Heyo everyone who decides to read this I've been kinda down and stressed lately and I was going to just talk about recently, but I realize pretty much no one knows anything about me so I figured I should just recap like 10 years of my life. So When I was in kindergarten I was diagnosed with type one diabetes and while I was in the hospital my grandma's dog that was my favorite died I was so sad then but it was replaced eventually replaced with my new favorite dog duke.


The school year was almost over when I found out I was diabetic so I was not too worried about school at all. When 1st grade started I was still getting use to how it felt to be low as a diabetic and such so I would ask to check my sugar not being sure if I was or not because I was unsure and did not want to get to low if I was going low. My teacher decided I was saying I felt low to get out of class which is such an insult to me still is to be honest my diabetes should not be taken as a joke to people like everyone in my family always says I do which I don't do. Anyway my mom went off because at this time she still seemed to care about my health and everything more on that later.  I had a couple friends around this time but they wanted to like cool kids and kinda looked down on me when I tried to play with them. So I got through first grade not too bad after my mom went off. 


So in 2nd grade the first half was pretty good (also something to note around this time I became a sonic fan) and then we moved and that all went down the drain I had this teacher or would not let me do anything because I'm diabetic it was pretty bad and she was rude if you needed help with something. I made some friends in the new town I lived in but they kinda seemed to want to hang with me cause I had a wrestling game they wanted to play, I use to be really into wwe I got kinda tired of it a few years ago. After the school year we had to move to my step dad's mom's house cause she hurt herself it was kinda boring I could not go out at all and had no friends so all I did was play my ps2 before it was sold by my step dad. (more on him later trust me)  So we moved to a new town in a apartment when we decided she was well enough to live on her own again. This turned out to be one of the worst places we ever lived there was so much drug traffic in the area it was not the best place to live.

Around this time I started 3rd grade except this time I was home schooled  or online schooled whatever you prefer to call it I suppose and the school I started in right before we moved and when we did move they said they could not locate where we were so I had to start going to the library  and I missed one day after I started and its because they locked me out of it for some reason then they kicked me out. So it took a while but my mom signed me up for another online school thing called Treca which I'm still in to this day and it's been a interesting time with treca I'll talk about my problems with them later. So when I signed up they said they would contact my old school and see how far in the grade I was so I did not have to start from the start after winter break and they never said anything else about it however I still finished 3rd grade on time through lots of hard work and lot of time spent on school work. I made a friend over the summer for once he actually seemed like he liked my personality and did not have some other reason to want to hang out with me like everyone else did. He was moving out of state when I met him so I never had that much time to know him and after that I gained enough wait to constantly be told I have a gut I still get told that some it's so much fun! Also this summer was the first time I went to diabetic camp which I hated my first year I only decided to go back because I wanted to do better in the talent show because I made a horrible like 10 second song and like no one clapped. I decided to do this 30 mins before the talent show probably why it was so bad it made me feel afraid to sing in front of people the next year and I to this day still have a hard time doing it.


I have nothing notable to really say about 4th grade I don't really remember it I think it may be the only year where nothing went wrong or anything. So When summer started I decided I should start practicing what ever I was going to sing a lot and if I remember right my first two picks for songs were Open Your Heart and Live And Learn both by Crush 40 but I never could sing Open Your Heart anywhere near okay even so I decided that was a bad idea. Around this time I beat the game Sonic Heroes all the way after years of playing it and in the final boss got to hear the song What I'm Made Of once again by Crush 40 and since I was trying to prove I could do better I thought it would be a fitting song to sing at camp to show them what I'm made of xD and to my surprise everyone loved it. After this I made up my mind to go back every year to do better than the last year's talent show.


Right as the school year started we moved again this time my mom and step dad bought a trailer. I also met someone who when we first met we did not realize we knew each other from before 1st grade and he's kinda good at getting in trouble so I stopped hanging out with him a lot the next time I moved but he was my best friend for about 3 years I'd say. So in 5th grade is where I'd say things went downhill for me in school so ya see I had a lot harder time in math starting around this time because to this day I have never learned how to multiply or divide and before anyone asks how I'm in 8th grade my answer is luck? But math is funny enough not what messed me up in this grade it was social studies I think see there was a lesson that confused me what I was suppose to do and she kept saying to figure it out so I would guess and it would be wrong it was some kind of writing thing but it made me fall half a year behind because no one wanted to open things because back then they wanted you to be the same place in all subjects. It really in the long run messed me up more on that later. So this summer is the year where I realized I have a hard time deciding things I switched what I wanted to sing at camp so many times until I decided on 3 songs cause I was told it was possible I would get to it turned out to only be 2 but that's fine because the day I woke up to sing in the talent show at camp I had a bad sore throat. The songs I sang this time was Live And Learn and Sonic Youth once again both by Crush 40 because I fell in love with their songs if I was in a bad mood or having a hard time in life I'd listen to them still do a lot to this day.


6th Grade was interesting for the fact that I had constantly was getting yelled at between my school counselor I met with every week and my LA teacher who I met with every week in person as well but at the end of it they kinda pushed me through it to put me to start 7th grade when I should of. This summer my friend bought me a  pool pass so I went swimming all the time I learned how to swim that summer actually it was a lot of fun. And all through this summer I had no clue at all what I wanted to sing at camp even when I got to camp I had no clue what I was going to sing I was so nervous see so many people walked up to me every day at the week of camp and asked what I was singing and said I was a good singer and making me feel like I had to do good again. Also I should mention 2 things the one thing is I have made tons of friends at camp that I only see once a year because I'm the only one on this side of Ohio that goes it's weird, The other thing is I had a crush on this 1 girl at camp that the one friend I told you about earlier and his friend kind of messed that up but that's later on, she walked up to me one day and told me I was a good singer and I had no clue she had any idea who I was and made me feel like I had to do great after that. So what I ended up singing when I got up on stage was.. The Pokémon theme and I got everyone to sing with me for the 1st verse and the 2nd I sang alone I'd say it was alright but it's my least favorite time I sang in the talent show cause It had no practice at all going into it I had at least practiced my short song like once right before. 


So for 7th grade I had to use a website I was not use to and I got most of the way through it my first year and I only had like 2 weeks to do when school started again so I was happy with it. This summer was interesting I'll talk more about one thing later but when I said my friends messed up me talking to my crush what I mean was I started talking to her on facebook a lot through out the year we seemed to start to be pretty good friends and then my friends decided one night to call her in front of me and act like they were me and ask her out and it was right before camp so It was weird at camp that year also there was no talent show so anything I practiced was pointless. 


So school starts again and... they made me restart 7th grade for no reason, I had good grades and everything and the school refused to tell anyone why so I don't know why they did it. I'm not gonna lie I was really lazy this school year because I had done it all I fell way behind and I did not care because I had done it all before it was stupid and then before summer I decided I would do summer school and only have 2 weeks off school and when I started they said screw it and put me in 8th once again for like no reason. So I took my summer break after all. This year at camp they said they wanted to bring back the talent show so I practiced and I sounded the best I ever had and was going to sing the song XY&Z from Pokemon XY&Z well an English cover of it anyway except not enough people signed up so it did not happen so once again I got all ready and hyped for no reason. 


Before I talk about this school year I want to talk about 2 people first. So my step dad I told you I'd say more about him later well I guess that's now so I guess I'll be short on him. So we picked me up by my neck once always told me I was fat when I weighed like 100 pounds at the time um he sold all my things for drug money a couple times and that's about as short as I can be on him. And because of living with him  I sometimes will get upset just talking to people and start crying because I was so scared of what'd he do to me. I've gotten better about not wanting to cry when I talk seriously with family members.


Now for my mom she stayed with him so long because he'd always say he'd had change and I was pressured to let him come back because apparently it's my choice. What actually got her away from him was her crush on this young guy she was friends with and it was annoying because he was so rude to her when he lived with her after she kicked out my step dad also she stopped seeming to care about what I did she just told me to do whatever I wanted to basically so I stayed at a friends house for weeks at a time till my grandparents made me stay with them which was the best I was taken care of in years in regards to my health. Then my mom decided she was going to move to Florida and leave me behind basically and my grandparents wanted custody of me after that and then she ended up not going and making me move to my other grandparents house after she heard this.


Now for this school year 8th grade has been a trip that's for sure. So I started and I noticed I was having a hard time learning anything and it kept getting worse and worse although I'd always kind of not had the best focus but this was even worse. My first thought was I rather play games and that was causing me all this problems so It was one of the reasons in December I stepped down from my Minecraft Admin role for vizzed's server which I regret majorly but oh well it was my mistake. So I one day was told my dad has ADD and I got curious of if that was my problem so I looked into it and took a online test which suggested I am so I told my grandparents and finally about a month ago my Dr gave me something and its helped a lot but my grandpa has been constantly saying I'm going to fail and stuff that stresses me out for example last week I helped him outside and went low so  I went in checked my sugar I was in the 30s and I ate some cookies and went right back out so he would not complain but I was a shovel to hold myself up and he says "whats wrong with you today" I told him my sugar "well I'm the old man here" well I'm the diabetic (insert list of all his problems here) "compared to all that I'm sure diabetes is nothing" and this right here is why I can't stand living here when they say stuff like that. 



Anyway I'm not real sure what my point of this thread is except to say how I've felt about things in life I guess I could of made it longer but I feel it's too long anyway. I hope this thread is allowed sorry if it's not and sorry if my English is awful I'm getting worse at it all the time. 

If anyone has questions about anything I'd answer them anyway thanks for reading if anyone does. xD

There is a lot going on in this thread. I read the whole thing, twice, and I can get an idea of where you're coming from. Me? I'm not diabetic but my best friend from elementary school was diabetic. He had to manage that and I would help him once every few months when he would have some low sugar problems. It's not a fun thing to have and it's too bad.

But, he never let it become a crutch for him. You wouldn't know he was diabetic because he never told anyone or said anything about it. He just kept on doing what he could and he stopped if he couldn't. If someone challenged him, he had his answer.

Saying that, I think it isn't fair of you to hold on to what happened to you prior to 5th grade. I know it's a part of how you feel and your experiences but if you can start letting go and forgiving yourself and others in your past, you're going to feel better. The focus I had when I was having a rough time in middle school was, "How do I make the future better?"

The past is gone. It's out. That first grade teacher who insulted you is long gone and you don't have to worry about that. I try not to hold on to things that are in the long ago past because they don't matter now.

Maybe use the negativity from your grandpa to work harder and do better. School isn't easy but if you do well, it gives you options for what you want to do in life. Again, there's a lot in this post. If you want to talk more, or bounce ideas off me, I'm listening.

Ghostbear1111 : Really hoping this works because I have awful luck at summoning, anyway I've always had trouble letting go of the past I'm not sure why I've never really known how I would love to learn this but it seems like I never can. I think I forgot to mention in the last month I've been on these pills and doing better I have gotten Science and Social Studies almost done which would leave math and LA and well art but that takes no time at all really so it's just annoying to hear I'm doing so bad when I've flown through it.