Hey, everyone. I just wanted to say that I've read everyone's comments on here and I genuinely do appreciate your desire to help me in spite of everything. I spent most of today just trying to fix things with the girl I wanted to marry who left me recently, but to no avail. She seems perfectly content throwing away everything we had together in favor of someone she met like a week ago and even admitted to just having a mere "crush" on. It's so horrible. I honestly wouldn't even be considering ending my life if I had her back, because although I have other problems as stated in my OP, I can usually deal with those for the most part...but this on top of everything else is what's killing me. So, will I end up doing it? I don't know. I can't promise anything at this point. If things continue to go downhill between her and I then I've gotta be honest and say yeah, I'll probably end up doing it. But if there even seems to be a glimmer of hope for all of that to work out..then I'll keep living. Might become more active on here too. I have been contemplating and preparing, though. I watched one of my favorite childhood films for the first time in years earlier and I haven't eaten much at all. No real appetite. I just don't know what to do anymore.

You should stay for who really cares about you. Be it the girl in question or this website, either way there's a reason to stay as long as there's someone who truly does desire you.

Everyone here would love to continue having you as company, rereg or not. You've been civil and I'm sure a great friend to some people here. And frankly, I find you to be a fairly charming person and it's a great pleasure to make your acquaintance. And, maybe in the future, that'll eventually be a friendship.

"Tomorrow is another day", and every day is a great day to find something new. Continue yearning to strengthen and fix your past connections, or forge new, more meaningful ones. The goal of life is to experience many things, heartache included. Seeing past the heartache and pain, you may happen upon a world of happiness beyond the flames of condemnation.

It's hit or miss. But the question is, what can a man lose when he has lost everything? Some people deserve better, but they aren't always given it. And if you aren't being given what is rightfully yours, take matters into your own hands and take what you deserve.

You deserve happiness. You deserve someone who honestly cares about you and wants to be with you for as long as possible. Find it and take it at any means necessary. The world ends with you, after all.

Dude, I've tried to find you for years. You were one of my best friends on here and it was so weird to see it end abruptly like it did all that time ago. You tried 'trolling' me last time I spoke with you and I was hooked on pissing people off too back then. Times change though.

I'm sorry for how long this is but knowing you're still around is a big deal to me.

I was an ass to people online for many years too. It was fun and it made me so cynical that I blasted away everybody in my life with general rudeness, even thought it was funny. I knew something was wrong with me too, and then when I grew out of it, I didn't know where to turn and I had absolutely nothing. I had to learn everything about being social that I scrapped away out of being a narcissist dick. Went down the same path you did and almost ended it all too.

So I never hung out with my nerd friends online again. Sunk me real low. I kept playing my video games, found some new interests, forced myself to be a nicer, more confident person, and found a new group of friends that have the same interests as me over Facebook, and met them in real life. They helped me get into society and I found a whole new world that was better than the one I was living in.

I had a girlfriend and a growing group of friends for 4 years now from both high school and work (I work at McDonald's by the way, pretty sweet gig) and just this year those thoughts came back. Why do anything? Why should I even bother with life if I know nothing ends well? There's that cynicism coming back. The unending doubt and forced fixation on one idea. But this time, I had more to take my mind off it. I started collecting vinyl and my girlfriend was there to comfort me and get me some of the help I needed. I came right back out of it.

Loneliness at 19 is common for a lot people but it never lasts. Being a bad person like we were years ago was fun, but when you realize how much damage it does to your mind, you start thinking of ways to make your life better. I cleaned up and made it better. I knew you before all this, pretty well, and I knew you can too.

You're literally just leaving adolescence. This is one of the things people try to figure out while they move into being an adult. Offing yourself would do **** all to fix anything. Adjusting to these feelings and learning to cope with them is literally a part of growing up. People like us that grew up inside in a chatroom and playing old video games are a demographic that just don't experience how to live with the rest of the world and have a harder time dealing with other people. Most of us go through this and we pull through.

Been in the exact place as you and you were my best friend back when we started coming to this site. It's really tough knowing you're in that much of a dark place, but I know you can get through. You don't have to live without meaning. You don't have to be in the position. Everybody has the ability to make life what they want. Might not be going good now but it's not like the next 60 years of your life are going to be the same as a bad upbringing.

This passes. You learn, you find somebody that will really make you happy, and be confident that you will. Suicide is childish. Surviving is the adult thing to do and that's what you're walking into. Us poor nerds just need to work a little harder to do it and you'd better believe it pays off.

I don't have a ton of time, because I'm on my cell phone and I'm supposed to be asleep (this past week has been crazy, if you see this maybe we can chat, and I can show you how life gets better).

I sympathise with you, truly. I have attempted suicide in the past, as recently as when my ex left me. But now my life is pretty amazing, even though there are bumps in the road.

Whatever problems you have, suicide is a permanent end to temporary problems. But there are other ways to end problems without having to lose something as precious as life.

Most of the people you know are long gone, unfortunately. There are but a few holdovers from the older generations.

There was a ton of conflict between us at points back in the day, but I don't recall ever wishing you dead.
You spammed like a bat out of hell, but I never wished you dead.
You even made things personal with certain things that were said and done, but still I didn't wish you dead.
Time may have passed, but that still remains the same.

You know some of my history here personally, so you know what went down in my dark periods, the I too wanted to die, even took steps to end it all, but I eventually woke up to myself.
These things happen to a lot of us, and yes often at times we feel like ending it all, because it looks hopeless, because we're certain that things will never get better.
I'm not going to cop out and say they will get better. At least not on their own. But with effort you can bring about a change, both in yourself and those around you. I think the fact that you feel the way you do proves it.

Remember, YOU have all the power over your life, not your family, not some girl, not some god, YOU.
From what you've written you want to live, so I will ask you to at least hold off on any plans, not for your families sake, not for our sake, but for your own sake.
Live for yourself, for a future that you can't see yet, to give yourself a chance to see the many things this world has.
Because while even the world itself is in a s*** state right now, it won't remain that way, we are changing it one day at a time, so we don't know what tomorrow might bring...