Random felt like playing live.
https://www.twitch.tv/camkunimura

I didn't write about the topic I made in this thread in my first post. I guess it's time to open up about it.

I want to end this life like the end of the movie "The Notebook". Next to the one I love. Pass away at the same time. So that neither of us has to face the grief that we will feel leaving one or the other behind.

I thought that the worst way I could die would be from some kind of dementia. Losing the memories of everything I hold dear to me. I feel that I show some symptoms already that I can't shake the fear that this could be my fate some day. My memory is quite bad. I feel like things get wiped from my mind. Names of people, places, things. I can't talk about a person, place, or thing without forgetting something about it and not being able to describe it sometimes. People I have known for years... at times I can't remember their names. Places I've been.. I can't describe, name, or even events that took place there seems like they are made up at times. At times I go to the bathroom and leave. I come back and see I didn't flush the toilet... I stand there and think about how, when, where, why... I just can't remember. I use to get headaches all the time and many different types of headaches to migraines all the time. I go to see a chiropractor now and the headaches have almost all but disappeared... but am I just hiding the symptom?. I have gotten lost in familiar places before... I haven't been able to remember the layout of any of the places I've been no matter how many times I have been there. I also misplace things never to see them again... I lost all the rings my husband has given me over the course of the 5 years we have been together... I can't remember birthdays, events, or ages. I can barely remember how old I am. When asked about that I give a number but am never sure that the age is correct. I hope that I am not catching on to what I think I am catching on to. I hope that it is over reacting and that I am just... forgetful.

If I found out about how I would die... I would probably not tell anyone... maybe just my husband... I don't know.. I don't want people crying over me about it. I hope to except the fact that my death is imminent. To know that my suffering here on earth is going to be over. I probably won't have the money to travel the world like I want to. I would maybe spend a bit more extravagantly if I had the funds though. I would spend as much time as I could with my husband till the end. I barely last every second I'm not with him... Spending more time with him might help me with the grieving process... He will be heartbroken though..

I don't want to be a financial burden on others. That may be the main reason I wouldn't tell anyone about it. I want to ride out the course of what is to come without prolonging my suffering and the suffering of those around me. I want the financial impact to be as light as possible..

I want people to know that if I go into a coma or start going into dementia that I want to be put to rest as quickly as possible. Do not resuscitate me if I leave, do not keep me alive if I'm asleep, do not keep me going because you don't want to lose me. For I am ready for the end when it is time.

When the time comes... I wish for my husband to be by my side. I want him to know that this life time was not enough to be together longer than forever, but that he made my time on earth so much more bearable. I would hope he felt the same way. I would wait for him in the next life and that I hope to still be with him in this life in some way or other. I would tell him all the lies I told him, all the things I hid from him. I would tell him I'm sorry for hiding these things from him... I want him to know that I love him very much and that I hope my wish of being with him longer than forever is of truth and not of false hope. I'd wish for him to find someone new to finish his journey in life so that he wouldn't have to be alone till the end. I want him to know that I never knew what happiness was till I met him. Life had no meaning till I met him. He is the meaning of life.

The eulogy would be about how everyone I have met in life has impacted me in some way or another. I would thank everyone and forgive all grievances I have against anyone I did have one on and that I probably already made peace within myself about it in one way or another. I would lastly say that my husband was the meaning of life for me.

I want every cell in my body to be donated. I hope that everything will be used in some form or another... even to re-fertilize the ground some where. What ever my husband wants from my belongings can to him first. Then my family. Then friends. Then donate the rest around the world. I want my money to go to those less fortunate that I.

As much as I don't want my funeral to be sad... I unfortunately love sad songs. All the sad songs that I loved will be played at the funeral with a PowerPoint of translations to songs that are not in English. If the technology and science is available by then.. I hope to have a movie made of what went through my mind in my life , the feelings, the dreams, the thoughts, the emotions, everything translated so that people may then understood why I was who I was in my lifetime. Who ever wants to attend my funeral may attend, even strangers.

I used to feel like I would end up a wandering spirit/ghost that would express my grief to others. That is now my fear of how my next life would be. Endlessly wandering and being a sad spirit always in sorrow and tears. A part of me now wishes to be able to stay by my husbands side till he parts or to be reunited if he dies first. Another part of me hopes to be relieved of the sorrows in the next life and just be free to do what I wish, what ever makes me happy. I hope to see those I never got to say goodbye to on earth before they passed on. To get to know them and how it was for them nearing the threshold of the next life.
I'm wondering what heaven is like if that is where I will end up. I fear What hell is like if I end up there. What is in store for us in the next life. I just hope for peace, happiness, and tranquility at the least where anything is possible.. For now dreaming while sleeping is as close to peace as I can get.



Great replies... 
Ultrajeff : It's great that you are not ready to die. I hope you have goals set for yourself. Whether you accomplish all you want before you die or not is okay. As long as you die knowing that you were living. Living in the sense that you were striving for a life worth the struggle. I hope all plays out for you when it does come along.

m0ssb3rg935 : It's nice seeing that you are satisfied and are at terms with what is to come at the end. This must be a great feeling being at ease with your end of life whether you accomplished all or some or none at all. I hope all plays out for you when it does come along. 

Staff may move this to where they feel it most appropriately fits. I didn't know where to post this thread.

This thread grew out of my constant feeling of sadness I get when the thought of losing my husband or me leaving him behind crosses my mind. I tear up, have to listen to sad music to get the feeling to pass. I get these feelings constantly and have so even before I met my first and only husband. Before (and still currently), the feelings would have surrounded how things would pan out if I were to die, the moment of death, how I would feel when other people die, how I would react to someone trying to save me from death, etc.

I would like this to be a serious thought and even preparation for ourselves because we never truly know when the time will come. I hope this brings peace of mind to some and even a deeper meaning to our lives. This thread may reveal how some of us feel about ourselves or even help us rethink how we are living at the moment and where we really want to be by the time time runs out for this life. Think about your relationships with people. Think about every aspect of yourself and those around you. Every aspect of your life is important. Think about those you love and those you hate. Even those you hate or have come to dislike or not appreciate... You may not know anything about them that caused them to do the thing that upset you or changed your views about them.

All ages are welcome. It is never to early or to late to start thinking about subjects like this.


If you had it your way how would you like to end this life?

What is the worst way you fear you would die?

If you were to find out you were going to die in some way... what would you do? Plan things out? Tell people? Keep it a secret? Not do anything and live the rest of this life till it happens? Go on adventures? Suicide? Disappear quietly? Do you want to reach out to those you have lost contact with?

In some cases the extension of life comes at a cost. How do you feel about the money involved in these cases to prolong your and/or another persons life? Do you want this financial burden? Perhaps you want to let the transition run it's course so that the financial burden becomes less?
(The documentary currently on Netflix "How To Die In Oregon" is a good watch that talks about how this place has legalised assisted/planned suicide for the transition. It talks about the reasons people have started doing this planning for the transition whether financially, personal reasons, or even almost forced to by insurance companies).

Sometimes the transition comes in the form of being in a coma ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coma ). Different forms of Dementia ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dementia ). Do you want people to see you or others this way? Would you want to be kept alive for as long as possible? Let the disease run its course without medical treatment or therapy which costs money?

Who do you want by your side when the time comes? What would you say to them? Would you be alone?

(If you don't know what a eulogy is. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eulogy ) What would be in your eulogy to yourself? Would it be about others around you rather than yourself?
What about the eulogy that is written about others? What would you say to them in the eulogy?
What about the eulogy that is written about you? Which people would write one for you and what would they say?

(If you don't know what a will and testament is. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_and_testament ) What is in your will and/or testament? What is happening to what belongings? Money? Organ Donor?

Think about your funeral. What would happen at the funeral? Who would be there? How do you think it would be like? How do you want the funeral to be?

Where do you hope to end up in the next life? What is your fear that the next life could turn out to be? Are you ready for it? Would you want to come back as a spirit? Who do you hope to see in the next life?

Elaborate on all your thoughts. Pick and choose what you want to speak about or speak about all of the above and/or more that I have not mentioned. So much to think about, plan about, hope about... So little time. And yet these are still not all the questions. Add more than what I could think to think about.

May this life and the next life be beautiful in all our own visions on what we know or hope it to be.

You want to know how you got me? I kept clicking the links thinking I would read everything once I know what was going on at first. After about 10 or so tabs open I actually decided to read below the first post of every thread that was made to find out that you have been making an April fools joke every year.... it's 12:44AM.... I have work at 11AM.... I must wake up at at least 7AM or so.....I spent 5 minutes or so constantly clicking the links without scrolling down.... thinking this would be the last thing I do before getting my laundry and going to sleep..... imagine if I just kept clicking links till I reached the last one..... maybe then 10 minutes or more would have passed...... Y U DU DISS TU ME..... I'm so gullible....have to sleep :'(

So congratulations! You officially have your most pranked fooled user of all time     D:    :""""""(((((

I'm glad you liked the movie. I was nervous that you would not like said movie. (you can PM me your real feelings for said movie ).  I've been toiling over what to reply. I don't know how long I've been on this reply maker so I leave you with this quote.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." 
~ Viktor E. Frankl

I keep coming back to this tumblr dedicated to the "Scarlett Johansson Falling Down" Memes...
I keep laughing... why...

http://scarlettjohanssonfalling.tumblr.com

mvhupsel :
maguc :
tRIUNE :

Ok. Lets get further into this then. All of you may have had times in your life where you felt things were just falling into place. Would you consider this fate? Just because you made this one choice different things start happening really without explanation? Or is it right time right place? But is even that fate? Maybe you consider it God's plan for your life?

Yes we have free will and everything we do has positive and negative consequences. But can you really predict the things that happen after choices are made?

Take for instance lets take for instance paying money to be entered into the million dollar lottery. Let's say a person really needs the money. Everyone who enters the lottery really needs the money and some more than others. But say a man is about to lose his house. He pays the last of his pennies and he wins the lottery. Was this fate or free will? The odds of winning becomes slimmer with every additional person that enters the Lottery. Other people needed the money more but he got it. Luck?

A woman had entered the lottery to get money to pay for hospital bills for her dying husband so he could survive. Because the other man won the lottery she loses and has to take her husband out of the hospital. He dies and she is broke and is giving up. She finds out that he kept a secret amount of cash hidden from her till he died. Finds out that he did this before she even met him just to hide the money. Is this because of fate or because of free will? Maybe luck?

Let's try a real thing that happened to me. This piano opportunity came about because I played at my brother's wedding. The pastor saw me and gave me his name to drop so I could audition. Unfortunately the lead pianist at the chapel thinks I can't do it and is keeping me from getting the job despite all the other employees thinking I am ready for I had been practicing with them and are confused at what the lead pianist wants me to do. The lead pianist is Elitist and puts all the other piano players down who are currently working there.
Fortunately just before I got this opportunity I saw an old friend of mine from an school program she runs. We haven't seen each other in over 5 years. She just happened to be at this store I was in with my parents. She offered me a job at the program she runs which has better benefits, better pay, and is a state job which could lead into a Department of Education position if the opportunity arises.
Was this fate or free will? She doesn't even live near me she lives 30 minutes away in another town over but she happened to be in my town that night.. Luck?

I just wanted to see where we could go with this conversation. So I'm not attacking any of your ideas or theories or thoughts. I think this is a subject that I haven't come across on here before.

I can't imagine what it's like to live in your shoes Froggy. Truthfully I can't even describe my own shoes to say the least. As long as life has meaning for you. Life is worth living for the darkness of life and the unknown to come forth from the future is really the hope that it gets better. I myself live a life of hopes and dreams. Keep living and keep striving. They always say life is hard and it is. But it's the moisture in the soil that gives us hope after digging for water for so long.

Keep swimming Froggy

Sincerely,
Cameron

Here is the situation. A girl receives major scholarships to become an amazing doctor through a prestigious college in the medical field. Her boyfriend begged her to stay in Hawaii to be with him for he loved her so much that he was afraid of losing her through a long distance relationship. Due to her love of him she canceled all her scholarships, married him, and lives a life here in Hawaii as a cashier at a local grocery store. She lived happily every after with Ohana and Aloha surrounding her. The end.

Now in this story it is debatable on how her life played out.

My friend believes in both "Fate" and "Living life to it's full potential". So in this story my friend believes that the Girl passed up her full potential out of love for her current husband. Yet my friend believes that fate brought the Girl and her future Husband together.
My friend feels conflicted because She believes that many people pass up life's full potential in them and settle for less and that fate's plan is to live to life's full potential. Yet in this situation it appears that this is what fate had planned for the Girl but doesn't understand how the girl could pass up her full potential and could have been doing amazing things in her lifetime.

Don't get my friend wrong though. She understands about love, nuances in life, and things out of our control. But she really believes people are settling for the average life instead of living a full life. She has witnessed it happen. Yet fate doesn't seem to be playing out like she thought fate did.

So the Question pertaining to the bolded story told at the beginning.
Question Did the Girl live her life this way because this is what fate had planned out for her? This was all fate for her?

OR did she ignore her true calling and pass up what she was born to do. Did she pass up Life's ultimate goal and not live in her full potential in life?