| kabenon007's Last 5 Game Reviews (view last 25) |
Worms - Armageddon
09-30-12 09:28 PM
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Only the Worms Survive
Worms aren't supposed to be the subject of games. Which is exactly what makes the great subjects for games! Earthworm Jim, and the Worms series are proof of that. And why? Because we find it amusing to think of one of the simplest of creatures wielding heavy weaponry.
Worms Armageddon is the first N64 foray for the worms, and it brings all the classic Wormy gameplay to life in glorious 3D! Ok, I'm just kidding, it doesn't. Boy, I hope no one makes a game like that *wink wink* Worms belong in 2D. For those who don't know, the Worms series is about you controlling a team of five worms, one at a time, and making strategic attacks against your opponents' teams of five worms. The environments are fully destructible, as are the worms. The environment is like one big sand castle, with each armament chipping away at the landscape and the worms' health bars until only team is left standing.
Standard weapon choices abound, such as grenades, bazookas, shotguns, blowtorches, ninja ropes, etc. These are all well and good, and perfectly capable of causing lumbricine (look it up) destruction. But a game in which worms are the main characters must have just as zany weaponry. Enter things like the exploding cow, the banana bomb, and my all time favorite, the Holy Hand Grenade. Each brings a unique style of destruction to the game, and are equally fun to use as their more mundane counterparts.
Success at Worms is like an art form. To correctly judge the wind when you fire your bazooka shot, watch as it curves in toward your target and then explode in his face takes quite a bit of skill to get right consistently. But when it succeeds, and you watch your opponent's worm careen into the drink and drown, it is that much more rewarding because it is so difficult. However, this is a game in which your failures are just as entertaining as your successes. To incorrectly judge the wind when you fire your bazooka shot, watch as it curves away from your target and the... Read the rest of this Review
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Mario Pinball Land
09-30-12 09:04 PM
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Pinball Plumber
The sky is falling! Women and children first! A Mario game receives a low score! Yes, it's true folks. I did not like this game. Now, before you go about getting your trousers in a twist, I understand some people out there may enjoy this game. In fact, I could have enjoyed this game. I should have enjoyed this game. But the simple fact of it is: I didn't. And I'll tell you why.
But first, the setup. (Insert classic Mario storyline here) For those who don't know, that means Peach is kidnapped by Bowser by encasing her in a ball and shooting her off to his castle. Mario gets shoved inside of a ball to give chase. Why this is a necessity, I have no idea. The result is your standard Mario quest of defeating enemies to collect stars and using those stars to unlock the next arena door. While in the form of a pinball.
See, it sounds great, doesn't it? An excuse for a new type of Mario game. And it is most definitely a Mario game. The power ups, the enemies, the sound effects and music; all is distinctly Mario. And the graphics are fantastic. Everything appears crisp and clean on the screen, even when things get hectic, with Marioball careening around the table/iceworld/sandworld/whatever world you happen to inhabit, the denizens of said world getting blown to starry bits when hit by the mustachioed ball of plumber.
So why the harsh score? If this stays true to the Mario formula, and it looks and sounds great, why aren't I extolling its praises? There's one thing that the developers didn't really think about, if you want to know my opinion, which I assume you do since you're reading this review. They didn't think that the world of Mario and the world of pinball don't really mesh well together. Think about it. Mario's quest is about collecting a singular item called Stars, and these only appear onscreen one at a time. You must hit them exactly with the Marioball in order to pick them up. And they are usually timed. See the problem here? The collect... Read the rest of this Review
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The Orange Box
09-25-12 09:22 PM
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Orange Flavored Box
I've been coming back to this game, intending on reviewing it, and then I get cold feet and shy away. It is such an immense undertaking that the only way I can keep myself from going insane is by breaking it up into the respective games that make up Valve's Macaroni and Cheese Colored Cube. We'll start with my least favorite.
TEAM FORTRESS 2
Yes yes. How amazing must a game collection be if the least favorite is the best selling multiplayer FPS of all time, now the best selling hat-selling simulator disguising itself as a free-to-play FPS. This is the cream of the crop when it comes to class based shooters, partly because the classes are so well balanced, partly because each class is unique and fulfills its own niche in the game, but mostly because the classes are impossible to take seriously. Just watch the "Meet the Team" videos on Youtube, you'll see what I mean. Get this bunch of maniacs together, give them weapons, and you're bound to have a good time. That's not to mention the solidly built level design for the games levels, though there aren't many from the get go, the fast pace of the action. However, this game does earn its place at the end of the totem pole. First, the controls are quite sluggish, for an FPS. Perhaps it was my diet of Call of Duty and Battlefield upon which I had been gorging myself, but I found aiming and movement to be a bit slow. On top of that this game, strictly a multiplayer game, has very little following on XBox. Most of its players find their home on the PC, and it was tough to find full games when I was playing. That doesn't keep the game itself from being wonderful, but it definitely means it's harder to play or enjoy.
Half-Life, 2, Episodes 1 and 2
Yeah, it seems a bit silly. First there's Half-Life, then Half-Life 2, then Half-Life 2: Episode One and then Half-Life 2: Episode Two. This is just as bad as when Lucasarts went on their sequel naming rampage of Star wars: Dark Forces, then Star W... Read the rest of this Review
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Left 4 Dead
08-28-12 02:14 AM
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Left 4 Dead
If you walk into any respectable gaming establishment (no I'm not talking about that one down 4th and Harrelton, that place is totally sketchy) you are bound to run into a plethora of zombie games. They could practically have a bin full to the brim with games related to the killing of the undead menace. No company can call themselves a self-respecting publisher, it seems, without churning out something with zombies, guns, and the applications of guns against zombies. But, dear children, it was always this way. There once was a time when zombie games were few and far between, and they stunk just as much as their subject material. And then along came a certain game by a certain powerhouse of a developer. Yes, a valve was opened, and Left 1 Dead (never was good at math) came into existence. Though there is no way to prove this for certain, I conjecture that this game is what started the zombie craze and, apart from its own sequel, it remains at the top still today.
Let's get the boring stuff out of the way. The graphics are wonderful. Slicing up zombies has never looked so great. The story is ho-hum, B-movie, typical zombie affair, but the game knows it, so it dons a sort of "look at me, I'm doing zombie cliches, but I know I am, so it's funny!" which works for this game because it is doing just that. It takes those zombie cliches and makes an entire game out of every zombie movie you've ever seen. Even the campaigns are displayed as movie posters. The sound is pitch perfect, with the soundtrack brilliantly sparse in most circumstances to up the suspense but kicking into high gear in times of intense action. I particularly like the sounds of the Special Infected, (the more powerful zombies, if you will) as each sound is instantly recognizable and will let you know in exactly what way you are about to. A high pitched scream, for example, means a Hunter is about the pounce on you and eat your face. The standard shoot-em-up mechanics are on par with all of Valve'... Read the rest of this Review
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Banjo-Kazooie
08-08-12 10:33 PM
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Various Musical Instruments
Banjo Kazooie is a hard game to review. I sat down at my computer thinking to myself: I loved this game. It's the perfect game. I want to be playing it right now, not writing a review about it. I could really go for some cheesecake right now. I love this game. But this love is hard to put into words. Especially words that justify the perfect rating I give it. I guess I give this game a perfect rating because I cannot think of a single thing I dislike about the game, and therefore it must receive a perfect score. So I guess this is going to be a glowing review filled with fluffy bunnies and rainbows, so those of you looking for some angst in your review, look elsewhere. Go read a review on the new Modern Warfare games, people seem to hate those games.
Banjo Kazooie is a wonder to play from start to finish. I seriously believe I had a towel underneath me during the entirety of the game, because my mouth was hanging open and I was drooling everywhere. From the opening cutscene to the final battle, this game continually impresses. You are a shorts wearing bear, because every animal game star must wear clothes. Not only do you wear pants, but you have a backpack too! But inside that backpack is not school supplies, or travel necessities. You have a talking bird stashed in there. Don't ask, you'll never know. And the zaniness doesn't change throughout the game. Your sister has been kidnapped by a rhyming witch who wants to suck the beauty from your sister. Thus you and your backpack bound friend must rescue your sister from the evil witch by collecting jigsaw pieces scattered throughout the nine worlds.
Each world is an absolute wonder. From Treasure Trove Cove to Clankers Cavern, the levels are absolutely huge and full of interesting places to explore and characters to meet and challenges to overcome. Not only are the levels gigantic, but they are all varied in style, from beaches to mechanical caverns, to a haunted mansion, to the overworld, Spiral Mo... Read the rest of this Review
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