can't attack with out stopping. So how do they expect me to attack that one? Some scary pirat, getting frightened when he ses Solid Snake/Peter Pan crossover person.  Then there's some snakes, which are too low to reach because of Peter's useless sword. Next, you come across a... WHAT IS THIS? It's a naked flying old person meditating! And he urts you if you touch him, but it makes you think it's a... platform... with the way it moves. Then ther's a log, which looks like... well, I just made a bathroom joke, so let your imaginations run wild. By the way, if you stand on it for too long, it sinks, and the water might as well be lava, because it's just a lethal. Even games like Wolverine on NES featured swimming, why can't this one? Lazy programmers, they're probably thinking, "Oh, they won't try swimming, they know better than to drown themselves, derp!" Then we have thse turtle platforms, which randomly dive in the water occasinally. Why? They're doing the complete opposite of what a turtle would do. Why not ride a duck? They stick theier heads in the water, that would make more sense. Then again, who rides a duck... or a turtle?   --- Should be called the Lost Woods. ---

So, we've got gorillas throwing bananas at your face, springs bouncing you everywhere, and these stars which are in the background that make you bounce. What? How would that even work? How about a floating trampoline, that makes just as much sense as background stars! So, I come across this letter E, and... it does nothing. Maybe it's a glitched fairy, who would know? This makes me think I should go back and kill everything, but I shouldn't have to guess about what to do, howabout make that dumb fairy tell me something usefull, like "Hey! Listen! Megaman, Megaman! You have to kill all of the enemies first!" So, I'm going to check out the Ghost Mine next. The ghosts.... do nothing... besides float around and cry. The game is like, "You think the game is that bad? Well, let me express how you SHOULD feel right now." I've figured out if you pause the game, and press B, the camera goes in a circle, which is really pointless, it's not like it stays for more than two seconds. We also have zombies, which make Peter Pan take a few steps in one direction. They seem harmless... But they're actualy draning all of your health. Then, we have this doctor who has a force feild that kills you. What? Well, it's pointless to go any further. Both levels are dead ends. So, if you haven't burnt your cartridge in a fire already, I'll see you in my next review.