While your order is being processed due to the fact that they ran out of the donuts you wanted for breakfast, an email pops up on your phone. And the email says as followed:

Dear Sir/Madam zanderlex,

You have inherited a certain large amount of pounds--

Soon as you read that, you have mistaken that it meant lbs and not the currency. So you storm out the store with your breakfast only to have a clumsy person spill coffee on you causing burns to your skin, then to your tissue, then to your muscle, then to your nerves, then to your organs which start burning up, you start burning up from the inside out from that really really really hot coffee.

You are dead.

I am learning how to play World of Tanks on a 7-day free trial because I don't have Gold.

Stararmor : When another tank shoots at you it come through the screen and well... since it was an explosive you boom. You are dead. I'm playing Teemo in League of Legends.

You wake with a terrible start, screaming as you fall out of bed, directly onto a pair of scissors  that stab deeply into your chest.  Gasping for breath at the impact, and struggling to move, you reach for the scissors, pulling them from your chest.  You are alarmed at the blood that gushes from the wound.  Within seconds, you loose enough blood that you loose consciousness, and moments later, your heart falters as it labors to pump blood that is no longer there.  You are dead.

I wake up in the morning with a light cough and a sore throat, its obvious that I have the same cold that my entire family is just now getting over.

GateKeeper_A : it gets worse by the minute and you cough up blood and your throat starts to itch and you start scratching but you cut your throat open and die of blood loss.

i start to play on my PS2

Granted, but you insert a game into your PS2 and it just so happens that it is a horrible game and the drive opens up again at lightning speed and it ejects the disk out at mach 10 speeds directly at your forhead, leaving you with no time to dodge it whatsoever. It slashes your head in half penetrating you brain, and then all of your brain matter as well as a lot of blood leak out...you are dead. 

I am doing my math analysis homework on my graphing calculator. 

But the calculator has a nervous breakdown trying to crunch so many strange numbers that it explodes.  The little rubber buttons instantly become molten projectiles that seer their way through flesh and bone with no real effort, leaving your body riddled with tiny holes.  The speed in which this happens is so sudden that you never even know what hit you.  You are dead.

Relaxing on my couch, I realize that I haven't watered my plants in several days.

Your plants become carnivorous in response to the lack of water. The first thing they eat is you.
You are dead.
I'm running on the side of the street.

two words: DRUNK DRIVER.
YOU ARE DEAD.

i am a shapeshifting robot(like from Mighty No. 9).

You accidentally shape-shift into a sandwich and someone eats you.
I'm typing a story.

I'm dead? No I'm still alive. I returned to retaliate against you, you made me suffer

For attempting to troll a thread, the entire forces of the Internet converge to erase every piece of data ever recorded about you.  You cease to exist in any meaningful way, which is worse than being dead.

My gaming group arrives for our Saturday gaming session.  Pulling out my Pathfinder books, I prepare to have an enjoyable day or gaming with friends.

Good News: Your gaming session is going pretty well. Your character turns out to be invincible.

Bad News: Your GM sends an Elder Void Dragon for you to fight. It does a nice little attack where instead of blowing air, it starts blowing a vacuum. You had failed your Fortitude save and you are seeming to suffer from the same fate as your character. You keep rolling Natural Ones (1s) to breathe properly. You can't breathe as you roll a number, you black out from the oxygen-deprived area. You are dead.

At least I didn't use that day's session for a "You are dead" post.

Stararmor : For not using it, a random 1000 ton anvil falls on your head and crushes you.

I'm all alone, I'm in a soundproof underground fallout shelter, with a titanium, no stairs, fully cooked meat, no kids, lots of, but not too much purell, no drugs, I'm wearing a titanium suit, no electrical sockets, I'm wearing a chastity belt with 3 locks on it,I have a taste tester, My mailman has been murdered, I have no blankets or pajamas, furniture is non existent, my windows are boarded, I'm wearing a straight jacket, my thumbprints are burned, and I pulled out all my teeth. Just try and kill me. #YOLO

You go into cardiac arrest soon. Noones there to help you.
You are dead.
I'm waiting outside for the bus.

(OOC, And I was all ready to make that kill when I saw Boxia post!  Its a shame he had a heart attack, given a just a little more time, his lack of an air supply, he would have been dead soon anyway.  )

As you wait for the bus, you feel a cold chill wash over yourself.  Looking to your side where you felt the chill come from, you see the Grim Reaper standing at your aide.  You nearly die of fright on the spot, but the Grim Reaper explains that he isn't here for you, but instead is merely catching a ride on the same bus.  Still flustered, but feeling a little better about the situation, you strike up casual conversation with the Grim Reaper.  It isn't long before the two of you are laughing and chatting like old friends.  When the bus finally arrives, you stumble on the curb, nearly falling, but the Grim Reaper quickly reaches out to try to break your fall, only to touch your skin, . . . and everyone knows that should the Grim Reaper ever make physical contact with someone, they will die instantly.  Ironically, as your spirit stands over your body, you look to the Grim Reaper who merely shrugs and says a weak "Oops,"  you find that the conversation as he leads you away is a much more sombre discussion about the terrible things you have done with your life, and that your next stop is the fiery gates of hell.  You are dead.

I'm standing in the open side window of a parachuting plane.  I have no parachute on, my chest is strapped with nearly 100 pounds of C4 with a timer counting down from two minutes.  As I hurl myself from the open side door, the air is filled with my insane, maniacal, suicidal laughter as the volcano beneath me begins to erupt in massive geysers of molten rock.

your C4 fails to 'splode and you anticlimactically plop into the lava. YOU ARE DEAD.
i am a benevolent dragon who likes drawing stuff (i'm also really good at drawing)

One day, your drawings come alive and attack you, but your ultimate dragon power cannot grasp the true form of these drawing's powers(Earthbound joke?). Just a few minutes later, you are dead by their ultimate attack. Game Over, babe.

I'm eating a lollipop and walking down the street with a super-safety suit...

Hey, Kevinmonitor! Did you forget to make sure you read instructions to your safety suit? TO make sure you have it PROPERLY worn? Because if you didn't that would mean that it isn't able to protect you from the lollipop sliding from the stick and into your throat so you don't choke on it. Without anybody realizing it. And adding on to that, you wouldn't be able to be hit by the car that hit you and break your legs. Oh wait, that did happen because you didn't INSTALL IT PROPERLY because you were probably ignorant thinking you could wear it. Due to this ignorance....

You are dead.

I just explained "You are dead" to a person while Using YUMI install Ubuntu 13.04 and Tails unto my USB drive and going to test it to see if it works.

However, your mind turns back to the "You are Dead" thread, wanting to see how you die next, the thread becomes a constant obsession, so the point that you begin to forget about everything else in your life.  Including eating and drinking.  Since you have few people that notice your absence, it is months before anyone comes to look for you.  By the time anyone finds you in your bedroom, you are a withered husk, almost like a mummy where you died from lack of nourishment.  You are dead.

Cringing to myself, I realize that I'm a couple of days overdue to clean my cat's litter box.